


Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind

by Scedasticity



Series: Close Encounters and associated works [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Abduction, Alien Culture, Brainwashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 125,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scedasticity/pseuds/Scedasticity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've seen fics where the humans are being held prisoner by trolls, and fics where the trolls are being held prisoner by humans.  This is my incredibly self-indulgent venture into having EVERYBODY ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.  Who MESS WITH THEM.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. INTAKE

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is no sex in this story, but there _is_ explicit nonconsensual and questionably consensual pale intimacy.

**== > Karkat: Have a close encounter of the fourth kind**

An Alternian close encounter of the fourth kind involves engaging in peaceful face-to-face interaction with aliens before you kill them, and only the Condesce is allowed to do that! Even in your wildest dreams of becoming a Threshecutioner, you could only expect a close encounter of the third kind, killing aliens face-to-face, but realistically you shouldn't hope for more than second kind (killing them from a ship) or first kind (detecting them and planning to kill them), assuming your mutant blood doesn't get you culled before you have a chance to leave the homeworld and meet any aliens at all. Right now you're too busy to think about your future aspirations, anyway, because you've been dragged out of your recuperacoon in the middle of the day by freakishly strong... things.

**== > Karkat: Be abducted by aliens**

You've got that.

At least, you've decided they must be aliens. They're vaguely troll-shaped, but they have one horn each, their proportions are all off, what you've seen of their skin looks like smooth stone, you're pretty sure they have three eyes, and did you mention they have a horn apiece? You briefly thought they might be some kind of imperial drone, but you're pretty sure now that they're not.

You've just undergone a horrifyingly thorough medical examination under painfully bright lights. They seemed surprised by your blood color, but not displeased. They finish off by smearing something over your teeth that covers the sharp points, and similarly anointing your claws. You probably couldn't even break skin like this. They stuff you into a shapeless gray shift thing, snap a collar around your neck, and deposit you in a small, dark block with a padded floor.

The dark is a huge relief. You kind of want to just curl up and shake for a while, but there's some sort of window at the other end of the block.

**== > Investigate**

It's a large, low window or a short, wide door, and it lets out into a larger block with a little more light, though it's still comfortably dim. There are some piles of pillows, or possibly sandbags, and a water tap and basin.

The crud on your teeth and claws probably won't come off in water, but you can try. You crawl cautiously through to the other block, freezing midway through when your collar beeps at you, but it doesn't do anything else. You creep stealthily towards the basin.

"Karkat?"

**== > Scream like a wiggler and run away**

There's nowhere to run and you're too worn out and woozy for that. You lose your balance and fall into the sandbag pile, but still end up facing the source of the noise: another door/window into a small, dark block, with another troll peering out.

"Are you all right?" the troll asks. "It's me -- Kanaya."

You would never have recognized her. She's wearing a blank gray shift like you, no sign, no color, and in addition to the caps on her teeth and claws it looks like she has a big rubber ball stuck on the top of each horn, completely obscuring the distinctive tip.

You tentatively reach up and discover that, yeah, the aliens decided your horns were unthreatening. Fuck them. But that's probably why she recognized you.

"Yeah," you say. "I'm -- not hurt. Apart from being nearly fucking blinded and eaten alive by sadistic brainfucking alien mediviscerators-- You?"

"Just -- shaken."

"Any idea who the fuckers are? _What_ they are?"

She shakes her head helplessly. "They used some strange sort of -- of transportation thing, it sort of -- made a tunnel? I think they were taking us off Alternia."

"This is fucking crazy. All of the strain of dealing with idiots all nights and all fucking day has finally caught up with me and I have snapped. Let everyone know! Karkat Vantas's sanity, after a long--" You flinch at a sudden _hiss-clunk_ noise. "What was that?"

"There was a sound like that just before you got here--"

There's a third window-door thing, on the other side of yours from Kanaya's, and a fourth beyond that. You scramble over and discover there's a dark shape lying in the third little block.

**== > Karkat: Check who it is**

When you attempt to enter the block, your collar buzzes and you can't get through the opening. You flinch back and fall into the pile of cushions this time. It's much more embarrassing than falling into the sandbag pile.

"Karkat?" Kanaya asks.

"Either these doors are one-way, or we each have our own personal little block and the aliens want us to have fucking _privacy_." Probably they're hoping to observe you with your feet up your nook or something equally disgusting, perverse alien -- _aliens_.

"Mine was two-way earlier." Your friend joins you, and you both stare at the blank gray shift as if it's going to give you more information. "It's a girl?" Kanaya says after a minute. "I almost want to say it's Terezi, but such a coincidence--"

**== > Terezi: Wake up**

You are now Terezi Pyrope.

You're already awake. You're feigning unconsciousness in an attempt to gather information. It's not like you see any better with your eyes open! Unfortunately your current surroundings are not the easiest for your nose to make any sense of. Everything is gray. Also, you're not sure how many of them believed you were unconscious. Some of them seemed to be keeping things back.

But now it seems you are not the only troll abducted by unknown parties for doubtless nefarious purposes! Perhaps it would be best to pool your knowledge -- although you think you may be doing most of the sharing.

"Maybe not a coincidence at all!" you say, raising your head. Karkat tips over again. "I overheard one of them referring to me as gallowsCalibrator. If they're searching someone's Trollian contact list--" You break off. You sound like Sollux Captor. "What did they do to my teeth?"

"I believe it is an attempt to prevent biting injuries," Kanaya replies. "Just as they capped our claws and horns. Um."

"Our horns except for my horns, because my horns are terrible and fit only to amuse wigglers and rot-panned idiots," Karkat snaps. "Can you move, Terezi? Get the fuck out of there, we can't get in."

You can move, although it involves much more fumbling around than you prefer. (Gray, gray, gray, gray, black, white, and _gray_. You consider licking Karkat's horns, but decide it will wait.) You all three end up huddled together in a pile of sandbags.

"They're from the Ottrian Hegemony, which is at war with the Empire," you say. "They… wanted a closer look at trolls? They were also here to collect some sort of weapon, I think. That part was confusing."

"Since when do fucking enemies of the fucking Empire actually get to our beloved shithole Alternia?" Karkat rages, but you can hear the fear not very far under the surface. "What is the fucking point of a colossal interstellar empire if it's not protecting the homeworld? Is there any point at all? No! How many people did they grab? What bulgestain gave their fucking contact list to demented omnipotent aliens?"

**== > Be the person who gave their contact list to aliens**

You are now Feferi Peixes, and you did not _give_ your contact list to aliens, thank you very much. But they did get into your computer along with everything else in your hive, and if you knew how many of your online acquaintances had been abducted, you would be very afraid they'd been targeted because of their connection with you.

You are pretty sure they found you by your connection with Gl'bgolyb.

They took Gl'bgolyb first.

You still have trouble believing it, but you're not sure how else to interpret your lusus's whispers abruptly vanishing -- not dying, just _absent_ \-- shortly before strange aliens scooped your entire hive off the ocean floor into some sort of cargo bay, along with a great deal of water. The water immediately went everywhere, and you were torn between preparing to defend yourself and trying to rescue your poor beached cuttlefish.

That was when the aliens invaded your hive, and you realized this wasn't an extremely outlandish (but above average!) assassination attempt.

You are afraid you didn't make a very good show of self-defense. You were ill from the sudden pressure change, and alarmed about your pets suffering from sudden pressure change and not enough water, and worried about your lusus, and very confused, and -- well, overall it's a good thing it wasn't an assassination attempt, because you'd be very dead.

Instead, you're just chained to the wall in a small gray block with a bathtub-sized pool of seawater. You can just barely submerge if you lie down flat. They put gunk on your teeth, claws, and horns, and your gills are throbbing from the 'medical examination'. If you can call it that!

The aliens did put a tank with several of your cuttlefish at the other end of the block. They don't seem to be injured. You think they have slightly more water than you do.

One of the aliens who brought in the cuttlefish told you, in painfully precise Alternian, that the other animals that had been in your hive had been safely returned to the ocean.

You're not sure what to make of that.

When you asked, they told you Gl'bgolyb was "contained", but that there were no plans to try to hurt her. One of them then blurted out a question about how you could be concerned for a creature that could exterminate your species at any time, but he was hushed by the others and they all left.

You're not quite sure what to make of that, either.

**== > Be the person most likely to be suspected of giving their contact list to aliens**

You are now Vriska Serket.

You do not know where you are or what's happening to you. You can't see or hear or smell anything, you can barely feel anything, and they did something that traps your thoughts in your head so you can't even try to get a grip on other people's without snapping back at yourself. You've kept trying anyway, and have a splitting headache as a result.

If you were typing, all your vowels would be coming out '8's. If you could move, and if you weren't gagged, you would be pounding on the walls and screaming. As it is, you're not a very good information source.

**== > Be someone having a better time**

You are now Tavros Nitram, and you would not describe yourself as having a good time. You were dragged out of your recuperacoon by weird one-horned monsters who put Tinkerbull in a cage and knocked you out. You woke up strapped to a table in a too-bright room.

You can feel your legs.

One of the monsters looms over you. "How do you feel."

Is that supposed to be a question? You try to answer but your voice comes out as a squeak. Is there something on your teeth? You squint at the thing, trying to see it better against the glaring lights.

"Do you require hydration and/or a light shield," it -- you're going to go with 'asks'.

"Yes, please," you croak.

It gives you water and places a tinted semi-transparent shield thing over the top half of your face, dimming the painful lights. Then it gives you an injection which reduces the throbbing pain in your lower back.

You can feel your legs.

Your animal communion powers feel fuzzy, not quite in reach, but you can sense Tinkerbull not far away, nervous and jumpy but not in any pain.

You are terrified and confused and you can _feel your legs_.

**== > Be someone having a good time**

I think we've pretty much established that all the trolls are going to be stressed and confused _at the very least_ , don't you? You're not going to get any better than stressed, confused, within range of unharmed lusus, and recipient of life-changing medical procedure performed while sedated.

**== > Be John Egbert**

He really doesn't recommend that right now. Come back later. Maybe in a few hours?

**== > Be Jade Harley?**

You are now Jade Harley, and you are having a good time. Honestly! You have just been introduced to an omnivorous-homeothermic-strict-terrestrial-burrow-frequenting-nurturing-viviparous-domesticate, which seems to be something like a cross between a dog and a ferret, and its litter of offspring. They are fluffy and friendly and adorable, and your custodian says you might get to keep one!

Anyway, you're trying to be extra enthusiastic to divert attention from Rose. She's been staying quiet and smiling pleasantly, but you are quite sure that if anyone actually tries to engage her, the response will be sarcastic at best and possibly passive-aggressive. The goblins _understand_ the concept of humorous insincerity, and say they have no problem with it as a form of human interaction, but they really don't like being the target of _any_ kind of insincerity.

Usually Rose is pretty good at staying just inside what they're willing to overlook, but everyone's sort of on edge from the whoopee cushion thing.

**== > Wait, what?**

Almost a year ago you and your friends were kidnapped by goblins, which is the technical term for the species in control of the Ottrian Hegemony. The Ottrians want to see if humans are teachable -- teachable to act in a manner approved by the Ottrian Hegemony, specifically.

Which could definitely be worse! They promote sincerity and generosity and compassion, and there's much less emphasis on obedience to the alien overlords than you would have predicted. But their idea of humor doesn't mesh very well with humans', and if a species is judged unteachable and a potential threat, the goblins try to exterminate it.

Earth has no interstellar travel, and so can't be a threat. This is very good, because most days you really aren't sure how teachable you and your friends are being, and most other days you're pretty sure you're doing really badly. Which might be just as well, if it means the goblins will stay away.

At first you hoped they might send you back when they finished the evaluation, especially if they found you teachable, but Rose is pretty sure now that the evaluation period lasts the rest of your lives.

You try to make the best of it. At least you're not alone.

**== > Jade: Describe your custodian**

Yn-yk is just short of two meters tall, plus his horn, which spirals up to a dull rounded tip. His skin color changes based on lighting and surroundings, but in the residential areas of the ship it usually looks pale blue. He has three eyes, no visible nose, and no external ears. He has four arms, two of which look more like tentacles and seem to be able to retract, but they might just be kept inside the clothing when not in use.

(Rose says that since the goblins don't have gender and neither does their language, 'it' is a better translation than 'he'. The goblins don't seem to care.)

**== > Aranea: Show up out of nowhere to exposit endlessly about goblin romance**

NO. I may have put far too much thought into this, under the possibly mistaken impression that an original species in a Homestuck fic with an outlandish romance system would be hilarious, but that's no reason to drag everyone else down with me. I'll try to be brief.

Goblins have one kind of romance, and while it is related to reproduction, it most closely resembles the conciliatory quadrants of the trolls in that it focuses on equilibrium and emotional compatibility while soothing stronger feelings. Goblins seek to form a group of two or more _hobtrothed_ , with whom they will always want to be together. Upon entering the third stage in their life cycle, all goblins in a hobtrothed group become a single, sessile _hob_ , which will produce offspring until it destabilizes and dies. (One might say it _hobsplodes_ , but one would not be advised to say that around goblins.)

It is extremely rare for hobs to communicate, especially about themselves, so this is not known for certain, but it is generally believed that the most common reason for hobs to destabilize is that the various hob components get sick of each other and decide death is preferable to being melded any longer.

The quality of a hobtrothal therefore determines how long a goblin will survive in its third stage of life, how happy it will be, and how many offspring it will have the chance to produce, so goblins can get picky about it.

No hobtrothal is truly final until metamorphosis.

A stable hob can live for centuries. The goblin stage seldom lasts longer than fifty Earth years.

(The first stage of the life cycle lasts up to maybe twenty years, and individuals are called nymphs and look vaguely like amphibious flying jellyfish.)

**== > Be a goblin**

You are now Long Complicated Goblin Name, known verbally as Yn-yk, and you are a fully-trained Xenoeducator.

There's not as much call for the position as there used to be, at the height of the Pacification. Hegemony territory has been mostly stable since before you were alive, and most of the neighbor species are friendly. There's the ongoing pixie problem, but you'd rather not touch that.

But sometimes, a previously unknown species comes to light inside Hegemony territory -- like the humans. You're actually rather proud of your work with the humans. You've come to know their characteristics as individuals as well as members of a species, and you're collecting valuable data for whatever xenoeducator takes them on in the future, with a real representative sample to work with. They're an obstreperous species, but are a long way from posing any real threat, and you've observed the higher emotions in even the most difficult of your charges. You're confident someone will come up with a viable teaching method before it becomes necessary to do anything drastic.

You can't say the same for the trolls -- but then, you wouldn't expect to say the same of a species encountered when it blasted in and attacked Ottrian protectorates. They're aggressive, and advanced enough to do real damage, and evaluators have noted extremely limited expression of the higher emotions.

And, for some reason, they kept on their homeworld an entity capable of destroying them all with its vocalizations.

**== > Yn-yk: Explain what's going on**

You look at JADE, who is watching the infant omnivorous-homeothermic-strict-terrestrial-burrow-frequenting-nurturing-viviparous-domesticates, and ROSE, standing to the side with a fixed smile. (From experience, you know she is feeling _resentfulness_ , which is not a higher emotion, but it is mixed with _concern for another_ , which is; besides, you usually don't press them on unexpressed feelings, as it is behavior which ultimately affects others.)

"Jade," you say. "Rose. I wish to tell you in person that I will be preoccupied with another project for much of the near future. There is another preliminary study, and if the subjects do not display full capacity for learning and the higher emotions in the near future, there are plans to neutralize the species. I anticipate they will be my primary focus until we have definite results."

JADE's face reflects surprise, and ROSE's smile slips into a more genuine expression of intrigue. ROSE is more content when given adequate intellectual exercise.

"I have delegated your primary supervision to Is-at, but you may certainly send me a message if there is an emergency."

"We appreciate that," ROSE says.

"It definitely sounds urgent," JADE says. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

Compassion for strangers is a higher emotion, and one they can feel unrestricted by practicality. "I will let you know if there is," you say. "I will advise Is-at that you are interested in the domesticates."

You see them out, and on their way back to their chambers. You have a long work cycle ahead of you.

**== > Rose: Go home**

You are still resisting thinking of your assigned quarters as home. Sometimes you catch yourself slipping. It feels safer to you there than it should.

It takes about twenty minutes to get from Yn-yk's social chamber to your residential chambers, if you go straight there. You are usually allowed freedom of movement around the low-security parts of the vessel, because you are usually able to resist the urge to go exploring. Exploring physically, anyway; one of your permitted destinations is the information-repository, and there don't seem to be any special constraints on the content you can access. You're getting good enough with Ottrian to read some interesting things.

Jade, however, is not allowed freedom of movement, because she usually can't resist the urge to go exploring. Her tracker will flag her if she deviates or dawdles.

You make the trip in silence. You've never been punished for speaking English to one another in public, never even reprimanded, but the goblins do tend to stare.

The door to your communal chamber -- common room -- verifies your identities before letting you in. One of the deceptively safe-feeling things about your quarters is that goblins don't come in unless they have your permission or it's an emergency. (Or you've been refusing orders to come out.) And Yn-yk and your other primary supervisors never seem to know what you get up to in here, but you're dead certain some goblins somewhere are monitoring you at all times.

The common room is empty, unsurprisingly. So are all the bedrooms -- your door is closed, but it won't let anyone without an override in unless you allow it.

"Still in there, I guess," Jade says, sounding discouraged.

The 'reflection chamber' is the one room in your little complex the goblins don't even pretend they won't enter without permission.

**== > Rose: Look in the reflection chamber**

That makes it sound like there's an ornamental pool in there. There are actually four sensory deprivation tanks.

Just as you expected, Dave is sitting on the floor leaning against the active tank. He greets you with a tired, "Sup."

"Yn-yk wanted to tell us it will be busy in the immediate future, because the ship has picked up some new subjects and if they're not satisfactory, there are plans to annihilate their species," you say.

One thing you can say for Yn-yk is that it is firmly anti-genocide, which puts it ahead of official goblin policy.

"Huh," Dave says.

**== > Rose: Check on John**

The status lights on the tank are blinking steadily blue, so at least John's vital signs are normal. "Has he said anything lately?" you ask. (The sensory deprivation tanks are very thoroughly monitored somewhere on the ship, but they also have an audio feed to a speaker on the side. You're still not sure if that's supposed to be a kindness or a cruelty.)

"Think he's asleep," Dave says. "He was talking about the long noble history of whoopee cushions for a while, then started counting. Better than last time."

Jade drops down next to Dave. "Where did he even get a whoopee cushion? And why use it on _Ap-ut_ , of all people?"

You shake your head. "While I feel the decision to whoopee-cushion a goblin was a bad one, John did do it in probably the most intelligent way possible -- in front on Yn-yk, so it would determine the punishment." _Consequences_ , they call it, or _corrective measures_. "And targeting Ap-ut. Of all people."

**== > Rose: Explain why you don't like Ap-ut**

The goblins want you to follow rules. You can all usually do that -- you don't always choose to, sometimes, but you can. The Educators and Evaluators also police what you say and how you say it, which is harder. Jade's not used to censoring herself at all, they don't get a lot of John's "jokes", and irony and passive-aggressive barbs are flat inappropriate -- and you've all had more than a few emotional outbursts, which all seem to have resentment mixed in _for some reason_. It's hard. It's really, really hard.

But if you can just keep quiet and keep your mouth fixed in a smile, it's usually accepted. And if you declare yourself unfit for companionship, you'll be excused from interaction and locked in your private room for a while, and you can let your feelings out. There's theoretically no time limit on being unfit for companionship -- you can keep re-declaring it, and the goblins will deliver provisions -- but you can't see your friends, either, so you mostly don't do it for more than a few hours.

You once declared yourself unfit for companionship seventeen days straight. It ended after Yn-yk bent the rules and let John in to talk to you. It started after your first session with Ap-ut.

The problem with Ap-ut is that it is a particularly sensitive empath. Most of the goblins seem to be able to sense emotions you're hiding and Evaluators can all sense emotions you're suppressing, but Ap-ut is the only one you've met who can sense emotions you're _repressing_.

You and Dave get in so much trouble when Ap-ut is in charge, and you cannot figure out how to stop.

**== > Yn-yk: Conduct a briefing on the troll situation at present**

You assemble about two-thirds of your team in the briefing chamber. You've worked with most of them before, some on the human project, some on ongoing leprechaun work, and a few on the selkie program where you did your own advanced training. You do have one newly-minted xenoevaluator fresh out of training, and a xenoeducator transferred in from the pixie front due to burnout.

You're a little concerned about that one. Pixies are very hard to work with, and you're worried that Od-ut might be quick to vote for extermination. That's a bigger problem in a situation like this, where speedy extermination is possible.

On with the briefing. Most of the team members involved in intake aren't here, so you're starting mostly from the beginning.

**== > Yn-yk: On with the briefing**

"We have twelve troll subjects," you begin. "They include specimens from all parts of the troll lifespan distribution, but are not a random sample. They are currently undergoing intake and disorientation conditioning. For those who have only worked on the human project, disorientation conditioning is employed when subjects are from a civilization already familiar with alien life. Since the troll empire has been engaged in subjugation of all civilizations it has encountered for thousands of years, particularly intensive conditioning is called for."

**== > Trolls: Try not to be disoriented**

You are now Nepeta Leijon, and you're not so much _disoriented_ as you are _unconscious_. The goblins are doing a brain scan to look for any biological reason for your acting like a cat. They haven't found one yet.

**== > Be Equius Zahhak**

You can't move a muscle.

Okay, you can breathe, and circulate blood, and some other automatic functions, but you can't move a voluntary muscle, no matter how STRONGly you try. The collar around your neck is painful in the back, and you think there's something going under the skin, but you don't know what.

The lights are far too bright, but you can see well enough to tell they are _doing something to Nepeta_.

**== > Be Eridan Ampora**

You--

_happy_ peace _joy_

\--are now--

_content_ content _content_ happy _calm_

\--very--

_all is well_ happy _content_ good will

\--very--

_harmless_ good will _peace_

\--very--

_happy_ happy _happy_

\--confused.

**== > Nymphs: Swarm**

That's pretty much your default state.

You are now a nymph swarm, composed of one hundred and three nymphs all about ten years old. Most nymph swarms decrease in number by half about every five years, so probably only about twenty-five of your number will metamorphose into goblins. The remainder will either die, or be absorbed by their stronger brethren. This has been going on for your entire existence, since you were assembled from the spawn of the four shipboard hobs.

Almost all of your cognitive ability is concentrated in fourteen nymphs. The rest would be lucky to out-think a salmon. This is pretty normal for a swarm of your age, and a big improvement over where you were when you formed.

However, every single nymph is a strong projecting empath. In your natural habitat, it's your strongest defense (other than retreat). Most of the time, you project positive feelings. It makes things happy to have you around!

You're not so good at receiving any kind of information, but the goblins can usually herd you around.

You are totally oblivious to the fact you're sometimes used for brute-force attitude adjustment. You can be a little hard to fine-tune to the exact emotions desired, but you're still the go-to method for more than a few xenoeducators.

It's no different than putting the subject in a room with soothing colors or sounds.

**== > Be a less disoriented troll**

You are now Aradia Megido.

Your captors have put some sort of helmet-thing on your head which suppresses your active psionics, but it isn't interfering with your ability to hear the dead. You're trying to stay calm by gathering what information you can about who these people are and what they want with you. Most of the local dead are not being particularly cooperative.

**== > Aradia: Take a minute to explain how it is _you're_ not dead**

Must you? It's kind of embarrassing.

You let Terezi convince you to try things her way first. She was cagey about what it was exactly she was doing, but it ended up with Vriska losing one eye and most of an arm. You would have been willing to let it go at that -- reluctantly -- but then she had to go and blind Terezi in response. So you had to set the spirits of her victims on her, and she decided to kill you by controlling Sollux which was just -- _typical_.

She was in the middle of that when Equius arrived with her robot arm. She told him what she was doing, he knocked her out, and Sollux was able to whip his head up fast enough that he missed you entirely. He did blow the top off your hive, but at that point you weren't complaining.

So, yeah. You owe your life to Equius Zahhak.

Because of his flush-crush on you.

You aren't petty enough that you'd rather be dead, especially under those circumstances, but it's really awkward.

**== > Understood. Carry on**

Excellent! You'd much rather be abducted by aliens than discuss Equius.

You're in a small gray block with padded walls. There's a pile of sandbags, a water tap and drain, and what looks like a rudimentary load gaper in the corner. The light's comfortably dim and the temperature is warm, which is particularly good since they've put you in a ridiculous thin shift.

The psionic-blocking helmet has extensions which cover the eyes and ears. They retracted just after the aliens put you in here.

Neither of the dead trolls you've heard has been particularly eloquent. One is an indigo-blood laughassassin who is very unhappy about his failure to kill everything on board this ship. He very pointedly ignored you, but you're guessing he'll be back if he can't find anyone else to complain at. The other is a brownblood psionic half-convinced she's still wired into a ship and that something catastrophic happened to it. She's babbling half-coherent status reports to anyone who can hear them, but you can't follow most of it -- you never shared Sollux's morbid helmsman obsession.

**== > Be the troll with the morbid helmsman obsession and the most elaborately incorrect theory of what the hell is going on**

You are now Sollux Captor, and you are suffering an additional disadvantage in the working-out-what-the-hell-is-going-on area: you can't see a thing, and the headgear strapped onto your head isn't doing your hearing any favors, either. So it's really not surprising you haven't worked out you've been abducted by aliens.

Not being able to see is upsetting, but what's really making you panic are the sharp stings of pain going back _through_ both eyes. Jarring the headgear makes it exponentially worse. There's also a cable leading off… somewhere, and really nothing to make you think it's not a classic psionics-draining goggles rig. Have you mentioned you can't access your psionics?

So really, under the circumstances, it's pretty reasonable for you to conclude you've been scooped up in some potential-helmsman search. The hyperventilating and trying to bash your head against the wall were somewhat less reasonable, and are responsible for your current situation of waking up strapped to a gurney.

You're about to get back to hyperventilating when you hear a voice.

**== > Sollux: Receive data not compatible with your theory**

"Uh, Sollux? Is that, you?"

You try to look in the direction of the voice, which is pretty stupid because you can't see and your head is being held in place anyway. "Who's there?" you ask, even though that definitely sounded like Tavros Nitram.

"It's, uh, me. Tavros. Are you okay?"

"What the fuck did they bring you here for?"

"I don't know. Do you, uh, have any ideas?"

"For _me_ , but your powers are completely useless for this! Can they even _get_ energy from you?"

"W-what?"

"What?"

"What are you, uh, talking about?"

"What are _you_ talking about?"

"I don't understand why, uh, you think aliens would kidnap us for, um, power."

"What?"

"Uh, the, uh. Aliens?"

"You think we're being held by aliens?"

"Well, they are, uh, definitely not any kind of troll I have seen. They have too many eyes. Have, uh, you been blindfolded the whole time?"

"Yes, because that's what you do when you're securing a psionic with optic blasts." The wrong number of eyes definitely sounds like not-trolls. And if Tavros were going to snap and come up with some batshit story about being kidnapped, he'd probably go with something FLARP-themed or, fuck, whatever the villains in _Pupa Pan_ are. "Aliens? Really?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Why the fuck would we be kidnapped by aliens?"

"I, um, don't--"

Tavros's voice breaks off suddenly, and -- are those footsteps?

"You are speaking to your peer with derision and hostility," an unfamiliar voice says. It sounds… like it might be an alien.

"I don't, um, mind, he talks to, to almost everyone like that--" Tavros sounds anxious.

"This is not acceptable. You must treat your peers with consideration and courtesy."

The fuck?! "You -- sneak onto our planet, snatch me out of my hive -- and Tavros, and fuck knows who else -- jam wires through my eyes, and now you want me to be _polite_? Fuck no! And fuck you, assholes!"

There's an ominous silence.

"You display a very negative attitude," the alien says. "This is not acceptable."

**== > Be Kanaya Maryam**

You all doze for a while. Eventually, thirst drives Karkat to check out the tap. It yields water. You consider cautioning that you don't know that it's _only_ water, but decide Karkat and Terezi probably realize that themselves, and there's nothing you can do about it anyway -- other than wait and see if anything happens to Karkat.

Next to the tap there's a box containing thin rectangular things which might be edible. Terezi and Karkat get in an argument over who should try to eat them first: Karkat argues that he already drank the water and there's no point risking _two_ people, Terezi that if he eats them, and something bad happens to him, the rest of you won't know whether it was the water or the food. You come down on Terezi's side because she's started licking them already.

"They are tasty bubblegum pink, and I am tired of white and gray!" she justifies. "It was these or Karkat's horns!"

Anyway you all end up eating and drinking without waiting long enough to really be cautious, because now that you think about it you're hungry and thirsty and it's not like the aliens couldn't give you any drug they wanted anyway.

_Then_ Karkat and Terezi get in an argument about whether the holes in the corners of the small blocks are supposed to be load gapers, general waste disposal, or something else. You can't decide whether you should break it up. It's a stupid argument, but it may be relieving their feelings a little.

You're about to step in for the sake of your own sanity when one of the walls of the block... changes. It goes from blank gray to white -- no, you realize, to a white room.

"Someone tell me what that is!" Terezi says.

"I'm not sure whether it is a window or a video screen," you say. "No, I believe it is a screen. It is exhibiting a white room with some sort of... thing in the middle. A closed container? It is large."

"I think it's the size of a recuperacoon," Karkat puts in. "If recuperacoons _didn't have openings_. If there isn't some unlucky bulgesore in there already, they're about to put somebody in. Probably one of us!"

"If they were planning to put us in, would it not make more sense to have it in the same block as us?"

Karkat growls. "Someone is either going in or coming out of that in the next few minutes."

You don't argue, because you suspect he's correct. Everything on the screen is white or light gray; you're not surprised Terezi is having trouble with most of the details. "Do you get the impression it is very bright in there?" you ask. "I feel like there is some sort of filter reducing the glare for our benefit."

"Yes," Terezi says immediately. "It smells like nature films of diurnal animals. Is something moving? One of the aliens just walked on, right?"

"Two," you correct. "Wearing white."

"Of-fucking-course."

This is the first time you've really had a chance to get a good look at your captors. Earlier, everything was happening too fast, and you were too -- you have to admit -- terrified to pay proper attention. They don't look any more troll-like as they move to either side of the recuperacoon-thing. You're not sure whether the extra eye or missing horn is more unsettling. Both eye and horn are rudely elbowed out of the running when both aliens suddenly _grow extra arms_. You find yourself hissing in unison with Karkat.

"What, what?" Terezi demands.

"They just grew fucking tentacles," Karkat snaps. "One of them's opening the thing. In or -- yeah, out."

As soon as the lid is halfway off, a gray hand appears in the gap. A long-haired troll tries to fling herself out of the thing, then slips and falls back in. With the lid all the way open, you can see the thing is filled with something sort of sopor-like in thickness, but transparent. The troll tries again, and manages to get a bare leg over the side.

She might be having an easier time if she had two good arms.

"It's Vriska," Karkat says, sounding surprised. "And she's freaking the fuck out."

It's obvious now the video doesn't have any sound, because Vriska's mouth is moving constantly but you hear nothing. Vriska launches herself away from the not-a-recuperacoon, but slips in the not-sopor and hits the floor. When she staggers back to her feet, she crashes into a tentacle and recoils. The alien wraps a giant (white) towel around her and pulls her against its chest. She kicks, hits, tries to scratch -- it looks like her claws have been capped like everyone else's -- even brings her hand to her head like she's trying to control the alien into letting her go.

The alien is unmoved.

It starts petting her hair.

"Jegus _fuck_ I'm not watching this," Karkat chokes out. He twists away and stomps to the other end of the block.

You wonder if you should follow his example -- Vriska wouldn't want _anyone_ watching this -- but when you start to move Terezi grabs your arm. "Please stay. I won't be able to tell what…"

You stay. You keep your gaze fixed on the second alien, which appears to be draining and cleaning the recuperacoon-tank-thing, then refilling it.

It goes on a long time.

When you look at Vriska again, her shoulders are shaking and she's clearly sobbing, though you can't see her face. The alien is _rocking_ her.

Eventually, Vriska stills, and the alien loosens its hold enough for her to back away and look up. Terezi's breath catches. Vriska's face is streaked with blue under her good eye. The ruined socket is covered, but not by her normal patch. She looks exhausted.

The alien must say something then, because Vriska's face twists in rage and she tries to punch it in the face.

Both aliens wrestle her back into the tank-thing, which looks to have some immobilization restraints in addition to the lid. She never stops fighting, but she does start crying again.

When the tank closes, the screen goes dark.

"Is it fucking over now?" Karkat asks from the other end of the block.

"I believe so," you manage. "What -- what purpose was there in showing us that?"

"To see how we reacted," Terezi says flatly.

"But -- _why_?"

"I do not know, but I am going to figure it out."

"You want a fucking reaction?" Karkat shouts at the ceiling. "That's the sickest thing I've ever fucking seen! Fuck all of you! _Platonically_!"

**== > Karkat: Try not to freak out**

Fuck that. You feel fully justified in freaking out.

You try to freak out _quietly_ while Terezi explains her reasoning that the aliens showed you the video to observe your reactions, not intimidate you. (It rests mostly on the lack of 'do this or else' messages.) You focus your nervous energy on searching the block for recording devices. You don't find any, but that doesn't mean they're not there.

"This is a gross injustice!" Terezi says finally. "These aliens must feel the full weight of the law!"

"Terezi, is this _really_ the time for--"

The wall suddenly acquires a doorway. You all freeze.

"Terezi Pyrope will exit the chamber," a voice says.

If you didn't know Terezi, you probably wouldn't notice the flinch. She grins even wider. "I look forward to discussing justice with you!" she declares. She walks towards the opening.

You and Kanaya barely have to exchange a look before you charge after her.

The corridor is full of bright light and aliens. You land a few solid punches -- Terezi's shouting something -- and then suddenly you're being carried away down a corridor and your friends are nowhere in sight.

**== > Karkat: Freak out**

You don't freak all the way out until you get a look at what they're carrying you towards, and it looks just like the thing they had Vriska in.

"No," you say. " _No_. You are not, I am sure you are not putting me in your creepy mindfuck-a-coon, because that is _unacceptable_!" You can't get any purchase with your claws. You can't get any purchase with your teeth. "I am not going to end up like Serket! She was already out of her twisted, malfunctioning mind-- Oh, fuck, she's not _in_ there, is she?" You try to headbutt the alien -- see how it likes your horns impacting its abdomen at high velocity! -- but you can't get any leverage. "If you shut me in that thing with Serket she is going to kill me and I am going to _let her_."

Vriska's not in the mindfuck-a-coon when they open it up. There's nothing in it but not-sopor and ohfuck _restraints_. You snarl wordlessly and try again to wrench yourself free, but the alien's grip is unyielding.

It rips your shift off before forcing you down into the gel. "Your empathy for the other trolls is commendable," it says. "But you must learn not to be defiant."

"I am _not_ feeling _empathy for other trolls_! I am a brutal killing machine--"

The lid comes down.

It's not dark. It's white, all around you, just bright enough to be uncomfortable but not enough to hurt. You can't feel the restraints on your arms, legs, torso, but you can't move so you know they must be there. You can't turn your head enough to see your body.

"What the fuck is this?" you ask. You can barely hear yourself.

**== > Be Dave Strider**

You're in the reflection chamber when Is-at comes to let John out of the tank. Rose can (and often does) spend hours trying to decide whether limited access to one another during and just after punishments is supposed to be merciful, or spread the punishment to everyone else. _You_ officially gave up trying to figure out what was going on in goblin brains ages ago, so all you care about is the effect, which is clearly _both_. It would hurt less to just know your friend is being punished than it does to sit a few feet away and listen to them try to hold it together, knowing they can't hear anything you say, and if you pull the emergency release you'll both be in huge trouble. But you're still glad you can be there to offer John a friendly face and a shoulder to lean on.

He's shaky coming out of the tank, as usual -- all disorientation aside, the tank-gel has some sort of numbing agent -- and Is-at has to help him to the floor before you can come over and steady him. Is-at sets the tank to auto-drain and clean, repeats the standard goblin bullshit line about respecting one's supervisors, and departs through the exterior door.

"That wasn't Yn-yk," John croaks, wiping tank-gel away from his eyes.

"Nope. I'll let the girls explain."

In theory, all the rest of you could hang around when someone's coming out of a tank, but you mostly have it down to a system respecting the fact that you go in the tank without clothing. You're there to get John, he's there to get you, Rose is there to get Jade, and Jade is there to get Rose on the rare occasion she ends up in a tank. (It's not that she never gets in trouble, it's just that the goblins eventually noticed Rose gets sort of… scary… after much time in the reflection chamber.)

John rinses the gel off with the pull-chain shower in the corner, only pausing briefly to steady himself on your arm or the wall, and towels dry. His clothes -- t-shirt, elastic-waist pants, and (unlike the first few months of your captivity) socks and underwear -- are folded on the shelf by the door where he left them. He runs his hands through his wet hair, rubs his eyes (only a little reddened), puts on his glasses (the fully-functional shatterproof replica of his glasses, anyway), and offers you a cheerful smile. "How do I look?"

"Ravishing, my dear," you reply, deadpan. He snickers.

Almost like a real person, is how he looks. Jade persuaded Yn-yk to let you personalize your t-shirts with fabric paints a while back, and John's been painstakingly recreating his favorite slime ghost. It's getting pretty… well, recognizable.

Rose and Jade are out in the common room on the couch. The couch is human furniture constructed for you, not something the goblins have, but you're not sure what exactly they modeled it off of. It has little tray table things which fold down out of the back cushions, and it's _huge_. (It wouldn't have fit in your apartment, John thinks it wouldn't fit in his living room, and Rose thinks it probably would fit in her living room "if the wizard statue wasn't there". Jade can't swear it didn't have a twin somewhere in her house, but she can't remember seeing it.) You can all sleep on it without difficulty, and usually do, if someone's having a rough time. Bedrooms are single-occupant-only.

John knows the drill. He heads for the empty spot with the blanket, next to the tray table with a bottle of water. John's between Jade and the tray table; Rose has left room on the other side of the tray table for you. She leans against your shoulder as soon as you sit down. John takes a long drink and pulls the blanket over his shoulders before speaking.

"So, something interesting going on?"

"Yn-yk said he's going to be busy working with some species they actually consider a threat, so that's more urgent." Jade pokes him in the ribs. " _Hopefully_ , he took Ap-ut with him, so we won't have him in charge while he's still mad at you!"

"Ap-ut is never mad," Rose corrects. "Ap-ut is usually dissatisfied, sometimes disappointed or displeased, and _always_ convinced it is right. If it's in charge, I'm declaring myself unfit for companionship again."

"I don't think Yn-yk would do that," John says. "He always supervises Ap-ut. Besides, don't you think Ap-ut would want to be on the challenging, urgent case?"

You and Rose exchange a look. "Yes," you say in unison.

**== > Ap-ut: Work on challenging and urgent case**

The subject is sprawled in the middle of the chamber, loose-limbed and slack-jawed, as the nymph swarm flutters around above. There's another troll with another nymph swarm just down the corridor, but that one's displaying a more predictable stimulus reaction. This one is not normal at all, which is why you were brought in.

"It's an interference interaction," you say. "That's why its reaction is so different."

Op-ys looks down at its terminal. "There's nothing in its file about being a receiver. It's supposed to be material manifestations only."

"Then the file is incomplete, because it is definitely receiving something besides the nymph swarm, and that stream is interacting with the nymph stream and producing… that. I need to remove it from the nymph swarm to isolate the other stream."

"It's a very confrontational subject," Op-ys warns. It didn't even need to look at its notes for that. "And the material manifestations provide significant background noise."

Before you can answer, your comm chirps for your attention.

**== > Ap-ut: Answer comm**

"Yes?"

"Ap-ut? Er-ys would like you for a consult in the tenth observation chamber," Yn-yk says. "At your earliest convenience."

"Understood. I will be available soon," you say. After closing the comm connection, you turn back to Op-ys. "I want this subject removed from the nymph swarm, and start an exhaustion protocol. Notify me of the estimated time of completion as soon as you have one."

As soon as Op-ys indicates its understanding, you turn your steps towards the tenth observation room. You are curious as to what prompted Er-ys to request you. Er-ys is another empath-evaluator, and while you are not precisely rivals, you are generally agreed to be _antitrothed_ , extremely ill-suited for the same hobtrothal. (You do not consider this antipathy to be romance.)

Er-ys greets you courteously when you enter the observation chamber. "I appreciate your speed. This is the subject which was consuming their topical sedative agent. Tests indicated there was no physical dependence, so we placed it under observation in a solitary chamber to wait for the drug to wear off. For the past several hours it has been sitting in the corner without speaking. I am beginning to get some worrying impressions from it. I asked for you because I believe you can read past the remnants of the drug to get a clearer impression."

"That should be possible." You turn your attention to the observation portal, and the subject crouched in the chamber beyond. Drug, turmoil of psychological withdrawal, and… "I _see_."

"Yes."

"That is certainly worrying."

"I'll request a more sustainable chemical treatment, then," Er-ys says.

"That won't address the underlying causes of the emotions," you counter.

"No, but it was functioning nonviolently before we collected it. I do not want to make it worse."

_Shortcuts_. "We cannot address the underlying problem without identifying it."

Er-ys pauses. "I'll postpone the chemical treatment until we've discussed this with Yn-yk."

"Agreed." That's probably the best you're going to get.

You both watch the subject for a moment, then Er-ys asks, "Did they have you take a look at the case which keeps acting like a, what was it called, a cat? As far as I could tell it just… likes it."

"Not yet." You're quite sure it's more complicated than that, but you have enough on your agenda at the moment.

**== > Be the case that keeps acting like a pouncebeast**

You wake up lying flat on something too smooth to be your cave floor. It turns out the be a narrow table, and you nearly fall off when you sit up.

The last thing you remember is being pursued into your cave by monsters with nets and dart guns. You'd ambushed one of them with a snarl and then… everything went black. One of them must have gotten you with a dart gun.

"Nepeta?" Equius says.

You spin around and nearly fall off the other side of the table. Equius is lying on another table, covered up to mid-chest with a white drape. His head isn't moving but his eyes have rolled towards you.

"Equius!" You spring off your platform to land beside his. "Are you hurt?"

"I-- There is a door over there, Nepeta, you may be able to escape if you move quickly."

You are not stupid. There's no reason he wouldn't have carried you out while you were still unconscious, except… "Can you not move?"

"I cannot," he admits. "But that is no reason for you not to escape and seek assistance."

"You are being furry silly if you think I would do that," you say. " _Are_ you hurt?" You reach for the drape.

"Please do not remove that," Equius says hastily. "The aliens… did not give me any replacement clothing."

"That is a bad reason not to let your moirail check you for injuries," you say firmly. Aliens? That's more specific than _monsters_ , you guess.

"I am uninjured. The aliens attached a tube to supply water and another to… drain waste. Please leave the drape alone."

You've heard of medical things like that, up in the Fleet, but never seen them. Poor Equius has been sweating through the drape. "If you're _pawsitive_ you're not hurt?"

"I am quite well. Apart from being unable to move."

"But you can still _feel_ everything, right?" Not like poor Tavros.

"Yes. Will you not at least _check_ the door--?"

" _No_."

**== > Be that other case beginning an exhaustion protocol**

Either Tavros was right about it being aliens, or the Empire's initial helmstraining program focuses mostly on being very, very confusing. You've decided to go with Tavros's theory. You just can't picture helmstrainers responding to your mouthing off by having you _bombarded by happy thoughts_. (It doesn't seem likely they could if they wanted to; trolls with projective empathy usually focus on _negative_ emotions.) The combination of happy-thought-bombardment+screams-of-the-imminently-deceased knocked you flat.

You're pretty sure it's aliens.

But you're also pretty sure the aliens have you in something _really_ similar to a classic psionic-power goggles-rig, because it is _draining you_ , forcing you into overextension. It fucking _hurts_ , even after the injection they gave you that numbed most of the physical pain.

You tried to tell them this could kill you if they took it too far, but they just said they were monitoring your vital signs and you should not be concerned.

You told them to fuck off again.

**== > Tavros: Get deposited in a new block**

"You are permitted to open the animal carrier and the reflection chambers," the alien says. "Sustenance and ablution facilities have been provided. Removing the reflection gel is strongly recommended. We will return." And it leaves.

First things first: you kneel down, careful on your unsteady legs (legs!), and unlatch the animal carrier. Tinkerbull pops out cautiously, looking around the block with the same trepidation you feel.

There are, as promised, 'ablution facilities'. There's a pile of cushions or sandbags or something. You also spot what looks like a drinking water fountain, with a crate next to it which may contain the food. There are also some very large towels, and a bunch of gray… garments. Most of them have not been altered to fit over your horns.

Finally, you have to look at the big, white recuperacoon-things. You look at Tinkerbull. "Yes, I think it is very likely, that there is someone in there."

You're a little worried you won't be able to get them open, but it turns out the big obvious lever pops the top. You unseal both, and stand back.

"Bulgeblistering _fuck_!" screeches one of the pods, before it's even open all the way. You're not surprised at all when Karkat appears, wild-eyed and covered in translucent slime. "You just fucking try it, you perverted assmunching-- Tavros?"

"Uh, hi, Karkat," you say. "The aliens aren't here, right now?"

Karkat looks around the block warily, like you might be lying to him. "Are you sure?"

"Uh… I think so? Wait, uh -- why do you think the aliens are perverted?"

"Maybe he saw the same video they showed me?" says the person in the other pod.

Long hair and fins -- it still takes you a minute to put it together that this is _Feferi Peixes_. Kanaya says she's very nice, but you can't help but be intimidated. (The aliens have put caps over the points of her horns, rather than wrapping them in padding like they did with yours. They haven't done anything to Karkat's.)

"The one with Spider-- With Serket?" Karkat says. He makes to climb out of the pod, then stops.

"Yes," the Heiress replies. "Is that a shower? I reely want to get this stuff off, I think it's giving me pins and needles in my gills." _She_ climbs out. She's naked.

You flush and quickly turn back to Karkat, who has averted his own gaze to the ceiling. "The alien did say, getting the slime off, was, uh, strongly recommended. You saw a video, with Vriska? She's here too?"

"Apparently. And I was locked up with Terezi and Kanaya for a while."

Behind you, there's the sound of running water -- the ablution shower. "I saw videos of Vriska and Gamzee Makara, and I saw Eridan in person," the Heiress volunteers.

"I saw Sollux," you offer. "And, um, I'm pretty sure I sensed Aradia's lusus? And I think Nepeta's, and what might have been Nepeta's moirail's."

Karkat looks at Tinkerbull. "Has he been with you the whole time?"

"Not with me, exactly? He's been, um, in a cage. But I've usually been able, to sense him?"

"You didn't happen to sense the old crab, did you?"

You wince. "Um, no, I don't think so."

"Didn't think so. Fucking aliens."

The ablution shower turns off. "They don't seem to be very consistent about what lusii they've taken," the Heiress says. "I'm dressed now, you can look! But really if I minded I would have _asked_ you not to look."

"Well, I'm asking you not to fucking look," Karkat snaps. There's a beat. "That includes you, Tavros!"

"Oh, uh, sorry." You hastily turn around. The Heiress, now wearing a plain gray garment like yours, is staring fixedly at the drinking fountain.

"I'm obviously not going to get any fucking privacy from the nooksniffing bulgegroping aliens, but I don't think it's too much to fucking ask from the rest of you fuckers," Karkat continues, as you hear him climbing out. "Even if you want to look at each other's fungus-ridden genitalia-- Holy fuck how are you standing. _Don't turn around_!"

You had been about to turn back. You flush. "Uh, I guess, the aliens, fixed me? I could feel my legs, when I woke up. One of them told me, it would take a while to get them to normal strength, but the, I think it said reconnection, had gone very well."

"Huh." Wet smacking footsteps herald Karkat's unsteady progress to the ablution facilities. "I think you're their favorite."

"Is that, uh, a good thing?"

"Fuck if I know." The shower turns on again.

"So, um, what did you mean about the aliens being perverted?"

It's the Heiress who answers. "Ah, the video showed the aliens taking Vriska out of a tank like these. Then they got, whale, kind of pale? Only it was clear Vriska just wanted them to leave her alone."

"I think maybe, there is some irony, in Vriska getting attention she doesn't want, but that is not a thing, I would want to happen to her," you say.

"I think the aliens are reely… interested in moirallegiance," the Heiress says. "They left us alone for a reely long time when I was trying to calm Eridan down, even after I yelled at them, but as soon as he passed out they threw me in the tank."

The shower turns off. "What did they do to Ampora?" Karkat asks. "Same thing?"

"I'm not shore. He couldn't tell me what happened -- he was… Whale, nothing I did helped."

"Huh." Karkat shuffles around. "Don't look yet!"

The Heiress rolls her eyes at you, like she's inviting you to share a joke.

"But I guess they stayed away for a long time when Terezi and Kanaya and I were sitting on a pile -- just sitting! We weren't doing anything, you know, more. The video only turned on after we started checking the fucking walls for some way out of this shitty maze of alien fuckery. _Now_ you can turn around." Karkat looks a little better de-slimed and clothed, but still a long way from his usual self. "You observe anything, Tavros? What happened with Sollux?"

"There wasn't time, for much to happen. I was still, um, recovering from whatever they did to fix my legs, I think. It was a medical block. They brought Sollux in, unconscious. His eyes were covered. When he woke up, he thought he'd been taken, by the Empire, for helmsman training? But I think he believed me about the aliens. Then one of the aliens got mad at him for being, uh, rude to me, no more than he usually is, and then he told it, to fuck off, and they took him away."

" _Idiot_ ," Karkat says. "Not you, him."

The Heiress catches you by the elbow and pulls you in closer to Karkat. "Maybe we should all sit on the pile in here?" she asks quietly. "If it makes them more likely to leave us alone for a while..."

Karkat shrugs. "Worth a shot."

So you end up sitting -- just sitting! -- in a pile of sandbags with your lusus, Karkat, the Heiress, and a crate of unappetizing wafers. The Heiress says to call her Feferi. You say you'll try to remember to do that. Karkat complains about your horns getting in the way, and Feferi's horns, and Tinkerbull's horns, and somehow you all manage not to comment on the aliens not having to do anything to his horns.

When that settles down, Karkat shares Terezi's conclusion that the aliens are paying attention to your reactions to what they're doing to other people, which means that they're watching you in ways you can't detect. You describe what you remember of the trip from the medical facility to this block -- endless white hallways, and a four-wheeled device much nicer than yours.

Feferi quietly tells you about how the aliens grabbed her _entire hive_ off the sea floor.

Even more quietly, she says she believes they took _her_ lusus.

If you're all sitting maybe a little bit closer together than strict decorum suggests, well, Miss Troll Manners can just write a new chapter for being kidnapped by aliens.

**== > Be Karkat Vantas**

You're not sure how long you've been huddled in the pile with Tavros and Feferi and Tavros's lusus -- any more of this group cuddling and you're going to get a reputation -- when a light starts blinking over by what might be the door.

"That means they're about to come in, I think," Feferi says. "Karkat, do you think you can talk to them without getting angry and shouting?"

Getting angry and shouting and consequently being thrown in a mindfuck-a-coon, she means. "…I'll try to let you do the talking."

The door opens, and a lone alien comes in. You briefly entertain the idea of rushing it, but the things are fucking strong, and there are bound to be more of them just outside. You all stand up, Tavros swaying briefly, but it's taller than you.

"Greetings," the alien says. "I have come to explain the purpose of all this."

You bite your tongue.

"That would be nice," Feferi says. "We're all very… curious."

"We are conducting an evaluation to see if trolls can be taught to behave in an acceptable fashion. I am speaking to you three because you have already exhibited concern for others and other higher emotions. You only need to learn appropriate conduct."

You exchange a look with Tavros. If you weren't trying to stay quiet, and he weren't Tavros, you'd bet him that somewhere in the acceptable behavior list would be obeying the aliens.

Feferi doesn't ask about that, though. "Why?" she says instead. "Why try to… teach us?"

"It will determine what happens next in our defense against your people's attacks," the alien says. "If your species is teachable, we will try to help it reach its potential as a productive citizen-species. If not, I regret to say the next step will involve deployment of that entity of which you were curator. Outside the dimensional pocket where it is now contained, it would quickly effect all troll forces."

Feferi's mouth opens and closes a few times. "You're saying if we -- twelve, or however many there are -- are not sufficiently… teachable, you're going to use Gl'bgolyb to wipe out our species?"

"My superiors will, yes." The alien pauses, then continues, "I regret placing this burden upon you at your young age, but I wished for you to understand the nature of the situation."

You're opening your mouth to tell the alien what it can do with its regret when Tavros bumps you 'accidentally' with a heavily padded horn.

"We whale, um. Keep that in mind," Feferi says. "…Thank you for telling us?"

After the alien leaves, Feferi sits down hard in the pile. You and Tavros follow her. "Damn," she says. "I should have asked him for a list of the glubbing rules we're supposed to learn."

"And what the fucking time limit is," you add.

"And if it has to be _everyone_ ," Tavros puts in.

"Fuck, yes, pounding it into everyone's dense thinkpans they need to follow _anyone_ else's rules..." You trail off, thinking of the people already confirmed to be here. Terezi. Sollux. _Vriska_. "Fuck, we're all going to die, aren't we."

Then again, from what you saw, the aliens seem to be doing a pretty good job of teaching Vriska _something_. You can't begin to guess what.

**== > Sollux: Come out from under anesthesia**

Is that what's going on? No wonder you feel ill. What the-- _**WUB**_

Your train of thought derails.

Okay, that was unexpected. You're not quite sure what it was. You sort of heard-it-but-not-quite, the way you hear-- _**WUB**_

Whatever it is, it is very good at knocking you off course. What were you thinking about? Right, the screams of the imminently deceased! Which, now that you think about it-- _**WUB**_

Your head hurts.

_**WUB** _

_**WUB** _

Fuck that's distracting. It's like someone's forcing your computer to reboot every few minutes, only instead of a computer it's your--

_**WUB** _

_**WUB** _

The imminently deceased! You're not hearing them, you're just hearing _**WUB**_.

_**WUB** _

**== > Yn-yk: Regret your apparently inadequate supervision of Ap-ut**

"Go back and start at the beginning," you say. "What were you _trying_ to do?"

Ap-ut is not nearly as chagrined as you feel it should be. "This subject displayed emotional volatility immediately," it says. "Upon regaining consciousness it assumed its own government was in the process of vivisecting it for involuntary use as a power source -- Op-ys believed this was a verified practice?"

"Involuntary use as a power source, yes," you say. "It is in the reports on initial analysis of captured vessels. We adapted the technology to contain the material manifestations. Describing the surgical procedures as vivisection is... extreme." Especially coming from Ap-ut, you think _very hard_. "An understandable misconception from a frightened juvenile. It then lost consciousness again?"

"Yes. Op-ys had it placed in a medical chamber with the subject recovering from nerve regrowth treatment, which did reduce the panic, but it then became verbally confrontational and mentally derisive towards the peer attempting to comfort it. Op-ys intervened, and the subject became verbally aggressive and very negative, so Op-ys had it moved to a nymph swarm. Upon exposure to the swarm it fell into a semiconscious state. As this reaction was atypical Op-ys called me in."

You know all this already, but you did say to start at the beginning. "Go on."

"I determined that there was an interference interaction taking place -- the subject was receiving a mental stream which was conflicting with the nymph swarm. I needed to isolate the stream to further study it, so I had the subject removed from the nymph swarm and drained as much power as possible to reduce static. Ij-ok monitored the drain, but I understand power output was impressive."

"Interesting, but we are _not_ using the subject as an involuntary power source."

Ap-ut is hurt. "I did not intend to imply we were. I was then able to get a good read on the mental stream."

"And?"

"Distress vocalizations -- screaming. It processes them mostly as sound. It believes them to be the screams of individuals who are about to die, and that it hears them some time before the individuals die."

"Future death screams," you say. That's what it looked like Ap-ut's report said, but it just seemed unlikely. "And what do you believe it to be?"

"I couldn't get a good read on the source," Ap-ut admits. "I can't say it isn't death screams from the future. But whatever they are, hearing them was not making the subject any calmer or any more positive. I decided to recalibrate the receiver."

This is why you need to keep a close watch on Ap-ut. It is _excellent_ at identifying problems. It just doesn't hesitate to try to implement _solutions_ , and some of its solutions would really benefit from a second opinion. "So you put the subject under and went in, even though we haven't done any deep mapping of the troll psyche _or_ brain--"

"It has an abnormal brain, too. The two halves--"

And Ap-ut is _fully capable_ of detecting _exactly_ how displeased with it you are, but pretends not to know. "And instead of simply deactivating the receiver, you recalibrated it."

"I wasn't certain I could deactivate it in a reversible way."

"You recalibrated it. What, precisely, did you recalibrate it to?" Not that you can't tell yourself just by going _near_ the subject. That pulse is unmistakeable.

"The second hob. It never sends any data, so that wouldn't be a problem, and it's about as stable as it's possible to get."

You don't say anything.

"It's working," Ap-ut adds. "It's a lot calmer, and it hasn't said anything aggressive."

"How much of that is calm, and how much is exhaustion from the power drain or the anesthesia?"

"…It is exhausted, yes."

"Evaluation is not my specialty, but when I examined it, it seemed more _confused_ by the hob-pulse than anything else. Repeatedly confused."

"Give it time. Anyway, I wouldn't want to recalibrate it again before it's fully recovered."

"Yes, that would be inadvisable. Which is why you should have spoken to me before recalibrating it to begin with, and I would have told you to pursue less drastic measures first."

Ap-ut feels reprimanded, but still not as remorseful as you would like. If it wasn't one of the best evaluators you have…!

"No more active intervention for a while, Ap-ut. Do a strictly observational evaluation of all the troll subjects, then we'll talk about your next assignment. And do _not_ try any surgical procedures on any of them without direct approval from me."

Now you're going to have to see about giving the poor subject a chance to recuperate.

**== > Be Aradia Megido**

You are getting very tired of the nonstop magical mystery tour around the alien ship. They keep shuffling you from blank, empty block to blank, empty block. The longest time you've spent in one place is eight hours in a weird recuperacoon-tank-thing, after you tried to run for it. (You didn't think you'd be able to get off a ship, but you could at least have scouted around a bit.) You suspect they're trying to monitor your communication with the dead, and that they're having trouble with it. They seem to really know what they're doing with psionics -- not so much with the supernatural.

This time, the block is different, and not just because it's larger and has a pile. Your lusus is in a cage across the block, and Sollux is lying on the floor, apparently unconscious.

**== > Aradia: Reunite with your loving lusus and moirail**

The bars of the cage are just far enough apart for you to squeeze a hand through and give Kangarammom a good scratch behind the horns. "I'll be right back," you tell her.

You check on Sollux, then drag a few of the sandbags from the pile over to the cage. Then you drag Sollux over, and get everything situated so you're sitting propped against the sandbags, your side pressed against the cage, with Sollux's head in your lap.

"I'm really glad to see you're okay," you tell Kangarammom. She doesn't look hurt. "I wish they'd just left you behind, but I guess… no, actually, I don't have any idea what they're doing."

Sollux looks less okay than Kangarammom. His teeth and claws are capped like yours, and they've stuck something on his horns, but you're really not worried about that. Instead of a psionic-blocking helmet like yours, he has a goggles rig -- if he woke up wearing that, he must have _panicked_. You can see bruising around the edge of the rig. They've shaved off a small patch of hair on the back of his head. About once a minute -- almost _exactly_ once a minute -- he twitches violently.

"I don't suppose you have any idea what they did to him?" you ask Kangarammom. Not like she could tell you if she did. If Tavros were here--

You hope Tavros isn't here.

You lean in closer. "Come on, Sollux, wake up and tell me they haven't sucked out your brain. I need someone to tell my theories to who can talk back." Nothing. You try the authoritative tone to get him out of the recuperacoon in a depressive episode. (Not to be confused with the authoritative tone to get him off the computer during a manic episode.) "Captor!"

His head flops to the side. "…AA?" he mumbles.

Oh thank gog. "Hey, Sollux. If no one's told you, we've been abducted by aliens, not the Empire."

"s'what TV said. Can't see--" He spasms violently again, and doesn't pick up his sentence afterwards.

"Sollux?" you say anxiously.

"AA? That you?"

"Yeah, it's me. Did you say you saw -- talked to Tavros?"

"Uh-huh. He said s'aliens."

"I'm pretty sure it is." You lower your voice. "I've listened to a couple of ghosts, and I think we're on a ship."

"Weird."

"Yeah. Do you know what they--" Spasm. "What they did to you?"

"AA?"

"Sollux, you keep losing track of the conversation. Do you know why?"

"Uhhhhh, maybe, think I keep losing track of my thoughts. S'this… I keep hearing this… I don't know, this WUB."

"Wub?"

"Instead of the immently d'ceased." Spasm. "AA? You still there?"

"I'm here."

"My head hurts."

**== > Be the troll who is no longer slated for psychic surgery because Ap-ut is in SO MUCH TROUBLE**

You are now Gamzee Makara, and it's been a long couple of -- days? Since you were dragged out of your hive by… possibly some kind of Imperial drone? Maybe? Whatever they are, they carried you off and put you in a dim little block. First you were fine, then you wanted a pie, then you _really_ wanted a pie, then you wanted to write 'honk' on the walls only you actually wanted one of the monster-drone-things to come within reach so you could snap off its horn and jam it into the third eye. See what colors they bled…

Whatever they are, they gassed you before venturing into the little block, so that plan's a bust. Now you're not sure why you thought it was a good idea to begin with.

Apart from lack of sopor. You eat the stuff for a reason.

You feel a little better now. Not as mellow as you'd get from a whole pie, but they're giving you these sweet blue gumdrop things which make your thinkpan quieter. Painting the walls in any blood available no longer seems like such a fantastic idea.

You'd kinda like for someone to tell you what's going on, though.

**== > Be John Egbert**

Okay! You are totally fine now. You are on the mega-couch with your friends, because you guys always stick close together for a few days after someone's been in the tank, even when they're totally fine. You are all being very creative. Rose has her writing journal, and Dave is working on raps. You are Jade are playing Pictionary Lite, which is like Pictionary with no board or teams or cards or timer or anything but drawing pictures and trying to guess what they are. The goblins approve of artistic creativity, and keep you well-supplied with alien paper and alien crayons. (Rose is using a pen. Dave is using crayons, because -- he claims -- it's very ironic.)

No one seems to be too upset that your prank with the whoopee cushion got everyone's media privileges revoked for an unstated length of time.

**== > Media privileges?**

They've never actually said, but you think the goblins probably pulled a huge amount of information off the internet at the same time they grabbed you, and that included a lot of movies and TV shows and books and music and wikis and you don't even know what else. They've never given you unrestricted access, but they started offering you a selection of Earth media after they decided -- detected -- you'd given up trying to get away.

That was rough.

**== > Be Past John**

You're all lined up for Evaluation, and Yn-yk is politely listening to Dave rap about the really weird stuff they tried to serve you for dinner yesterday. (It moved. By itself.)

Er-ys takes his hand off your head and says something in goblin. You only catch your name. Er-ys consistently remembers your names, which makes him a nice change from _some_ evaluators. Rose, who has been trying to learn Ottrian, frowns a little, but Yn-yk smiles.

After Dave finishes, Yn-yk says, "I will ask that you not be served that meal in the future. Now, I am pleased to say I can offer you some additional privileges, now that you have stopped expecting to leave us."

You hear yourself make a tiny, strangled noise.

Yn-yk and Er-ys are looking at you. Rose and Dave and Jade are looking at you. No one is going to get any privileges if you fly off the handle.

"Excuse me," you croak. "I'm not feeling very well. I'm going to go to my room and lie down."

**== > Past John: Despair**

You've evidently already done that.

The first time the goblins put you all in a room together, you clung to each other and made feeble jokes about fashionable hospital gowns and who had the worst eyesight sans glasses and pretended not to notice everyone was crying. In between all that, Rose whispered, "I don't think we should expect a rescue. Even setting aside their technological superiority in any sort of struggle, I haven't seen any sign anyone on Earth knows about these things."

"No one's supposed to know about the Men in Black," you whispered back. "Give 'em time!"

"I really hope you're right, John."

But the Men in Black didn't come. Dave's Bro didn't come. You formulated escape plans that fell apart when you found out they were already in space. You formulated plans to steal an emergency pod, but you were just too far from home to navigate there, even assuming you made it away.

You think that's when Rose lost hope. She'd still work on escape plans, throw everything into it, but she wasn't expecting them to work any more. Dave eventually convinced her it was really stupid to try escape plans you know will _not_ work and _will_ get you in trouble. He stopped expecting to escape around the same time, you think. Jade decided you weren't getting away unless something changed, so the only thing to do was make the best of it.

You've tried to hold it together on optimism alone. Your dad's probably in Men-in-Black training so he can come after you. Dave's Bro is gathering an army of ninjas! You don't know how, but you _will_ get away from the goblins, you will get back to Earth, you will see your Dad again. It definitely won't happen if you don't even think it's a possibility, so you have to believe it.

But now you don't. You didn't even realize it until Yn-yk said it, but you've _given up_.

You guess you could try to un-give-up, but what's the point? It's hopeless. Jade's right, you just need to make the best of it.

You feel _hollow_.

**== > Past John: Have awesome friends**

Eventually, someone knocks on your doorframe. "John?" Jade says. "Can I come in?"

You wave at her, but you have to give verbal permission for the computer to let her into your bedroom, so you lift your face out of the pillow. (It's a _nice_ pillow. The goblins are practically indulgent with the furnishings they give you.) "You can come in," you say.

She sits next to you on the bed. "So! This is really weird, but it turns out the new privileges? Include a _TV_."

"…Huh?"

"I know! Most of the selection looks like movies or TV shows, we think, so Dave thinks maybe they took the entire Blockbuster DVD inventory when they went out of business."

You snicker. "Could be."

"I voted for Squiddles, but I was overruled. Come on, we're all on the couch!"

You end up sandwiched between Dave and Rose, with Jade at your feet. The wallscreen opposite the sofa has come to life. Rose is holding a very simple remote control thingy.

"This wasn't initially on the approved list, so we're all going to have to do exercises on the difference between fictional and nonfictional violence," she announces. "But first, our feature presentation."

The opening credits of _Con Air_ fill the screen.

You have the best friends. It is them. If you have to be kidnapped by aliens, there is no one you would rather be with.

**== > Present John: Have awesome friends who are also kind of weird, but who are you to criticize?**

"Hey," Dave says. "What rhymes with 'submerge'?"

Rose raises her eyebrows over her journal. "Perhaps a two-word combination? Verge, merge, surge, serge… dirge…"

"Cub," Jade offers. "Bub, dub, flub, grub, hub, nub, pub, rub, sub, stub, tub. What did I miss?"

"Tub dirge!" Dave says. "Thanks, guys."

"Dave, should I even ask what you're rapping about?" Rose says.

"I'm doing angsty teenage poetry raps. It's _really_ ironic. Like my choice of crayon?" Neon orange.

Rose narrows her eyes. "Dave, are you writing angsty teenage poetry raps about the sensory deprivation tanks?"

"Hey, do not try to pin my angsty teenage poetry raps down to a single subject. They are renaissance raps. They are touring the poetic countryside in an angsty bus."

You resolve that your next Pictionary Lite drawing will be renaissance raps touring the poetic countryside in an angsty bus.

You love your friends. You've been abducted by aliens away from your Dad and your home and your planet and your everything else, but you still have your friends.

You are _not_ still shaky from the tank. You maybe possibly have something in your eye.

Jade just hands you a tissue and puts an arm around your shoulders, and asks someone to pass her a blue crayon.

**== > Feferi: Try to save your species**

That's the plan. This is going to involve explaining the situation to a lot of people. Hopefully some of them will have some ideas for saving the species besides 'giving the aliens what they want', which is all you have so far, apart from somehow keeping Gl'bgolyb calm yourself. (You think she has to be in range of you to be in range of all the trolls they want her to kill, so you should have a chance if it comes to that, but you're not sure how well you can calm her down long-distance when the aliens are _trying_ to set her off.)

The aliens escort you down a hall, letting you walk, this time. They gave you a pair of shades to protect your eyes from the glaring alien lights.

They're really being creepily nice to you. It's like their declaration that you feel higher emotions, whatever the glub that means, makes you a real person. It just… doesn't put your species in the clear. Maybe it means no more mindfuckacoons? If you're lucky?

The aliens stop you in front of another door. "You will remain here for a rest cycle, after which time you will all be separated for examination," one of them says. "Yn-yk asks that you explain the situation to your peers."

You hope, shamefully, that it's not Eridan. He's your moirail, you should want to help him more than anyone, but nothing you did made an impact.

**== > Feferi: Explain the situation to your peers**

It's not Eridan. It's Aradia and Sollux.

It takes you a minute to recognize them, because Aradia has a weird helmet on, and Sollux -- oh, that looks unpleasant. No wonder they're curled up together.

And oh, _fuck_ , you're supposed to be telling them that when the aliens come back, they're going to be separated.

" _Feferi_?" Aradia says, sounding incredulous. "And here I was thinking this was a lowblood party."

You force a weak smile. "No, they seam to have covered everyfin. We can be shore about me, Eridan, Karkat, Tavros, Kanaya, Terezi, and Sollux -- and you -- and pretty shore about Gamzee and Vriska. There were recordings of them with the aliens. No one's seen Equius or Nepeta, but Tavros thinks he sensed their lusii, and it wouldn't make a lot of sense to take the lusus without the troll, would it?"

Aradia nods. "They had my lusus here for a little while, but then the cage just -- closed off. I _think_ they're trying to let Sollux recover a little from whatever the hell they did to him. Besides sticking wires through his eyes to drain his psionics."

Sollux mumbles something that might be "ouch".

You wince. "I think they're about done with that. They said we would be separated for _examination_ after a _rest cycle_ , whatever that means."

Aradia's lips thin. "We should have a few hours, anyway. --Wait, they're talking to you?"

"Off and on." You pull up a sandbag, but not too close. "They told me and Karkat and Tavros what they were doing, and told us to explain to everyone else."

"I suppose you had better tell us, then."

You go over what the aliens said, about fighting the Empire and "teachability" and _Gl'bgolyb_. Aradia listens intently and asks a number of questions, only some of which you can answer. Sollux even sits up and looks at you -- turns his head in your direction, at least -- though his attention keeps wandering.

"I don't know what they mean by higher emotions," you finish. "But they do seem reely interested in moirallegiance." You elect not to mention the Vriska recording. "No, wait -- in pale affection. They don't seem to care about who's showing it to who, just that it's there."

"It's a place to start, until they explain what they want us to be feeling," Aradia says. " _Conduct_ at least is probably pretty simple. Do what the aliens say."

"Maybe not just that," Sollux says, startling both of you. "One of them got mad at me for being rude to Tavros."

"Karkat thinks Tavros is their favorite. Though I guess they must think… something about me and Karkat, too." Oh, right. "They _fixed his legs_ \-- Tavros's -- did you know? He was walking when I saw him."

Aradia's eyes widen. "No, I didn't know. Did they say why?"

"Not that I know of."

You sit in silence for a little while, mulling this over. Finally, you glance around for the surveillance that must be there, and lower your voice. "Do you have any ideas about, you know. Escaping? And rescuing Gl'bgolyb?"

"How is that even a sentence that makes sense," Sollux mutters.

"No," Aradia says. "I'm hoping to get some sort of useful information from the dead."

You're disappointed, but not really surprised. "Whale, in the absence of a plan, I'm going to… to try to do what they want. To keep them from triggering the Vast Glub. That's the only thing I can think of."

"If they really have Gl'bgolyb… I'm not sure what else we can do but play along."

Sollux groans. "Does that mean I'm supposed to be polite?"

**== > Tavros: Try to save your species**

Right now you're trying to do any necessary translation for Aurthour and Pounce de Leon, who are plastered against their cage bars trying to get as close to their trolls as possible. Tinkerbull is flying in circles just above your head. Nepeta keeps springing back and forth between Pounce's side and Equius's, Equius hasn't moved at all, and since the aliens ushered you in and opened up a wall panel revealing the lusii all at the same time, no one's even asked how you're standing yet.

You'll get to the species-saving when you get a chance.

**== > Karkat: Try to save your species**

You would, but you called the aliens who were transporting you pan-shattered perverted bulge-eating offenses against nature, and now you're undergoing another stint in a mindfuckacoon. Reflection chamber. Mindfuckacoon.

It's not fair.

**== > Be the troll most interested in fairness**

You are now Terezi Pyrope. You are sitting alone in a dimly lit block with a video screen. There is no one to describe the video to you, but the scene isn't as monochromatic, and also the aliens have helpfully turned up the color saturation. (One of them _apologized for not properly considering your handicap_.)

The screen is showing some funny green aliens who only wear hats. A few minutes ago they were walking around some sort of public roadway or assembly area. Now they're being chased around and smashed into pulp by subjugglators.

This is the fourth video of this kind you've smelled, each with a different species and a different setting, and you have the general idea. The only real question is whether there will be anything of trolls with prisoners this time.

You keep expecting the aliens to come back and ask if you think _this_ is justice -- that has to be where they're going with this, doesn't it? They haven't yet. You're working on coming up with a _really good_ answer. You haven't yet.

You feel kind of bad that the last thing you said to Karkat and Kanaya before you were all dragged off in different directions was, "Don't, you idiots!" But you are pretty sure they would have been left behind if they hadn't tried to follow.

**== > Where is Kanaya, anyway?**

You are now Kanaya Maryam.

After you and Karkat tried to follow Terezi out of the block, the aliens grabbed you and took you to a tank-recuperacoon-thing much like they had Vriska in. They told you to learn more alternatives to violence. The only appropriate responses to that you could come up with involved violence, but fortunately (sort of) they closed the lid and you didn't have to say anything.

To your considerable relief, when they opened the thing they didn't try to hug you, just directed you to rinse off the slime. When you asked where Karkat and Terezi were, you were assured they were unharmed.

"Your concern for your friends is commendable, as is your restrained manner of inquiry," one of them said.

Then they took you to another block. You were hoping to see Karkat or Terezi or Vriska, but instead you found Eridan Ampora, sitting in a bathtub-sized basin of water and giggling. You tried to talk to him, but he didn't respond.

He is still sitting in the basin and giggling and not responding to anything, and you are still wedged into the opposite corner of the block, hoping it's not contagious.

You considered trying a little harder to calm him down, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it without his explicit consent. You have no right. He's tried to get you in his ashen quadrant _more_ than once, true, but you always rebuffed him, and anyway thinking of that just reminds you of Vriska, and… Well, you can't do it. Not if he's not actively dangerous.

**== > Tavros: Any progress?**

Sort of? Aurthour started bellowing and kicking the wall, and the aliens must have decided he was getting just too worked up, because a panel slid down and closed off his cell-cage from the block. After that you were at least able to persuade Pounce to stop climbing the walls and roaring. She's still doing a single-mouth snarl. Tinkerbull is balanced on top of your head, trembling.

"He's not hurt," you assure Equius quickly. "He's still, uh, right on the other side of that panel -- I think, I think they're moving him. But he's not hurt, just, um, worried about you."

"Thank you, lowblood," Equius says. Nepeta punches him in the shoulder. "I apologize, Nitram, I should acknowledge your necessary abilities in this situation with the respect due a crucial…" He trails off. "You're standing."

"Yes, for the moment, but, it would probably be a good idea, for me to sit, because I am still not very steady." Nepeta points to the second table, but you take the floor because it's closer. "Sorry? Um. The aliens are doing a lot of very strange things." You really, really hope it is a coincidence that you can strangely walk and Equius, it seems, strangely can't. Shit. You really hope he won't think of the possibility.

**== > Tavros: Quick, change the subject**

You rush on, "Probably the strangest thing, that I have heard about, is Feferi, the Heiress, believes they captured her lusus, which is, um."

"The aliens have captured the _Emissary to the Horrorterrors_?" Equius… gurgles.

"Feferi thinks so? And they say they have, but they would have to, because they are saying they may trigger the Vast Glub."

Equius is speechless. Nepeta whispers, "But what _fur_?"

You shrug. "I think because, they're at war with the Empire, and the Vast Glub would end the war really fast?"

"But to kill… _everypawdy_? Without even a chance to fight back?"

You are just telling this all out of order. "The aliens say, uh, that this is our chance. Not to fight, but to, to… convince them they shouldn't kill us. But, um, not by fighting. That would probably just make them angry."

"When did they tell you?" Nepeta asks. "I've asked and _asked_ what they want…"

"They told me, and Feferi, and Karkat, not very long ago. Now they want us to convince everyone else to cooperate."

Nepeta sets her jaw. "That's impawsible."

"If you mean, the part about Gl'bgolyb, I would have thought it was impossible too, but Feferi seemed very sure."

She crosses her arms. "I mean it is impossible for the mighty huntress to give in to the demands of the monsters from another world. Even when they make furry dire threats!"

Equius looks queasy. "Nepeta, under the circumstances, it is not inappropriate for one of your standing to--"

"No."

This… is not how you would have imagined this conversation going.

**== > Yn-yk: Learn fascinating new details about troll culture and psychology**

That's one way of putting it.

If all the components of a hob aren't sufficiently happy with the situation, it _dies_. Non-consensual reproductive activity is both murder _and suicide_. Most people disturbed enough to think that's a good idea get tagged by endoevaluators long before they're ready for metamorphosis. You know of only one incident in your lifetime, anywhere in the Hegemony.

As a xenoeducator, though, you know a fair amount about other species' reproductive customs, so you're familiar with the concept. Two of the selkie culture-factions believed it was an acceptable revenge custom, to the disgust of all the other culture-factions. That was one of the ideas which had to go. Later on, towards the end of your training, selkie leaders had asked the Hegemony to deal with a particular individual which made a habit of reproductive assault. (Pixies, you're told, make a habit of it, but they also see it differently. You're so glad you don't work with pixies.)

So you know about the idea. You just didn't realize that was how the trolls perceived unsolicited physical comfort.

It's how caretakers treat a goblin who had a rough transformation from nymphdom and is panicking. The humans call it the "fussy baby treatment" and find it intensely awkward, but it's a different flavor of discomfort. They're embarrassed, ashamed at worst -- you have it flagged as a disproportionate-stress corrective measure -- but they're not _horrified_.

It seems that to trolls, an involuntary supportive hold inspires a _violated_ flavor of horrified that slides it all the way to extreme-stress corrective measure. Extreme-stress measures may actually be _called_ for in some of these cases, with a time limit to avert neutralization, but an educator applying extreme-stress measures without realizing it is not doing its job properly.

You messed up. You got overconfident, thought you could stay on top of twelve cases at once, and you messed up.

**== > Yn-yk: Stop wallowing and fix it**

You're not wallowing, and you're trying to fix it. You've already suspended the reflection-support cycle for subject VRISKA SERKET, and sent out a memo that intimacy thresholds are being reevaluated, stand by. And--

"With this corrective measure removed as an option, I believe direct psychic intervention is appropriate," Ap-ut says.

And you are very grateful to Ap-ut for deciphering this problem, but it is still not allowed to implement its own solutions. " _No_. We are not getting psychically invasive until we have _completed the mapping_. They are able to soothe one another without trauma. That is more likely to encourage expression of the higher emotions anyway."

Ap-ut isn't convinced. "They are acculturated to believe such interactions should be confined to certain monogamous relationships."

"Since they are observably _not_ confined to such relationships, we will set that aside." What sort of twisted culture thinks you could only feel the higher emotions towards a few people, anyway? "No surgery. Go see if you can get a read on the lusii subjects."

**== > Be someone else who messed up**

You are now Tavros Nitram, and while you feel like you messed up, objectively speaking there is no way you could have known Nepeta would go off like this. It's surprised _Equius_ , of course you wouldn't see it coming.

You've given up and are sitting in the corner with Tinkerbull. Equius keeps trying to tell her to calm down, but it's not having any effect.

Nepeta is shouting in the general direction of the door. "The huntress will _not_ do _pawnything_ the monsters tell her to unless they _fix_ what they did to her meowrail _furright now_!"

You aren't expecting it to have any effect this time, either, but the door opens. You flinch. Tinkerbull flinches. _Pounce_ flinches. Equius blanches. Nepeta launches herself at the doorway with a snarl of fury.

The first alien coming through actually gets knocked back a few steps even as it catches her. The second one injects her with something. Nepeta screams with fury, and _almost_ gets the first alien in the eyes with her fingers (one target covered claws wouldn't make much of a difference for), but she sags into unconsciousness quickly.

"Nepeta," Equius is saying frantically. " _Nepeta_! Answer me. Please, _do not hurt her_. She's not -- she is only--"

"She's really, um, worried about Equius," you try to help. "Because he can't move? She's just, worried about her moirail, that must be a, uh, higher emotion, isn't it?"

The second alien -- you don't think it's one of the ones which has talked to you before, but you're not certain -- looks at Nepeta's limp form. "It -- _she_ is extremely agitated and requires time in a reflection chamber," the alien says. "She will not be injured." It looks at Equius. "Despite her conduct, we do plan to modify the restrictor to allow some voluntary movement, but this must not be seen as a reward."

"You could leave the -- restrictor on and leave Nepeta here--" Equius says desperately.

"This is in response to her conduct, not yours," the alien says. "Your concern is commendable. If you continue to comport yourself with restraint you will be reunited as soon as she is less defiant."

The aliens leave, taking Nepeta with them. Pounce starts to roar, but the panel slams down in front of the cage, cutting the sound off.

"What is a reflection chamber?" Equius says. "Do you know what it is?"

"Um, Karkat was calling them, uh… mindfuckacoons."

"There is no need for such language--"

"They are kind of, shaped like a recuperacoon, except they have a lid, and there is something weird about the slime? They haven't put me in one, but Karkat and Feferi were, I mean, not in the same one, but they seemed to be all right? Only, as I said, Karkat calls them mindfuckacoons, so he clearly does not like them very much."

"Fiddlesticks," Equius says.

You briefly, inappropriately wonder if Equius is going to start talking about mindfiddlesticksacoons, but he'll probably just stick with reflection chamber.

Right after that, the aliens come in to take Equius to somewhere medical, and you to explain things to someone else. They say they're taking Tinkerbull somewhere he can eat and rest, and they say it's not to punish you for anything. You're not sure you believe the second part, but at least you're pretty sure you believe the first.

**== > Be Tavros's next assignment**

You are now Kanaya Maryam, and you are taking a minute to appreciate your new location's total lack of giggling seadwellers. You're not sure why. The aliens just suddenly came in, informed you they would be "attempting pharmacological treatment of subject Eridan Ampora", and carried you off somewhere else.

You're surprised to see Tavros walk in. You're _very_ surprised to see _Tavros walk in_.

"Yes, I am walking," he says before you can say anything. "The aliens fixed my legs. I don't know why." He sinks down onto the pile. "But I am not very steady yet, so I am going to sit. It has been a very long… something."

You both sit, and Tavros tells you about the aliens and Karkat ('mindfuckacoon' sounds just like him and is very apt) and Feferi and _Gl'bgolyb_. When you've finished reacting to that, he explains about Equius and Nepeta -- you wince -- and Sollux. You don't have much to say that he hasn't heard from Karkat already, but you tell him about Eridan.

"Um," Tavros says. "I guess… Feferi didn't actually say what she couldn't calm him down _from_ …"

"Feferi saw him?" That makes you feel better about sitting back and letting him giggle. Feferi would have tried all the obvious things. Hell, Feferi probably went through the entire moirallegiance portfolio featured in her favorite palemance.

( _A story of the days before spaceflight in which a spunky and unusually even-tempered purpleblood tries to prevent his tempestuous indigo neighbor from slaughtering all nearby lowbloods thereby endangering the local economy_ , etc. Eridan has repeatedly professed his confusion and annoyance that Feferi likes _such a wwiggler movvie_ which is _so unrealistic_ and _hideously historically inaccurate_. You and Karkat once spent several hours trying to figure out how Eridan could fail to realize why Feferi liked the movie when it was immediately obvious to _everyone else_ , down to and including two-sopor-pie Gamzee and Sollux's lusus. Karkat was of the opinion that Eridan was thrown off by the throwaway caliginous red herring in the first ten minutes of the movie, while you think he's just deeply in denial.)

"So… what do you think?" Tavros asks finally. "Think we should do, I mean?"

How the hell are _you_ supposed to know what to do? "Do you believe them?" you ask Tavros. "About Gl'bgolyb?"

"I think, that Feferi does, so… yes. And I think, the Empire, goes to war with almost everyone we meet, so that's believable."

It is believable.

Actually, if you were the aliens, you wouldn't be screwing around throwing pre-adults in mindfuckacoons, you'd be ending the war _now_. Neat and tidy and leaving all the resources of an empire with one Empress to hold them. So maybe they don't have Gl'bgolyb?

"Well…" you start slowly, "the more information we have, the better." The better for escaping, you don't say, because the aliens have to be listening. "Find out where everyone is." And what condition they're in. "Find out where we are." And how you might get back to Alternia, or even to the fleet.

If they're lying about Gl'bgolyb, you might have a chance to escape. If they're not… Maybe Feferi will have some ideas.

**== > Karkat: Push**

When they open the mindfuckacoon, you climb out slowly and deliberately, only looking around to see who's there -- an alien, and no other trolls. You get the slime off and the clothing on, and then turn to look at the alien. "I would like to talk to the alien in charge. Please."

The alien has a short comm conversation in its weird alien language, then tells you that Yn-yk will be here soon.

"Thank you," you say stiffly. Even after the alien leaves, you force yourself to focus on trying to rub the remaining numbness out of your skin rather than pacing or swearing, both of which are much more appealing. You spent the time in the mindfuckacoon _thinking_ , and you're going to be smart about this if you have to choke on your own bile.

It's probably only about half an hour before another alien comes back in. "My apologies for the wait," it says. "I am attempting to monitor many things at once."

You swallow a question on which of your friends was being fucking tortured _this_ time. "I wanted to ask you a question. About what you said earlier." Not a single bad word, all the practicing really paid off.

"Yes?"

"You're at war with the Empire. If I were one of your commanders, I wouldn't rule out the Vast Glub until the war was over. I don't think you can promise no Vast Glub no matter what we do."

The alien hesitates before replying. "While I would like to assure you we would not neutralize a species verified as teachable, I admit using the entity's vocalizations to avoid a protracted war would be… tempting."

Obviously! "In that case, since you can't possibly guarantee what we do will save trollkind, I would like to know what will happen to us, personally, if we do… meet expectations. Before I try to convince any of my friends to cooperate, I want to know what we would be cooperating with."

The alien nods slowly. "That is a reasonable request."

You choke back a repeat of the 'request' at higher volume with more colorful language.

"I will prepare a data presentation on some of our subjects from other species," the alien says. "This will take a little time. Until then, I hope you will feel comfortable explaining the basics of the situation to several of your peers?"

**== > Be Sollux Captor**

Considering that the aliens as much as said they were separating you and Aradia, you're not sure there's a whole lot of benefit to being you right now. At least you seem to have been unconscious for the _examination_ , whatever the hell that meant.

(Wait for it…) _**WUB**_

Aradia and Feferi discussed an earlier medical examination or something posing as such, but you must have been unconscious for that one, too. Which makes sense, since they probably had to get your psionics under control immediately.

**== > Sollux: Open your eyes**

Huh. Your eyes are closed. That's a nice change. You're not going to open them just yet.

_**WUB** _

You carefully lift your hands to your face. Definitely still something on your claws. And your teeth. And your horns. But the goggles-rig is gone, and the stuff smeared on your cheeks and forehead seems to be a mild anesthetic, which would explain why the raw skin where the goggles sat isn't hurting as much as it should be.

_**WUB** _

Your eyes hurt, but seem to be the right shape under your eyelids. Pressing a little harder summons spots in the darkness of your vision. Everything seems more or less normal.

_**WUB** _

You actually have no idea what the side-effects of a _short-term_ goggles-rig would be.

(Any second now…) _**WUB**_

You peel your eyes open. Everything's out of focus to start with, but you gradually make out a very small, dimly lit block. The walls and floor are padded. There's a load gaper in one corner, and a water fountain opposite. You're alone.

_**WUB** _

You use the water fountain…

_**WUB** _

…pretend the aliens aren't watching and use the load gaper (you're too tired to think of something rude to say to them) (and that might make them mad again)…

_**WUB** _

…and lie back down. Your eyes would definitely appreciate some more downtime.

_**WUB** _

**== > Sollux: How about your psionics?**

They're… there. The aliens took you right to the edge of burnout, but you think… you're pretty sure nothing's permanently damaged. You could probably turn on the water fountain without inducing a migraine.

_**WUB** _

You might even be able to pop the caps off your claws, but you're _sure_ that would piss the aliens off, and you want your downtime first.

_**WUB** _

One thing you will say for the _**WUB**_ , it's less disruptive to your sleep than the imminently deceased.

**== > Ap-ut: Find another interesting case**

You are _surrounded_ by interesting cases, and seriously wondering how troll civilization even functions. A certain amount of larval competition and attrition is normal for a species with this reproductive mode, but they just _never stop_. If there's a biological basis, you don't know how they got their act together enough to achieve spaceflight. If there's not a biological bases, then someone should have conquered the trolls _ages_ ago to break them of this destructive behavior.

You are currently scrutinizing the subject ERIDAN AMPORA. The most fascinating thing about it is that it sincerely believes itself to be a caring and considerate companion. In its mind, everyone would like it and want to engage in 'concupiscent relations' with it if they only gave it a chance.

This is not as inappropriate from a troll as it would be from a goblin -- troll reproduction allows for changing co-donors and is not linked with metamorphosis, so a few concupiscent overtures are to be expected. But from the other subjects' feelings about it, ERIDAN pursues concupiscent relationships to the point of discomfort of its peers.

It feels it is _owed_ respect and affection, and resents those who do not deliver, or do not deliver the kind it prefers.

You would like to go in and try to pinch that entitlement off at the root, but Yn-yk hasn't restored your surgical privileges yet. And it's unlikely to do so if you neglect the survey of the lusus subjects it ordered, so you should probably get on that.

**== > Be Rose Lalonde**

You are standing in your individual bathroom trying to decide if your hair is long enough to need a trim, and if so, how likely the goblins are to agree to let you cut one another's hair. The goblins are very happy with their adjustable-length hair-trimming-vacuuming device, but it always leaves you looking like you've been through a tornado. Then again, you're not sure how your hair would look after one of your friends attacked it with a pair of scissors, either. Maybe you'll just let it go a little longer.

(The one who really needs an alternative to the hair-trimming-vacuuming device is Jade. It's supposed to adjust to handle her preferred length, but it just gets really messy really fast. The one time she used it, it took all four of you and Ij-ok an hour to get most of the knots out.)

You finish getting dressed and pad out into the communal chamber to find Dave cooling down from his workout. Anything obviously designed for strife raises metaphorical goblin eyebrows, but they don't seem to care about him vaulting over the sofa and doing acrobatic pirouettes off the table. You don't bother with verbal greetings, just nod to each other as you head for the breakfast cabinet and he heads for his room to shower.

The cabinet's contents often change while you sleep. Today you have a choice of pseudo-oatmeal or something artificially colored, flavored, and sweetened. You go for the "dry cereal".

Thirty seconds after the cereal starts hitting the bowl, John emerges from his room, still in his knee-length sleep shirt. "Is that genuine imitation Froot Loops I hear?"

Yeah, he's feeling better.

**== > Rose: Get ready for school**

You do not have school. Obviously.

By the time you finish eating, Dave is back from his shower and Jade has appeared as well -- she's the only one to go for the pseudo-oatmeal. You go to check the schedule board, which is actually a screen set into the wall near the table. It lists any goblin-planned activities for the day in English, black letters on a white background. (The font varies a little from day to day. You don't know why.)

The goblins decided it would be physiologically least stressful to keep you on a twenty-four hour schedule compatible with your natural circadian rhythms. The overhead lights in your chambers are minimal for eight hours, dim for one hour, full-spectrum bright for four hours, normal for eight hours, two-thirds-normal for two hours, and dim for another hour before the cycle repeats. 'Illumination-control privileges' give you small area lights you can use after 'dark'. Your circadian rhythms are probably as normal as they're going to get on a spaceship.

Ideal _goblin_ circadian rhythms keep most of the ship on a fifteen-hour cycle referred to as a 'standardized tide'. The constantly shifting relationship of where you are in your day to where they are in theirs (or their tide, rather) is very easy to mix up, and usually heads the schedule. You always have at least one five-hour goblin 'ebb' during your 'day'. There are still goblin monitors on duty if you have a problem (or cause a problem), and a spaceship never sleeps, but there are seldom any goblin-planned activities.

Today, it looks like Is-at will be by to check on you soon, then most of the "morning" and early "afternoon" overlaps with an "ebb" and is unscheduled, and then you get to go on an excursion to the shipboard "garden" and participate in preparing your dinner. Not bad. You just need to decide what to do in the free time with limited Earth-media privileges.

(You used to try to keep up with what you would have been learning in school, but there doesn't seem to be much point to that anymore, and you never had the resources to do it right. You still study, because otherwise you get so _bored_.)

**== > Rose: Work on your Ottrian**

You are never going to be anything like fluent in "spoken" Ottrian, because all goblins are empathic to some degree, and at least a third of the communication is impossible for "head-blind" humans to perceive. Written Ottrian is more manageable. You're all working on it (to some degree). Yn-yk has given you some simple texts for inexperienced readers.

You're pretty bored with most of them. It's more interesting to work with Dave or John (who would both be much better at Ottrian if they applied themselves more), but it sounds like they're planning to work on their handmade deck of cards. (John swears when the cards are done he'll have some awesome card tricks to share. You all pretend to believe him.)

**== > Rose: Go to the information repository and get some new Ottrian texts**

That would mean ditching Jade with the cardmasters. She's not allowed unsupervised freedom of movement. The ankle bands aren't nearly as humiliating or traumatic as the collars you'd had at first, but they're just as effective at keeping you from passing doors you're not supposed to.

You're going to ask Is-at when it visits. In fact, you have something specific in mind.

**== > Be Terezi Pyrope**

You are now Terezi Pyrope, and you have given up on thinking of a _really good_ answer for the aliens in the hopes of thinking of a halfway decent answer now, because they've come back.

Just as you expected, the alien indicates the screen, where Ruffiannihilators are cutting down furry orange aliens cowering in some sort of medical facility. "Do you consider this justice?"

"That _doesn't matter_ ," you say. "I am sure the aliens being killed do not consider it justice. I am sure it is legal by Her Imperious Condescension's command. And I am sure that what you did to Vriska was one of the most disturbing things I have ever witnessed. She did not need conciliating that badly."

"I understand that the corrective measure is very distressing to you. It has been modified. But Vriska Serket is and has been a danger to herself and others. I do not understand how you can say she did not need corrective measures. However." It makes a dismissive gesture. "What would truly be unjust is dismissing her as unteachable without trying everything possible to teach her," the alien says.

"I suspect Vriska would not agree," you say.

"Unjust not only to her, but to all the others who will die if she cannot meet minimum standards," the alien continues. "It is not goblins who will suffer the consequences of our failure, but trolls."

You glance pointedly over the screen, where some spindly, scaly creatures are offering Her Imperious Condescension a water-deflecting canopy. "Which ones are goblins? And wouldn't it be simpler for you to go defend them than whatever it is you are trying to do with us?"

The alien also looks at the screen. "Those are Knuckers. _We_ are goblins. And we are defending the Knuckers, and all of the protectorates. That is why we are examining trolls at all." Something beeps shrilly, but the alien ignores it. "What we are trying to do with you is find some reason we should not defend the protectorates in the quickest and simplest method possible, by _killing all trolls_."

"I think you will find that easier said than done!" you say.

"Gl'bgolyb," says the alien, very precisely.

And all at once, why aliens would come to Alternia for a weapon becomes perfectly clear.

"I do not believe you," you say. Something beeps again, louder.

"But you see that if the alternative is the death of all of you, and all other trolls--"

"Od-ut!" something snaps from a speaker.

"--the only just thing to do--"

_"Od-ut!_

Two more aliens come in, and then there's a lot of noise. You don't need to understand their language to know the first alien is being reamed up one side and down the other for unauthorized philosophical debate with a prisoner.

"Don't be too hard on him!" you say. "I found the discussion very invigorating!"

You're expecting them to pretend you didn't say anything; you aren't disappointed.

**== > Yn-yk: Regret your apparently inadequate supervision of Od-ut**

You do, but the consequences aren't so bad. They aren't _good_ \-- Od-ut didn't do anything to promote an impression of goblin wisdom, unity, or benevolence -- but at least it didn't rearrange anyone's brain, either.

You are going to submit a complaint about Od-ut's file, though. You assumed pixie-related 'burnout' was the result of too much time observing rampaging pixies, and that this might lead to a hard-line approach. As it turns out, Od-ut burned out on spending years educating pixie subjects, only for evaluators to declare them untaught and have them neutralized. It is therefore committed to doing whatever is necessary to teach the trolls and so keep them alive.

It's an important distinction.

**== > Be Vriska Serket**

The eight millionth (approximately) time the tank opens and you struggle out, the monsters aren't there. Aradia Megido is, wearing a blank gray shift and a ridiculous helmet.

"Serket?" she says. "What the hell happened to you?"

"What do you think?" you demand shrilly. "Are they in here?"

"The aliens? They're gone, they said they'd be back after the rest shift. I think it will be at least five hours--"

Somehow -- you're not quite sure how -- you end up sitting on the floor bawling. You're not sure for how long. Megido doesn't try to _touch_ you, just sets down one of those huge towels next to you and climbs up to look into the tank.

You never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never would have predicted you'd be so relieved to be alone with Aradia Megido.

After you manage to calm down, you scrub your face furiously with the towel. There's _clothes_ under it, and you almost get the shapeless garment hung up on your horns pulling it over your head.

"How long were you in there for?" Megido asks quietly.

"I don't know." You hiccup. "What's the date?"

"I believe it's the fourteenth perigee of second dark, but that's a guess."

"Oh. Maybe… two hundred hours?"

"The _whole time_?" She stares at you. "They put me in one for eight hours after I tried to get away -- the whole time?"

You think about trying to explain the time out of the tanks, the obscenely pale _touching_ from the aliens, interspersed with questions about whether you were _sorry_ for the things you've done. "Mostly."

(And now you _want a hug_. You haven't touched anyone so much since Team Scourge went down in flames. You haven't routinely gotten _hugs_ since your mom started scaring you. Fucking aliens fucking with your head.) (And even if you were weak enough to admit you want a hug, the only person here is Megido, and she has a moirail, and you almost forced him to kill her, so you should probably avoid bringing it up.)

"Shit," Megido says. "That's… you haven't seen anyone else, then?"

Of course they hadn't grabbed just you and Megido. "No. Who else do they have?"

"Most of our mutual acquaintances. Including the seadwellers. They may have had Feferi's Trollian contact list? I haven't talked to anyone who's seen Equius or Nepeta, but their lusii are here, and it doesn't make much sense to take the lusus without the troll."

Ohhhhhhhh, _fuck_ , you're going to start crying again. "They. They killed mine. I heard a noise, and when I went to check, she'd… imploded."

Megido doesn't say she's sorry for your loss, which is very honest of her. "Huh. I wonder why."

**== > Be someone who knows why**

You are now evaluator Er-ys, and you would like to make it clear you knew about this only after the fact, you would not have condoned the termination of the spider-lusus without prior approval, and you would not have recommended it if anyone asked you. Also, if you'd known Ar-it was so horrified, you would have assured it that this particular spider-lusus was unlikely to obtain another immature troll and repeat the process that resulted in subject VRISKA SERKET. However, there's not a lot of point in making a big fuss over it now. The spider-lusus probably would not have survived without anyone to feed it, anyway.

You know most non-goblins who learn about nymph swarms find them unspeakably odd, so you're not in much of a position to criticize other species' biologically established maturation patterns, but the lusus system really is very strange.

**== > Vriska: Ask for help**

_No_. You don't need help.

All right, you need help.

"Megido," you whisper. "Do you… do you know why the aliens sometimes stay away for a while? I really -- I would really like for there not to be aliens for a while. They keep -- they won't stop -- they _shooshed_ me."

"Okay, that's… a whole new area of weird," Megido says. "Serket, I'm going to take your elbow to help you up, okay?"

You nod mutely.

"They told us to rinse the… tank slime off," she says, tugging you up by your elbow. "I understand Karkat has renamed them mindfuckacoons. Think you can handle an ablution shower?"

That… actually sounds like a very good idea. You know the stuff's numbing, _at least_ , and you've been marinating in it for… however long it's been. "Okay. Are there more clothes?"

"More of the same clothes, at least."

Megido is mercifully businesslike as she guides you through the shower and over to a weird alien pile. Your lips and hands feel a little more normal as soon as the slime is off, but as far as you can tell your hair is like the nest of a demented squeakbeast. Your eye-- "What did they do to my bad eye?"

"Put some sort of device in, looks like." Megido touches the helmet-thing on her head. "Probably to inhibit your mind control powers. They're really on top of that sort of thing."

You think your skin would be crawling if it weren't still half-numb. "They -- plugged it into my brain? Through my--" Your stomach heaves.

"Look at it this way," Megido says. "They didn't make any _new_ holes."

You shudder. "This is crazy. This is so crazy. What do they _want_?"

Megido opens her mouth, then closes it.

"What? Did they -- did they tell you something?"

"Mostly they told me to do what they instructed and, what was it, cultivate tolerance for others. But they told some of the others they're trying to decide if trolls are… uh… _teachable_."

"What the fuck?"

"And if they decide we're not teachable, they're going to trigger the Vast Glub."

"…How long do we have?"

**== > Equius: Run into walls**

You are now Equius Zahhak. You are not currently running into walls, because you are sitting in a four-wheeled device being pushed by an alien. Judging from earlier results, you will probably resume running into walls as soon as you try to walk again. It's not that you don't know where your body is, it's that you're having trouble keeping it from deciding to go elsewhere.

(It is extremely foolish to assign independent motivations to a body, even one as STRONG as yours. You find yourself doing it anyway.)

You can move again, but everything's sluggish and nothing will tense as much as it should. You wouldn't be breaking any glasses like this -- well, actually, you would be, because you wouldn't be able to grip them enough to keep from dropping them on the floor. _Punching_ is coming out _pushing_. You're still STRONG, but you can't _do_ anything with it.

You're helpless.

You need a towel.

**== > Nearest empath-evaluator: Be grossed out**

Why would you do that? You don't get very far in xenoevaluation if you can't cope with aliens thinking about sex.

You may ask a physician about all that sweating, though. It must be terribly dehydrating.

**== > Equius: Gross someone out**

The aliens stop in front of a door, help you to your feet, and steer you through. The block beyond is perhaps the same size as the one where you were imprisoned with Nepeta, but furnished differently. It has piles and not tables, and generally looks slightly softer around the edges. You don't have much time to look at it, though, because you lose your balance, can't move your feet quickly enough to recover, bounce off the wall, and fall back into a pile.

"And what is this new fuckery?" someone demands from above. "What the grubfucking hell did they do to _you_ , Zahhak? You're even more of an embarrassment than usual!"

"Vantas," you say. "Do not be lewd. It seems the aliens were afraid of my STRENGTH, and did something to weaken me."

"If they did something to _weaken_ you, why did you burst the first sandbag you fucking fell on?"

"Uh…" You are at a loss to explain this. But you do seem to have punctured a sandbag. The sand is now sticking to your sweaty body. You _really_ need a towel. "I… will try to clean this up."

**== > Terezi: Receive a broom and dustpan?**

That… definitely seems to be what the aliens -- goblins -- hand you before steering you into a block and closing the door behind you. You frown at the items before raising your nose to survey the room.

"Terezi!" Karkat says, just as you get a whiff of graygrayblack(redorangeyellow). "Are you all right? Careful, the floor is covered in--"

"Sand," you say. Very fine, very white sand. "At least this explains the sweeping and dust-gathering devices! Did someone finally split a sandbag?"

"Yes, and then _someone_ spent ten fucking minutes explaining about all the shit the aliens were doing to contain his STRENGTH, and how he was a fucking _shadow_ of his normal self -- sadly not a remotely less creepy shadow!"

Equius, then. You detect blue-tinted gray (and sweat) over amidst a depleted sandbag pile. He… seems to be coated in a thin layer of sand.

"I can't really blame him for the first one, since he fell over, but then he breaks another two trying to clean up after the first one. Not to mention all the _wet_ sand, which I would prefer not to be forced to _contemplate_ , much less _witness_. Fucking fantastic!"

"I did not know that was going to happen, lowblood. And there is no need for such lewdness."

"I'll show you fucking--" Karkat breaks off abruptly. "No. No. My fucking goal for this fucking session is to not get thrown in a fucking mindfuckacoon. And possibly to check on Terezi. How are you, Terezi?"

"Uninjured!" you reply. "I have spent some time in what our hosts refer to as a reflection chamber, which I suspect you have given the far more descriptive name of mindfuckacoon, but mostly I have been shown recordings of troll military forces attacking various other species."

"…Huh."

"I then had what I believe was an unauthorized visit from an alien which told me they are, and I quote, trying to find a reason not to kill all trolls using Gl'bgolyb."

You're expecting Karkat to be incredulous, but he's nodding grimly. "Yeah, that's more or less what the fucking _authorized_ aliens have been saying. Including about Gl'bgolyb, and Feferi -- Peixes -- thinks they really do have her fucking lusus. And they were microscopically clearer about what they fucking want from us -- teaching us _higher emotions_ , whatever the fuck _that_ means."

Karkat relays the whole explanation -- such as it is. You don't have much to add beyond the fact that the aliens call themselves goblins, and seem to consider themselves protectors of various other aliens. You make Karkat sweep up the sand, to keep him from getting bored and mouthy and getting himself thrown in a mindfuckacoon again. He is not terribly appreciative.

**== > Be one of several medicated trolls**

You are now Nepeta Leijon. You think they gave you a tranquilizer after they took you out of the 'reflection chamber'. You're moving at maybe half-speed, and you aren't nearly as angry as you want to be. You know you're furious, but you're not feeling anything but a low burn of unhappiness. You're still very _concerned_ about Equius, but you're not so _worried_.

You don't even know if that makes sense.

Besides you, the block holds Gamzee and a seatroll you assume is Eridan Ampora. Gamzee is acting… more or less normal for Gamzee, you think? Which means acting like he's on sopor. Eridan… you're not sure _what's_ going on with Eridan. He started out declaring his undying flushed feelings for Feferi Peixes. At length. Now he's talking about the doomsday device he wants Vriska to build for him so he can kill all landdwellers.

"On a good day, Vriskers can assemble a bookshelf furrom Troll IKEA without looking at the instructions," you inform Gamzee, who may or may not be listening. "She gets Equius to build the doomsday devices. And he may be furry silly sometimes, but he would not build a device to kill all of us, even if Vriskers tried to get him to, which she doesn't, because she's not _that_ crazy."

Gamzee blinks at you sleepily. "You sure about that, kittysis?"

"About Vriskers not being that crazy, no, but Equius says she's nefur tried to make him make a working doomsday device." You're pretty sure Equius enjoys making fake doomsday devices. Also, when Vriska wants him to do something for her, she will _not_ leave him alone, but is much less likely to screw with him randomly out of boredom.

"Huh." Gamzee picks idly at a… brace thing on one of his hands. "Don't suppose you know what's all up and happening?"

"Uhhh…" You might know more if you'd listened to Tavros a little longer, but the monsters -- aliens -- just made you so -- _mad_. "They're aliens. They're at war with the Empurr. They grabbed a bunch of us -- I only saw Equius and Tavros, but Tavros had seen Karcat and Fefurri and maybe some more."

"Were all them motherfuckers hurt?"

"I don't know -- Tavros wasn't. They fixed his legs. No one knows why."

"Whatever these things are, they seem to have all sorts of fixing miracles under their hats. They fixed my hand." He waves the braced hand vaguely. "I think I broke it?"

You pull your knees up to your chest and wrap your arms around them. "They had better fix whatefur they did to Equius, or I -- I--" The tranquilizer takes a bite out of the fear, too, but it doesn't swallow it.

"I _hate you_!" Eridan yells suddenly, like he's had a revelation.

"Uh…" Gamzee says. "Is he looking at you or me, kittysis?"

"I don't know," you reply, casually easing your feet under you. Actually, from the way Eridan's eyes are darting around, you're not sure he knows.

**== > Nepeta: Use Gamzee as a sentient shield**

You are not going to use Gamzee as a sentient shield. You _are_ eying the sandbags and considering a non-sentient shield.

At this point the door opens and an alien comes in. It grabs Eridan from behind with its tentacle-arms, lifting him clear off the floor and leaving his legs kicking in the air.

"Apologies," the alien says. "He requires a reflection chamber." And it carries Eridan unceremoniously from the block.

"I think they need to up and adjust his miracles," Gamzee says.

**== > Karkat: See a data presentation**

_Somehow_ you make it through several hours with Terezi and _Equius_ without doing anything to make the aliens -- goblins, apparently -- mad. It involves a lot of biting your tongue and silently tearing at your hair. Terezi insisting you clean up the sand does _not_ help, no matter what she says. You do get one good rant in when Equius starts trying to explain why all the miscellaneous-alien-hunting Terezi saw videos of was perfectly justified; you figure the goblins shouldn't mind that.

What feels like perigees later, the goblins come back and tell you the data presentation is ready. You suggest they might want to give Equius a towel, and go where you're told.

"I am educator Yn-yk," the alien says. "Please come this way."

The Yn-yk alien escorts you to yet a-fucking-nother block, and points you at a… sitting device of some sort. You sit, gingerly. One of the walls turns into a screen. The alien gestures, and four still pictures come up.

"These are some of our subjects from another species," the alien says.

The subjects from another species look… troll-like, compared to the goblin-aliens. Their skin's the wrong color and two of them have nearly-white hair and their teeth are too blunt and they don't have _horns_ , but at least they have noses. And hair. And the right number of eyes.

"These are called _humans_ ," the alien says. "Their species has no interstellar capabilities and has never made contact with any alien species, but is located inside Hegemony territory. These subjects were collected as part of an initial survey of the species."

**== > Past Dave: Wake up**

You wake up in your bed when you sense movement, and jackknife up fully expecting to be hit by a smuppet avalanche. (Again.) Instead, there are three… people? Three maybe-people beside your bed, and none of them is Bro. You take a breath to shout just as one of them grabs you around the chest and arms with a _tentacle_. You get out a "Br--" before one of them pokes you in the neck and everything goes fuzzy. Your words die in your throat and you sag against the tentacle.

You stay conscious long enough to see Bro's silhouette appear in the doorway, just before space warps and twists around you, and then you're _somewhere else_.

You pass out.

**== > Be Present Karkat**

The alien continues, "We determined that the species would not react well to straightforward contact at this time, and a more complex strategy will be developed for implementation when they progress technologically. Observation of the subjects continues."

So at least these guys don't have to worry about their species getting wiped out if they don't behave. You make a noncommittal noise.

The still images change to a video. It's a gray-white block like you've been seeing _so much_ of, but instead of a pile or a mindfuckacoon there's a--

The alien holds up a hand when you start to speak. "Before you say anything, that is human furniture called a bed. It is for sleeping and rest."

"…Oh."

One of the humans is lying on the 'bed', mostly covered by a drape. It stirs, rolls over, then opens its eyes and nearly falls off the 'bed'. It looks around wildly, squinting and tugging futilely at the collar around its neck, before getting up and circling the room several times, examining the walls and making a disgusted face at the load gaper in the corner. It looks like it's calling out.

You note that its shift-thing is pale blue, not gray. Terezi would be envious.

When a door appears and an alien enters the block, the human startles violently and ends up retreating under the 'bed'.

"Since they were unaware of the existence of aliens, they were very disoriented and distressed immediately upon realizing their circumstances."

**== > Past Rose: Wake up**

This isn't your bed.

This isn't your bed and you can't hear the waterfall.

This isn't your bed and you can't hear the waterfall and you can't smell any hint of alcohol.

Either your mother has escalated beyond what you would have thought possible, or… or what, you're being kidnapped and held for ransom? Hospitalized for some surprise ailment? You always thought hospitals were noisier than this.

You open your eyes to a dim, quiet room, but as soon as you sit up it brightens. It doesn't look like a hospital room, though the walls are a sort of institutional grayish-white. There's no equipment, no tubes or electrodes or blinking monitors, and no nurses or roommates. There is a weird-looking drinking fountain, and a five-foot-high partition closing off one corner of the room.

It says 'cell' a lot more than 'hospital room'.

Your knee-length, thin, light blue nightshirt says 'hospital'. The feeling around your neck you've been trying not to panic about feels a hell of a lot like a collar, and says… you're not sure what it says. Either you are _never_ going to be able to one-up your mother over this, or you are in a lot of trouble.

Besides the bed, the water fountain, and the partition -- which you would predict hides a toilet -- the only thing in the room is a clear box fixed to the wall, holding a… magazine? It's conveniently close to the head of the bed. You suspect you're supposed to look at it. You want to ignore it out of obstinacy, but you want information more.

_Please remain calm_ , the first page says. _We mean no harm to you or your planet._

Abducted by _aliens_? That's the story? You can't decide if this supports or weakens the theory this is an elaborate scheme by your mother.

The magazine-thing informs you that you have been selected by the Ottrian Hegemony for a pilot study seeking to determine whether and to what extent the humans of Earth would benefit from Ottrian tutelage. It goes on for a while about how much Ottrian tutelage and protection helped some other aliens called wights. However, the Ottrians do not want to attempt such an arrangement if humans will not be receptive.

It doesn't say why they chose you, what they're planning to do if humans _aren't_ receptive, or how their introduction booklet came to be written in English in _Helvetica_.

The booklet finishes by suggesting you use the facilities provided, as adequate hydration will speed recovery from the sedative, and wait for an educator who will explain further.

You wait, and watch what you think is the door. If the 'educator' is a human, you're going to conclude that your mother has gone _completely insane_ and set all this up. If it's an alien… then you guess you'll have to conclude you've been abducted by aliens.

But it's going to be a human. You're sure it's going to be a human, because this is ridiculous.

**== > Be Present Karkat**

The screen changes to video of an identical block, but the light-haired human in this one is sitting very still on the 'bed', hands folded in its lap, speaking to the alien facing it. Another human runs down a corridor away from some aliens, but runs into several more and is lifted off its feet. Then there are two of the humans huddling together on a 'bed', then a mostly pixelated human being wrestled into a mindfuckacoon.

"That was all some time ago, not long after they came here," the alien says. "These are more recent."

All four of the humans are following an alien down yet another white corridor. They look a little subdued, maybe, but not terrified. They're also wearing real clothes, skirts or pants with t-shirts with signs. Humans have some really weird signs. Three of them wear glasses. The video changes to all four sitting on some sort of large padded sitting device, peering at some sort of booklet thing.

**== > Near-Present Jade: Read Ottrian document**

It's not the first goblin report on an alien species you've seen. Not the one on humans, which you're most interested in, but Yn-yk has let you puzzle over a few pixie briefings and a very out-of-date selkie report. (Rose is the only one with the stomach to tackle the pixie briefings. Half of them are about pixies rampaging across some other planet, the damage they did, and the efforts to eradicate them, and the other half are evaluation-education reports which always end with the subjects being found too dangerous and inadequately teachable and getting terminated.)

You flip through the report to look at the top-level pictures first. Rose is probably rolling her eyes, but she doesn't object. _Trolls_ have gray skin, black hair, and an amazing variety of horns. The subjects look young, probably only about your age -- or the equivalent. There are also pictures of… "Huh."

"Huh," Rose echoes. "That's… interesting."

John looks up from coloring in the four of diamonds. "What's interesting?"

"It's a centaur," Rose says. "With an udder."

John and Dave both scramble to look over your shoulder at the big, white centaur. With an udder. And also a mustache.

"Is that what the new aliens look like?" John asks, sounding somewhere between horrified and delighted.

"No," you say, and flip back a few pages to one of the troll pictures. "This is what the new aliens look like. The other thing is… associated with them somehow?" You turn back to the udder-centaur and squint at the caption. "I think it says… custodian? Guardian?"

"Think so," Rose agrees. "And it refers to the fourth subject, which would be… this one. I wonder what happened to his horn?" She double-taps the image to see if there are any others associated with this section of the report, and presumably with this subject. "Holy shit."

The boys, who had started to go back to their cards, come back to see the picture of what you have to assume is the subject's residence. John blushes bright red and starts laughing. Dave bends so far as to raise his eyebrows at the posters of… centaurs without udders.

You make an executive decision to check out a different subject before John's face explodes.

**== > Be Present Karkat**

"This was quite recently. They are currently in a certain amount of trouble at the moment, because of a 'prank', but if they continue as they are it will be resolved before long."

The image changes again. They're on the sitting device… braiding each other's hair? Most of them have fairly short hair, so it's coming out very weird little braids. One seems to be asleep, and one of the others is writing in a notebook, ignoring what the last two are doing to her hair. As you watch, the sleeping one rolls over, grimacing; one of the hair-braiders pauses and reaches over to soothe him.

It could have come out of a pale romcom, except, of course, no widely released pale romcom would have _four of them at once_.

"This is f-- This is good behavior? What they're doing now?"

"They are caring for each other," the alien says. Then, "What is distressing you?"

The aliens want you to have giant pale orgies. Oh, fuck.

**== > Be Sollux Captor**

You are now Sollux Captor. No sooner have you cleaned up from your first mindfuckacoon experience than aliens haul you through a maze of identical white corridors and deposit you in another block. It isn't empty.

**== > Sollux: Oh, shit, it's Vriska**

So it is. You give serious, _serious_ consideration to trying to get the aliens to throw you back in a mindfuckacoon. It shouldn't be too hard. Telling them the food they were giving you totally sucked did it, telling Vriska to go fuck an alien would probably really piss them off.

_WUB_

On the other hand, you don't really want to get thrown back in a mindfuckacoon. You're maybe sort of starting to get used to the _WUB_ , but with absolutely nothing else to hear or see or feel it got rattle-your-brain overwhelming again. It… wasn't fun. And what if you made them _too_ angry and they decided to drain you again?

_WUB_

Maybe Serket will get herself thrown in a mindfuckacoon first? Mind-controlling people _has_ to be unacceptable behavior, doesn't it? And if the aliens shut off her powers somehow, then… well, she could still beat the shit out of you physically since _your_ powers are so drained, but that has to be unacceptable, too.

_WUB_

All right. Play it cool for now. You sidle towards the water fountain, not going near Vriska and not taking your eyes off her.

_WUB_

She doesn't look any happier than you are with the situation. She keeps trying to cross her arms, failing on account of only having one, and then rubbing compulsively at her face instead. Specifically, at the device the aliens put on -- _in_? -- her eye socket. She looks like she's about to say something a few times, but always looks at the door and stops.

_WUB_

While you're getting a drink and using the facilities, Vriska drags a bag out of the pile in the middle of the block over to one of the walls. She opens the box of unappetizing wafers, pulls out a handful and sets them next to her bag, then puts the box on the floor and sends it sliding towards the other wall.

All right. You see where she's going with this. This could work.

_WUB_

You back towards the opposite wall and lurk there until Serket heads for the water fountain. Then you move to the pile and grab your own sandbag to take back to your wall. If your powers were full-strength, you'd arrange the rest of the bags into a wall down the middle of the room. (It's not a _bad_ pile, for something built by aliens, but -- yeah, no.)

_WUB_

You don't get any sleep. You sit on your sandbag, eat icky pink wafers, write code in your head, and try not to look like you're keeping an eye on Vriska. She sits on her sandbag, eats icky pink wafers, attempts to finger-comb her matted hair, and tries to look like she's not watching you.

_WUB_

So… Vriska's even more scared of the aliens than you are, too scared to screw with you. Or else they actually did suck out her brain.

**== > Gamzee: Stumble into a demilitarized zone**

Huh? You're still on the weird-ass alien spaceship. You are feeling a bit stumbly, because you just had some more of those blue gumballs and everything's spinning a bit. But you're pretty sure you can tell a block apart from a demiliwhatsit. Then you stumble actually on something and fall on your face.

"Fuck my life," someone says. "Makara? Gamzee? You awake?"

"Ummmm…" You try to get up and succeed in rolling onto your back and possibly getting something hung up in your horns. "Maybe? Ow."

"How are you still high? It's been days."

Hey, you know this one! "Gumballs." And you know that lisp, too. "Hey, hackerbro."

" _Fuck_ my _life_."

"Did they give any special rules for dealing with stoned clowns?" someone else asks -- sounds like a sister.

"No, but they would probably object to letting him damage his horns by getting them wedged under a sandbag -- how did he even _do_ that, he's been in here two minutes!" A pause. "Hell, they might object to the _derision_ in calling him a stoned clown. Too late now."

"I don't mind none," you inform the ceiling. There does seem to be something kinda heavy on your horns.

"Fine. If I lift the bag, can you get his horns untangled?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

And what do you know, your horns are feeling better. Miracles. You sit up, sway, and almost fall over, but a hand catches your shoulder. Hackerbro is crouching a few feet away, so it must be… what do you know. Spidersis, being all helpful. "They just have miracles all over here."

"Sure. Look, I'm just… I'll be over there." Hackerbro retreats.

Spidersis claps your shoulder. "Gaper's there, water's there, I'll give you some horrible food in a minute, and here, you can have the pile in the middle of the room." As soon as you're sitting in the pile, _she_ retreats.

You look back and forth between them for a minute or two. "You two just going to sit there glaring at each other all night?"

"I'm not glaring, I'm watching," hackerbro insists. "I'm too tired to glare."

Spidersis tries to run her hand through her hair, but gets hung up in the tangles. "They did this on _purpose_ , didn't they?"

**== > Nepeta: Be less medicated**

Hopefully. You don't think they've given you any more, so it should be wearing off?

You trudge down the corridor where the aliens point you to keep them from carrying you again. They said you can see Equius soon. You don't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

Another alien shows up, and they have a short alien conversation before addressing you. "Subject Equius Zahhak has had a minor accident with several sandbags, and has requested privacy to clean up. There will be a slight delay."

Your hands clench into fists, and you wish you had your claws. "I want to see Equius."

"He is not hurt. It should be under an hour. Please remain calm. You can wait in here."

You think they miss your quiet hiss, because the block they steer you into is already occupied by Karkat in mid-rant.

"So they show me some _other_ aliens, who by the way have the right fucking number of eyes but no horns at all. I'm willing to let that go because they don't have fucking tentacles, either. Anyway, the alien in charge says as long as these other aliens fucking _behave_ , they get to wear real clothes and move around and, I don't know, play pathetic alien games. At least they seemed to be smiling in some of the recordings, and I can't imagine even the stupidest lower life form smiling in this enormous sea of shit." He pauses. "But I don't even know if I fucking believe him. Fuck, so _useless_ , I should have asked more specifics about _us_ \--"

"No, it's useful," says -- Aradia Megido, who's sitting and watching him pace. "It's -- hello, Nepeta -- something concrete I can ask about."

" _Don't_ \--" Karkat breaks off. "Hello, Nepeta. Equius was worried shitless about you."

"Was he all right? Could he move?"

"Clumsy and breaking all the sandbags, but he didn't seem to be any more injured than the rest of us." Karkat turns back to Aradia. " _Don't_ get yourself thrown back into a mindfuckacoon trying to verify it."

"They've never actually told me not to talk to the dead. They didn't get upset when I tried to verify whether they have Gl'bgolyb--"

"Why didn't you fucking _start_ with that, that is _crucial_ information--"

"Because it didn't work, the ghost ran away before I could finish the question. Anyway, by rights the aliens ought to owe me for being nice to Vriska."

"You saw her in person?"

"Mm-hmm. She claims to have been in a mindfuckacoon the whole time, though it sounds like she was out of it for something she wants to talk about even less than mindfuckacoons."

"Yeah, that would probably be what was in that video the nooksniffers showed everyone. Also known as 'the aliens are pale pervs, exhibit one out of several fucking million'."

"So, she… wasn't exaggerating, when she said they shooshed her?"

"Understating."

"That's really disturbing. Although I guess it explains why she was such a mess."

"She was a fucking mess to begin with," Karkat mutters.

"And, um, in the interests of full disclosure… she also said they killed her lusus, before they even grabbed her. _Imploded_ her lusus." Aradia looks at you. "I don't know if anyone's told you--"

"--That her lusus is here? Yeah, Equius said they both got fucking visiting privileges." Karkat scowls. "I'm going to ask them. About mine."

You think that if they were going to kill one lusus, Vriska's would be the way to go, but everyone knows that already. You change the subject. "Did the monsters -- the aliens say what they want?"

To your surprise, Karkat starts blushing.

**== > Karkat: Explain your best theory on what the aliens want**

You try.

"Well, I don't care what the aliens want, we cannot all have a giant pale orgy," Aradia says finally. "Vriska shouldn't be anywhere near Tavros even without her powers, I don't think Equius could cuddle anyone but Nepeta without becoming a disgusting sweaty mess -- no offense, Nepeta -- but _especially_ not me--"

"Like I fucking want to be in a fake aliens-made-us-do-it orgy-quadrant with Serket or Zahhak either, my thinkpan's rattled but not enough to make that seem like any distant association of a good idea." You pause. "Uh, no offense, Nepeta."

"Do you think they'd be satisfied if we just… paired off? There's already me and Sollux, Equius and Nepeta, Feferi and Eridan, um… Vriska and Kanaya, is that a thing?"

"The less I know about Serket's fucking twisted sideshows poorly disguised as relationships, the better."

"No," Nepeta says. "It's not. Vriskers nefur committed to it, and Kanaya's feelings are really more red."

You blink at Nepeta. Aradia blinks at Nepeta.

Nepeta shifts self-consciously but keeps talking. "And Eridan was saying he's flushed for Fefurri. He was acting furry strange, so pawsibly he didn't mean it, but if he did that's not good fur a meowrallegiance."

You snort. "Yeah, that surprises _nobody_ , except Feferi, but who the fuck else would be willing to try to keep him on a leash? If he'd even fucking listen to anyone but a seadweller. Kanaya doesn't want anything to do with it--"

"Terezi could stand up to him."

"What a horrible thing to do to Terezi! Why not stick her with Spiderbitch while you're at it?"

"Beclaws they are already _something_. I don't know what it is, but it is _not_ pale."

Aradia is actually _grinning_ as she looks back and forth between the two of you. "Should I ask for something to take notes? Between the two of you we might just be able to work things out."

Nepeta looks nearly as mortified as you feel. "You think we should… match efurryone up? But…"

You cover your face so you don't have to meet anyone's eyes. "The aliens were in a group of four. Let's see if we can come up with three groups of four who could spend a night on a pile without fucking doing any permanent physical or mental injury."

**== > Eridan: Wake up**

You are pretty sure you _have_ felt this bad before. When you were three sweeps old you found instructions online on how to brew a magical potion to become a wizard. Thanks to your superior seadweller constitution, the toxins didn't kill you. But it wasn't fun.

You open your eyes to see unfamiliar gray-white walls, and you know something strange happened but you can't put your finger on what. You're lying on… sandbags, feels like. Your glasses are missing.

You're not really sure what's going on. You remember _something_ , but…

"Eridan?" Kan's face swims into view. "You're awake? Are you feeling better? Please do not start laughing."

Oh, fucking hell, that was _real_. You were hoping you'd dreamed that! "Oh, cod, tell me Fef didn't see me like that too."

Kan sighs heavily. "I have given up trying to keep track of who has seen what, and whether it was in person or on a recording." She hesitates. "No, I think Tavros said Feferi had seen you long enough to try to calm you down."

"That dirtblood's here?" You struggle to sit up, your head spinning.

"You might want to be careful!" Terezi Pyrope says. "We do not know how the aliens feel about blood-based insults, but I am willing to make an educated guess that they do not approve."

"The… what?"

Kan groans. "I realize it is probably not your fault that you do not remember my earlier explanation, but I really do not want to repeat the whole thing."

Terezi holds up a hand. "Fact: We have been abducted by aliens! Fact: They have -- in addition to the three of us, Tavros, and Feferi -- Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor, Karkat Vantas, Nepeta Leijon, Vriska Serket, Equius Zahhak, and Gamzee Makara. Theory: They had Feferi's Trollian contact list. Fact: They are claiming to be studying whether trolls are--"

"Wait, wait, slow down!"

The explanation takes a very long time.

**== > Eridan: Evaluate your chance of beating these things**

Yeah, that took about two seconds once your brain was actually functioning. You have no chance of beating these things. It sounds like no one else has come up with a strategy beyond 'play along for now', which is as good as admitting they don't think they can beat the aliens, either. Honestly you're a little concerned about the _Empire's_ ability to beat the aliens.

Gl'bgolyb aside, the aliens seem to have the ability to teleport or nearly-teleport quite a lot at once -- judging from Fef's hive -- and probably over fairly long distances, since they got all of you off Alternia. There's a lot of stuff they could do with teleportation. You're sure a properly equipped adult highblood could make short work of one of these things in close combat, but that's not a lot of help if they can turn your ships inside out from the next solar system over.

And, y'know -- Gl'bgolyb.

What you have here is a probably unique opportunity to get in good with your new alien overlords, if you can just figure out how.

You wonder what your chances are of convincing them they could really do without all the landdwellers.

**== > Yn-yk: Prepare initial report on intake/disorientation findings**  
 _  
Trolls are capable of feeling many if not all of the higher emotions, but are conditioned to believe these emotions are unacceptable outside a limited number of defined relationships. This explains the extremely limited expression observed in adults: it is learned, not innate. Subclusters of emotions have been recorded in all subjects: (NOTE: Evaluators disagree on whether subject ERIDAN AMPORA is feeling higher emotions towards subject FEFERI PEIXES or merely a mating impulse.)_

_Trolls are also taught that certain trolls are innately more violent and unable to control this violence without help. There seems to be at least some truth to this, based on the pathology of subject GAMZEE MAKARA. While many of the other 'highbloods' also display relatively high aggression and/or emotional volatility, we have not been able to establish to what extent these behaviors are innate or learned._

_We have identified methods of restraining troll psychic abilities and physical strength, limiting the danger they pose on an individual basis._

_We are continuing the project and moving subjects to more stable long-term housing._

_While education appears possible, many of the subjects are resistant to correction. They are currently complying out of fear, which is less than optimal, although it affords the opportunity for more education. When they are accustomed to their circumstances, we expect more defiance._


	2. ACCLIMATION

**== > Kanaya: Look around**

By this time you're more than accustomed to being deposited in strange blocks by strange aliens, but you can see immediately that this time is different.

Overall the block is a little smaller than your respiteblock in your hive. There's no recuperacoon, just yet another pile of cushions and sandbags. The walls are light gray, with maybe a _hint_ of green -- not bright white, at least. There's a dial on the wall that controls the intensity of the overhead lights. A slide-out storage compartment in the wall turns out to contain several more gray shifts, but also two t-shirts, a pair of pants, and a skirt, all the same gray.

The door you came in and the door opposite each have a yellow light above, but the doorway to the side doesn't, just a half-closed sliding door. You check, and find what appears to be a fully equipped ablutionblock. Two dispensers are mounted on the wall, one labeled PERSONAL DETERGENT and the other SOPOR SUBSTITUTE -- APPLY TOPICALLY BEFORE SLEEP. A slide-out storage compartment by the ablutionbasin holds tooth care equipment and a hair grooming device.

When you go back out to the respiteblock, one of the yellow lights has turned blue. The door below it slides open at a touch, and you peer through.

Your door is one of six leading off a large semicircular alcove. Above each door is a small blue light. You think there's an identical alcove with six more doors on the other side of the block, but you're going to have to check to be sure, because the middle of the block is taken up by an extremely large pile which is blocking much of the view. It looks like it's a little more diverse than sandbags, but you'll check on that later. Off to your left are some tables and chairs, and beyond that storage compartments and what might be a thermal hull.

The next door over opens and Tavros pokes his head out. "Kanaya?"

You nod to him. "Hello, Tavros. It looks as if this may be all of us. Did they say anything to you?"

"They said, that Karkat was not helping, when he called Equius -- actually quite a lot of things. And maybe something, about needing more collaborative effort? I was, sort of, distracted." He looks around. "Tinkerbull, is with me again. He wanted to sleep."

Before you can reply, Eridan's emerging, then Nepeta, Terezi, Gamzee… You hear Karkat on the other side of the giant pile, critiquing the personal habits of whoever thought a five-meter pile was practical, will it even stay up if anyone gets in it, he is still not going to participate in a giant pale orgy-- (Wait, what?)

You all slowly shuffle into the middle of the room, beside the pile, and stand around staring at each other. Everyone looks like shit. You think Vriska might be the worst, but that might just be because of the video you saw.

Most of them, like you, came out to investigate before stopping to put on the newly offered clothes, but Karkat has gained a pair of pants, Vriska pants and a t-shirt, and Equius is wearing pants and a t-shirt and mopping at his face with the shift thing. Vriska, Equius, Eridan, and Feferi have acquired glasses (or goggles); Sollux and Terezi haven't. Terezi has a cane, but if it's identical to her usual cane you'll eat Equius's towel-shift.

Finally, Feferi coughs. "Did anyone else get the speech this time? Karkat? Tavros? No? Whale, they told me -- all that -- was _intake_. And we did whale enough in intake that they're not going to, to try to upset Gl'bgolyb, for now, but… the assessment is still ongoing. They could change their minds, if they think we're… not good enough."

Karkat snorts. "They could change their minds if they think the Empire's too much trouble."

"They have fuckin wormholes, how much trouble could it be?" Eridan mutters. "Judgin from what happened with Vris's lusus, they've _weaponized_ them." He seems not to notice Vriska glowering at him. "Do any of you have any idea what that's going to do to military strategy? Of course you don't--"

"The important point," Feferi continues loudly, "is that we are not in safe waters yet. We need to watch out for each other." She seems to run out of momentum then, or else just doesn't need to drown out Eridan any more. "But this should -- should be better. I hope."

**== > Terezi: Look around**

Metaphorically speaking, anyway!

The replacement cane they gave you is way too light and bendable for your usual sort of weapon, but it would probably leave a welt if you got enough of a windup. You decide not to test this just yet.

Your new environment still doesn't have much in a way of bright colors, but it's not just white and gray. Your respiteblock in particular seems to have relatively many colors -- pale green walls, pale blue pile, light red doors, brighter reds and yellows marking fixtures in the ablutionblock -- you suspect if everyone had the same decorating scheme, someone would be complaining about it by now. (If only they'd given anyone colored clothing…)

You and Aradia are the only ones showing much enthusiasm for exploring. Almost everyone else wandered back to their assigned blocks to clean up and/or get dressed. (You can't open the door to one another's blocks, you discovered quickly, shortly after discovering Gamzee immediately forgot which was his.) Sollux reappeared shortly thereafter and is slouched at a table with his hands over his face. He probably misses his glasses. You definitely miss yours.

"I found some grubloaf!" Aradia calls from the storage compartments by the thermal hull. "…Wait, no I didn't. Fake grubloaf? And… this looks like it's maybe some kind of fruit? Possibly?"

"Delicious," Sollux says flatly.

"Probably more edible than what you last had in your nutritionblock."

"Did you say grubloaf?" Nepeta asks, popping out from behind the giant pile. "I think Equius is furry hungry, but he won't admit it."

"Sort of grubloaf," Aradia says. "Anything but those pink-- A _timekeeping device_!"

The timekeeping device turns out to be incorporated in a flat-screen message board. It informs you that they will be adjusting ambient light to facilitate your natural circadian rhythms.

"Circadian rhythms are for lusii," Sollux says.

**== > Be Karkat Vantas**

The first few "circadian cycles" pass quietly. You move around between your respiteblock, your ablutionblock, and the large block at will. The food is weird but better than the food before. You have _real clothes_ and don't have to worry about accidentally flashing everyone at any time. You haven't had to have any pale orgies. (Or any other kind of orgy.) They take you out one or two at a time, down a few corridors to a medical facility where they do incomprehensible but non-painful tests.

There are fewer interpersonal issues than you would have expected. Vriska is much easier to deal with without her powers. Even if she is crazy enough to disregard the aliens' probable reaction to her stepping out of line, without her powers there's only so much she can do -- especially when even a light punch to the device in her eye socket causes excruciating pain. So she's a _declawed_ Huge Bitch, which is a significant improvement. And of course, whenever the aliens actually come in, Vriska goes still and quiet and tries to hide behind whoever is handy. Equius is sweaty and gross and assigned his own particular area of the giant pile. Eridan -- well. You're not sure what Eridan thinks he's doing.

**== > Eridan: Ingratiate yourself with your new alien overlords**

You're trying, but it's not as easy as it sounds!

You have tried:  
\--telling them you think Vriska has an escape plan  
\--telling them whenever you hear Megido's been talking to ghosts, and what she's shared with the group  
\--telling them when Captor uses any of his psionics  
\--telling them when Karkat has been even more rude than usual  
\--telling them how many times Nepeta has snarled at people all day  
\--being extra-nice to Tavros, since he's supposed to be their favorite

That one really didn't work out as planned. Tavros thought you were propositioning him, and everything got really ugly.

**== > Karkat: What about Gamzee?**

That is exactly the question you ask when you realize the goblins spent fifteen minutes de-capping, grooming, and re-capping your claws while Gamzee is in the next block being stared at by three goblins and a big blinking machine.

"Ah," one of the goblins says. "They are engaged in psychic mapping. When it is complete, we will pursue psychic adjustment."

You glower. "Like what you fuckers did to Sollux? I think he's _mostly_ stopped twitching."

"Please remain calm." The alien pauses. "And no. Sollux Captor underwent recalibration of the receptor which allowed him to hear the… 'screams of the imminently deceased'. When he is fully recovered, we can discuss whether he wishes to have the receptor returned to its original calibration. The procedure was traumatic, but… relatively noninvasive."

"So you fucking want to do something _worse_ to Gamzee? What the fuck did that waste-of-space fuckass ever do to you, you--" You bite off the stream of insults you want to spew at the alien.

"Please remain calm," the goblin repeats. It has a short alien discussion with a goblin in the corridor before turning back to you. "Perhaps we can explain the situation. Are you… familiar with Gamzee Makara's customary behavior when he has not been ingesting your topical soporific?"

"…No. No one's ever been able to keep him off the fucking slime for twenty hours at a stretch."

"We did." The goblin makes a few gestures with its tentacles, and a screen turns on. "Without being a receiver you cannot fully appreciate his condition, but his behavior before being re-medicated was unusual."

" _Unusual_? You're fucking complaining about _Gamzee_ acting _unusual_? What's next, you have a problem with-- with--" Except they've already made it pretty clear they have a problem with most of the people you'd hold up as worse than Gamzee, haven't they? "You have a problem with Equius getting all--"

You break off as the image on the screen becomes clear -- Gamzee, in one of those plain white cells, wearing a plain gray shift, laughing. It's not… immediately obvious why it doesn't look like, sound like normal Gamzee sitting and laughing inanely to himself, but it… really doesn't. It's kind of… setting off some warning signals in the same part of your brain that suggests you leave out the back door when Equius or Eridan gets in a snit or Vriska, you know, enters the building.

You usually tell that part of your brain to shut the fuck up, because you are a deadly killer with more important things to do than run away from the pathetic highbloods of your acquaintance (no one should ever run away from Equius or Eridan, it only encourages them), but normally Gamzee doesn't set it off at all.

Gamzee-on-the-screen stops laughing suddenly and tries to bite his hand. His teeth are capped like everyone else's. He scrutinizes his covered fingernails, then his toes, and clearly decides those aren't sharp enough, either. He checks the points of his horns.

He spreads his left hand against the wall, lowers his head, and rams one covered horn against the back of his hand. You can actually hear the _crunch_.

"The _fuck_? What did -- why did he--"

"That is not the worst part," the goblin says. "Wait."

You have to force yourself to watch as Gamzee _messes with his broken hand_ until _a bone breaks through the skin_. Then purple is splattering everywhere, and Gamzee smiles a big, lazy smile. With his right hand, he starts writing on the wall in his own blood.  
 _  
honk_

_HONK_

_honk_

_HONK_  
  
At which point the block fills with gas, and six masked aliens rush onto the screen and give Gamzee something that knocks him out.

You open and close your mouth.

"We were able to repair the hand," the goblin says. "But our evaluators were very clear. He was violent towards himself only because he had no external targets. Given the opportunity, he would have torn any of the rest of you apart."

You open and close your mouth a few more times.

"We are impressed that he was able to control his behavior so well by consuming the topical sedative," the goblin continues. "We are currently administering medication with similar results and fewer long-term side effects, but psychic surgery could extract the pathology and reduce or eliminate the need for ongoing pharmacological treatment."

You really hope the goblins are messing with you, but can't figure out why they would.

**== > Karkat: Talk to someone about Gamzee**

You want to talk to Kanaya about it, but you don't know what to say. You could try Feferi, who ought to know how highbloods work, or Tavros, who seems to get along pretty well with Gamzee. But you know what to say to them even less than you know what to say to Kanaya.

Maybe you should try talking to Gamzee about it.

**== > Gamzee: Be talked to**

As soon as you've pushed aside the remainder of your portion of fake grubloaf, Karkat grabs your arm and hauls you away from the tables towards the giant pile. "Come on, you disgrace, we need to talk," he says.

You follow along easily enough. "If you say so, best friend." You wave at the people you pass.

The giant pile doesn't really have any private corners, but Karkat seems to be trying his best. He chases everyone away from one end, and sits you down on a sandbag. You lean back onto another sandbag and a couple of lightweight boxes -- still not varied enough to be really good, but not too bad. He sits down next to you and runs his hands over his face. "Um."

"Yeah?" you prompt after a minute.

"So, Gamzee," Karkat says. "The, uh… the fucking goblins showed me a, a recording of you, after they stopped letting you have pies, but before they gave you any… gumballs, whatever the fuck those are. It was kind of… Do you remember what happened?"

"Ummm…" You… sort of do. Kind of. A little. Not anything you want to talk about. You get weird, un-miraculous ideas when you don't have pies. "Don't think it was anything worth mentioning, best friend. They just had me all alone somewhere. Nothing to worry about."

"Ngh." Karkat grimaces. "What about your hand. Do you know what happened to your hand?"

"Think I broke it?"

"No fucking kidding. How?"

"Dunno?"

"NNrrrrrnnngghhh!"

**== > Aradia: Deploy ghostly reconnaissance**

Silencer Paneater the laughassassin continues to be uncooperative and insulting. If he keeps it up much longer you are going to dispel him, see if you don't -- he has too much highblood resistance to make him do anything else. For now, you are trying to taunt him into investigating whether the goblins really have Gl'bgolyb.

The Helmsman once known as Kerrit Altree is making a sincere effort to be helpful, but she's still a little… scrambled. You are getting regular reports on your current location and trajectory, and scraps of information about the mechanical workings of the ship and what's happening outside. (You're currently zipping along a spacetime 'tunnel', heading away from the Empire.) Ask her about _people_ inside the ship, though, and she gets confused.

The first thing you did was sit down with Sollux and go over everything she said about what happened to her ship. Sollux thinks the goblins must have scooped the helmsblock right out of the ship, the same way they grabbed Feferi's hive out of the ocean. They may have tried to get Kerrit out of the column alive, but she died before they could -- shock from the sudden, violent disconnection or backlash from the power being drawn at the time, or both. It could also have been a bad reaction to the sedative they gave her, but you can't really hold that against them.

(You don't feel obliged to tell anyone Eridan's tactical assessment is looking pretty accurate, but -- Eridan's tactical assessment is looking pretty accurate.)

There is one more dead troll on the ship: an olive engineer who was unfortunate enough to be entering the helmsblock when the goblins extracted it. You're pretty sure he was bisected on a vertical axis. He's possibly the most caste-conscious midblood you've ever encountered, you have to be firm if you want him to do anything you say, Kerrit's nervous around him, he keeps remarking on how Sollux would make a good Helmsman with proper training, and he's the best ghost scout you have.

Bluh.

**== > Aradia: Debrief Engineer Assmunch**

You're not hiding your ghost-calling from your friends (or non-friends) and the goblins can monitor you wherever you are, so there's no reason to summon Engineer Wirewhip into your ablutionblock except for the spiteful, childish glee of making him stand next to your load gaper.

You have no regrets. None of the regrets.

"Did you find the ones called humans?" you ask, _pushing_. You usually don't like compelling ghosts, but.

_"Yes,"_ Wirewhip says sullenly.

"What were they doing?"

_"Playing with some pathetic little animals. And then arguing about whether they wanted one in their block."_

"With the goblins, or among themselves?"

_"Among themselves. The midblood female thought they should, the lowblood male thought they shouldn't, and the highbloods thought it sounded fun but weren't sure it was practical."_

You could ask how Wirewhip decided what their hemostatus was, but you just decide he's full of shit instead. "What did they decide?"

_"To postpone the decision. Like the highbloods wanted."_

Or a logical thing to do with one for, one against, two undecided. So much shit. "Then what did they do?"

_"Went back to their quarters."_

"And then?"

_"An alien talked at them about respecting your superiors, and they said they would, and then the alien left and they watched a strange human movie. It was full of animals acting like people."_

"Were they having fun?"

_"I guess so. But it was a stupid movie."_

"Hmm. Fine. Scram. Come back in twenty hours." With a final scowl, Wirewhip scrams; you walk slowly out to your respiteblock.

So far it looks like the goblin told Karkat the truth about things getting better for the other subjects after they started cooperating, which is good. And they haven't had any pale orgies that Wirewhip has noticed, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not happening.

(If they have any postmortem sensitivity at all, Wirewhip's presence might be enough to kill the mood.)

**== > Humans: Do not have a pale orgy**

You are now Dave Strider. You don't know what a pale orgy is. (You wouldn't rule out the possibility that you could have learned about it if you'd swiped a few more of your Bro's magazines. You _really_ don't regret not doing that.) Assuming it's anything like the usual sort of orgy, you couldn't have one, because John isn't even in your quarters -- he's off on a routine medlab visit -- and you've shut yourself in your room for the afternoon so you can work on raps without Rose making sarcastic remarks from behind the trashy goblin romance she's reading.

**== > Dave: Beware of puppets**

There are three puppets in your room. They are all literal sock puppets, produced by decorating socks with fabric paint. They were made by your friends for your birthday, because somehow they got the idea you were homesick for puppets. (A man shouldn't be held responsible for things he blurts out in the middle of a sneezing fit which maybe superficially resembled a crying jag.) The one Rose made is kinda creepy, but not by Strider standards. There is really no need to beware of them.

**== > Rose: Read a trashy goblin romance**

Really trashy goblin romances get into the explicit details of metamorphosis. You find them a little too weird to be very entertaining -- not that you will ever admit this. As far as anyone else ever needs to know, you love all the tentacles.

**== > Rose: Read Goblin _Romeo and Juliet_**

_Or-om and Ul-et_ is the tragic story of two young goblins from rival lineages who naively decided they could never find hobtrothal with anyone else. In the ordinary course of things they would have met others and expanded their circle before reaching metamorphosis. Sadly, the young lovers feared they would not be allowed to be together when the time came, so they went to a shady chemist who provided them with a catalyst for early metamorphosis. The two became a weak, undersized hob which could not sustain itself and produced no more than ten nymphs before dying. Monogamy isn't really a goblin thing.

Your favorite part is a non-goblin side character who advises Ul-et to check the chemist's references before committing to anything -- excellent advice which the protagonist promptly ignores, because LOVE -- and also makes a long speech about how ridiculous goblin romance seems to sexually binary species.

**== > John: Undergo routine medlab visit**

Ugh. You undergo a few hours of 'immunological reconditioning' every week, because the slow version is less physiologically stressful and it isn't an urgent situation. You were kind of surprised the goblins thought it was urgent enough to do anything about, but apparently they were horrified to discover your immune system will kill you if exposed to certain innocuous proteins.

It's not like they serve you peanuts in space anyway.

**== > John: Spot a troll**

You do! You didn't look at the briefing as much as Rose and Jade, so you can only say it's not the one with the broken horn and the weird naked man-animal posters. This one has big wide bull-horns and a mohawk, and is sitting on another exam table across the room. You wave.

He waves back hesitantly, before a goblin pulls a divider closed.

**== > Tavros: Spot a human**

You assume it was a human? It didn't look like a goblin. Karkat was right, even with no horns at all they look significantly less weird than goblins. It -- he? -- seemed friendly, which you guess is good? Assuming they don't want you to join in their legendary pale orgies.

You kind of think Karkat may have been exaggerating about the pale orgies.

But now you should probably pay attention to the goblins checking on your 'nerve regeneration'. They say everything looks very good.

**== > Jade: Get recruited to help test a translation device**

Gladly! Everyone is being really boring.

Is-at escorts you to a familiar part of the ship, where you've had cognitive tests done before. Security seems a bit higher than it usually is. He takes you to a dimly lit room where you fine a table, two chairs, a boxy device on the table, and Yn-yk.

"Jade, thank you for coming," he says. "This is just a first live test. If you could just… attempt a conversation, and we will watch and ask any questions we might have."

"No problem," you say. "But I'm surprised you didn't want Rose for this."

Yn-yk smiles. "Rose's speech patterns may be too complex for the translator on its first trial."

Then they bring in the troll, and give her probably the same explanation in troll language.

The troll is a girl, you're pretty sure, assuming trolls have boys and girls. She has gray skin, orange-yellow eyes, black hair, and horns. The horns look like they've been capped with something, so maybe they're sharp? She also has stuff on her fingertips, and maybe her teeth. She looks wary -- for which you don't blame her _at all_ \-- as she sits down across the table from you. She looks you over a couple of times, gaze lingering on your shirt. You think she's noting the decoration, or maybe she thinks there's something weird with your bra.

She's wearing blank gray shirt and skirt, and they still have the trolls in collars, not anklets. You remember the collars. _Not_ your idea of a good time.

Yn-yk flips a switch, and nods to both of you.

"Hi!" you say. "I'm Jade Harley."

After a second, the box on the table produces a string of clicking, hissing noises, none of which even remotely resemble your name. The troll girl's eyebrows go up, and she replies.

After another second, the box spits out, "Did you say you are a nephrite/jadeite motorized bicycle?"

You burst out laughing. "This translator _definitely_ needs work. Jade is my _name_. The sound, not the meaning. Jade."

The translator starts up again, probably telling the troll girl the translator is unemployed and your name is a decorative mineral, but she looks significantly less bemused now. She replies.

"My name is Kanaya Maryam," the box says. It doesn't turn _her_ name into a literal translation, you note. "Should we stick to simple concepts?"

"That would probably make it work better, but we are supposed to be testing it. Find out where all its weaknesses are, so they can fix it before they use it again. Uh, oops." The box started translating before you were finished. "Is that a mistake? I don't know if it's supposed to do that."

Kanaya nods.

**== > Kanaya: Help test a new device**

"I have knowledge, of how my friends and I, know about you, but do not have knowledge of how you know about us."

You decide to take the question as implied. "One of my friends asked what sort of treatment we should expect if we… cooperated. They showed him you as examples."

"Really? What is it, that he thinks?"

"Um…" How to answer without using the phrase 'pale orgy'? "You don't have collars," you blurt finally. Your observation, not Karkat's, but you think it's pertinent.

The human -- Jade -- frowns, and you wonder if the translator has done something weird to the word 'collar'. You touch yours, and her expression clears. She glances quickly at the goblins, but doesn't ask them anything before pushing her chair back and lifting a foot up onto the table. She taps the band around her ankle.

"This small ankle carries out an identical object, but it is for certain more pleasant than the edition around the neck."

"I understand what you mean, but I think the translator needs more work," you reply. You look at the goblins yourself, and take a chance. "Do you have any idea how to get away?" you blurt.

Jade winces, and you can tell her first word is "No" before the translator spits it out. A moment later it continues, "I apologize. No. We were. We possess. We require. We cannot help you in that area."

You think you wouldn't find that so disheartening if the goblins didn't seem _completely untroubled_ by this turn of the conversation.

**== > Yn-yk: Speculate**

With most species, escape attempts are inevitable. It doesn't matter what you threaten, one or more of them will eventually try, so you really shouldn't threaten to do anything you're not willing to actually do.

Usually, there will be some impulsive attempts immediately after capture. Then there will be a lull while they're intimidated, confused, and terrified into passivity. After that you establish educational routines, and the subjects stabilize and find a new normal. At this point, almost all of them will try at least one carefully-planned, serious escape attempt.

Most of these have no more chance of succeeding than the twist-loose-and-run-down-the-corridor attempts early on, and some educators advocate letting them play out until the subjects realize it is not going to work and give up, but that strikes you as -- in most cases -- unnecessarily cruel. It seems dishonest, to dangle bait you have no intention of ever letting them take. There's also the risk that the escape isn't as futile as you think it is, or even if it is, that the subjects might hurt someone else or even themselves.

The humans never got as far as actually executing an attempt, but they did a lot of planning and preparation for a while. ROSE and DAVE drew a remarkably accurate map of the parts of the ship they'd been taken to up to that point, they hoarded enough food and water to last for days, and -- well, you're honestly not sure how JOHN thought a fifteen-meter rope of bedsheets was going to contribute to an escape, but it was very impressive. DAVE continued trying to make weapons even after he stopped planning on escape, but he hasn't for some time now.

The trolls -- the trolls are already accustomed to fighting for their lives. You could never fully disarm them without mutilating them, and you'd really prefer to avoid that. You'd _prefer_ to take the caps off their teeth and claws, too, but you're almost certain that will spark new attempts to fight, probably with injuries this time. (And that's not even mentioning the psychic abilities. You've never heard of that level of material manifestation from anything besides hobs and mature pixies, and you're fortunate you were able to adapt the troll technology for restraining it. The tech has been sent on to the pixie front in the hopes that it can be further adapted to nonlethally restrain adult pixies.)

You're anticipating the trolls will be more… exciting.

**== > Vriska: Attempt to escape**

The first time is an accident. You honestly aren't intending to make trouble. It's -- you have clothes and semi-edible food, and privacy when you want it so you can cry for your mom without everyone rolling their eyes at you like _you know they would_ , and Aradia and Terezi agreed they're okay with you as long as you stay away from Tavros and don't make trouble with Sollux or anyone else (and you wouldn't want to be forgiven because people feel sorry for you but dammit, you got molested by aliens and they stole your arm, you deserve _something_ , anyone would be vulnerable in those circumstances), and Kanaya eventually managed to mostly unsnarl your hair… You're not exactly _happy_ but it's such a huge improvement you don't want to complain.

But they're escorting you and Terezi out for another bluh bluh medical examination, and Terezi's lagging a bit, and you're looking back to see what's keeping her, and one of the aliens touches you gently on the shoulder to encourage you to keep moving. And it's like -- everything turns off, and the only thing you can think of is trying to get away. So you jerk away from the alien and run down the corridor.

They catch you about thirty seconds later, and they throw you in a mindfuckacoon, and you nearly shut down. But when they open it up again, they don't -- do anything. They just have you clean up, and then take you for the medical exam, and then take you back to everyone else.

Soooooooo… trying to escape, once, is not enough to make them _pacify_ you.

Maaaaaaaaybe you can test the limits just a little more. With the aliens. Not with your -- your friends? Your friends. You're not even completely sure how you got back inside those limits, it would probably be really easy to get out of them. But maybe you can try to push with the aliens.

"I'm thinking of trying again," you tell Kanaya and Feferi. Kanaya is working on your hair (again); Feferi is standing by to help you with a tight braid she says much reduces the probability of "hair-erterrors". "Just… running."

"That seems very unwise," Kanaya says.

"I'm pretty shore you won't get anywhere," Feferi says.

"Yeah, I… I want to know what they'd do. And I might get far enough to see something interesting."

"That _still_ seems very unwise."

"It would be good to know, though." Feferi lowers her voice. "We need more information, if we're ever going to-- I keep hoping, if we get more information, we'll be able to come up with a glubbing plan, because I've still got nothing."

Kanaya looks unhappy, but she doesn't argue.

**== > Vriska: Attempt to escape**

When the door opens for a goblin to come in, you run past it out into the corridor. You get caught before you're out of earshot and thrown in a mindfuckacoon.

**== > Sollux: Attempt to escape**

You are going to deny you were trying to do any such thing, because if you were, it would go down in history as the shittiest, most pathetic escape attempt imaginable, and you'd never be able to show your face in public again.

What happens is this: they walk you into the medical area, you see the goggles rig on the lab bench, and you try very, very hard not to panic. You know what's going on, you know it's going to hurt but it won't do any permanent damage, you know they're going to take it off afterwards. You do not need to panic. You bite at your lip with your capped teeth and climb into the chair-thing when they tell you to.

Then they pick up the goggles-rig, you see the wires which are going to go through your eyes, and you think of Kerrit Altree dying terrified and confused in her helmscolumn, and the wires aren't proper biowires so this can't be the rig they cut off her body, but it must have been _modeled on that_ , and you fly off the hook.

You depart from the hook like you've been teleported by aliens. You pulverize the goggles-rig, then turn tail and run, psionically shoving goblins out of your way. You have no idea where you're going, just _away_. You deflect the tranquilizer darts they shoot at you, but aren't fast enough thinking of a way to deal with the sleep gas.

You wake up in a goggles-rig (they must have had a spare) _and_ a mindfuckacoon. ( _WUB_ ) They drain you to the edge of burnout again, but say you're going to have to stay in the rig for a while. If you hadn't tried to escape, they would have removed it after the power-drain.

"You were about to stick fucking wires through my eyes," you say, voice thready. "And you got the design for this rig off a dead troll who could have been me in five sweeps. You'd need a, a Troll Zen master to just sit there and take that." And you're _not_ , you're a flakey bipolar mess who can't even take care of yourself half the time--

_WUB_

Fuckity fuck fuck, it's going to take _days_ to tune that out again.

"Are you saying you wish to be sedated before future application of the psionic control array?"

"I -- _yes_. Yes, dammit."

_WUB_

They take you back to the big block. AA isn't there -- neither are TV or Vriska, it must be Screw-With-The-Psychics time -- so you let KK steer you to the edge of the giant pile.

"What fucking happened?" he asks.

_WUB_

You groan. "I don't want to talk about it." Except you kind of do. "How is it that they have me giving them _advice_ on how best to control me? If they can't figure out a goggles-rig is always going to push some buttons I should just let _them_ deal with me exploding all over the place. It's like they think -- think--"

KK snorts. "Think this is some sort of fucking cooperative venture in making us good little nooklickers who play nicely and share our toys and do as we're fucking told? I'm pretty fucking sure they _do_ think that, and they're trying to convince _us_ to think that."

You think he's probably right.

You're afraid it might be working.

**== > Karkat: Talk to someone about Gamzee**

You're not sure now's the best time for that. Sollux looks like shit that's been left out in the sun too long and then stepped on by a cholerbear. You never saw him in the goggles-rig the first time around. It does indeed look very uncomfortable. Still…

"They say anything more to you about that psychic surgery hoofbeastshit?" you ask.

Sollux groans and runs his hands over his face. "Not this time. Last time they said I was recovering well and should start thinking about whether I wanted the receptor re-recalibrated when I was strong enough."

"Really? You think they mean it?"

"Yes, because it just _figures_ I have to actively pick either screaming dying people or wub-wub-fucking-wub."

He sounds like he's not sure which he'd choose. "I thought you hated the… uh, the fucking wub."

"I did! I do. But I'm… you get used to it. And the screams of the imminently deceased aren't my idea of _fun_ , either, especially if there's any chance of this ship being in an active war zone. Everyday life on Alternia was bad enough, but I do not want to hear what happens if these guys are flying around scooping holes out of troll battleships. Did AA tell you about that?"

You wince. Yes, Aradia did, including the part about the troll cut in half (on a vertical axis). "Fuck. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I'm thinking that nooksniffer Eridan might have a point about the fucking 'wormholes'."

"Anyway…" Sollux rubs at his temples, just by the edge of the goggles. "Why do you ask?"

"They, um." You glance around to make doubly sure no one else is listening. "They said something about doing it on someone else, only they said yours was, and I fucking quote, relatively uninvasive."

"Fuck them. Wait, not you?"

"No, not me, why would they do that? They fucking _like_ me, remember, because of my _higher fucking emotions_." Which had _better_ not mean they think you're especially suited to pale orgies.

"Vriska? Wait, are we sure they haven't already done something to Vriska?"

You snort. "No and no again, but Terezi seems to think they just suppressed her powers and scared the shit out of her. No, they said--"

There's a crash from the other end of the block, followed immediately by a startled yelp from Eridan. The low murmur of Terezi and Nepeta's roleplaying breaks off.

"Oh, fuck. I'd better--" You get up; Sollux waves you away and curls further into the pile.

Feferi appears in the open doorway of her respiteblock. "What was that? Is everyone all right?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Over in the nutritionblock-like part of the block, Eridan and Kanaya are sitting in chairs, Kanaya still holding a beverage vessel. The table they were clearly sitting at is in pieces on the floor. Equius stands beside the wreckage, looking mortified.

"I. Um. I," Equius says.

Nepeta pads up next to Equius and puts a hand on his shoulder. "The huntress joins the brave musclebeast by the body of his slain foe!" she says earnestly.

"Nepeta--"

"She congratulates him on his victory, but she thinks it does not look very good to eat. She asks if he would like help finding tastier prey."

"Nepeta!"

"I was not aware the table had given offense," Kanaya says, very dryly.

"It. I. It was an accident. I apologize," Equius manages. He's started sweating.

Eridan crosses his arms. "Whatever the goblins did to you, I think they need to go back and glubbin try again."

Some goblins show up to clean up and replace the broken table. Nepeta teases Equius until he calms down a bit. Feferi takes Eridan aside to try to calm down, but he brushes her off -- and yeah, now that you pay attention, Nepeta is completely fucking right and that moirallegiance is not doing well. By the time you remember you were interrupted, Aradia is back and fussing over the goggles-rig while Sollux pretends to be annoyed, and you decide to just drop it.

You didn't really know what to say anyway.

**== > Gamzee: Eat sopor substitute**

Nah. You're doing pretty good with gumballs. Anyway, the aliens made a point of telling you that even if you were all eating the substitute stuff, your bilesack would be all breaking it down so it wouldn't do nothing. Also, it doesn't smell too bad, but it tastes like feet. And you really do know what feet taste like.

The kitchen thing has these bitchtits delicious little pies you can heat up for yourself whenever you want. No one else ever eats any of them, even though you've assured them all the pies don't have any sopor at all.

"It's not that we don't believe you that it's not sopor, Gamzee," fishsis says when you offer her one. "But I'm pretty shore it's mostly made of cyanophytes, and most of the cyanophytes you sea on Alternia it would be -- a reely bad idea to eat."

"Really?" you ask.

"Well, you know the coastal reanimative strain that got into a whole raft of hivestems three sweeps ago and made all those trolls, you know. Turn green and start trying to eat each other and then walk out into the ocean?"

"…No?"

She sighs. "Never mind."

**== > Vriska: Attempt to escape**

When the door opens for a goblin to come in, you run past it out into the corridor. You get caught before you're out of earshot and thrown in a mindfuckacoon.

But -- and this is the important part -- when they let you out they just take you back to the others.

**== > Equius: Attempt to escape**

You practice until you can be confident of exerting the STRENGTH you intend to even with the restrictor. Then you wait until the second time you, Nepeta, and Aradia are being escorted to see your lusii, and you punch through the lusus cages. Aurthour can carry you, so your lack of balance is not an issue, and between Nepeta's wilderness skills and Aradia's ghosts you should be able to navigate the alien base.

For a minute you think Aradia's not going to cooperate -- you hadn't dared try to discuss your plan earlier -- but she concedes that the three of you might as well try to get away and come back for the others later. She insists you need to try to find a surveillance blind spot, not a way out, because -- as she is very sure someone must have told you, probably more than once -- you're all in _space_.

When you get cornered, you break open a maintenance duct, but Aurthour won't fit in and neither will you. You manage to send Nepeta in before she realizes the problem, then turn to Aradia. "I--"

"I know, I know," she cuts you off. "Don't fight them when they get here."

**== > Aradia: Attempt to escape**

You don't need to be a prophet to know this is almost certainly going to end in mindfuckacoons, but when you've come this far it would be silly to waste it. You suspect Nepeta feels the same; her only reaction when she realizes you've lost Equius is a snarl of frustration, and you're pretty sure it would be more than that if she thought she was leaving him behind in an _actual escape_.

"Do you see another hatch out into a corridor?" you ask, crawling up beside her. "If we can I want to get the lusii out of the ducts. Too much chance of them hurting themselves." Most of the things you've dug up were too old to be wired for power, and even those that weren't were thoroughly dead by the time you found them, but you've read about the risks of climbing over power cables.

Nepeta points. Kangarammom is very happy to get out of the duct -- you think she's feeling a little claustrophobic. Pounce won't.

"No, Pounce, come on, you need to get out of here, it's dangerous fur you--"

"We should keep moving, if she's okay in here--"

" _She_ thinks she's purrfectly fine, but--" Nepeta manages to push Pounce out of the duct at the next opportunity. "Oops. I don't think that was a corridor." Too late now.

Then it's just the two of you, scrabbling through a duct into an area of the ship Kerrit says has a 'weird' power grid. That… might work out to a surveillance blind spot?

Yeah, you're all going to be in mindfuckacoons in the very near future.

You've slowed down, and Nepeta notices. "Is this a -- place where they can't see us?"

"Maybe, but probably not," you whisper. "I don't think anywhere has _perfect_ surveillance coverage, but my source doesn't know goblin tech and hasn't been trying to-- What was that?"

"What was what?"

"Shh, let me listen--"

_wub_

"Did you hear that?" you ask urgently.

"I don't think so. What--"

_wub_

"Psychic noise. It might be related to what they did to Sollux. I'm going to check it out -- do you want to come along or separate so it takes longer to find us?"

She shrugs. "Stick togefur. I don't know why Equius thought I could find my way around in here. It's all plasticky and metallic and weird."

You follow the _wub_ down a good ten meters of vertical ladder, by which time even Nepeta can detect a faint sort of pulse, and it's coming across to you as _loud_ , though not brain-rattling.

You kick open the nearest access panel.

_WUB_

Most of the block is taken up by a big column of water, maybe six meters in diameter? And at least that tall. You can't see glass or anything else holding it in place, away from all the blinking monitors and screens covering the walls of the block. Inside the water is a… thing.

_WUB_

It's huge, it seems to be attached to some rocks at the bottom of the column, and you can't identify any anatomy besides… a mostly shapeless body? and a large number of tentacle-tendril-feeler things? It's not an unpleasant color, at least…

_WUB_

"What _is_ that?" Nepeta whispers, just as the door across the block opens and a bunch of goblins come in.

You all end up in mindfuckacoons.

**== > Writer: Exposit about goblin biology**

A note on goblin biology: You know how trolls are insectoid, except for how they have that humanoid form and are generally really, really not? Well, in the same way, goblins are [hydrozoan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrozoa), except for how they have that humanoid form and are generally really, really not. Nymphs are the medusoid stage, hobs are the colonial polypoid stage, goblins are a random stage in the middle which makes no sense. :-) But really, read the link, it's fascinating. Did you know the Portuguese man o' war isn't really a jellyfish, but a "colonial organism made up of many minute individuals called zooids"? Anyway, back to the story.

**== > Dave: Be surprised**

You still don't know why the goblins are teaching you to cook -- like, really prepare a meal, not just heat stuff in a cookalizer or equivalent -- when there's no indication they're ever going to leave you unattended in any kind of kitchen. (You've considered making jokes about 'self-serving Man', but decided against it, even though you're honestly not afraid you're going to be eaten, not at this stage.) Your current theory is Af-in found some sort of 101 Easy Meals cookbook in the Earth data, accidentally memorized it, and now wants to get some use out of it.

Both you and Jade were mostly seeing to your own meals for years before this, Rose approaches learning to cook like she approaches everything else, and John turned out to have more cooking experience than any of you thought, enough that he complains about Af-in's ingredient substitutions. Despite his complaints, he doesn't just go off and do his own thing as much as you and Jade, who tend to apply your past experience in meal standards -- you have a sort of 'whatever, it'll do' approach, while Jade does whatever crazy thing she wants.

The current situation is not unusual. Rose and John are about to put their casserole dishes in the oven. Jade is arguing with Af-in that it would be a great idea to substitute the orange gourd for the blue tomato-thing, and she's so behind because she carved the root vegetables into funny shapes. _You_ dumped everything into the dish and stuck it in the oven twenty minutes ago and are fooling around in the dining area attached to the small galley. These are off-duty areas, so the goblins who use them aren't always meticulous about cleaning up. You've found games, clothes, all sorts of reading material -- most infamously, a booklet loaded with an interspecies porn comic. It wasn't anything too extreme by Bro's standards, but Af-in and Yn-yk both literally turned green when you showed them. Rose said blah blah goblin culture blah metamorphosis blah blah blah blah blah.

Today the pickings look pretty slim. Someone left some sort of pentagonal board game set up, there's a soaking wet, fishy-smelling pair of shoes left on an upholstered bench (tsk, tsk), and _holy fuck a giant cat just came out of the ventilation ducts_.

You make a frankly undignified squeak when it lands on you, but the fucking thing has _claws_ , and seems to have taken offense at you being where it wanted to land. It snarls at you. With two mouths, who the fuck thought that was necessary?

"Dave?" Rose says.

"Holy shit!" John says.

Af-in is saying something in goblin, hopefully calling security to come get this cat before it mauls you.

Jade just goes right to the refrigerator, pulls out the container of possibly-meat protein stuff, and whips the top off. "Here, kitty!" As soon as she has the cat's attention -- almost immediately, thank you Jesus -- she flings the container out into the corridor. The cat goes after it, and Af-in shuts the door.

Everyone converges on you. You attempt to regain your cool. "I'm fine. Mostly fine. A little scratched up, that's all."

"And probably bruised from a giant cat knocking you into a table," Rose says.

"Giant cat with two mouths," you specify. You turn your attention to Af-in. "What the fuck, man?" you ask (very sincerely, if anyone's wondering).

"I--" Af-in looks from you, to the open ventilation duct, then to the closed door. "I do not know, but I will be asking. We can take you to medical as soon as we have confirmation the subject has been apprehended."

**== > Vriska: Attempt to escape**

When the door opens for a goblin to come in, you run past it out into the corridor. You get caught before you're out of earshot and thrown in a mindfuckacoon.

**== > Tavros: Observe consequences**

They bring Nepeta back after about a day. She spent most of that time in a mindfuckacoon, but they took her to see that the lusii were unharmed before they brought her back. She relates the story of the attempted escape to the rest of you -- except Sollux, who is refusing to leave his respiteblock until Aradia comes back. (There are numerous volunteers to physically drag him, but the computer won't let anyone in.)

"But why, would they keep Aradia longer?" you ask anxiously. "I can see, maybe Equius, since it was his idea--"

"The huntress agreed with the plan as soon as her meowrail told her!" Nepeta says staunchly. "He didn't drag her into anything. Aradia didn't think it was a furry good idea, though."

"You got as far as you did because of Equius's strength and Aradia's ghosts," Terezi says. "Maybe they've decided they need to do more about that."

They bring Aradia back without the helmet. Instead, her horns have been padded, like yours, and there's a metal band around the base of one of them. She retrieves Sollux before explaining.

"Feel this," she says, tapping the side of her head below the horn with the band. "Gently."

Terezi, unsurprisingly, gets in first. "Is there something under the skin? It feels like…"

" _Gently_!" Aradia swats her hand away. "Supposedly it won't be so tender after the protective coating hardens. Under the skin down to the ear canal, and then in to the brain. I can barely hear on that side. And I can't hear the dead at all." She sighs, and leans against Sollux. "They were kind enough to explain that since I could detect the hob -- I need to tell you about that, I'm pretty sure it's what Sollux has been hearing -- before Nepeta did, it suggested my abilities were related to telempathy as they customarily understand it, and so could be suppressed the same way, and they might as well internally diffuse my telekinesis at the same time. _But_ they didn't want to go in through the eye if they didn't have to."

You nod slowly. "They had to with Sollux, because of the blasts?"

"And because this isn't their tech," Sollux says. "It's modeled on Empire tech."

"Right. They're not so good with 'material manifestations'," Aradia says. "My telekinesis isn't nearly is strong, so I think they mostly just… fucked with my aim. I'm not going to do as much damage just flailing. And Vriska… I guess they don't consider going in through the eye socket to be going in through the eye?" She looks around. "Where is Vriska? No, let me guess--"

"She ran out the door, and they put her in a mindfuckacoon," you, Karkat, and Terezi chorus -- plus or minus a few swear words.

**== > Equius: Wake up**

They sedated you as soon as they opened up the reflection chamber, without saying a word. Now you open your eyes to see -- yes, it looks like a medical area. You're strapped down to one of the tables. There's an intravenous hydration drip in your arm. You feel weak and ill.

The device sticking into your neck is gone.

A goblin looms over you. "Hello, Equius. I expect you are feeling ill."

"I--" Your impulse is to apologize to the authorities for your disobedience, but you are not sorry for trying to escape from alien enemies of the Empire. "I do feel ill," you say instead.

The goblin nods. "I am sorry. I hoped we could avoid this. However, our previous containment measures are clearly inadequate. Your actions endangered your peers and their lusii and led to the injury of one of the human subjects."

"But Nepeta is all right?"

"Nepeta is all right," the goblin confirms. "She has completed time in a reflection chamber and been returned to the troll communal chamber. Aradia Megido has also been returned to the troll communal chamber, after being fitted with a suppressant implant to prevent her postmortem communication and diffuse her telekinesis."

You try not to wince. You know Aradia didn't think it was a very good plan.

"Since our suppressant implant has not prevented your physical strength from creating problems, we have been forced to turn to pharmochemical methods. We are administering a chemical which triggers rapid loss of muscle tone and some atrophy. The process is painful, so we have also administered pain medication. Ask for more if you need it."

You stare at the goblin in horror.

"As I said, I hoped we could avoid this. This course will be finished in a few hours, and you will be returned to troll communal chambers. We will monitor closely for dangerous side effects. Please do not give us any reason to administer a second course."

After the goblin walks away, you try to move your hands, your feet. You can -- it's not like when they paralyzed you -- but you can tell already the movement is weak. You're trembling not from unevenly restrained STRENGTH, but _lack_ of it.

How can they do this?

**== > Vriska: Attempt to escape intelligently this time**

Testing boundaries is all well and good, but it's not actually going to get you anywhere. With one arm and one eye and no powers, the sad truth is you're just not going to get anywhere on your own. And with goblins breathing down everyone's neck all the damn time, it's not like you can just sit around chatting about your escape plans.

Fortunately, you have a _great_ idea.

You spot Terezi on the floor in the corner. It looks like she's covering an entire sheet of paper in bright red crayon. …Actually, it looks like this is the third sheet of paper she's colored completely red. Definitely time for you to step in!

"Tereeeeeeeezi," you say, crouching down next to her. "I have a _great_ idea. We should plan a FLARP campaign!"

Terezi actually stops coloring to raise her head and sniff at you. "Did the goblins mindfuck you more than usual, Vriska?"

"No, this is a _great idea_. We could do a dungeon crawl! Playing gamblignants or rebels or something!" Come on, you know she's smart enough to get this! What would gamblignants or rebels be doing in a dungeon? _Escaping_!

She gets it. She gives you a fractional nod, and then she's grinning her nobody-has-any-idea-what-the-fuck-I'm-thinking grin. "I suppose it wouldn't do any harm to collaboratively plan a FLARP campaign. I will round up additional participants. Do not scare them off!"

You raise your hands. "I promise I will not do anything to scare away anyone who can make a vital contribution to our FLARP campaign."

Team FLARP is _on_!!!!!!!!

**== > Karkat: Talk to someone about Gamzee**

Maybe it will be easier if you start by _not_ talking about Gamzee.

"Have you met any purplebloods besides Gamzee?"

You're pretty confident Aradia and Tavros haven't without even asking. Sollux has almost certainly met some purples online, but lying about your blood is far from unheard-of so he can't be sure which ones were _really_ purples, and anyway _everyone_ on the internet acts like a psychopath. Feferi, it turns out, has never met anyone who isn't here right now. Kanaya hasn't. _You_ certainly haven't, except possibly online, see: everyone on the internet is a psychopath. You're willing to bet the upper-spectrum FLARPers have, but you can't ask them because they are busy _planning a FLARP campaign_ , what the everloving fuck, you thought Terezi swore off FLARPing, _especially with Vriska_. (When it turns out Aradia and _Tavros_ are also involved, you just give up trying to figure it out. Clearly they've all gone insane.)

Gamzee hasn't met any other purples.

So, you're down to asking Nepeta and Equius.

They're together -- they usually are, since the escape attempt backfired. They've been sleeping in the pile in the common block rather than use separate respiteblocks. Equius is taking his weakening -- WEAKening? -- hard, but you think Nepeta may be taking it harder. She's been hissing at anyone she thinks is looking at Equius funny. He's not getting worse -- may even be getting better -- but they're both still shaken.

"Have either of you met any purplebloods other than Gamzee?"

"Not _met_ ," Nepeta says. "But the huntress once had to avoid a purrpleblood who was roaming around her territory! He was furry scary, and hunting a tealblood." She looks away. "The huntress wanted to help the poor tealblood, but--"

"Interfering in the affairs of highbloods would have been most improper, as well as dangerous," Equius says. You get the feeling he's repeated this often.

"But she could see the tealblood had already been stabbed through the waste tubes, and was going to die no matter what she did," Nepeta finishes, giving Equius a mildly reproving look.

You shake your head. "I fucking hate to agree with the sweating wonder, but if a highblood is hunting someone it's pretty fucking stupid to interfere no matter what. I mean, maybe if it's a quadrant--" You break off. "Well, anyway, Equius, you ever meet any other purples?"

"No, but those with the richest and most noble blood are by nature the most violent and unpredictable…"

"Right. Thanks a fucking lot for that revelation."

"Why does Karkitty ask?" Nepeta says.

You wince. "It's a long fucking story."

**== > Tavros: Be a vital part of Team FLARP**

Aradia and Vriska are jointly in charge of sketching out the 'dungeon map'. In order to make it less transparently obvious what you're doing, they're not drawing anything to scale, and are trying to label rooms things that aren't immediately analogous. The circle representing your communal block, for example, is labeled _Storage Block -- Misc Dungeon Supplies_. A line goes out from it and makes a few turns before arriving at a complex of interconnected polygons labeled _Treasure Vaults_ , representing the medical area you all get taken off to regularly. Vriska has labeled each stretch of corridor line with an archaic Gamblignant code to give its length.

Another line branch leads to _Pit of Despair_ , which represents the lift they took Aradia, Nepeta, and Equius on to see their lusii. (They've only been once since their escape attempt. Aradia says Equius fell over twice before they even got to the lift, so the goblins brought a four-wheeled device.)

You are so glad Tinkerbull is with you.

Actually, he is not _with you_ with you at the moment, because you convinced the goblins it was too hard on him being shut up, so they're letting him roam a bit more. Which, effectively, means they're letting _you_ wander a bit more, which is very useful for the map.

Being an absolutely vital part of a team is a lot of pressure.

Especially when the goblins have taken Aradia off somewhere and you're having to relay your explorations to Vriska. Terezi sitting _right here_ helps. Eridan leaning over Vriska's shoulder doesn't.

"So I think, that this corridor, goes straight ahead a long way," you say, peering through Tinkerbull's eyes. "I think, uh, that all the doors, on the left side, lead, should lead, into the dungeon's, um, uh…" How can you indicate _garden_ without being too obvious? "Uh… organic waste pit."

"Charmin," Eridan mutters. "Why are we havin the shitblood in charge of the map?" You get that he's staying in character for Eridan-playing-a-FLARP-game, but you feel the insults are unnecessary.

"Imagine me kicking you in the bulge, Ampora," Vriska says. "Hey T--erezi, how many doors?"

Vriska isn't allowed to talk to you directly. She's managed to abide by it so far. (You almost want to see how you could deal with her without her powers, but the middle of planning your escape probably isn't the best time for that.)

"How many doors?" Terezi repeats.

"Um, five, I think. Let me, uh, think about what's on the other side of the corridor." You look through Tinkerbull's eyes, trying to work out how to get the doors open without attracting attention -- or getting him hurt. He is a tiny, harmless creature and the goblins don't seem to mind him roaming around, but they will if he gets underfoot. "This may take some thought."

Terezi leans over closer to Vriska. "By the way," she breathes, "you should be planning on running off the next time they open the door. It will look very suspicious if you don't."

Vriska frowns. "I'm going to wait and ask Megido for advice on feeling un-suspicious first. She didn't seem worried about it at all."

**== > Aradia: Think about something other than FLARPing**

"I have a favor to ask," you tell the goblin. "It's not really for me. Well, it's sort of for me."

"What is it?" asks the goblin, which at least isn't an outright refusal.

"There's one of the ghosts I was talking to, who I'm afraid won't realize I've stopped talking to her because I can't, rather than because I'm angry at her or I've decided she isn't a person or something." When the goblin looks blank, or possibly mildly puzzled, you add, "She was a helmsman, when she was alive. That's -- not something you get over fast."

"Oh," says the goblin. "By 'helmsman', you refer to involuntary use as a power source?"

"Yes. And specifically, the one who died on this ship."

"Oh," says the goblin.

"Yes. So I was wondering if you could stop suppressing my abilities, long enough for me to explain."

"I see," says the goblin. "I need to talk to my superior."

It moves off and leaves you sitting on the table. You look after it, not thinking of anything but Kerrit and Wirewhip and how annoying it is to have a big chunk of your senses locked away because you went along with Equius's foolish idea. You hope Kerrit is all right. Well, as all right as you can be when you're dead and stranded on an alien ship. Not any less all right?

The goblin comes back with another _two_ goblins. "I am educator Yn-yk," one of the new goblins says. It doesn't introduce the other one. "You were communicating with the troll used as a power source?" the Yn-yk goblin asks.

"The helmsman. Yes, that's what I said," you say patiently. "Out of curiosity, do you know whether she died from shock, psychic feedback, or the sedative you gave her?"

Yn-yk says something to the other new goblin -- definitely translating. You think this is the first time you've met a goblin who didn't speak your language. There's a little back-and-forth before Yn-yk turns back to you. "We are not certain. The sedative was later found to be non-optimal for trolls, but should not have been fatal at the dose administered."

Probably a combination of things, then. "Hmm," you say noncommittally.

The non-troll-speaking goblin rattles off some more gobbledegook (heh), and Yn-yk translates again. "We did not anticipate that the troll ship's power source would be a sentient being, much less an enslaved sentient being, so we were not prepared. She appeared to be in significant distress, so technicians on scene chose to administer the first available sedative rather than wait for chemical compatibility testing. We regret her death." The other goblin says something, and Yn-yk adds, "Supervisor Il-ed personally regrets her death."

Aha, they actually brought in someone who was there! No wonder he wasn't ready to deal with you, he's probably a technical guy. And surprise!helmsman would be enough to rattle most people. "I understand," you say. "You weren't wrong about the distress." Inspired, you add, "Helmsman are distressing in general, which is why the goggles-rig upsets Sollux so much. He's been dreading being a helmsman for sweeps."

You don't hear Sollux's name in the translation, so maybe Yn-yk left that part out -- which would be fine, it was mostly directed at him anyway. Technician Goblin remains blank-faced, but says something else to Yn-yk, who sighs and says, "Is there anything that can be done to ease her suffering now?"

"Apart from letting me reassure her that I haven't started ignoring her because of anything _she_ did?"

"We will arrange for that," Yn-yk says.

You wonder if you could get them to express _regret_ over Wirewhip. You decide not to bother trying.

Il-ed (you assume, unless he came prepared to express someone else's personal regrets) leaves. Yn-yk doesn't.

"I have called for a technician to temporarily deactivate the dampeners," he says. "Will it take long?"

"Probably not," you say. They probably wouldn't let you go off unsupervised anyway.

The goblin looks down at… a booklet, maybe? Probably notes. "Would this be… 'Kerrit'?"

Lousy stupid goddamn eavesdropping goblins. "Kerrit Altree was her wiggler name. She never got an adult name. Helmsmen don't."

"And 'Wirewhip' and 'Paneater' are adult names?"

You're not even sure when you called Paneater anything other than "that fucking laughassassin". "Yes. Those seem to be the only three dead trolls on the ship. I'm guess they were the only ones who died here." You pause pointedly, because is it definitely the goblins' turn to offer some information.

"Yes," Yn-yk says after a moment. "We were not intending to collect subjects at that time. We left the ship disabled. The… laughassassin pursued and boarded in a small stealth craft, but we detected it quickly."

That fits with what you know. "Ah."

He gives you kind of a funny look. "You are not concerned for the other trolls on the vessel?"

You shrug. "They're adults. On a fleet ship. I mean, I hope they didn't all get slowly and humorously killed by onboard subjugglators or anything, but fleet ships go after aliens all the time, some of them are bound to get in trouble." You hope this isn't getting _you_ in trouble, especially before you get a chance to reassure Kerrit.

"Interesting," Yn-yk says. He doesn't offer to tell you what _did_ happen to the others, which is too bad, because now you're curious.

The technician who comes must be used to working with 'subjects', because he can talk to you himself. "This may feel strange," he says, as he prods at the band around your hornbase. You wish you could see what he's doing, though you expect the poking would be useless without the adjustments he's making on a hand controller.

Something clogged in your thinkpan… unclogs, just a little, then a little more. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck start to rise, and then…

You notice Paneater first, all the way across the block, because he's spinning in circles trying to pry some sort of yellow-green gnome off his head while it cackles maniacally. Kerrit is practically right next to you, half watching the technician and half watching Wirewhip, who is trying to give the impression he couldn't possibly have been trying to harass Kerrit thirty seconds ago.

_"I know,"_ Kerrit whispers. _"But thank you for being sure to tell me."_

**== > Terezi: Contemplate dungeon map**

You've mapped out the relative locations of a variety of things -- your blocks, the medical area, the nearest mindfuckacoons, the lift that goes to where the lusii are, a shipboard garden -- but really nothing that would actually be useful _for escaping_. You were really hoping to find a weapons locker or guard post or _something_.

Map expansion has slowed to a crawl. Tavros is understandably hesitant to risk Tinkerbull in access ducts which might have all sorts of hazards in them, and besides, Tinkerbull being in a weird place would be an immediate red flag. This announcement -- phrased more obscurely -- prompts Vriska to get up and start circling the block, muttering under her breath and yanking on her hair.

"Oh, that's helpful," Eridan mutters.

Tavros looks guilty. "I guess that maybe, wasn't very sensitive, since Vriska's lusus is, um, dead."

You would give even odds on Vriska being upset about her lusus or angry the escape has stalled for the moment, but as long as she doesn't involve anyone else she can do what she wants. You monitor her progress while you add colorful flourishes to the map so far to further obscure its purpose to any snooping goblins. Vriska makes fifteen high-speed circuits of the block before tripping over Sollux and landing on Karkat.

This could be trouble. You raise your head to pay closer attention. Vriska voices a frustrated-sounding snarl, but just scrambles to her feet and stomps off towards the nutritionblock part of the block. Sollux is -- as you would have predicted -- too cautious to start anything with Vriska no matter how much he wants to, but Karkat gets up and goes after her.

You get ready to go interfere if you have to, but they just talk for a few minutes. Finally, Karkat flings up his hands and goes back to talk to Sollux, and Vriska returns to the map, looking calmer but faintly puzzled.

"Anyone have any idea why Karkat would be asking about purples other than Gamzee?"

"No," you say. "What did you tell him?"

"That they aren't as tough as they think they are, but still nothing he'd want to tangle with. …Don't look at me like that, it's a statement of fact, he wouldn't!"

"Not like you," Eridan says. "You would like to go up against them, you're just hopelessly outclassed without someone backing you up."

Eridan and Vriska start needling each other about various screwups on their joint FLARP campaigns. (You listen with half an ear. Apparently after the breakup of Team Scourge, Vriska became neither less interested in, nor any better at actually handling, boats.) Tavros tries to fill in some details on the map. You keep decorating it. Maybe you should repurpose one of the areas as a courtblock.

They bring Aradia back maybe an hour later. She seems thoughtful, but not like she's afraid she gave away the game. You're expecting her to check in on Sollux first, but it looks like he and Kanaya are next up for goblin field trip time. So Aradia will need distracting, then.

"Hey," she says, dropping down next to Tavros. "I'm fine, mostly I told them about ghosts. How's the campaign map? Is that His Honorable Tyranny in an organic waste pit?"

"I think, um, half in the organic waste pit, and half in the lemon mine," Tavros says. You stick your tongue out at both of them.

"But progress has slowed down a little," you admit. "Running out of ideas. Then we got distracted talking about how much Tavros doesn't want anything bad to happen to Tinkerbull."

Aradia nods thoughtfully. "You know, at some point earlier they were showing the humans some sort of… burrowbeast. So there are other animals on board. There should be some kind of safe place for them."

And Tavros should be able to commune with them and scout without endangering his lusus. You grin. "Fascinating! Do you know where?"

"No, sorry." She looks at Tavros, who jumps a little.

"Oh, um, yes. I can… probably work that out. Give me some time?"

"We seem to have plenty of _that_."

**== > Sollux: Provide (relatively) expert knowledge**

They drain you until you're trembling with exhaustion, and then ask if you'd prefer to be sedated while the remove the goggles-rig. You mumble that you don't care. They remove the rig quickly and competently, and give you an injection that numbs the throbbing pain behind your eyes. A goblin medic checks you over and proclaims your condition to be satisfactory, then hands you over to another goblin.

"I am educator Yn-yk," the new goblin says.

"Oh," you say. "You're the guy in charge."

"Yes. I have an unusual request. You will suffer no consequences if you decline."

"Okay…" you say warily.

"Is there any information you can give our technicians on how to disassemble a helmsman array without harming the troll inside?"

Oh. _Oh_. "I… yes. I can. I mean, there is." Wow, way to sound like a complete idiot. "They're mostly not supposed to be removable, so it would always be risky, but I can at least tell you what to avoid."

They take you to another block and sit you at a table with a bunch of goblins, not all of which can understand you without a translator. You wonder if one of them is the Supervisor Il-ed AA saw. Most of them are staring at you. Actually… most of them are looking at their alien note-taking tablets with their normal eyes, and staring at you with their weird goblin third eyes.

Creepy.

"So. Um," you say, and then resolve to stop sounding like Tavros. They _asked_ you about this. "So, a lot of this is going to be about biowires, but first I should mention there are a couple of different… approaches to what they want to attach the biowires to…"

**== > Sollux: Skip ahead to after the lecture**

In the corridor on the way back to your block, you meet up with Kanaya and her escort. The group rearranges to put the two of you together in the middle.

"Sollux," Kanaya says. "You don't look as happy as I would have thought to be out of the rig."

"KN, I just spent like two hours talking about helmsmen and biotech. Be glad I'm not having bad dreams while awake." You think they do mean to use the information to make things slightly less terrible for the next helmsman they run across, though.

"I see," Kanaya says. "They spent an hour asking me about mother grubs, drones, trolls supplying genetic material, and the relation between all three."

You wince. "Shit, that must have sucked."

"All the more so because they chose to simultaneously test their translator box again, so I had another one of the humans trying to pretend he wasn't staring at me the entire time. Then he spent the next half-hour after the goblins left stammering about how he was totally cool with my alien space insect sex shenanigans, and something about puppets."

"Ooookay then."

**== > Rose: Meet a troll**

Your turn to help test the translator. _Finally_. Jade before you, fine, but Dave? (And he came back seriously disturbed about troll biology, you're not sure _what_ they were saying in front of him.)

You are trying to decide whether to speak in simple, easily translated sentences just to prove that you can or be as convoluted as possible -- which they can hardly say is passive-aggressive since they said you tended to be complicated -- when they bring the troll in. He looks sweaty and ill, and is trying not to lean on the goblin escorting him. As Jade described, his horns are capped. They're of different lengths…

Oh. _Ohhhhhh_. This is the troll with the udder-centaur custodian-thing and the furry porn posters in his room.

He looked sweaty in the file pictures, too. Maybe he's always like this? But he doesn't look very comfortable.

"Hello," you say once he's seated. You wait for the translator to relay the greeting before continuing. "Are you all right?"

He seems… oddly taken aback. If you're not reading his intonation and body language all wrong, he is extremely self-conscious as he replies. The translator supplies, "It is nothing to be concerned about, highblood."

Huh? "I beg your pardon?"

The troll actually starts sweating _more_. The translator renders the ensuing stammers as a calm continuous word salad. "No you superior must not me inferior nothing to me you pardon I."

All right, you're not sure why he reacted like that, but on second thought that idiom is not immediately transparent. "I meant I didn't understand what you mean."

That seems to calm him down a little, but the translator is still having trouble with his half-finished sentences. "I assumed. The color. I assumed from the color of your eyes. I believe you are of the purple bloodcaste."

It is tempting -- so very tempting -- to smile and nod and see where he goes with this, but Is-at is less than twenty feet away, and taking advantage of people's misconceptions for your own amusement is definitely not appropriate behavior. "I believe there has been a misunderstanding. I'm human. We don't have… bloodcastes." (You _do_ come from a reasonably high socioeconomic class, but you suspect saying that would just confuse the issue.)

The troll looks confused. "But. What color is your blood?"

"Red. All humans have red blood. Why, what color is yours?"

He straightens up a little. "The very finest of blues."

"What, literally?" Come to think of it, each of the trolls in the booklet had a square of color you hadn't bothered puzzling through the caption of. "How interesting."

"But, without a blood-spectrum, how do you determine your social order?"

"Mostly by whoever has the most toys." Looks like that didn't translate well. Maybe time for a subject change. "You can call me Lalonde." (Jade warned you about the name-translating thing. Calling you flower wouldn't be too bad, you suppose, but if it took it as the past tense verb it would just get really strange.) "What's your name?"

"I. Equius Zahhak."

"Nice to meet you, Equius." You smile pleasantly. "So tell me a little about yourself."

**== > Team FLARP: Continue campaign preparations**

You are now Aradia Megido, and you think you are finally making some progress! It has not been easy. Tavros had no experience with wiring or… anything else he's likely to encounter navigating a burrowbeast around small spaces on a spaceship, which sounded like a good way to end up with a dead burrowbeast. He really needed the basics. Unfortunately, while Sollux knows more about ships in general, the real engineering expert of your group is Equius. (Wirewhip would probably be really helpful, too, but obviously that's not going to happen now.)

You asked Equius to explain some of the things you saw crawling around the ducts, and get him to speculate on what else might be there, and have Tavros listen to the whole discussion. Tavros is still finding a lot of things he can't identify, but he hasn't lost a burrowbeast yet.

Sadly, giving Equius any attention _at all_ only encourages him. Now he won't stop staring at you. Sweating.

"Vriska, how likely is Equius to… figure out the purpose of FLARP from watching? And don't just say there's no chance."

"Fine, there's a _really small_ chance."

"Nepeta's more likely," Terezi contributes. "She can follow the jargon."

You nod agreement. "Well, we will want to… expand the party, at some point." The open and unfeigned disgust of most of the rest of the group at the idea of the FLARP campaign is probably helping maintain the facade it _is_ nothing but a FLARP campaign, but you'll have to bring the others in eventually. "Maybe--"

Tavros's eyes snap open. "Okay, uh, give me the map, I have an idea--" He sketches in some thin lines representing access tunnels, then draws a circle at the end. "I found-- I think the dungeon should have a block here, for storing four wheel devices. I mean, large four wheel devices, for moving cargo. And people. It could maybe be, an adventure goal?"

Shuttles. _Excellent_.

**== > Karkat: Talk to someone about Gamzee**

"He's always just been this -- stupid fucking stoned clown! Harmless! I barely even thought of him as a fucking highblood. Sure, he was the very most panrottingly idiotic of my collection of strikingly stupid friends, which is a fucking accomplishment. But suddenly they're showing me a fucking video of him going all terrifying highblood and breaking his own hand to write on the wall in fucking blood, and for some reason it's _completely plausible_ when the fucking goblins tell me he would have killed any fucking one of us. _Gamzee_! And to think we've all been telling him to _stop_ with the fucking pies-- _Why are you laughing?!_ Do you think subjugglators are _funny_?"

Across the table, the human shakes his head frantically and stammers through his giggles. The translator box still sounds calm and even. "No. I apologize. I do not think clown cultist state assassins are amusing. Qualification, I find it partially amusing because I do not understand why a state would have clown cultist assassins, but I was not laughing for that reason. I believe that your language, like ours, has a term for sexual intercourse which is used as an expletive. This translator renders it as _sexual intercourse_."

You glare at the translator box. "Useless fucking piece of shit garbage."

The human giggles and replies. The translator contributes, "They say it is still in development."

"They'd better fucking develop it some more," you growl.

"I'm sorry about your friend," the human says. "We never got a chance to introduce ourselves…"

You nod shortly. "Karkat Vantas."

"I am colloquialism for toilet Egbert." The human blinks at the translator as it finishes. "What did it do to my sexual intercourse name? Did it translate my name? Please let me know that it has a meaning other than sexual intercourse toilet."

Okay, from this side it is pretty funny.

"There are four humans here. I think it should be possible to offer our names to the translator before testing. Did it think woody perennial flower was a flower woody perennial flower? What did it think Dave was? Excrement, it correctly rendered Dave's name!"

**== > Feferi: Try to escape**

You are not trying to escape, you are… investigating a mystery.

You and Eridan have been brought to a medical area to have an hour-long dunk in a tank of Alternian seawater. (They've talked about setting up something in your personal ablutionblock so you can submerge on your own schedules, but they haven't yet.) The water's nice, especially in your gills and eyes, but the tank's not really big enough to _swim_ in -- maybe two meters square, and three meters tall -- and of course there's nothing else alive in it, so it's very boring. Nothing to do but make faces at Eridan in the next tank over and wonder what you could possibly be doing that's worth taking notes on.

After you're out of the tanks, Eridan insists on talking to the goblin medics. _Alone._ He won't tell you why. Maybe it's a puberty thing?

Five minutes of cooling your heels later, you hear voices that don't sound like goblins. If the goblins don't want you investigating interesting things, they shouldn't have left you alone with _nothing to glubbing do_. It's practically an invitation to wander off!

So you hop off the table, walk out the open door of the block, and follow the voices a short ways down the corridor and into another medical block.

The two alien 'humans' are sitting on an exam table -- one's sitting and one's lying down with her feet dangling off the end, actually. (You see the ankle bands Kanaya mentioned.) Two eyes, hair, noses, ears, no horns. When they spot you, the one lying down sits up and turns to look at you.

"Hi!" you say, and wave. "I'm Feferi Peixes, I'm new here!" Unsurprisingly, they don't seem to understand, though one smiles and waves back. You point at yourself. "Feferi. I'm Feferi."

"Feferi," the formerly-lying-down one repeats, then points at herself. "Jade."

"Oh, you met Kanaya! Kanaya?"

Jade nods enthusiastically. She points at her companion. "Rose." A stream of unintelligible alien-language follows. The other one, Rose, says a few words in what might be the goblin language, but of course you can't understand that either.

You know the goblin's behind you even before you feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn and try a smile. "Sorry. I was just exploring!"

"You should not wander off without permission," the goblin says. "But we can let that go this time, because that was an acceptable way of meeting other species."

**== > Tavros: Continue to be a vital part of Team FLARP**

You guide the burrowbeast back to the junction, and take the middle conduit this time. The AV dataline went into this cluster; it has to come out somewhere. (At least, you're assuming it's an AV dataline. One like it comes out of every surveillance device you've identified.) You keep it creeping low on the floor of the conduit, as far from the bundle of wires as possible. They should be insulated, but the burrowbeast's little mind insists that chewing them would be a _really great idea_. You've started letting it chew on the furniture just to burn off a little tension.

This is _exhausting_. But you are determined not to let anyone down.

Vriska is questioning your ability to do this, you think. You aren't sure, because she is still -- miraculously -- following the rule of not talking to you. She's just making faces at Eridan or Terezi every time you take a break, and also at various other times, so maybe it's not about you? Well, it doesn't matter what she thinks. You are not going to be the weak link.

(You have made a bet with yourself that if the plan is given away, it will be because Vriska told one of the others about it in what she thought was a surreptitious manner, but which wasn't. You _would_ predict her boasting to the goblins they won't be able to hold her for long or something, but she's still really scared of the goblins. You never imagined Vriska being so scared.)

A _ha_! _There's_ the dataline you're looking for, peeling off into a new bundle with a bunch of similar datalines, and heading out through a port. Now you just need to figure out how to get into the block where the datalines are going.

You open your eyes and lift your head a few centimeters. "I think I have an idea for, uh…" Surveillance, um… "Maybe a block with spherical artifacts of seeing-at-a-distance?"

Putting everything in FLARP terms is just getting weirder and weirder.

Aradia nods and starts scribbling on the map. Vriska pokes Terezi in the side. "Ask him if he has any idea what they're looking at."

You don't wait for someone to relay the question. "No, I don't. I'm going to try and, uh, decide how many guards are in it." If you can get the burrowbeast into the actual block, anyway. It is probably not going to be easy…

You don't pay much attention to the door opening until one of the goblins says your name, at which point you hastily scramble to your feet. (Feet!) It's probably another medical checkup.

You aren't worried about giving anything away. They mostly read feelings, not thoughts, and if you just mostly think of other stuff, you shouldn't have a problem. You don't have a shortage of other stuff to think about. You have a lot of questions to ask them about your legs, and also about why they didn't go ahead and fix, say, Terezi's eyes. If you actually run out of those questions, you're going to ask about the humans. Maybe you'll get to meet a human! (But really, you're very accomplished at not thinking about things when you don't want to.) You're not worried.

When you get to the medical area, one of the educators is waiting for you with what you can recognize as a Serious Face even on a goblin. "We will be placing Tinkerbull with the other lusii," she says, and now you start to worry.

**== > Kanaya: Observe consequences**

Tavros walks back in with slumped shoulders, a defeated expression, and a metal band around the base of one of his horns, just before the padding starts.

"Are you all right, Tavros?" you ask. "I mean, apart from--"

"Fine. Aradia--"

Aradia jumps up and hurries to Tavros's side. "Oh, shit. How bad is it?"

"My range, is down to about arm's length," he says miserably. "Aradia -- they _know_."

"Shit!"

"Well, fuuuuuuuuck," Vriska says, joining them despite Aradia's glare and Terezi grabbing her elbow. "Did y-- Shit. Did _he_ give it away?"

"Back _off_ , Vriska! And they read feelings, it would be--"

"I _didn't_ tell them, they knew when they came and got me," Tavros snaps. "The first thing they did was tell me they were putting Tink with the other lusii!"

Vriska turns away from Tavros to scowl at the block at large. "So how the fuck did they find out?!"

"Excuse me," you say. "Find out what?"

"Ummmm--" says Tavros.

"No point in hiding it now!" Vriska says. "Our FLARP campaign was camouflage for an escape plan! But it's all spoiled now!"

"Well, if it wasn't before, it definitely is now that you've said that," Terezi puts in.

"Hang the fuck on." Karkat shoves his way through the growing crowd. "You were planning a fucking escape and you couldn't bestir your blunt-toothed mouths to even tell me?"

"I asked if you wanted to FLARP."

"That is not the same thing and you fucking know it!"

"I was going to bring everyone else in before we actually _escaped_ , Karkat, get a grip."

"I still want to know who gave away my great plan!" Vriska yells.

"They're _empaths_ , Vriska--"

"Did all the fucking FLARPers know about this? No, don't even _fucking_ tell me."

Sollux snorts. "Come on, KK, if you'd asked me I could have told you it couldn't just be a FLARP game."

"And that would have spoiled all the trouble we went to of making it look like a FLARP game," Aradia tells him.

"All that aside, Vriska has a valid question," Terezi says. "Why now and not earlier?"

"They didn't say anything to me the last time I pretended to try to escape and they put me in a mindfuckacoon. They haven't taken anyone in the know since then except… Eridan."

You all turn to look at Eridan. He must have been following the conversation, because he puffs up defensively. "Hey! I was just getting a seawater dunk, they didn't hang around long enough to read my mind."

"Maybe they did when you had that fifteen-minute… private… chat…" Feferi trails off, staring. "Oh, no. Tell me you didn't!"

Eridan looks like he's about to, then suddenly scoffs. "Hey, we'd have no hope of beating these things even if they didn't have your lusus. We have to be smart about this. You--"

"You. Little. _Rat_!"

Vriska launches herself at Eridan and goes straight for his gills. Feferi winces and looks like she's about to step in, but then Eridan slams the heel of his hand into the end of Vriska's suppression implant. Vriska makes a single high-pitched noise and tries to curl up around her head.

"Do _not_ punch Vriska in the brain!" you order. That sounded… extremely stupid.

Eridan scrambles to his feet and takes a step. You suspect he's making for his respiteblock, not going after Vriska more, but either way Terezi trips him.

"Not so fast, Mr. Grape Soda!" she says. "There is still a small matter of _treachery_ to discuss!"

"Oh, fuck you, Pyrope, I was _exposing a criminal conspiracy_ , you ought to like that."

Terezi's cane goes whipping towards Eridan's face, but smacks into Karkat's hand instead. "Will you all sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!" Karkat bellows. "We are not beating Eridan to a fucking pulp, no matter how tempting it may be!"

"Oh, fuck you."

"Shut up! Now unless everyone wants to--"

Karkat breaks off abruptly. It takes you a moment to realize why. Terezi's cane, light as it is, must have broken the skin on his hand; his wild gestures are sprinkling tiny drops of blood everywhere.

Unnaturally bright red blood.

Terezi licks the end of her cane. "Very interesting."

"Is that--" Eridan starts.

"He -- Vantas--" Equius stutters. "You are a _mutant_?"

Karkat pretends not to hear him. "Are we all ready to take a break from the fucking idiocy now?"

Equius sways unsteadily to his feet and advances a few steps. "Under the circumstances, I feel I should tell you that this is not the result of any personal vendetta." And he takes a swing at Karkat.

It is not a half-hearted punch. If Equius were at full strength, it could have knocked Karkat's _head off_.

"Equius!" Nepeta shouts, horrified. Sollux's hand flies up to his face like he's about to lift glasses he's not wearing and unleash psionics he's too drained to use.

Karkat staggers back a few steps, hands barely going to his bloody nose (bright unnatural red spilling over his face onto his shirt) before coming up defensively. Before he can do anything more, though, Terezi hits Equius across the face with her cane. The _crack_ against skin is almost as loud as the _clack_ against the goblin-made glasses -- without the glasses, it would have hit him in the eye. When she brings the cane back for another hit, Nepeta jumps on her.

"Nepeta! _Terezi_!" you shout. You expected better from both of them, but you guess everyone's nerves are really worn. You're about to try to separate them when you realize Equius is _still going after Karkat_. "Equius!"

"I've got this," Aradia says grimly. She stomps forward and grabs a handful of Equius's hair. "Look, you hemocastist _asshole_ \--"

You're not sure she has it in any way likely to reduce violence, but before you can decide what to do, you realize Vriska is taking advantage of the several distractions to go after Eridan again, still not guarding her face as carefully as she should.

You and Feferi reach them at the same time; she grabs Eridan, you grab Vriska. "That is _enough_ ," you say firmly. "It's perfectly reasonable to be angry at him, but we really have bigger priorities right now!"

"Yeah, Vris," Eridan says. "Why don't you go after the filthy mutant instead?"

Feferi lets go of Eridan. "Cod, that is _it_! I can't glubbing do this anemonemore!" She storms off, and walks right into a cushion swung by _Gamzee_ , of all people.

When Eridan starts to follow her, _Tavros_ steps in his way, shouting something about Tinkerbull. Any remaining order dissolves.

**== > Od-ut: Do what you have to do**

This is bad. This is _really_ bad.

Yn-yk has been pulled out for a debriefing with its superior, which means the Threat Evaluator will be arriving soon. Threat Evaluators _always_ want to err on the side of safeguarding the Hegemony and its protectorates. They don't care about potential, about circumstances, about how much it means that this diverse collection of trolls have been working together and caring about each other and open to interacting with the humans, they just care about what would happen _right now_ if you put the subject in a room with a leprechaun shopkeeper trying to cheat them and a clutch of obnoxious Knucker hatchlings.

You need to get this taken care of before the Threat Evaluator arrives and points out what a disaster the trolls are. It would be hard to say 'violent and unteachable species' any more clearly.

And this needs to _not happen again_.

You page all on-call handlers -- thirty, that should be enough, hopefully nothing goes wrong with the humans -- and request the most mellow of the nymph swarms. It's not normal to bring the nymphs to the subjects, but it can be done. Then you adjust the settings on the emergency gas jets for the trolls chambers from _sedative_ to _paralytic_ , and set it off.

**== > Be Karkat Vantas**

You've just broken a chair over Zahhak's thick skull when the block begins rapidly filling with dark orange vapor. You hold your breath. Gamzee -- flailing indiscriminately around with a pillow -- gets a facefull and folds silently to the floor. You see Sollux go down, and Kanaya, and Vriska, and then Equius shoves you hard and you're not holding your breath anymore.

It doesn't knock you out, just immobilizes you. You lie on the floor watching the remains of the melee collapse and the vapor vanish as quickly as it appeared.

"F'oo, A'orra," someone slurs. Possibly Terezi.

The aliens come in. A lot of aliens come in.

One of them lifts you upright and supports you, your back against its chest, arms and tentacle arms holding you in place so you couldn't move even if you weren't drugged. Another alien stands directly in front of you and raises a tentacle to pap your face.

"Shoosh," it says.

It is the most unnatural _shoosh_ you have ever heard. It is worse than the worst of the pale porn you have seen, and because of your inexplicably awful taste in friends, you have seen some truly atrocious pale porn. (Also some creepy quadrant-mixing porn, because Sollux is a sack of bulges.) (The aliens _might_ not be quite as creepy as the pale-pitch quadrant-mixing porn. But it's close.)

Any minute now, the gas is going to wear off and you can tell these bulgestains exactly how much they aren't your moirail. Any minute. Hopefully before it can stroke your face with its creepy clammy tentacle again.

"Shoosh."

Why are you relaxing. _Why_ are you _relaxing_.

_calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_

What the fuck is that, and _why are you relaxing_?

"Shoosh."

Oh gog you don't want it to do that so _why are you so relaxed_?

_calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_

Possibly several sweeps later, the gas has worn off, but you're too relaxed to say anything, sagging bonelessly against the alien holding you. The part of your mind screaming and swearing and jumping up and down is thoroughly flattened by _calm_ calm _calm_ calm _calm_ , and you can barely keep your eyes open. Dimly, you're aware of something washing your face and tending to your nose and your bruises, pulling off your bloodstained shirt and replacing it with a wrap. Dimly, you see shapes moving back and forth carrying things. Dimly, you're aware the alien is still touching your face in the _exact same spot_ and telling you to shoosh.

_calm_ calm _calm_ calm... _calm..._ calm... _calm..._ calm... _calm......_ calm......... _calm............_

Your thinksponge starts to work again.

The alien shooshing you moves away, and the alien holding you lowers you into the giant pile. You realize muzzily it's been reconstructed -- the melee destroyed it pretty thoroughly. You're not alone -- others are also being set down in the pile, and they look about as spacey as you feel.

"No fighting," one of the aliens says. "Fight and you will be calmed by any means necessary. Physical violence is _prohibited_."

At the moment you're not planning on physical _movement_ for the foreseeable future, so you can work with that.

The aliens leave.

The block is quiet, except for the ragged sound of someone trying not to start crying.

You can't bring yourself to ask if everyone is all right. Apparently no one else can either.

You can bring yourself to grab a handful of the wrap and scrub furiously at your cheek where the tentacle touched you. _Gog_ how could that _work_?

Aradia drags herself out of the pile and stumbles past you to collapse next to Sollux. She buries her face in his shoulder, but doesn't put an arm around him. "That was fake." Sollux just presses his own face into her hair, between her horns.

"What?" Kanaya croaks.

"Fake," Tavros says. "Or maybe, not fake exactly, but not natural. The feeling, of being calm? It was coming, from outside. Not from the, uh. The. With the-- You know."

"Not from the disgusting alien tentacle papping," you say. That… actually makes you feel a lot better. Still a million different kinds of gross and fucked up, but not so much like there's something _wrong_ with you.

Apart from the blood thing, anyway. Too much to hope everyone's forgotten about that.

**== > Nepeta: Assess damage**

You still feel rubbery-limbed and numb, but you think it's starting to wear off. You could probably move if you really tried, but it doesn't seem worth it right now. You want to hug your moirail, but you _don't_ want to hug your moirail until he's aware enough to know it's you, and not… _them_. He's still glassy-eyed and immobile, staring at the ceiling and not responding to voices, so you're just going to stay where you are and watch him.

Whatever it was, it seems to have been hardest on highbloods. Feferi, Eridan, and Gamzee haven't moved, either. Not that you care about Eridan. This whole thing was at _least_ half his fault! At the other end of the spectrum, Aradia and Tavros were talking and moving around almost right away. Then again, you guess they're both already used to distinguishing outside thoughts and feelings from their own, which must help. If it's a psychic thing, that explains why highblood Vriska is mobile enough to burrow into the giant pile.

"Nepeta? Come on, Nepeta, I know you're fucking awake, I saw you turn your head." Karkat doesn't look very steady, but he is standing without assistance. "We're having a meeting of marginally lucid people, insofar as any of you can ever be described as lucid." He keeps glowering, but offers you a hand when you falter trying to get up.

He doesn't look at Equius.

You would rather not admit it, but you know the fight probably wouldn't have gone much past everyone being mad at Eridan if Equius hadn't overreacted to Karkat being a mutant.

You wonder if you should apologize for him, or if that would just make things worse.

It's not very far to the 'meeting'. Sollux and Aradia are leaning towards each other, but not quite touching. Kanaya, on the other hand, is listing heavily against Tavros, who looks awkward.

"No Terezi?" Karkat asks.

"She, uh, made a noise when I shook her, but, um, I don't think it was supposed to be words."

"And no Vriska? I thought she moved."

"Vriska," Aradia says, "indicated we should decide whatever we wanted without her, since it won't have any effect on her because she is staying under the pile for the rest of her life."

You can kind of see the appeal.

"Riiiight." Karkat drops heavily down next to Kanaya and pulls her off Tavros. "So."

You wonder if anyone is going to mention Karkat's blood. Probably everyone has enough to worry about already.

"The aliens disapprove of us being violent with each other," Aradia says.

"No fucking kidding, Aradia, I thought maybe I would start with something that _wasn't_ spongeblisteringly obvious! What's the next mindblowing revelation, the aliens are -- are pale -- pale--" Karkat breaks off. "Sit down, Nepeta, before you fall over." He points to the empty space the formed between Tavros and Kanaya.

Aradia shakes her head. "No, I mean they really, _really_ disapprove of it. More than they disapprove of trying to escape or anything we've done while trying to escape. Equius broke a couple of walls. Nepeta and I let freaked-out lusii loose on their ship and got into the room with the hob. Sollux smashed up a lab. None of that upset the goblins enough to do… this. This is a special punishment."

" _Or_ maybe it's supposed to be a preventative, like those ridiculous goggles they had Sollux in," Kanaya suggests, not as groggily as she looks. "Maybe they think the way to make trolls not fight is to… shoosh them a lot…"

Tavros groans. "Oh, gog, you mean, they will come back, to do it _again_?"

"Not if we don't fight--"

"They will if they think it's _preventative_!"

"I still think it was a punishment for violence," Aradia says.

"Well, whatever else we do, I think we can agree not to have any more brawls, can't we?"

The door opens again.

**== > Nepeta: Go to your moirail**

You're moving without thinking as soon as you hear the noise, lurching to your feet and stumbling back to Equius faster than you thought you'd be able to. You drop down next to him and clutch at his arm. Have they changed their minds? Are they angry about Equius starting the brawl? Only he didn't start the brawl, that was Vriska, but she only attacked Eridan, but she was down, and then Terezi attacked Eridan, but she probably would have stopped when Karkat said if Equius hadn't-- He was confused, you were caught off guard, you _won't let it happen again_ , if they just _leave you alone_ \--

The goblin that comes in is dressed differently from the others you've seen. Not that you pay much attention to clothes, but most of them wear white, light gray, or colors so light they're almost white. (They really do like pale--) This one is wearing red so dark it's almost black. Most of its body doesn't look much different from the other goblins, but its horn is dark red, too.

It goes right towards the other awake trolls. Tavros stammers something, but it's completely unintelligible. Everyone else sits frozen.

You don't want to watch. You can't look away.

The goblin moves through the group, briefly touching a hand to each person's forehead. Aradia inhales sharply and Tavros looks queasy, but everyone else just flinches.

Then shit shit shit shit it's heading for you.

It uses a tentacle to pull Equius into a sitting position so it can reach his forehead, and you're pulled along with him. The fingers on your forehead are impersonal and more _prodding_ than _patting_ , which is good, but something about it makes your thinksponge itch. After it lets go of Equius, you both sink back into the pile.

The pile is disrupted a minute later when the goblin drags Vriska out by her ankle. Then it has to restrain her from curling into a ball.

Everyone gets the same treatment, even the unconscious highbloods. The red goblin takes one last look around the block, expressionless, then leaves.

"What the fuck was that?" Karkat croaks eventually.

"It, it was, was, was digging around, in my head?" Tavros says. "Everyone's head?"

_Then_ the door opens _again_ and the goblin who told you violence was prohibited comes back. You can tell it's him because he still has teal smudges on his sleeves.

He looks around the block severely. "That could have gone very badly for you if we had not intervened beforehand. Sort it out yourselves and we won't have to." Then he picks up the still-unconscious Eridan and leaves.

Well. Pale orgies it is, then.

**== > Yn-yk: Seriously, you couldn't have been supervising Od-ut this time, you were stuck in a conference with your superior**

For _twelve hours_ , does it never _sleep_? But back to the matter at hand.

You look at the live feeds of the communal troll chamber. KANAYA is -- still -- trying to persuade VRISKA to come out of the burrow she has made in the 'pile'. TAVROS is bringing water to those not walking around yet. KARKAT is talking to TEREZI, occasionally glancing nervously over at EQUIUS; EQUIUS is holding NEPETA's hand and listening to FEFERI order him to ignore everything he's been told about mutantbloods. On the other side of the pile, out of sight of everyone she's putting up a front for, ARADIA is silently sobbing into SOLLUX's knees as he combs her hair with his fingers.

All the trolls are seeking comfort from one another, but they're not getting as close as they sometimes do. Even the official _moirallegiances_ aren't making any torso-to-torso contact at the moment. More troublingly, they seem to be avoiding hand-to-face contact. Er-ys believes they have increased face-to-shoulder, face-to-hair, and hand-to-horn contact to compensate, but _papping_ is important to trolls and if they don't resume within sixty hours you're going to have to label this a crisis.

You turn the sound off and look at Od-ut. "You had ERIDAN moved to separate chambers?"

"Yes. We hope that after some time without the others, he may appreciate them more." Od-ut shifts nervously.

You look at KARKAT flinching away from a touch on his shoulder. "It is going to be a long time before we can hope to establish any kind of rapport with them. Any kind of collaborative education must be postponed. We certainly will not be able to explain the higher emotions in the foreseeable future."

"Yes, sir," says Od-ut. "Can I explain, sir?"

You know what Od-ut is going to say. "Please do."

"Threat Evaluator Ir-ev was coming, and the subjects were engaging in pointless violence. Not even violence to accomplish something, violence mostly because they were upset. Evaluator Ir-ev has no patience for that kind of behavior. If it had seen them fighting, or seen them with the fight still fresh in their minds, it would have ordered them neutralized. _I know._ " Od-ut pauses. "I had to get them completely subdued before it began its inspection. I understand this is going to make some things more difficult, sir, but at least they have a chance."

That… was exactly what you were expecting Od-ut to say.

And you can't say it's wrong.

Had you been there, rather than stuck in an endless meeting, you wouldn't have done the same thing; you would have tried pharmaceuticals rather than go for extreme-stress. You don't know whether Ir-ev would have been satisfied with that.

"I'm not sorry," Od-ut says. "I'm not sorry for saving them."

You sigh. "I'm not going to give you a reprimand, because something had to be done and your quick action saved the project. I am going to recommend you be transferred to a low-pressure position where neutralization of subjects is highly unlikely." Most educators would see this as a demotion, but--

"I have no problem with that," Od-ut says, and you wonder exactly how many pixie subjects it had, and subsequently lost.

**== > Karkat: Plan a pale orgy**

Oh, gog.

You let Nepeta assign fakey aliens-made-us-do-it moirallegiances to everyone who didn't currently have one. Except for Eridan, damn him, because they still haven't brought him back, so you have an odd number of people and either someone has to be alone, or three people have to be together. You somehow wound up in the threesome with Kanaya and Gamzee. Feferi gets to try her hand at Vriska-wrangling -- neither of them seem thrilled about it but they say they're willing to try -- which leaves Terezi and Tavros looking a little nonplussed. You were afraid you might have to kill Sollux if he got at all smug over having a real moirail, but he and Aradia both mostly look uncomfortable. Nepeta is still green in the face from the embarrassment of assigning pairings, but then Equius hasn't stopped sweating from the… whatever of having a tyrian give him direct, strongly worded orders. (To drop the whole mutant subject and never bring it up again in word or action, thanks, Feferi.)

So that's _who_.

_Where_ isn't too hard to start with. Obviously it has to be the communal block. You'd rather not do it in the giant pile, because as ridiculous as it is the giant pile has a certain appeal and you've gotten used to it, and you don't want to mess it up with creepiness. Fortunately, you have new space where the goblins removed all the hard-edged tables and chairs! So you scavenge some cushions and sandbags and blocks off the big pile, and everyone gets some stuff from their respiteblocks.

But then you have to decide how to arrange everything -- one largish pile? Five small piles? After a lot of foot-shuffling, Sollux tugs you a little aside and admits that he once watched something with some, uh, multi-troll pale activity, and it had a pit full of pillows. You tell him it's a little late for him to act self-conscious, considering some of the stuff he's emailed you in the past. He declines to comment.

Then you turn around and find Nepeta already arranging the sandbags to create a pillow pit, and you spend the next fifteen minutes trying to convince yourself that she came up with the idea on her own and has not also seen the porn Sollux was embarrassed about. So _where_ ends up mildly traumatic.

_When_ is going to have to be _as soon as you can get your acts together_.

That leaves _what_. And everyone seems to be expecting _you_ to answer that.

Oh, _gog_.

"How about this," you say finally. "We set a minimum time requirement to be acting pale in the p-pit, and at least half that time we should spend doing things we wouldn't be comfortable doing in public. Okay?" No one argues. "And then, I guess -- we all sit there a while longer?" Still no better ideas. "So… now?"

**== > Be Sollux Captor**

The pillow pit thing is big for two or three people, but not that big for eleven. You should be able to manage space between the groups, but you'll probably be able to reach across it, and feelings jams aren't going to be all that private. You're not planning on doing a lot of talking. AA suggested you just look at this as extra incentive to push through and disassociate hugs and papping from unbelievably creepy aliens.

You curl up against the sandbags, waiting for AA to come back from whatever last-minute thing she was doing. To your left, TZ is twisting a piece of red cloth around her hands -- you haven't seen anything that bright since you got here, it must have come from her respiteblock -- while TV rubs the side of his head below the band on his horn. They really don't seem to know what to do with each other. To your right, KK and KN are trying to assist GZ into the pillow pit. GZ keeps tripping. Over his own feet, if nothing else is available.

Beyond TV and TZ, NP and Equius (he can have a two-letter identifier after he _apologizes_ to KK) are already wrapped up in each other. Beyond KK, KN, and GZ (all now fallen over in a heap) you can see FF and Vriska. You feel sorry for FF, but you guess for people not susceptible to mind control Vriska's no worse than Eridan.

The lights suddenly dim further, and AA jogs over to the pillow pit. "All right, let's get this orgy started."

"Never say that again," Karkat orders.

This is not the time to develop a sense of shame. You try to pretend the others aren't there and tug AA over into your lap so you can get at the side of her head. You brush gently at the ridge under the skin. "How much is this still bothering you?"

She shrugs. "Not too much. It stopped hurting. It started itching, I complained, they did something to it and now I have a numb stripe." That probably bothers her more than it would you. "The _intended_ effects are more annoying than the side effects. I don't want to complain. At least I'm not hearing the big weird hob-thing."

"Please don't remind me, I don't want to start noticing it again."

"Right, sorry." She sighs. "I'm used to hearing things in my head. There was always something dead that wanted to be heard, on Alternia. It was weirdly quiet here even before -- you know."

"Uh-huh." You think she's getting close to the reason she had to take half an hour to cry.

"I really, _really_ didn't like getting feelings shoved into my head. And when that -- red goblin was-- I could tell what it was doing, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. I just -- I'm so used to nothing getting into my head without my letting it in--"

You slide your hand from the side of her head to her face. "Sh-shoosh." With your lisp, it doesn't even sound much like the aliens.

"I thought I understood what it was like, with -- you know -- but I didn't, not really."

"Shoosh, AA, you did fine." You're just eternally grateful she doesn't blame you for blowing the roof off her hive or almost killing her, but you know better than to mention that.

She paps you back. "I still know what you're thinking, and it still wasn't your fault."

**== > Feferi: Try your hand at Vriska-wrangling**

You are pretty sure Nepeta matched you with Vriska because you don't have any past trauma involving her, not because anyone thinks you're going to do an awesome job. Eridan never set off any doomsday devices on your watch, but the story might be very different had he _ever found one that worked_.

You take a breath to say something, but Vriska speaks first. "So, uh, since we're doing this… fakey quadrant thing, there's something I want to talk about. Moirails do that, right?" Without waiting for a response, she continues, "Actually you can't answer the question, but I don't think I could ask anyone who could without causing trouble, and I am trying not to do that, so I'm going to ask you."

"Okay?"

She takes a deep breath. "When I control people… how much is it like what the aliens did? With the, the calm-calm-calm, when they were -- that?"

You reach tentatively towards Vriska's shoulder, but stop when she shifts away. "I think that would de-fin-ately make trouble. Good catch! So, um… why do you want to know?"

"Because… uh… everyone has to use what they have to get things done, you know? And I'm not sorry for using what I had! But I wanted, I meant for people to do what I wanted, I didn't mean to -- do that. So if it was like that, I might want to not have done it to people I didn't have to kill, because if you're dead anyway, who cares, right? And she needed to eat. But I want to know if I should want to take back having done it to make things easier, because I don't want to have done _that_."

Apparently trying to be a good person renders Vriska almost incomprehensible. Good to know.

**== > Terezi: Face facts**

This isn't going to work.

You guessed that as soon as Nepeta gave the assignment, actually, but you decided not to say anything -- because you hoped you were wrong, and also because you were trying to appreciate not being landed with Eridan, which was reportedly the plan in the first fakey aliens-made-us-do-it moirallegiance shipping chart. It's probably just as well he's not here now; you're not sure who Nepeta could pair him with when Feferi broke up with him in public and he deliberately screwed over the escape plan.

But at least with Eridan, your goals would be obvious: keep him from trying to kill all landdwellers or anything similarly asinine, and maybe deflate his ego if possible. Tavros is probably the least murderous person you know, and he definitely doesn't need his ego deflated.

You could try to bolster his ego -- you have before -- but honestly you don't think everything you and Aradia and Kanaya ever said did as much good as hanging three-quarters of the Team FLARP activity on him and letting him shine.

Conversely, you're more murderous and have more of an ego than Tavros, but nothing out of the ordinary, and you have (if you do say so yourself) _excellent_ self-control. When you want to.

"Um," Tavros says. "I, uh, don't know if you have any ideas, but I maybe have one?" You can smell his blush.

"Fire away," you say. Because you really don't.

"We could, um, maybe approach it like a roleplay? Like we were, uh, already m-moirails, and maybe you were angry about something?"

You could pull off being angry at something, you know -- especially something like _Eridan_ or _Equius_ \-- but you're not sure how well being pretend-pacified would work. You're not sure how it would work at all. You're not sure you want to be pacified, not if it's going to be anything like that _calm_ calm _calm_ hoofbeastshit. "We could both talk about our feelings about Eridan fucking up all our hard work."

"Would that, make either of us calmer?"

"…No, probably not." If you can't come up with something, you're going to have to split up and join one of the other duos. Aradia would probably let Tavros hang around with her and Sollux, which could be non-disastrous, but it would leave you stuck between the bad idea of third wheel with the meowrails or trying to be pale with Vriska, both of which sound pretty damn disastrous. "Okay. Role-playing. Let's try to plan out the scenario in detail."

**== > Kanaya: Get this orgy started**

"So," you try finally. "It must have been very traumatic having your blood revealed like that."

Karkat facepalms. "Do we have to fucking do this?"

"I believe that apart from Equius and possibly Eridan, no one has any objection in these circumstances." You consider. "For that matter, I think most of us would have had no objection if we learned about it on Alternia, although several of them I would _not_ trust to keep a secret." Vriska, you think, wouldn't care about Karkat's blood past using it as fuel to harass him with, but she'd manage to spread the word to the wrong people inside a few perigees.

"I didn't say anything because the best way to keep something secret is not to tell _anyone_. You know what we should talk about? Gamzee!"

"Gamzee," you repeat. You look at Gamzee, who is staring across the pit at… Nepeta and Equius. You quickly look away. "What about Gamzee?"

"Okay, so, a while ago the fucking goblins showed me a video they said was Gamzee just after the sopor wore off. Gamzee, don't listen to this. And in the video he was -- he seemed like a fucking highblood, all right? One of the foaming-at-the-mouth gleeful killing machines they're all supposed to be, not the whiny oxygen-consuming machines we have around here. Then he broke his hand and started writing on the wall in blood."

You look at Gamzee again. He's adjusted his angle, and is looking at Vriska and Feferi. (Feferi's hand is hovering about a centimeter from Vriska's face while Vriska tries to compose herself.) "What did he write?"

"Honk," Karkat says.

"Honk honk," Gamzee says, in Karkat's ear. Karkat nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Don't _do_ that!"

You might accuse Karkat of making this up to divert attention from his own issues, but he _has_ been asking those weird questions about purplebloods. And Gamzee _was_ hitting anyone in range with a cushion during the brawl, when he wasn't falling over. Although you're not sure what exactly that provides evidence _for_.

"Look," you say finally. "This is going to be complicated enough with three of us. Maybe we should put off any attempt at feelings jams for later and see if we can manage the more -- tactile -- aspects."

(You're still rattled, and you're pretty sure Karkat's worse. He's such a traditional romantic, while you were at least familiar with the _concept_ of-- Well, some rainbow drinker fiction got _very_ kinky, in every imaginable quadrant.)

Karkat sighs heavily. "Fucking fine. So how the fuck are we going to initiate this -- obscene travesty of the beautiful institution of moirallegiance? I could--"

Gamzee paps both of you, one with each hand, before you can dodge. You jerk away, accidentally elbowing Karkat in the ribs, but Karkat -- Karkat actually relaxes a little.

"H--" Gamzee starts, but Karkat puts a hand over his mouth.

"Don't you _dare_ , bulgestain. Our raunchy three-way circle-pap is a honk-free zone."

**== > Fade to black on this mortifying scene of debauchery. What's Yn-yk up to?**

A complex escape plan is considered to be one of the signs of completing acclimation. Subjects have recovered from the shock of Intake enough to _think_ , which means it's feasible to educate them.

You were afraid Od-ut's scheme to shield the trolls from the Threat Evaluator might have traumatized them right back out of thinking again. Extreme-stress corrective measures are not generally administered to large groups, or in public, and the specialized use of the nymph swarm was _diabolical_. …You're going to have to send Od-ut to endoevaluation, aren't you. That kind of ruthlessness is… worrying. Even if it did save the project.

But they're still thinking and organizing, implementing a demonstration of 'pale affection' they hope will prevent any future interventions of… a similar nature. They're rational enough for you to move forward.


	3. EDUCATION

**== > Be Jade Harley**

You're fairly sure today's worksheet is a xenophobia evaluation, especially with Er-ys back and watching you. You're _not_ sure why they're doing this now, when they already let you meet the trolls to test the translator. John didn't say anything about making a massive faux pas. Though you guess he might not have noticed…

You fill out the worksheet honestly. There's no point in lying with an evaluator _right there_ monitoring. (You're not sure if they even read your answers, or just go by the evaluator's impressions.) Since they know you know this, and you know they know you know this, when there _is_ an evaluator _right there_ it sometimes doesn't matter much if you give the wrong answers. With Er-ys, you should be fine. Dave is probably taking so long because he's trying to think of _really ironic_ answers. Rose finished hers in about two minutes and is doodling in the margins.

As soon as Dave passes in his worksheet, Yn-yk enters the room. It and Er-ys look at each other for a minute, then Er-ys walks out without saying anything -- aloud. Whatever the report was must have been simple enough not to require a verbal component.

Yn-yk turns to the four of you with a smile. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," you say brightly. "How are you? How's it going with the trolls? We haven't seen them for a while."

Yn-yk's expression goes… complicated for a moment. "They could be better. They passed their recent threat evaluation, but the measures taken to ensure this were… undesirably harsh."

Unlike sensory deprivation, nymph swarms, and _medication_? This can't be good.

"It will make building a rapport with the trolls very difficult for us," Yn-yk continues. "I hope that they may feel more comfortable around you."

"You want us to be go-betweens?" Dave asks. "Like, to do what?"

"Encouraging the higher emotions," Yn-yk says. "Answering their questions, if you can. Generally helping them settle in. They need guides they will trust, and right now that can't be a goblin."

"Uh, yeah," John says. "I think we could do that. Guys?" You and Rose nod; Dave looks a little more dubious, but he shrugs and nods, too.

Yn-yk thanks you and leaves, leaving you to wonder: The goblins don't think anything they did to you inhibited trust?

Except… it didn't, exactly?

You trust that Yn-yk wants what it believes to be best for you, and you have since maybe a week at most after you met it. You trust the goblins won't hurt you without a reason, although it might be a very weird goblin reason, and the vast majority of them do not enjoy doing it.

You wonder what those first few months would have been like if you hadn't felt able to ask Yn-yk questions. (Goblins are terrible about volunteering information they'll happily share if prompted.) You're… not sure.

You don't have a problem thinking about life on Earth. (You miss outside so much.) You don't have a problem thinking about reading Ottrian or the ongoing Ap-ut problems or even John's meltdown after he gave up on escaping. It's just that intermediate period, between leaving Earth and when you (gave up) (gave in) (broke) adjusted that's not too clear aside from abstract facts and a few isolated scenes.

**== > Past Jade: Be depressed**

The others are doing what they can, but there really _isn't_ anything they can do. And it's not like they're feeling so great either, with the confirmation that you're not in some secret lab you could walk out of if you found the door, but _in space_. You all knew it was a possibility from the beginning, because aliens, but you'd hoped.

John is geeking out over being IN SPACE! You think the geeking out might be sincere, but you're pretty sure he's alluding to as many terrible movies as he can purely -- or at least mostly -- to try to pull Dave out of his funk. Dave's responses are halfhearted. Rose has shut herself in her room to brood. You know Dave and John would welcome you to their half-conversation, but you head for your room instead. Maybe you want to brood for a while yourself.

You don't know how space out the window (or whatever it's called) of the goblin ship can look so much emptier than a clear moonless night at home.

Okay, fine, so the Earth night sky has artificial satellites. But it goes beyond that!

You flop down onto your bed and stare at the ceiling.

You miss the sky.

You miss Bec.

You miss Grandpa.

You miss your bass.

You miss Tangle Buddies and Manthro Chaps and suits of armor and faded blue ladies and… no, actually, you don't miss mummies or hunting trophies.

You miss plants.

Do goblins have plants? They must have some kind of plants. You think.

After a while, you get up and shuffle over towards the other door, the locked one that leads directly to a corridor and not your common room. There's a box next to it with two buttons, one red and one blue. The red one is an emergency call button; the blue one is for if you want to leave a non-emergency message for the goblins. You press the blue button and wait for the beep.

"I--" You stop, and clear your throat. "I don't know if you have potted plants, but if you do, I would like a potted plant."

The next day Yn-yk takes you all to the garden atrium.

**== > Be Tavros Nitram**

After the pale orgy, you have one circadian cycle more or less to yourselves, which most of you spend working on trying to make eye contact without blushing. The circadian cycle after that, the goblins summon _everyone at once_. Once out in the corridor, they split you into groups and take you in different directions.

You, Aradia, Terezi, Sollux, Nepeta, and Equius are escorted to a mostly empty block. A goblin comes in and starts talking -- lecturing -- about the importance of being sincere. Five minutes in, you get a little concerned about how long this is going to last. Ten minutes in, you're wishing it wasn't quite so obvious when you turn your head -- you'd like to check out everyone else's expressions. Fifteen minutes in, you're seriously questioning whether _this_ is sincere. You haven't seen a goblin make a joke yet, but this is getting absurd. Twenty minutes in, your legs are getting tired, but there's nowhere to sit. Twenty-five minutes in, you decide you would rather be in the other group -- Vriska notwithstanding -- if they're doing something other than this.

Thirty minutes in, Equius sits down heavily on the floor. It seems his legs are even more tired than yours.

The goblin actually pauses in its monologue. "Are you unwell?"

"No," Equius says stiffly, trying to get up.

"He can't stand fur any longer," Nepeta says -- way too timidly for Nepeta. She sounds more like -- like _you_. "Purrlease let him sit on the floor."

The goblin nods magnanimously. "There are seating cushions stacked in the corner. Any of you may make use of them. I will pause while you resettle yourselves."

You head for the cushions. You seem to be in better condition than post-WEAKening Equius (which is, shamefully, a bit gratifying), but you're still not fully recovered from the atrophy that came with your paralysis. Terezi catches hold of your horn, claiming she can't find her way to the corner without help. You are honestly not sure how much she's lying -- all the colors here are so similar. (You're certain she's lying at least a little. She doesn't need to hang on to a horn to follow black hair in a pale gray room.)

The entire group ends up on the floor, including Aradia and Terezi, which you would not have predicted. The cushions are… softer than the floor.

Rather than loom over you more than it already was, the goblin drops down to -- sit on its heels, maybe? Hard to tell, with the robes they wear.

It starts talking about sincerity again.

**== > Be someone in the other group**

You are now Vriska Serket. The _best_ news is, there has been no inappropriate papping or shooshing. The good news is, they are taking the gunk off your teeth! (You guess they think you're all really intimidated now? Well, you can't say they're _wrong_ …)

The not-so-good news is they seem to think it's necessary to follow this up with a "dental examination" to make sure having the gunk on there all that time didn't do any damage. If they care about that, you think maybe they shouldn't have put it on to begin with. You don't say so, but you're sure you're not the only one thinking it.

The weird news is they are, simultaneously, making you watch some sort of schoolfeeding video. About _sharing_. It features a number of different kinds of aliens. Sharing.

It is a very stupid and veeeeeeeery boring video, and you think Karkat may actually rupture a blood vessel seething about it. Kanaya is trying to get him to calm down. Gamzee seems entranced by the video.

Feferi is trying to get the goblins to tell her something about Eridan besides his being 'unharmed'. She's afraid it was her dumping him that made the goblins take him away -- or rather, that they'd have left him if he still had a moirail.

You -- well, you don't want anything permanent to happen to Eridan? Or for the aliens to perv on him more? But you have no problem at all if he's being thrown in a mindfuckacoon for a few perigees, because him being gone makes it much less tempting to be violent.

You don't want to be violent. Among other things.

**== > Vriska: Be sorry for the things you've done**

You don't see the point. You really don't. Being sorry _doesn't fix anything_. If being sorry would make something un-happen… well, you still would have done most of what you did, because your mom had to eat. You don't care what anyone else thinks, she was your mom and she was a great lusus.

But there are… there are a few things you'd un-happen, if you could.

Equius un-happened your killing Aradia before it could happen all the way, so all you really did was wreck part of her hive -- and upset her moirail, people are sensitive about moirails. You don't think it's fair that people blame you for it when it actually didn't happen, buuuuuuuut it is better than people blaming you for it and it actually having happened, because then you'd want to un-happen it, and you wouldn't be able to.

(So when you think about it, you sort of owe Equius, and not just for the arm. But! When you think about it, you sort of paid him back by not telling everyone and their auspistice that the snottiest, sweatiest blueblood on Alternia was flushed for a rustblood. Soooooooo much blackmail material. So much. And you didn't even make any jokes about it to Eridan!)

You'd un-happen your falling out with Terezi, but that didn't start with blinding her. By the time you blinded her, it was the logical thing to do. And she's fine, really!

The way things went down with Tavros -- you didn't want to kill him. You don't think. You really did want to help him get stronger and be better and reach the full potential he had to have. You would have been sad if he died. He just wouldn't do what you said, and--

It made sense at the time.

The goblins un-did the damage, and you kind of thought that might un-happen it, but it didn't.

And now you have the new question -- were you like the goblins? And what do you do if you were?

**== > Be Karkat Vantas**

It has been a very long day. Circadian cycle. What fucking ever. You thought the dental-examination-and-schoolfeeding-video was bad until you got to the _next_ event.

The ridiculous, _interminable_ lecture on sincerity (what the fuck?) is finally over. You did not start swearing at the lecturer and get yourself thrown into a mindfuckacoon, thanks partially to Gamzee and Kanaya deciding it was their job to keep you calm but mostly to not wanting to flip out before Vriska did. You suspect Vriska was trying not to flip out before _you_ did. So hurrah, no mindfuckacoons yet! Bluh.

Now the goblins are leading you through a maze of blank white corridors. It's not too bright -- you're pretty sure someone is turning down the lights for you as you go, then turning them up again once you pass -- but the corridors are still intimidating in their _sameness_. You distract yourself trying to keep Gamzee more or less upright.

They finally lead you to a block, where you find the other group sitting at a table, and -- is that grub sauce you smell? (You've all been on finger food since the brawl: they took away all the nutrition plateaus and eating utensils due to their use as weapons.)

Sure enough, the goblins provide you with nutrition plateaus containing a pretty decent imitation of grub sauce. It's poured over synthetic protein mush, but the sauce makes it semi-palatable. The faces Vriska's making suggest she feels otherwise, but that's her problem.

"So!" Terezi says brightly once everyone's settled. "We heard a lecture on sincerity, then watched a video about sharing while they decapped our teeth. How about you?"

"Other way around," Feferi replies. "I… okay, I reel-y don't know what they're doing."

"Education?" Tavros suggests. "I mean, um, they said, that they wanted to teach us?"

"Whale, yes, but… lectures and schoolfeeding videos? I was expecting more, uh, depositing information directly into our heads, or something."

"Maybe, they are starting slowly?"

You listen, but don't stop shoveling food into your mouth. No one has any suggestions of what it could be _other_ than the goblins trying to teach you, except Sollux, who suggests in an undertone that maybe the goblins get off on confusing people. He's probably joking, but personally you think the theory has some merit.

A goblin tells you to take your eating implements to a counter when you have finished, then return to your seats. Vriska has to balance her drinking vessel and eating utensils on top of her nutrition plateau so she can carry it all one-handed, but she hurries up and does so before anyone can offer help, then returns to the table to 'subtly' clean up drips of grub sauce with her sleeve. You take Gamzee's dishes so he doesn't fall over on the way, and you notice Nepeta taking Equius's.

After everyone's back at the table _again_ , another goblin comes in and puts a stack of… something down, then a bunch of pens or styluses. "Please pass these down the table, and this one is for Terezi Pyrope."

The unknown item looks like a blank sheet of thick, glossy black paper until you touch it, at which point it suddenly becomes white with Alternian writing on it. In fact…

"Take all the time you need, but do your own work. Use the styluses to write."

…It's a _quiz_. On sincerity. And sharing.

You want to shout "Are you fucking kidding me?!" almost -- but not quite -- as much as you don't want to end up in a mindfuckacoon.

A lot of the questions are pretty intuitive, if you keep in mind that goblins have about the exact fucking opposite priorities as the trolls who designed your schoolfeeding modules. Some of them seem like they're looking for specific wording though, and on those you're in trouble, because you were paying little attention to the sincerity lecture and less to the sharing video. At least you're pretty sure everyone else is in the same situation.

It's tempting to check out other people's answers, but there is no way the goblins aren't monitoring every fucking move you make.

Vriska and Equius both try to cheat anyway. _Bluebloods_.

**== > Aradia: Return from bizarre schoolfeeding escapade**

While you were off doing weird goblin things, the communal block got remodeled. Okay then.

The giant pile looks pretty much as you left it, but beyond it, the sandbag pillow-pit has been replaced with an actual sunken area in the floor, lined with cushions and filled with… pile stuff. Beyond that _should_ be the wall with the nutritionblock fixtures, but the wall and fixtures have moved back a good eight meters, and the tables and chairs are back. There are also two new doors. One has a yellow light above it, the other a blue one.

"Oooohhh," you say. "I wonder where those go." You pretend not to hear Sollux groaning, it's not like you're insisting he accompany you.

The door with the yellow light is -- unsurprisingly -- locked. The door with the blue light…

The block beyond is full of mindfuckacoons. One, two, three, four, five and a space on one side, six on the other -- eleven mindfuckacoons with space for one more, plus an ablution shower and racks of towels. To get the slime off, you guess.

"Everyone?" you say over your shoulder. "We have a block full of mindfuckacoons over here."

Karkat and Terezi join you in the doorway immediately, but it's Nepeta who actually ventures into the block to take a closer look at the two mindfuckacoons with blinking blue lights. You guess she jumped to the same conclusion you did.

"You should probably not mess with those too much," Karkat says reluctantly. "We don't know what any of those buttons do, or how the fucking goblins would react."

"Is there, uh, a big lever?" Tavros asks from behind you. "That's how they opened before?"

"Yeah, well, we _still_ don't know how the fucking goblins would react--"

"There is a big lefur," Nepeta says, subdued. "It's labeled _do not purrl except in emergencies_. _Not_ is all in capitals."

That gives you a pretty good idea how the goblins would react, namely: mindfuckacoons. Hopefully.

**== > Be Dave Strider**

It's been a while since you woke up to any changes in the layout of your quarters, but that sure is a new door off the common room. Wait. Does a new door count as a layout change? Well, whatever, there's a change and there hasn't been for a while, not since they expanded the kitchenette-thing. You never did come up with any good theories about how goblin remodeling was so fast and so quiet.

Whatever. There's a new door, with the blue light that indicates you're free to go through at your own discretion. You bet it has something to do with the trolls the others agreed to go-between for, because the goblins fucked up somehow.

(You both do and don't want to know what the fuck happened with that. They've never decided the four of you need a break from goblins, not even after any of the Ap-ut incidents.)

You're tempted to go exploring right away, but the others would be annoyed. Anyway, if you run into the trolls you'd rather have Decorative Mineral, Woody Perennial Flower, or Colloquialism for Toilet along so you can avoid being trapped alone in any discussions of alien space insect sex shenanigans.

You wait until everyone else is up, but you jointly decide to postpone breakfast. A new door is much more interesting than fake alien bran flakes.

**== > Dave: Explore**

The new door leads to a bland corridor, more dimly-lit than your common area, especially at this time of 'day'. The light above the door on this side is green, access for authorized persons and those they invite. Presumably, this is to keep just anyone from wandering into your quarters this way.

The hallway opens out into an open space with another hallway opposite. You check out the other entrance first -- short hall leading to a green-lit door -- before turning to examine the room. It's not not unlike your common room, only bigger. And with a shitload of bean bag chairs instead of a mega-couch.

"Aren't there twelve trolls?" John asks, looking at Jade and Rose.

"In the briefing they gave us," Rose confirms.

"So why are there thirty bean bag chairs?"

"No, Egbert, the correct question is why are there thirty _bean bag chairs_. How did they even come up with that?"

Jade drops down onto one of the chairs. "I don't know, but I think they're pretty cool." She pauses, cocking her head. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" John asks.

This time, you pick up on the brief murmur of hissing, growling, and clicking. "Translator?" you wonder.

"Must be," Rose agrees. "I don't know why it's so quiet. Maybe they're doing something with frequencies…"

Before anyone can speculate further, you all hear the quiet _hiss_ of a door opening.

**== > Be a troll**

You are now Karkat Vantas.

The yellow-lit door goes blue and unlocked, and Aradia, Terezi, and Tavros want to explore immediately. Tavros is a bit of a surprise.

"Maybe it goes, um, to where they're keeping the lusii," he says hopefully.

Aradia shakes her head. "I really don't think so, Tavros, I just want to see where it _does_ go." But Tavros insists.

You appoint yourself to go with them so someone sensible can be present. Terezi laughs at you.

As for everyone else -- Equius and Vriska are still (presumably) in mindfuckacoons, Nepeta is glued to the occupied mindfuckacoons, Feferi can't seem to decide whether she's supposed to be keeping vigil by the mindfuckacoons or not, and Gamzee can't stand up at the moment. Kanaya pledges she and Sollux will come running to the rescue armed with pillows if they hear terrible screaming. You flip them both off.

Feferi joins you at the last minute with the justification that it might go wherever they took Eridan, and even though she dumped him she still cares about him.

You're pretty sure it's not Eridan. Fuck him.

**== > Be Eridan Ampora**

You think you may be going insane.

At first, you thought the goblins were acknowledging how you'd been useful to them by telling them about the FLARP scheme. They put you in a larger private block with a lounging pool. Soon, you were sure, they'd ask you to do more, and then you could negotiate privileges for Fef, too. Then she'd see why you had to do it.

But they didn't ask you to do anything else for them. They just gave you a stupid psych test, and otherwise left you alone.

When you finally asked them about Fef, you were told nothing of note had happened with the other trolls.

You are so lonely.

**== > Karkat: Boldly go where no troll has gone before**

You can't. Aradia got into the lead, and now Terezi is hanging on to your arm.

It's not a very long corridor. The block at the other end doesn't have Eridan, or lusii -- Tavros's shoulders slump -- but it does have humans, who perk up when they see you. The dark-haired boy you met before waves excitedly. You wave back with your free hand.

The light-haired female starts speaking, and the translator echoes her a moment later. (It still sounds excessively calm, but you can deal with that.) "Hello. Can you hear the translator?"

"Yeah, just fine," Aradia replies. The translator whispers a few words in the human language. "Can you?"

"Yes, thank you for asking. There is something strange happening there."

You elbow your way to the front. "Hi. I'm Karkat Vantas, and these assholes are Terezi Pyrope, Aradia Megido, Feferi Peixes, and Tavros Nitram."

The light-haired female human -- purple eyes, no wonder Equius got so flustered -- nods. "I am Rose Lalonde." She pauses long enough for the translator to finish. "Good. It seems to have stopped literally translating names. This is Jade Harley, John Egbert, and Dave who walks a great deal."

"Dave _Strider_ ," the human in question corrects. "It is not my fault my personal name does not translate."

"It is your fault you would not stop giving us a hard time," Jade says. "Anyway! Nice to meet you guys in a less formal setting. Well, I only met Kanaya and sort of Feferi -- is Kanaya all right? We heard you guys had some trouble…"

"She's fine. But, uh… how did you know we had trouble?" If the goblins gave the humans video of your pale orgy, or -- so much worse -- what happened _before_ it, you're going to have to beat your head in against the wall.

"Yn-yk asked us to play go-between," Jade says. "Answer your questions and stuff? He said something didn't work out the way he wanted and you guys would not feel comfortable asking goblins questions."

Terezi's eyebrows go up. "How very interesting."

"May I ask what happened?" says Rose.

There's a long, awkward pause.

"Uhh…" Tavros says.

"Fuck no," you say.

"Have you ever seen a goblin wearing darker clothes than the others?" Aradia says.

John makes a face. "Yeah. Those. Sometimes. Not often. They're never much fun. And they never speak our language for some reason."

**== > Past Rose: Don't let them see you're afraid**

Your head is high, your expression is smooth, your shoulders aren't hunching up around the collar even a little, and your hands are relaxed at your sides. Not that it matters if they really are a species of empaths.

It's pointless to run through all the things you would rather be doing. Instead you aim low and wish you were back in the little room with Dave and Jade. They took John away for an 'exam', maybe the same kind that left Jade so exhausted she can't keep her eyes open, but you think this is something different. You don't think this is the way to the medlabs, for one thing.

You focus on following the alien leading you. (It's not Yn-yk, your usual custodian. Its skin is a little more purple, and its horn points forward more.) (You hate that you'd feel less nervous if it were Yn-yk.) If you lag, your escort will take your elbow in its smooth, chill hand to… lead you more decisively. Or something.

Not-Yn-yk finally leads you into a room where you find two seated aliens in light burgundy robes, very different from the white or light gray of the 'educators' and 'evaluators' and 'handlers' you've seen a lot of. They exchange a few gurgly alien words with not-Yn-yk, who pulls back, leaving you front and center. You aren't even surprised when one of the burgundy aliens gets up and moves towards you.

You keep your eyes on the floor. They don't need eye contact to read your mind, or feelings, or whatever they do, but for some reason eye contact seems to make it feel more invasive for you.

The alien puts a hand on the side of your head. You hold very still, hands fisting in your stupid hospital gown-nightshirt thing. (Just as well it's you. Dave has trouble holding still when an alien handles him, and John and Jade just have trouble holding still.) (You hate that 'give them what they want and they probably won't hurt you' is the story of your fucking _life_ these days.)

The aliens exchange some incomprehensible verbal remarks. You keep looking down. Your toenails are short and smooth, courtesy of your last med exam including a pedicure. You're going to ask Yn-yk for shoes or socks. Your feet are cold, and you've been in nastier winters than any of the others. If that goes over well, maybe you'll ask for some _underwear_.

"Rose Lalonde," the burgundy alien says, but it's not-Yn-yk that continues in precise goblin English. "How would your species react if we revealed ourselves and offered aid?"

**== > Terezi: Explore bean bag chairs**

Experimentally, you prod one of the pastel blobs with a foot. There's too much give to be a regular sandbag, and the feel is all wrong. It's almost like someone put a pile in a sack. And then painted the sack light blue for some reason.

"What are these for?" you ask over your shoulder.

"Sitting, supposedly," the Dave human replies. "Jade seemed to think they worked all right."

You promptly sit, tucking your feet up to sit cross-legged. "Not bad," you proclaim. Your claws slip across the surface of the chair. "Now what?" You tilt your face up at him. It's weird, having a light blur on top of a person rather than a dark blur. Goblins just don't have any hair at all.

"We sit around and dodge questions, I guess."

It sounds like Karkat is trying to explain the encounter with the red goblin without explaining the circumstances of the encounter with the red goblin. Feferi is trying to help; Aradia is just standing by and grinning. Tavros may be trying to help, but you don't think he's actually _helping_.

"Aren't we supposed to be asking _you_ questions?"

"That did sound like the basic idea. You have one for me?"

"Yes. How did you get them to give you glasses you don't need to see?"

"What makes you think I don't need them to see?"

You grin. "They smell different."

"Smell different."

Your grin widens. This is going to be fun. (Unlike the goblins, who somehow knew your way of seeing immediately. How did they even figure that out? Lousy stupid goddamn mind-reading goblins.) "Why, yes. You see, I'm blind!"

**== > Rose, Jade, and John: Initiate helpful Q&A**

The trolls still haven't explained to your satisfaction what the hell went down that the goblins think they need a break from goblins, but fine.

**== > Karkat: Ask the humans about the mindfuckacoon block**

"The… what? I don't think the translator got that."

You sigh. "The… pod things, with the slime…"

"The goblins call them reflection chambers," Feferi adds.

John's expression clears. "Oh, you mean the sensory deprivation tanks! Yeah, we get those, too. And we have a room with four of them attached to our quarters."

Jade nods. "We think they put it there when they decided we would not pull the emergency lever and open the tank early every single time. It's for… okay, we don't really know why they put them there. Did you find the audio speaker yet?"

**== > Feferi: Ask the humans about Eridan**

"No, sorry, haven't seen anyone who looks like that."

**== > Tavros: Ask the humans about Tinkerbull**

"That sounds _adorable_ ," Jade says. "But no, besides the dog-ferrets the only animal we've seen lately is that giant white cat that jumped out of the wall and scratched up Dave."

"Oh," you say. "Uhhhhh…" You look at Aradia. Karkat and Feferi look at Aradia.

Aradia looks slightly guilty. "Yeah, about that. We didn't realize it wasn't a corridor until too late."

"The cat is yours?" Rose asks.

"Nepeta's, but she's not here -- this is kind of a long story." Aradia looks across the block. "Hey, Dave who walks a great deal, sorry about Nepeta's lusus clawing you up!"

Dave looks over from where he has been attempting to get Terezi to return his glasses. "Say what?"

**== > Sollux: Ask what the fuck they're doing in there**

You last almost an hour before you decide you have to see what is so fascinating behind that damn door. It has to be more interesting than watching GZ stare at the food like it's talking to him.

"I'm going to go see what it is they found in there," you tell KN. She gives you a meaningful look, which you guess is probably asking why you get to run off while she's stuck Gamzee-sitting. "I'll send someone back. Assuming I don't join everyone else in being eaten by gog-knows-what."

You probably should have gone with them to begin with. Your psionics are still weakened, but you've recovered enough that they aren't useless, and if something did happen to everyone that you could have prevented, but didn't because you were sulking…

Fortunately, everything seems to be fine when you reach the larger block at the end of the short corridor. Everyone is visible and unhurt, plus there are four new aliens -- the humans, you assume. KK's right, the hair and nose and correct number of eyes and arms make up for the lack of horns.

TZ has gotten a pair of shades off one of them and is refusing to give them back, despite TV chasing along warning her about mindfuckacoons. You lift the shades off her face and bring them to your hand. Definitely shades, not corrective lenses. "How'd you get them to give you these when you don't need them to see with?" you ask the human.

"Sollux, you came!" AA says. Then, "Are you sure you want to be doing that?"

"They never said not to use my psionics _at all_ , and they would probably approve of my being honest about how recovered I am," you tell her.

The dark-haired female human says something, and after a lag of a few seconds the translator picks up just like KN described. "You are probably correct about the honesty. I did not know you guys were psychic! Was that in the briefing, Rose?"

The light-haired female human replies, "It might be. We're not fluent in Ottrian by a long shot."

"Briefing?" KK says. "No, never mind. Sollux, give the stupid pointless glasses back to the Dave human."

You do. "So, KN--"

"And someone go tell Kanaya and Gamzee and Nepeta we're all right." KK looks around. "Feferi, can you handle that?"

"Shore," FF says, climbing up from the weird bag-thing she was lying on.

"And you can sit on Gamzee--"

"If Kanaya wants to come sea the humans, _yes_ , Karcrab."

"And see if you can get Nepeta to go with her. Do _not_ tell her about the audio feed." FF just waves over her shoulder as she heads back towards the communal block. (Should that be the 'troll communal block'? Is this some new joint communal block?)

"Audio feed?" you ask no one in particular.

"The, uh, the humans' space also has, a mindfuckacoon block, and in theirs, there is a feature, so you can hear what the, the person inside is saying? Or any other noises. We're not sure, that ours has the same thing, but…" TV shrugs awkwardly.

Personally you'd kind of like to know what Vriska and Equius are saying in mindfuckacoons, but you can see how it's probably best not to listen to people who don't know you might be listening. "Huh. Weird. Why would they--"

"Do not ask that," says the shades-human. "Rose will try to answer. It will take a very long time."

"We do not know," the other light-haired human says. "I can speculate, but then Dave will complain."

**== > Aradia: Ask the humans about the information screen thing**

You check it out yourself first, while everyone's getting introduced to Kanaya and Nepeta. (They aren't mentioning the pouncing-Pounce incident. Or the audio feed.) Like the one back in your communal block, it's covered in text -- but on this one you can only read half of it. The other half is, you assume, in human.

Near the top on both sides are three short rows of -- well, they're numbers on the Alternian side, and you'd be willing to bet the human side has numbers, too. One of the rows is giving your position in your current circadian cycle. It's getting on towards a sleeping period. You guess the other number-rows might be human circadian cycle -- and maybe goblin? If the second one down is human, and it's set up more or less like yours…

"Did you just wake up?" you ask the humans.

"Not long ago," Jade says. "Is that another comparative timepiece? Cool."

You nod. "I think it's indicating what times each group is scheduled to do other things."

"Hmm." Jade studies the board. "Looks like you guys are on a longer cycle than we are -- the goblins are shorter. This is going to be complicated to keep track of."

**== > Kanaya: Ask the humans about signs**

"When did they begin to let you wear your signs?"

The humans look a little confused. "Signs?" John asks.

"The marks on your fucking clothing," Karkat growls. "The -- I don't even know what those are."

"The decorations?" Rose shrugs. "Jade became bored with blank clothing and asked for something to liven it up a little. We drew -- I guess these are stylized enough to be symbols, but none of us are gifted artists."

"Fuck," Karkat says. "You picked it because you liked it. Not signs."

"I don't think we quite understand?"

You try to explain. "Trolls receive their signs when very young, and most pre-adults wear their signs prominently. It's an… identity thing."

You're not sure the humans understand, but John smiles. "We still have some fabric paint, if you guys wanted to use it? We could bring it next time we meet up."

"That… would be very much appreciated."

**== > Karkat: Ask the humans what you really want to know**

"Does it… get better?" You gesture vaguely, hoping to indicate -- the goblins, the ship, everything. "You seem like -- you seem like it gets better."

"Yes," John says.

"That depends on how you define _better_ ," Rose says. "And _it_."

John groans. "Don't make everything so complicated, Rose."

"The goblins are morally opposed to unnecessary suffering. So long as we are in compliance with--"

"Meaning yes."

Jade rolls her eyes and addresses you directly. "It is better, because we're doing what they want." She looks at the other humans. "Was that so complicated, guys?"

Seriously? What was the pale orgy, if not trying to do what the goblins want?

…and it is better. Better than it was. "Oh," you say flatly.

"We do what they want, and we gave up on getting away," Dave adds. John makes a face, but doesn't disagree.

"That part's probably easier for us," Jade says. "We have no spaceflight. I guess for you, knowing your friends or family might be able to rescue you…"

Yeah, no. "I don't know what the fuck you mean by family, as profoundly depressing as it is to consider anyone I might consider a friend is already here, and I don't think the Alternian Empire has ever fucking rescued anyone in its entire grotesque existence, especially not a shitload of panshattered assholes like us."

And the Empire would kill _you_ , immediately, for being a mutant. You get ready to glare, but happily no one in your group feels obliged to bring that up.

"…Oh," Jade says. "Um… sorry to hear that?"

**== > Be Aradia Megido**

You bid the humans farewell after one of the items on the timekeeping-information board starts blinking red at you -- it's within an hour of your designated respiteperiod, or whatever the goblins are calling it. The humans, in turn, have to go get ready for some educational thing. The light goes back to yellow as soon as you're all back in the communal block.

To no one's surprise, Nepeta immediately makes for the mindfuckacoon block. Pretty much everyone else is scrambling for something to eat. Kanaya looks after Nepeta, looking concerned, then parks Gamzee in the doorway to the mindfuckacoon block to hold the door open, letting her keep an eye on Nepeta. Clever.

**== > Aradia: Double-check on local timekeeping device**

Not about it being time for sleep -- you're pretty confident about that and no one's arguing. But there was something else you spotted on the device in the shared-with-the-humans block that's a little more worrisome, which you didn't want to mention in mixed company.

There is time blocked out for 'communal meditation and equilibrium restoration'. You think that's a weird goblin way of saying _calming_ , which probably means the whole thing is a suggestion you should have another pale orgy. A strong suggestion, because goblins don't make any other kind.

At least not when it comes to trolls.

You consider finding a way to share the news delicately, then decide to be blunt instead. "It looks like they want us to have another pale orgy after we wake up." You point a thumb at the notice device. "According to that."

There's a scattering of groans, and a string of curses from Karkat, but you think no one's very surprised. You all guessed the goblins put in that pit for a reason.

And then Gamzee falls over, and there's a smothered-hiss noise from Nepeta, and it turns out a goblin has come into the mindfuckacoon block, presumably to release Equius and Vriska. Karkat and Kanaya and Feferi and Terezi all head in that direction. You leave them to it, and corner Sollux with some of the fake grubloaf.

**== > Karkat: Reunite with your obnoxious and mentally unstable bluebloods**

Though at least their trying to cheat on the quiz didn't fuck anyone _else_ over, you'll give them that much.

Vriska and Equius come out of the mindfuckacoons quiet and shivering. Equius looks horrified to see the audience standing in and around the doorway and tries to hide behind the mindfuckacoons, Vriska, his hair, the goblin, whatever. He's probably sweating, but it's hard to tell through the coating of slime. Not that you're looking at him trying to figure it out, because naked Equius is only just behind your own mangled organs splattered across the floor on the list of Things You Never Ever Want To See. Naked Spiderbitch is also on the list, but only at around the level of Terezi and Nepeta's roleplaying logs. From your _very_ brief glance in her direction, you see she's not making any effort to cover up, but just keeps rubbing compulsively around the device where her eye should be and leaning on a mindfuckacoon.

You look at the others and discover you're the only one even fucking attempting to maintain any kind of decorum -- well, all right, and Nepeta. Ignoring your moirail's state of undress and ensuing embarrassment when he needs help is entirely acceptable. But Kanaya is trying to avert her gaze and sneak looks at Vriska at the same time, Feferi doesn't seem to realize there's anything to be embarrassed about, and Terezi is just looking at -- no, fuck, _smelling_ them straight on. Grinning.

A goblin you're mostly sure is the Yn-yk goblin gives a short lecture about following instructions and the importance of accuracy in evaluations before leaving.

You're going to have to ask the humans about all these fucking _lectures_.

"What--" Equius says. "What are you all doing in--"

Nepeta shooshes him. "This block is attached to the main block. Come on, you need to get that slime off, then I'll show you."

She doesn't mention the decision that it's probably best to have another -- pale thing -- in the near future. Probably the right call. Equius is flustered enough already.

**== > Tavros: Undertake another pale… thing**

You wake up when the lights in your respiteblock go up a level by themselves, and scramble out of your pile. It's still awesome being able to walk, but you really miss having Tinkerbull with you. Stupid Eridan.

Maybe you should talk about missing Tinkerbull in the… thing.

Breakfast is some sort of weird pink nutrient shake thing which tastes a little bit like milk and a little bit like peanut butter. The goblins seem to still be experimenting with your diet. No one will meet anyone else's eyes, unless they do it while you're studying the table or your glass or your feet.

For a while you distract yourself wiggling each toe individually. Working feet are awesome.

"We should purrobably get on with this," Nepeta says eventually. "Can you get the lights down again, Aradia?"

Of course it's more complicated than that. All the glasses have to be taken to the used-eating-implements bin, a task which lands entirely on you and Kanaya until she points out dodging an unwanted task could be seen as negative sharing, at which point several others suddenly want to pitch in. You leave them to negotiate who gets to clean up the glass Equius knocked onto the floor and head for the… pit, where Terezi has already staked out the spot with the most colorful pillows.

It's bigger than the sandbag-circle you made before, both wider and somewhat deeper. You probably won't have to worry about hitting anyone with your horns. Under the circumstances, it's a pretty good setup. Piles are for normal troll things, and pits are for weird goblin-mandated things.

(It would be nice if the pit weren't out in the middle of the communal block, but you guess you'll have to deal with that.)

"Tavros!" Terezi greets you. "Join me on my delicious pillows."

"Um, okay, Terezi." You choose a place next to her and lean against the side of the pit. "Do you have any ideas? I might have an idea, but I don't want to push, if you have an idea."

"Your last idea went well," she says. "And good job playing pacificator since then! It's not your fault I couldn't resist the allure of the shades."

Maybe you should be talking about Terezi wanting her glasses? No, the Tinkerbull thing is more important. "I was thinking, maybe I could talk, about Tink? I really, miss him."

She purses her lips. "Hmm. Should we set it up like a roleplay again?"

"I think, maybe we could start with, just me talking? I want to talk about it?"

"Talking it is!" She pats you on the shoulder. "We should probably try to sit close together, though. I think we've been less tactile than everyone else, and they might notice."

**== > Feferi: Take a crack at Vriska's hair**

You think Vriska hasn't done anything with her hair since the last time you helped her with it. The braid has practically solidified. It's probably going to take the entire length of the… thing… to get it loose and more-or-less de-tangled.

Probably just as well. Everyone got… the thing after the brawl happened to everyone, but Vriska had all that… other stuff beforehand, so it's not surprising she's jittery about contact. Hair-grooming puts a, a _frame_ on it. If that makes sense? It makes _you_ feel more comfortable about it, anyway.

You're about halfway up the braid when Vriska speaks for the first time since agreeing you could fight the hair-erterrors. "I decided."

You blink. "What did you decide?"

"I decided I should want to not have used my powers on people I wasn't planning to kill," Vriska mutters, ducking her head. "So now what?"

You shrug, teasing loose a strand of hair. "You could apologize."

"Why?"

You blink. "Because… that's what you do, when you're sorry you did something?"

"But it doesn't _fix_ anything!" Vriska bursts out, probably easily audible to everyone else. She must realize the same thing, because she's quieter when she speaks again. "You say you're sorry, and then they say, and what good does that do, and you have to say, uhhhhhhhh I guess none. Sorry again!"

"Whale, it's still what you do when you wish you hadn't done something to somebody." That almost sounded like experience talking, but if Vriska Serket had offered a sincere apology to anyone in the last three sweeps, you probably would have heard about it. Huh.

**== > Nepeta: Bite your tongue**

…Metaphorically.

The thing is, you still _really_ don't want to be here. Everything is flat and sterile and the sounds and smells are all wrong. The others think some of the food is… approaching palatable, but none of it is anything at all like the raw meat you prefer. You miss Pounce. Matching your friends in 'fakey aliens-made-us-do-it moirallegiances' is not a form of shipping you ever aspired to. In fact, it's so awkward you haven't been able to bring yourself to recreate your shipping wall with the goblin crayons.

You're a wild creature. You're not meant to be tamed. Or _educated_ , or whatever they want to call it.

But the thing is, anything you do to fight won't just get you in trouble, it will probably get everyone else in trouble, too. As little as you want to be thrown in a mindfuckacoon or drugged, you want to be responsible for it happening to someone else even less. And if Equius backed your play -- which he would -- they might decide he's still too dangerous and do something to hurt him even more. It's terrifying to see your moirail unsteady on his feet, heartbreaking when he's unable to lift a sandbag you can manage without difficulty.

So you're sitting in the stupid pillow pit, gently prodding Equius to open up about what the goblins did to him and why he attacked Karkat. Everyone else seems to think it was the mutant thing alone, but you suspect there's more to it. _He_ is gently prodding _you_ to open up about being stuck indoors and having to follow rules.

It's not a normal feelings jam, because you can see Tavros and Terezi to one side (sitting elbow to elbow, they're making progress) and Feferi and Vriska to the other (has Vriska not been taking care of her hair at _all_?) and there's the occasional giggle from Gamzee. But you don't want it to end, because you know the goblins are going to come soon and make you do something else stupid, and you want to explore that even less.

You're not wrong.

**== > Nepeta: Off to stupid goblin schoolfeeding**

They herd you all to a blank white block with a large screen on one wall and seating cushions set out for you. The Yn-yk goblin is standing next to the screen.

"Please watch the entire presentation and then discuss the material among yourselves," Yn-yk says. "Replay any segments if necessary. This device controls the playback."

It takes a good thirty seconds for Feferi to step up and take the device. "Thank… you?"

"I will see you later," Yn-yk says, and leaves.

Feferi looks at the device. "This should be ea-sea to use, I think, but I'm not shore…"

Karkat opens his mouth, then clearly checks himself, and speaks in a more or less level tone. "Give it to Sollux. We'd better get the fuck on with this."

**== > Sollux: Navigate absurd goblin schoolfeeding**

The controller device thing isn't quite intuitive -- the arrows are all fucked around -- but it doesn't take you long to get the hang of it. Forward, back, pause, select… and menu, from the screen's response. Looks like the _presentation_ is a whole bunch of short videos. "I know how to start this," you announce finally. "It's more videos." Which is better than more lectures, but probably only just, if it's anything like the last video.

It takes a while to work out a seating arrangement that everyone is happy with. Vriska is attempting to claim she gets to have one person she can refuse to sit next to, since she isn't allowed to sit near TV, and she doesn't want to sit near Equius. TZ grudgingly concedes that it's a fair request, but it's not like anyone else wants to sit next to Equius, either.

You ignore all of it and mess with the remote some more. There's nothing that looks like a number pad at all, so it probably can't be used for any kind of programming. Dammit. (You miss programming. Earlier you wrote an all-new computer-exploding virus on paper in crayon, and then had to tear it up into tiny pieces and hope the goblins never realized what it was. You don't _think_ they'd stick you back in a goggles-rig for writing viruses, but a mindfuckacoon sounds a lot more likely.)

Eventually, everyone gets settled, and you start the first video. It opens with two stick-thin scaly aliens in a warm brown block. One is working at some sort of large framework and the other is staring out the window.

"Did these guys show up in the last video?" TZ asks. "They smell kind of familiar."

A door in the block opens and a third stick alien comes in, carrying a basket full of what looks like some kind of purple fruit. The alien at the frame thing turns towards the newcomer and immediately punches him-her-or-it in the snout. The newcomer drops the basket and clutches at its face with a cry of pain. The punching alien picks up the basket and leaves the room.

The video ends.

"What the actual fuck?" KK says.

Equius clears his throat. "The alien did not strike the… other alien. This is some sort of… fraud, or…"

"Acting," NP tells him. "They were acting. Remember? Like the meowvies we watched?"

"I know what acting is, Nepeta. I was just not expecting a… dramatization."

KK snorts loudly. "A fucking terrible dramatization. The third asshole didn't even bother to have a fucking reaction. And did that fight have _any_ kind of fucking buildup? No! Just -- surprise! A fucking fistfight!"

"Knuckers!" TZ exclaims. Everyone looks at her. "Those are called Knuckers. They were in one of the videos the Od-ut goblin showed me earlier."

"So… why are we watching them engage in very brief staged combat over fruit?" KN asks.

AA shrugs. "I don't know, but Yn-yk said to watch the entire presentation and _then_ discuss the material, so… Sollux?"

"Yeah, there're thirty-one segments to go. This is going to take a while."

Every video segment starts the same way, with the two Knuckers in the block and the third one coming in with the basket of fruit, but after that they just go all over the place. Most of them stay in the block where they started, but a few go further afield; most of them only involve the three original Knuckers, but some have a larger cast. The dialogue is dubbed into Alternian.

It only takes about six videos to realize all the scenarios involve disposition of the basket of fruit.

This is about _sharing_.

**== > Equius: Learn about sharing**

You are unable to discern the relative caste rankings of the aliens in the schoolfeeding videos. They're all inferior aliens, of course, but they must have _some_ sort of internal ranking. They all have blue-green scales over most of their bodies -- somewhere between jade and teal -- and yellow-orange on their hands and faces, below mustard but above brown. Clothes are no help; the aliens are naked or wearing utilitarian belts with pouches for carrying things. Some of them have body paint, but it's usually body paint in _multiple colors_. (At least they don't seem to _change_ colors like the goblins.)

Their behavior isn't a reliable guide, either. At first you thought the alien at the weaving device which struck the other alien and confiscated the goods must be higher-caste, and merely claiming its natural rights. Its body paint is only light green, but it moved with such assurance and lack of hesitation (except in the badly acted punch). But then in the _very next video_ it was completely ignored as the two other aliens shouted at each other over whether the seated alien (blue and gray body paint, no belt) had eaten the last of the sweet yams. The last of the three main aliens, the one who enters at the start, has red and purple paint (and a belt) and changes its attitude in every scenario.

You understand that you are supposed to be learning something from all this, but you're not sure how you can learn anything when they aren't giving you essential information about the parties involved!

In the sixteenth scenario, red-and-purple refuses light-green's polite request for some of the fruit and instead leaves the hive to distribute it to six slightly smaller, unpainted aliens, maybe some sort of pre-adults. It makes about as much sense to you as all the others, but after it ends, the Heiress looks over at Nitram.

"Does that count as sharing or not?"

"Uh, I don't know? I guess, the juveniles, probably needed it more, but it was kind of rude? Not to give its, um, friend just one piece?"

Nepeta perks up. "I think they're blackflirting."

"Do not ship the aliens, Nepeta," you tell her, although you won't be able to give a good reason why not if she asks. "What do you mean, sharing?"

Far too many people turn to stare at you. "Like… in the last goblin schoolfeeding video?" Nitram says finally. "You were there?"

"He might not have been paying enough attention," Pyrope says helpfully. "Nepeta was checking to see how much his teeth regrew while they were capped, so he was distracted."

"I was paying attention," you say. "I merely… why is it giving the fruit away? If they were quadranted, or its superiors, but--"

You don't just -- _give away_ things for no reason at all.

Vantas mutters something mostly indistinguishable but doubtless obscene. You can just make out several repetitions of 'bluebloods'.

You wish they wouldn't lump you in with Serket. Well, you don't, because you _are_ both bluebloods and you wouldn't presume to claim affiliation with Makara, but having your behavior compared to hers is… harsh. Not that you care what Vantas the mutant thinks of you anyway. Not that you are going to bring up his being a mutant when the Heiress ordered you not to.

Nepeta pats your shoulder. "Let's just watch the rest of the schoolfeeding and we'll talk about it after, okay?"

You can do that. The watching part, anyway.

**Sollux: Navigate through sixteen more scenarios**

Fortunately most of them aren't too long, but _fuck_ this is tedious. You really hope the goblins don't object to you and AA exchanging sarcastic whispers, because seriously, it's the only way you can handle this. When the last segment is finally over, you set down the remote and hope no one actually wants to watch any of it again.

**Karkat: Discuss the material**

Oh, you're ready to discuss the fucking material.

"That last one was-- Those additional aliens were the worst fucking actors I have ever seen. I thought the first three were sufficiently atrocious bulgestains on the underwear of alien filmmaking, but at least _they_ managed not to break into fucking laughter during the tearful fucking reconciliation scene! Not that the scene was _remotely_ believable by any standard of _good_ cinema, I couldn't even tell what fucking quadrant that was supposed to be--"

"That wasn't furry convincing," Nepeta agrees. Fuck, what has your life come to? "But I'm purrty sure the _actor_ with the red circles on its back was flushcrushing on the actor playing Ti'ilot."

"Ti'ilot was blue-and-gray, right? I can see that. But the red-circle alien was particularly awful, it wasn't paying any attention to anything going on--"

"Fascinating as this conversation is," Terezi says, "I am confident in saying that the _goblin_ aliens do not want us to go over the quality of the acting or the ship-ability of the actors or the relationships of the characters. We're supposed to be getting a lesson from this. What is it?"

Vriska waves her arm in the air. " _Obviously_ , we're supposed to say the scenario with sharing is better."

" _Which_ scenario with sharing? I counted nineteen where it showed up somehow," Aradia says.

"Probably not the one where Ti'ilot and Ma'inon have a fight and Ma'inon moves out," Feferi says. "Or--"

"What are you talking about, that one didn't have any sharing in it."

"Yes it did, Hi'ovit shared the rain-deflecting device with Ma'inon's ashcrush."

"That was not an ashcrush. There is no evidence that was an ashcrush."

"Nepeta, back me up here! It was totally an ashcrush!"

"Do you think I could knock myself unconscious with the remote?" Sollux asks loudly. "Or should I hit someone and go for a mindfuckacoon?"

You glare at him. "If you do that everyone will be doing it and it'll turn into another fucking brawl, and we know how that'll turn out. Aradia, keep him quiet. Kanaya, you have to admit there was an ashen flavor to how Ma'inon was acting."

"Acting like her," Vriska says.

Gamzee raises a hand and waves it uncertainly. "Hey, should we be all thinking about how sincerity fits into this? Them goblin motherfuckers were real interested in sincerity, too, weren't they?"

"Oh, _fuck_."

**== > Be John Egbert**

You are now John Egbert. You have more free-ish time with the trolls, and the curly-horned one -- Aradia -- has just asked you about some of their goblin-mandated 'schoolfeeding'.

You laugh. "Oh, god, _that_. Dave, remember the three-Knuckers sharing video?"

"Ti'ilot and Ma'inon were totally doing it," Dave says.

"Yeah, Dave and Rose came up with this whole complicated theory they said explained how all the scenarios could involve the same characters. It involved sleep-deprivation hallucinations and a dangerous fruit cartel." It had also involved _waaaay_ too much about Knucker hookups, even though you have no idea how to tell boy Knuckers from girl Knuckers, assuming there even are boy Knuckers and girl Knuckers.

"It was epic," Dave agrees. "And Ti'ilot and Ma'inon were _totally_ doing it."

"But what were we supposed to _do_?" Tavros (his horns make him easy to remember) asks plaintively. "There wasn't, uh, a quiz or anything…"

"They told us to discuss it and never asked us what we had decided," Kanaya agrees. "Not that we managed to come to a unanimous decision--"

Several trolls start to speak up, but Karkat glares them all into submission.

"They told you to watch it and discuss it, right? And you did?" The trolls nod. "Then… that was what you were supposed to do."

"Evaluators were reading you from outside the room," Rose clarifies. "The discussion keeps you thinking about it like a quiz would, and adds… some sort of different dynamic. They'll set up similar things again."

"And lectures?" the girl you think is Feferi asks. "More lectures."

You groan. "There are _always_ more lectures. It's like they want to do a data dump right into our brains, but we're not wired like that, so they _talk_ at us for hours on end instead."

"Fucking goblins," Karkat says. "Sharing, sincerity -- what other bulgeblisteringly obvious topics do we have to look forward to? Obvious to everyone but Equius and Vriska, I mean. And probably Eridan."

Vriska, the troll with only one arm, glares at him. "I understood what they meant by sharing just fine."

"Yeah, you just never _do_ it."

"Do not get into a fight," Feferi says firmly. "Are there other topics?"

You sigh. "There are always other topics. Uh, let me think--"

"Compassion," Dave says.

You cringe. "Oh, god, those can be awful. Like one of those ASPCA ads--"

"Discouraging xenophobia," Rose says. "Respect for order and the rule of law. Adaptability. Respect for others' autonomy, if you can believe it--"

You cringe harder. That particular lesson _does_ include a qualifier specifying that sometimes it's necessary not to honor others' autonomy, but it still takes a lot of nerve to lecture your kidnap victims about respecting others' autonomy. It usually ends with Rose medicated and the rest of you in the tanks, despite all your efforts to keep each other calmed down. Which reminds you-- "Teamwork."

Dave nods. "Humbleness, or at least lack of arrogance."

"That one will be interesting," Tavros mutters.

"And there are quite a few lessons we're not sure of the point of," Rose finishes. "Presumably they have to do with the 'higher emotions' -- they may have mentioned those?"

"Yes, they did," Tavros says. "They said Karkat, Feferi, and I were already showing them? But they didn't explain any more."

"Well, if they ever do give you an understandable list, let us know," you say. "We're pretty curious."

"It definitely has to do with caring about other people, but it's not just that," Rose says. "Goblins have this whole -- system of classifying emotions we don't really understand. They have four different words translating to _compassion_ that I know of, and two of those are higher emotions and two of them aren't. _Happy_ is even worse. There are some that don't translate at all, at least not into English."

" _Deceitful_ has at least five," Dave says.

Rose shakes her head. "I still don't think all of those should translate as _deceitful_. If you're not intending for anyone to actually be fooled--"

Jade appears in the hall that leads towards you common room, holding up a bag. "I have found all the fabric paint markers! So if you still want to use them…"

From the sudden scrambling around, the trolls still want to use them.

**== > Karkat: Get your sign on your shirt**

First there's a mad rush back to your assigned blocks to get spare shirts -- mercifully, none of your group embarrasses you all by stripping down in front of the humans. You get delayed by Gamzee asking you to help him find a spare shirt. You're briefly afraid he hasn't changed his clothes the entire time you've been here, but it turns out he's been throwing the clothes in the clothes-cleaning bin when he takes an ablution shower and putting them right back on afterwards. You guess someone made a point of telling him about the clothes-cleaning bin, but assumed he'd found the spare clothes. You return to a scene of -- what a fucking shock -- confusion.

Even if you weren't being held captive by aliens, it would be immediately obvious the set of fabric paint markers was not manufactured by trolls. Troll paintsets _always_ include the normal blood colors. This one doesn't. It has plenty of colors, just… not all the right ones.

There _is_ a bright red. Fuck that. There's also a gray, but you're not sure how well that would show up on gray cloth. You grab the black, grab a place at the table with a nice flat surface to lay the shirt on, and get to work.

And also get to seeing what everyone else is doing. Tavros seems to have found the brown to be satisfactory, but that's about as simple as it gets. Gamzee has a purple, but is staring at his shirt like he doesn't remember how his sign goes. The only yellow is too light and probably wouldn't even show up very well. Nepeta has to choose between a green which really looks more like Kanaya's shade and out-and-out _lime_. The same turquoise seems to be the best available match for both Kanaya and Terezi; the same dark blue is apparently best for both Vriska and Equius. Most bewilderingly, Aradia and Feferi try to choose the same color.

The humans are watching in fascination. You decide that if they don't ask, you aren't going to try to explain.

"Hey, KK, are you done with the black? Can I have it?" Sollux looks way too pleased with himself and is already holding -- you check -- bright red and bright blue. Wherever could he be going with this?

Your shirt looks… adequate. Your sign's recognizable, if maybe slightly lopsided. "Sure, here." You hand the black over. "Are you going to do your sign in red and blue?"

"Black horizontals, one red vertical, one blue vertical. The yellow just wasn't going to work."

You make a noncommittal noise and go to help Gamzee. His sign also turns out… recognizable.

"Can I use the purple?" Feferi asks.

You hand it over. "You're not making one for Eridan, are you?"

She shakes her head. "No, but Terezi thinks we might be able to mix the colors."

Sure enough, Terezi is messing around with four or five colors while Nepeta, Equius, Tavros, Aradia, and Sollux stand around watching. Feferi joins the group. You check out the drying shirts -- Sollux went ahead with his silly red-blue-black symbol, Aradia used the too-maroon red, Nepeta used the not-olive-enough green, Kanaya used the turquoise, Vriska used the dark blue and cannot draw well at all right-handed. Kanaya is now applying a border pattern to a skirt.

"You can probably ask for a different color selection?" Jade offers. "Later, I mean. I'm not sure they'll want to grant those kinds of requests yet. Probably wait at least until they give you socks. You can ask about those, too, it could speed things up.

"What about rumble sphere holsters?" someone says from the huddle of trolls around Terezi. Your face heats.

Jade's eyes go wide. " _Rumble spheres_?"

**== > Feferi: Get an answer to your inquiry**

You, Aradia, and Vriska have a kind of hilarious discussion about underwear with the human girls. They say they got the lower part of the underwear at the same time as the socks, but they didn't get the rumble sphere holsters until a little later, when the collars were switched for anklets. The goblins do some sort of scanning and custom-producing thing, so everything fits fine. The conversation then gets derailed by some sort of translation error leading to a question on whether trolls usually got punctuation marks. You all laugh and rejoin the rest of the group.

Everyone has finished with the fabric paint except Kanaya and Equius. Kanaya is adding other decorations to various articles of clothing; Equius is still trying to mix the _exact right_ shade of blue. You gave up on producing your exact color after your first attempt produced dark purple and your second a really ugly shade of brown, and just used the maroon. Aradia says she doesn't mind, and people's reactions might be funny.

The humans just seem mildly bemused by how much fuss you all are making about the whole thing. You suspect this means they don't have colors the way you do, despite the eye color/shirt decoration matchups and near-matchups.

**== > Feferi: Ponder more about colors**

You lean back in your 'beanbag chair' and prop your feet up on another one. "So does anyone know whether the goblins do any kind of color-coding?"

Karkat snorts loudly. "Can anyone tell the fucking goblins apart?"

"Some of them," Rose says to Karkat, then turns to you. "Do you mean about people? Because they definitely use colors as symbols. If you mean different-colored _goblins_ , I don't think so. They all change color a little depending on environment and sometimes mood, and there are some goblins who are a little more red overall -- Ij-ok and Er-ys -- but I don't think it has anything to do with role or status. Evaluators are slightly more likely to be wearing pink. Oh, and any goblin in dark colors means serious business."

You flinch away from _that_ memory. "Do they show up often?"

"Not _often_ , but more than once," Jade replies. "Af-in told me the burgundy ones were Threat Evaluators, and that they had the authority to order a project terminated if it risked too many lives."

You don't ask what they mean by terminated. You can guess -- in this case, unleashing Gl'bgolyb and killing everything.

"Any other goblin traits we should be keeping an eye out for?" Aradia asks.

"Hmm," Jade says. "Well…"

"Ap-ut," Rose says.

"Well, yes, but that's not really a trait you can look for, is it?"

"If we could tell them one thing to look for as a warning sign--"

"Ap-ut is a particular goblin," John says. "Rose really doesn't like him. At all. Not that he's my favorite goblin, either, but I don't have as bad problems with him." He pauses for a moment. "Though if he shows up by himself, it's usually not a good sign."

You… really can't remember any goblin names besides Yn-yk, the goblin in charge. And Od-ut, who argued with Terezi back before they put you all together. "So, this Ap-ut is one of the goblins you can recognize?"

"Uh, well, his horn isn't as spirally as Yn-yk's, and he usually has a, um, coral bracelet, if you can see it under his sleeves--"

" _That's_ a useful trait to look for," Dave says, speaking for the first time in a while. He's been keeping his shades safely away from Terezi. "Bead bracelets. We thought they were rank insignia, but they're more like -- merit badges."

You have no idea what a merit badge is.

Rose nods. "They are all empaths, but the ones with coral-colored bead bracelets are considered _really gifted_ empaths by other goblins. Ap-ut is the worst."

Jade has apparently given up on arguing that 'being Ap-ut' is not a trait. "Ap-ut likes to dig and dig and figure out _exactly_ what you're thinking, and her doesn't care if it steps on any -- sensitive places, but he's worst if you're not really… open. Sincere. He can always tell if you're hiding your feelings or misrepresenting your feelings or even _repressing_ your feelings, and he gets mad."

**== > Karkat: Why is everyone looking at you all of a sudden?**

You have no fucking idea. You're always completely open with your completely justified rage and disgust. They should be looking at Terezi, who tries to hide everything behind that alarming grin, or Kanaya with her serene mask, or Tavros or Feferi, who can't possibly really be that nice all the time. (Nepeta and Aradia are probably safe, Sollux sucks at hiding his feelings, Gamzee's doped up on fucking _gumballs_ , and if Equius is repressing anything you never ever want to know about it.)

"So we should keep our emotionally constipated assholes away from a particular goblin with a _coral bracelet_. Which other goblins also have."

Jade shrugs apologetically. "You really can tell them apart with enough practice. They have -- freckles? Little skin marks, blemishes, whatever. Their horns aren't all identical, though they aren't nearly as varied as yours."

"Yours are much cooler," John says, looking around the block. The translator doesn't convey it very well, but you're pretty sure he sounds admiring. You are not at all annoyed that his gaze doesn't pause on you at all.

"Are there any other slimy aliens it might be worth recognizing?" you ask.

"Er-ys is probably the most sympathetic evaluator," Rose says. "Af-in is teaching us to cook, no one knows why."

"Do you know a goblin called Od-ut?" Terezi asks.

"Doesn't sound familiar."

"I don't think so."

"There are a lot more of you, I wouldn't be surprised if you have more goblins assigned to you."

"Did this Od-ut do something interesting?"

"Argued with me about justice," Terezi says. "And I think it might have… interfered after we had a, uh, small fight." She's frowning at nothing, brows furrowed over blank red eyes.

"Really?" Tavros asks. He's really applying himself to the whole fake-moirallegiance thing. "You, um, didn't say anything about that?"

"I'm not sure. I was pretty out of it."

"Anyway!" you say loudly. There are some things the humans _really_ don't need to know about. They probably wouldn't get it anyway.

**== > Yn-yk: Muse about social habits of various species**

Pixies aren't very social. They'll work together when they need to, but not happily, and it's estimated one in ten pixies in a pixie rush ends up killed by other pixies. It's one of the reasons education efforts with pixies keep failing -- how are you supposed to teach appropriate ways of interacting with others to something to which the idea of _community_ is completely alien? By natural inclination, pixies spend their adult lives alone, with exceptions only for reproductive purposes.

Goblins don't do well alone -- 'alone' being defined as more than a light-hour away from other goblins, sometimes less depending on how many goblins are at the nearest site. (Two goblins relying only on each other shouldn't get more than a light-second apart.) When truly isolated, goblins start hallucinating companions inside a few standardized tides. If it goes on too long, the psyche is permanently split into host and companion personalities. It doesn't _doom_ you -- there's an engineer on the ship with the condition who functions well enough -- but it's very strange.

Most other species are somewhere in between. (According to their own studies -- it's not something the Hegemony authorizes much research on.)

You're not sure about trolls; trolls don't seem to have done much research on themselves. Judging from the near-autonomy given to pre-adults, they're supposed to be relatively self-sufficient -- but they do need one another psychologically.

So you really don't want to keep ERIDAN AMPORA in isolation any longer than you have to. The problem is, evaluators agree he really hasn't gotten the point yet. Also, the other trolls have made progress in his absence and his return might just destabilize everything.

You ask your team for suggestions.

Ap-ut suggests waiting until the subject begins hallucinating, then performing psychic surgery to make the hallucinations provide constructive guidance. Op-ys suggests that Ap-ut keep the subject company in person. You overrule both of them.

You're going to have to come up with something, though. The current solution is strictly short-term, even using the least intrusive of the nymph swarms.

**== > Eridan: Do not start giggling again**

You are doing your _very_ best, despite the damn _things_ the goblins brought in at the same time as the food dropoff. At least you have a pretty good idea what caused the… _calm_ calm _calm_ they brought in after Equius started a fight.

_happy_ calm _well-being_ happy _content_ peaceful _HI-ALIEN-THING_

You drop your fake grubloaf. "W-what?"

_happy_ content _HI-ALIEN-THING_ happy _CAN-YOU-HEAR-ME_ peaceful _I-CAN-HEAR-YOU_

"Uh…"

_content_ LOOK-UP-LOOK-UP _happy_

Slowly, you look up at the cloud of… things milling around near the ceiling. Is one of the little blob things moving around more than the others? "You're… one of those things?"

_HI-ALIEN-THING_ happy _peace_ LOOK-LOOK-I-CAN-COMMUNICATE _happy_

"My name is not _alien thing_ ," you say, glaring. You can't believe you're talking to a flying land jellyfish. "It's Eridan Ampora. And I'm _royalty_."

_happy_ HI-ER-AM _happy_ LOOK-LOOK-I-CAN-COMMUNICATE _happy_ NOT-LAND-ONLY _content_ WATER-IS-GOOD _happy_

And one of the flying jellyfish splits from the mob and dives down into your pool. Water splashes everywhere. "You little--"

_HI-ER-AM_ happy _DO-YOU-LIKE-WATER_ content _COME-IN-THE-WATER_

"Of course I like water, I'm a seadweller," you snap. "But I'm not getting in the water with a mind-reading jellyfish." You point at the ceiling and all the other jellyfish. "Go play with your friends."

_happy_ NOT-MY-FRIENDS _THEY-CAN'T-COMMUNICATE_ happy _HI-ER-AM_

"You've said that about a million times," you snap. "What's _your_ name?"

_SWARM-TWO-OUTLIER-ONE_ happy _BECAUSE-I-CAN-COMMUNICATE_

"That's a stupid name," you tell it.

_GET-A-NAME-WHEN-I'M-A-GOBLIN_ happy _ER-AM-IS-A-GOOD-NAME_

"Well you can't have it!"

Lousy stupid goddamn alien overlords and their lousy stupid goddamn flying jellyfish.

**== > Vriska: Say you're sorry**

You're still not totally convinced of the utility of apologizing, but Feferi insists it's important and you _did_ agree to give this moirail thing a try, and if the goblins don't like you hiding emotions you should probably get this off your chest. So, when everyone's back in your own communal block (the humans had to go for their sleep cycle), you climb up onto a chair and clear your throat. "Hey! I have an announcement!"

Everyone turns to look at you, and you falter, but you are _not_ going to chicken out about this. "This is for everyone here I used my powers on. I didn't understand what it was like and I never should have done it to hatefriends. I'm sorry."

That… actually went pretty well, apart from the staring, so you decide to try another. "I'm also sorry to everyone here I tried to kill, or who I did things to that could have killed them even if that was not my primary intention. I would have regretted it if you died and I shouldn't have done it, so, uh, sorry. Yeah."

**== > Tavros: What the fuck are you supposed to do with that?**

You, along with everyone else, stare after Vriska as she saunters back to her respiteblock. The door closes behind her.

After a long moment, Nepeta ventures, "Are we _pawsitive_ the aliens didn't mess with Vriskers's head some more and not tell us?"

"What the fuck was that?" Karkat says. "Terezi?"

Terezi just shrugs. "I don't know. Feferi? Did you put her up to this?"

"Not exactly. I told her that apologizing is what you do when you wish you hadn't done something, but I didn't think she was going to. She seemed pretty shore apologies don't do any good."

"She actually admitted to regrets?" Aradia asks dubiously.

"She said she doesn't want to have done what the goblins did," Feferi says. "She didn't tell me the second part before."

"Interesting," Terezi says.

Everyone stares at the door of Vriska's respiteblock a while longer.

"She missed a few things," Aradia says, glancing at Sollux. Sollux is feigning -- you're pretty sure he's feigning -- intense interest in the tabletop.

"She did," Terezi agrees.

Kanaya frowns. "Wasn't that covered by 'things which could have killed you'? Terezi's, I mean."

"I don't mean _that_ , I mean lying to me about feeding _all_ our opponents to her lusus."

Feferi spreads her hands. "I'm pretty shore you shouldn't expect that unless the goblins provide a whole new perspective on sincerity."

"Bluebloods," Karkat mutters.

"If she thinks of it I think she might apologize for _forcing_ people to hurt other people -- but not tricking."

**== > Tavros: Do not get asked how to react to Vriska**

The group, apparently, doesn't want to just _accept_ Vriska's apology, because that might be taken to mean all is forgiven, and it's _not_. She didn't address what she did to Sollux. (And you wonder, sometimes, about that suspiciously timed dream you had about Terezi's lusus -- but at least Terezi isn't your moirail. Well. Definitely wasn't your moirail then.) Terezi's also still upset about all the other FLARPers Vriska killed while letting Terezi think she was releasing them.

On the other hand, the group doesn't want to _reject_ her apology either. You're all pretty sure she meant what she did say, as far as it went, and that's a big step for Vriska and not something to ignore if you want her to keep moving in the same direction. Which you do, because you're going to be stuck in close quarters with her for the foreseeable future.

After a really ridiculous amount of discussion, there's a general agreement that you will all _acknowledge and appreciate_ Vriska's apology.

She still won't be allowed to talk to you in particular.

It's probably a good thing. You think if she apologized directly to you, you wouldn't be able to stop yourself forgiving her. You almost always forgive people who apologize.

Maybe that's something you and Terezi can work on balancing each other on?

**== > John: Remember something you forgot**

Halfway into your bedroom, you freeze in place and turn around. "Hey, guys? Do you think we should have warned the trolls about the bugbear compassion video?"

There's a long pause.

"No," Dave says.

"Possibly," Rose says. "Do you have an explanation in mind?"

"Uh…" you say.

"It will probably be a while before it comes up in the curriculum," Jade says. She adds optimistically, "I'm sure one of us will come up with something before then."

**== > Gamzee: Now what?**

Every time they've taken you for weird goblin schoolfeeding, they've called for everyone, even if they break you into groups right away. (You're trusting your friends' take that it _is_ weird. You don't remember your schoolfeeding back home very well -- can't actually remember how much of it you did -- so you don't have much of a standard to judge.) This time, they call you, Tavbro, spookysis, hackerbro, kittysis, spidersis, and motherfucking Equius by name, and shoo the others back. You hear Karbro making a really weird muffled angry noise before the door closes and cuts the sound off.

One of the goblins steers you to a four-wheeled device before you can lose your balance, and then you all get herded along the corridor until you come to a fork.

"Tavros Nitram, Aradia Megido, Nepeta Leijon, and Equius Zahhak, please come this way," one of the goblins says.

"We're going to see the lusii?" spookysis asks.

"Yes," the goblin confirms.

That makes them all look a little happier. You don't think any of them have seen their lusii since before the brawl, and Tavbro was communing with his little fairy bull all the time before that.

"So… where are you taking the rest of us?" spidersis says as the other four get herded off to see their lusii. You think she's trying to sound chill, but she's not very good at it. (She was even worse at acting like she didn't care when everyone semi-accepted her apology, or whatever they called it.)

"You are going for a routine medlab visit," the goblin with you says.

That's… probably nothing to worry about?

**== > Gamzee: Be employed as a demilitarized zone**

Yeah, it's you and spidersis and hackerbro going to the medlab, and they're keeping you and your four-wheeled device between them at all times. Spidersis is practically leaning on the device, actually, trying to keep as far away from the goblins as she can.

You understand how she feels a bit better now, after the… thing after the brawl. That was… weird. That was really weird.

You'd rather not do that again.

You'd rather not have the brawl again, either. That was also weird. You got so angry at motherfucking Equius -- and you weren't all that happy with fishbro, either -- you just… had to hit things. So you hit lots of things. All the things. Also all the people. You're glad you hit them with a pillow and not a chair, but you're not sure why you did it at all. You know you can talk to Karbro any time you need to calm down, but how do you keep something from happening again when you don't know why it happened the first time?

When you get to the medlab, they direct hackerbro to a chair and give him a shot that knocks him out fast. Spidersis gets sent another way, and you get to lie on a table under a scanner while goblins stare at you.

Your thinksponge itches.

**== > Vriska: What are they doing to Gamzee?**

You have no idea what they're doing to Gamzee, you're distracted by their taking the implant out of your eye socket. While you're _awake_.

"Do you require an anesthetic for this procedure?" a goblin asks.

"No!" No, wait. "Yes?" Um… "Should I require an anesthetic?" Something… pulls, as the goblin is shifting the implant. "Uh… yes?"

"We have finished now," the goblin says.

You look at the implant, and wince. It seems bigger than anything that was _in your head_ should be. Your face feels really weird, but it seems like it should feel even weirder with a _giant gaping hole_ in it. "Uh."

"We need to clean the site and examine the tissue for damage," the goblin says. "Please lie still. Can you access your abilities?"

"Um…" You mentally poke at them, trying not to pay attention to what the goblin is doing at the… implant site. That part of your head feels cramped from disuse, but you could try… "Wait, you're going to put it back, right? You need to put it back, or--" Or you might accidentally do something to make everyone hate you again. By acting like a goblin. You probably shouldn't say that part. "You need to put it back."

"Do you not want to test the prototype functional biosubstitute?"

"The… what?"

**== > Vriska: See the prototype functional biosubstitute**

It's just _barely_ identifiable as an eyeball. It's pale swirly iridescent blue-green where it ought to be yellow, and there being a ring of your cerulean-cobalt around the pupil doesn't make up for the swirly part seeming to _move_.

"I," you say. "Uh. I. Uh." Is it looking at you? You think it's looking at you.

"It's designed to integrate smoothly with your biology and will cause no adverse reactions," the goblin says placidly. "We still need to optimize its integration with your established perceptual framework. A test would be helpful at this stage."

The goblin reaches for the clear box holding the eyeball-thing, and you hastily shout, "Wait! Wait! I need a Vision Eightfold one!"

"This is a medical augmentation," the goblin says. "There was inadequate tissue remaining to regenerate your original--"

**== > Ap-ut: Be dissatisfied and displeased**

Dissatisfied, displeased, and _seriously inconvenienced_.

You are _trying_ to work on mapping the subject's psyche so you can get to the desperately needed psychic surgery. You do not need distractions in the forms of other subjects panicking over harmless medical specimens--

_Clunk_

\--and throwing them on the floor.

**== > Sollux: Stay out of the crossfire**

Even if you were inclined to charge into the middle of Serket-versus-goblins -- blind -- you think the goggles-rig is attached to the chair by the power cable. Besides, there isn't really any crossfire to stay out of. Just Vriska flipping the fuck out and throwing something on the floor before being drugged, and that barely lasted long enough to mention.

You wait.

It sounds like they're giving Vriska a vision test. It also sounds like Vriska is _seriously_ stoned.

They're not saying very much to GZ (speaking of stoned), just the occasional really weird question like "What color is this?" or "How do you feel about the fabric?" Maybe the goblins are stoned.

The draining stops, just as you notice you've started shaking. The pain in your thinkpan slides back down to normal levels, and you breathe a little easier. No one comes to unhook you.

You could _probably_ get the goggles-rig off. It's not locked on like the one they had on you at first.

You don't try.

Eventually, something touches the rig. You nearly jump out of your skin, then cringe again when the goblin puts a hand on your shoulder to steady you. (You've _never_ much liked people touching you. It hasn't gotten that much worse, you don't think.)

"I am going to remove the array," the goblin says.

Does that require a response? It's not like it was _asking_ you about it. Are you supposed to be agreeing anyway, or thanking it, or what?

You've been silent long enough now it would just be awkward anyway.

The rig hurts coming off, as usual, and you do mutter thanks for the painkiller shot.

**== > Sollux: Look around the medblock**

Fuck, the damned rig always makes your eyes burn afterwards -- and water. You're probably going to get yellow streaks on your shirt. But yeah, looking around is a good idea.

Vriska is sitting slouched on one of the tables, and _the implant is out_.

You freeze. Your blood pusher tries to claw its way out of your thoracic cavity. Several of the goblins turn to look at you.

No. It's okay. Even without the implant, she's surrounded by goblins who can tell if she tries anything. She's too scared of them to step out of line, and even if she does they'll stop her, and even if they don't she couldn't make you do anything when you're this exhausted, and there's hardly anyone for you to hurt. It's okay.

Also, Vriska is staring across the medblock smiling a bland, vacuous smile. She is seriously doped up.

…There's something in her eye socket where the implant was. You can't get a very good look at it from your distance and angle, but it doesn't look like a normal eye. This must be the _prototype functional biosubstitute_ Vriska threw a tantrum about, and all right, if someone was about to put a weird _biological_ fake eyeball in your head you'd probably throw a tantrum, too. TZ is not going to be happy if they try anything similar with her.

You force yourself to relax. You hope they send you back soon. You want AA.

One of the goblins around GZ is giving you a -- you think -- disapproving look. You curl further into the chair and try to look harmless, but it only looks more disapproving, and takes a step towards you. "Projecting a deceptive--"

"Ap-ut," one of the other goblins says, followed by goblin-language gibberish. Ap-ut gives you one last disapproving look and turns back to GZ.

**== > Ap-ut: Will you get back to work before your colleagues decide you're slacking off?**

You really don't care if they think you're slacking, but you don't trust them to do the mapping properly without you. You would like to get another look at that other subject, though. Yn-yk hasn't let you on that case because it's the one you did psychic surgery on without asking permission (for _every little thing_ ), and it really feels deeply conflicted. You'd like to dig down to the source, since it's obviously not the input from the receiver you recalibrated.

On the subject of receivers… there seems to be one in _this_ subject. It's very small and very specific, and Er-ys has missed it completely.

"I think," you say, "you have missed something important." Er-ys is annoyed, but checks out what you're indicating, because you're more sensitive and it knows it.

"I see it, but it's very small," Er-ys says dubiously. "Are you certain it's having such an effect?"

"Whatever the magnitude of its effect, it is not a good effect," you reply. "Do you see the spikes after it activates?"

Er-ys follows your pointers (again) to check the spikes out itself. The pharmochemical treatment is keeping the violent impulses from getting anywhere near the subject's conscious mind, but they are definitely tied to the activity of the receptor.

"You're right," Er-ys says, finally. "We should clear it with Yn-yk, but I think this one can be shut down for good. I would like to know what it is, though," it adds. "Is there any evidence of a troll collective unconscious?"

"That's a very interesting possibility," you say. "I'll have to look into that."

Er-ys projects wariness at you. You ignore it.

It's time to fix a troll. Maybe if this goes well, Yn-yk will finally let you at the conceited one in isolation.

**== > Be the conceited one in isolation**

You miss the fucking flying jellyfish.

This is not fair. You thought they would reward you. They were _supposed_ to reward you, because when you do things for people they're supposed to pay you back. It's not fair, no one's ever fair to you, and _you are so lonely_.

**== > Karkat: Fret over absent friends**

Considering how rarely you saw these assholes in person before you were all abducted by aliens -- considering how little you wanted to _talk_ to some of them -- it is fucking ridiculous how worried you get when the goblins take anyone away by themselves, or even in small groups. What if they get themselves thrown in a mindfuckacoon? What if they really act out, and the goblins decide they need to… do fucking _that_ , again? What if the goblins have decided to dissect someone?

(You're really worried about Eridan, and only becoming more so. Yes, he helped the goblins by giving away your escape attempt, and fuck him for that. But considering how much the goblins like it when you _care for each other_ , you're not sure that helpfulness is enough to compensate for Eridan's betraying the rest of you for personal gain.)

Happily, over half of the latest group were just being taken to see their lusii, and they all return fairly cheerful, although Tavros is down about leaving Tinkerbull behind again.

"He really, really, missed me. And he's not used to me not being able, to reach him?"

Terezi throws an arm around his shoulders. "Look at it this way. Most people aren't lucky enough to be able to commune with their lusii at all, and most of the people here aren't anywhere near their lusii."

Tavros winces and looks guiltily at the rest of you. "Uh, sorry. I just… really wish I didn't have this thing in my head.

You wave him away dismissively. You aren't worried about Crabdad _at all_.

Maybe an hour after the lusus-visiting party returns, Sollux trudges back into the communal block looking… well, the same way he always looks after one of these things. He'll probably be curled up asleep in the giant pile for at least the rest of the circadian cycle.

"Fucking finally. Do you know where Gamzee is?" you ask. "Or Vriska?"

Sollux rubs at his temples. "Vriska'll be along in a few minutes, probably. They drugged her and I think she forgot how to walk in a straight line. They were still examining GZ when I left."

Indeed, Vriska shows up weaving unsteadily on her feet, obviously guided only by the goblin holding her elbow. She also has a big, dopey smile on her face, which is fucking terrifying, then tries to hug Terezi but gets confused upon realizing she has only one arm, which is just embarrassing. Feferi leads her away to sleep it off.

The goblin is still lingering in the doorway.

Okay. You will go over and calmly ask what it wants. Calm and composed, that is the key. There will be no yelling, no swearing, and no mindfuckacoons. You can do this.

"May I ask where Gamzee is?" Kanaya says.

The goblin nods. "Gamzee Makara is in psychic surgery. We explained the circumstances to Karkat Vantas earlier."

And then, of fucking course, the asshole leaves you to explain the situation to everyone else

"Karkat?" Tavros asks.

**== > Karkat: Talk to everyone about Gamzee**

You sigh heavily. "The goblins showed me a recording of Gamzee after he'd come down from the fucking sopor but before they gave him any of those _gumballs_. He was acting fucking weird." Shockingly, this eloquent statement fails to convince the group. "He smashed his fucking hand until the bone broke through the skin and started writing _honk_ on the wall in blood, is that weird enough for you assholes?"

"That, um, is definitely weird?" Tavros says after a moment. "Do you, know why?"

"When I asked him he claimed not to remember." You scowl at nothing in particular. "The _goblins_ claimed he fucking would have killed any of us if we'd been there, or any other unlucky asshole he could get his fronds on. I think…" You run out of words for describing the feeling you got off the recording, the danger and indiscriminate hostility. "It was--"

"The higher colors--" Nepeta either paps Equius or puts a hand over his mouth to shut him up, you really don't care which.

"So now they're doing psychic surgery," Terezi says. "The suppressant implants don't count, right? So Sollux is still the only one who's had it, as far as we know." There's a general murmur of agreement.

(And several glances at Vriska which are probably supposed to be subtle. You sympathize, because gog knows Vriska's _acting_ like the aliens rearranged her brain, but it's not a good idea to bring that up _around Vriska_. Fortunately, she's still too doped up to do much besides drool on Feferi's shoulder. Periodically she starts awake and grabs at her face, only to relax when she finds the implant. This would be really confusing if Sollux hadn't seen the freaky alien eyeball-thing.)

"I don't know what you want me to say," Sollux says. He has a damp cloth draped over his eyes. "I was really confused for a while, but I don't know if that was from the psychic surgery or the -- ugh -- hearing the hob-thing."

"It could easily have been hearing the hob-thing," Aradia says.

Kanaya puts a hand on your shoulder. "I don't think there's anything we can do other than be ready for… whatever the effects are, when they bring him back."

You know that, but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

**== > Gamzee: Wake up**

Yeah, that's… a thing that is happening.

Earlier you woke up in an actual recuperacoon. For a minute you thought the whole thing was the weirdest dream you ever had -- except maybe for the one with the cavalreapers and the stripy melonfruits, that one was real weird, especially the part at the end where your lusus told you him and spidersis's lusus were gonna be matesprits and you were all going to live in her hive, only then you all went to Tavbro's hive instead, and in the dream Tavbro's hive looked like a giant bucket, and that's when you woke up.

That was a motherfucking weird dream.

Anyway, you saw pretty quick that there were goblins in the block outside the recuperacoon, and it was kind of a funny recuperacoon anyway, though the sopor was real. But your head was all fuzzy and you fell asleep again.

Now you're waking up in your alien pile in your alien respiteblock. Your head feels less fuzzy, though still sort of weird. Huh.

You get up, reaching automatically to steady yourself on the wall, but you actually don't need to? Your balance is pretty good, better than it has been on the gumballs. Maybe you'd better have another one or two.

The gumballs the dispenser gives you are a lighter blue than usual, and you frown at them before popping them in your mouth.

Since you're feeling steady, you might as well wash up before you go out. That'll really surprise Karkat!

In the middle of your ablution shower, you realize you're missing a few patches of hair -- at your temples, around the base of each horn, on the back of your head. They're small enough (and the rest of your hair is long enough) that it won't be too obvious, but still, it's not polite to mess with a motherfucker's hair like that.

…They did something to hackerbro's hair, earlier, didn't they? You listen, but you don't hear any kind of _wub_ noise. Huh.

**== > Gamzee: Go freak out Karkat**

Karkat already looks pretty freaked when you emerge into the common block. He's dragged a chair over so he can sit in front of your door. He's not the only one getting their wait on for you, either. Aww, that's sweet.

"Were you all waiting for me?" you ask. "You don't need to be all up and worried over me, I'm good." And kinda muzzy. "Mostly good."

"Chutefucking grubs on a stick, Gamzee, they said they brought you back fucking _hours_ ago! Where have you _been_?"

"Not quite two hours, actually," spookysis puts in, but Karkat pointedly ignores her.

"I was just getting some shut-eye, best friend. I was real tired."

"Not surprising, since they were fucking _messing with your thinksponge_ , such as it is."

"Uh…"

"The humans say the best chance of getting them to explain what they fucking _did_ is if you very calmly and com-fucking-posedly ask them about it. So come on!"

He seizes the front of your shirt, and Kanaya seizes his arm. "Karkat. Calm. Down. If you go to the door like this, the goblins will be too busy putting you in a mindfuckacoon to tell Gamzee anything."

She's right. He really needs to chill. You give his face a pap.

" _Gamzee_! We are in _public_!"

You look from Karkat to the pillow pit, and back to Karkat. "I don't understand…?"

"…Never mind."

You, Karkat, and Kanaya shuffle over to the main door out of your communal block thing. Everyone else hangs back, but not too far back. You guess they all want to know, too, though as far as you can remember the goblins didn't say anything about doing psychic whatsit to anyone else.

There're a couple of buttons next to the door. Karkat points to the blue one. "Push and hold that and say you want to know what they did. Calmly and--"

"Com-motherfucking-posedly, I know, best friend." You push the button. "Scuse me, goblin brothers, but could you tell me what you did with my thinksponge? And what you did with my gumballs, please?"

You wait. Kanaya herds you over to the little nutritionblock area and makes you eat some little cake things. Spidersis is complaining about a weird alien eyeball thing the goblins want to put in her head.

Your balance is still pretty good, and you don't feel anything… un-miraculous. It's quiet in your head.

You'll have to be sure to tell the goblins you aren't _complaining_ or anything.

**== > Kanaya: Listen to the goblins (after they finally show up)**

The Yn-yk goblin is not terribly forthcoming about Gamzee's psychic surgery. They removed the "pathology". They "deactivated" a "receiver". The new kind of gumballs lacked the "therapeutic strength" of the earlier ones, but should prevent withdrawal symptoms and ease recovery.

It's all very vague, but Gamzee seems satisfied.

"I want to be getting my thank on," he says. "I think it helped. What you did. There was always this… this… and it's not there? I don't think."

Yn-yk smiles faintly. "We are glad. Please tell us if you have any future concerns." It shifts its focus to the rest of you. "As it happens, I have a question for the group as a whole."

Everyone assembles in remarkably short order. You hope this doesn't involve any more videos.

"We would like to offer Eridan Ampora an opportunity to reintegrate with the group," Yn-yk says. "Would you be willing to allow him a trial period?"

"So he's fucking alive! I was beginning to think he'd ruptured his own intestines trying to shove a culling fork up his--"

You hastily shoulder in front of Karkat, before he can get himself thrown in a mindfuckacoon or Gamzee paps him again. "Would you allow us to discuss this in private, please?"

"Of course," Yn-yk replies, and withdraws.

Karkat folds his arms and scowls. "I know we're all still fucking pissed at him, and rightfully so, but we can't just leave him alone with the goblins." Feferi is nodding.

" _No_ ," Vriska says. "He'll ruin everything."

Sollux scoffs. "Yeah, I'm sure he'll go running right to the goblins to tell them we're plotting to have giant pale orgies _exactly how they want us to_."

"But that's the purroblem," Nepeta says. "Where would we put Mr. Ampurra in the -- uh -- in the -- thing? Even if Fefurry weren't busy with Vriskers, his flushed feelings make that a bad combination."

"Flushed?" Feferi asks. "Reely?"

"Yes," you tell her. You are suddenly very grateful for Gamzee. If it was just you and Karkat, it's all too likely they'd decide to throw Eridan in, too, but surely they won't make a group of _four_ if everyone else still has two.

Although Nepeta just ruled out putting him with Feferi and Vriska. Terezi and Tavros were both deep in the escape attempt he sabotaged, _and_ he got Tavros… suppressed, or whatever the word should be. Aradia was also in on the escape attempt, and Eridan is all too likely to mistake Sollux's sarcasm for blackflirting. Which leaves Equius and Nepeta, and that sounds like a terrible idea, too.

But Karkat is correct -- it isn't right to leave Eridan all on his own.

**== > Eridan: Get talked at by aliens**

You'd almost rather have the flying jellyfish back. It -- they? -- stuffed all sorts of stupid feelings in your head, but at least when it asked questions it was _curious_ , not _judging_ you.

"Do you understand _why_ we isolated you?" the alien asks.

You bristle. "Of course I do!"

"Explain why we isolated you."

"Stop -- stop talking to me like I'm two!"

You obviously have no idea why they isolated you.

The alien sighs. "Why did you tell us about the escape plan?"

"Because I am _trying_ to do what you want! It's not my fault you're impossible to please!" You already explained this! "Pardon me for thinking you might not want them escaping."

"Why did you wait until that time to tell us? Why not tell us earlier, as soon as you knew about the plan?"

You consider trying to claim you _did_ tell them just after you found out about the plan, but they'd probably realize you were lying. "Well, uh…" Because you couldn't expect to get much credit for exposing a stupid FLARP-based plan which consisted mostly of giving stupid names to things on a map, could you? "There… wasn't any evidence earlier. It would've been their word against mine, and there are more of them."

"There was also no evidence when you did come to us. Merely your relative truthfulness, and the reactions of your peers when questioned."

"Uh… well…"

"Why did you not tell the others that you would inform us if they went on with the plan? That would derail the plan without getting your peers in trouble."

"But… then _you_ wouldn't know about it?"

"A discarded idea for an escape plan is not something we particularly need to know about. It is unexceptional."

"Yeah, well, what's the glubbing _point_ in doing something for someone if you don't get any _credit_? It was just like this with Fef, too! Do you know what I did for her? I would have--" You break off, belatedly aware you're ranting at a goblin, who don't seem to like people shouting at other people.

"So, you were trying to do what we want only so we would reward you."

"Uh…"

"In pursuing this reward, you drew your peers into infractions they would not have committed had they known -- as you did -- that you intended to expose the plan. You violated both their explicit trust -- not to reveal the secret plan -- and their implicit trust -- not to subject anyone else to additional consequences -- and you did it not due to higher principles of any kind, but solely from self-interest."

"…You just don't understand."

The goblin is quiet for a while, then says, "Do you wish to remain in isolation?"

" _No!_ " You would rather give Ahab's Crosshairs to Nitram and kiss Vris's lusus than stay in isolation.

"Why not?"

"Because -- I -- uh--" What does it _want_ you to say? "I'm _lonely_!"

The goblin nods slowly. "Very well. Your peers have agreed to allow your return on a trial basis. If you destabilize the group you will be returned to isolation. We hope that you will not."

**== > Eridan: Rejoin the group on a trial basis**

It's a long, confusing walk from the isolation block back to the place they're keeping everyone else. This stupid ship really doesn't make any sense. You wonder if Fef's going to apologize for snapping at you. You wonder if Kar's mad at you for calling him a disgusting mutant. You wonder if Vris is still angry about the escape plan, and if it'll make her hate you like she used to.

…You wonder if the aliens understand kismesissitude.

Finally, a door turns out to lead to the communal block, and your alien escort prods you in.

"Eridan," Kan says. She and Karkat get up from where they've been sitting on the floor, obviously waiting for you. Everyone else in sight is pretending not to pay any attention to you. And -- everyone has their _symbols_ on their shirts.

You frown. "They didn't give _me_ a shirt with a symbol."

Kar rolls his eyes. "The humans lent us fabric paint. _That's_ what you notice? Not how the fucking block, I don't know, expanded, or the pit -- or the two new doors, one of which I'm sure you're going to become _really_ fucking familiar with…" He stomps away around the giant pile as he speaks, and you trail after him to the nutritionblock area.

There _is_ a big pit in the floor, weird. And some funny doors. Huh. "When can I use some?"

"You're _still_ on about the fucking _signs_? Ugh! I don't know why I expected anything different--" Karkat flings up his hands, and stomps back around the giant pile.

You start to follow him, but Kan steps into your way. "We need to talk, Eridan."

"Fine. Fin," you say, looking around for Fef.

"Ground rules," Kan says. "Absolutely no violence. At all. They react more to violence than anything else. If you start something, and they get mad, you are on your own. Understood?"

"Yeah," you grumble. Not like you could count on anyone to stick their neck out for you anyway.

She nods sharply. "No mentioning blood or blood color unless you are trying to find a paint color for your symbol. If you mention the hemospectrum, you have to explain it to the humans until they all understand and don't have any more questions. Speaking of which, do not antagonize the humans. Or mock them, even when they're acting strange."

"I've never even met a human," you point out.

"You should in the next day, if they keep the current schedule going," Aradia offers cheerfully from a perch on the nutritionblock counter -- in fact there's an entire lowblood onlooker gallery.

"Whatever."

Kan sighs and continues. "You are not allowed to speak to Vriska without the approval and supervision of at least two others. These conditions also apply if she wishes to approach you."

Following her gaze, you see Vris is sitting in the giant pile next to _Fef_ , which is just not fair. You--

"Also," Kan continues, "please remember that Feferi broke up with you. You have no claim on her time or attention beyond that of friendship. If she wants you to give her space, you will give her space."

**== > Eridan: Fine, you didn't want that stupid lame quadrant anyway!**

Is Fef… is Fef acting all moiraily with _Vriska_? This is _outrageous_. "No, no that's fine," you say hastily, before anyone can notice your feelings. "It just so happens I… uh… I have a new moirail myself."

Kan blinks. "You… do?"

Well, the flying jellyfish made you calmer and happier, and you spent a lot of time talking at Swarm Something Outlier Whatever. (You eventually discovered that flying jellyfish just can't comprehend the hemospectrum, the importance of long lifespans, or even what a lifespan is. In its tiny little mind, if you don't get killed, you don't ever die, you just eventually turn into something else. You tried to explain that it's different for trolls, but you're pretty sure now it thinks that lowbloods eventually turn into imperial drones while highbloods turn into mother grubs.) (You are sure you did not do _anything_ to give it the idea that drones and mother grubs are permanently stuck together.) "Yes. It's pure serendipity." You dart a quick look at Fef to see if she looks jealous. You can't read her expression, but _Vris_ looks openly skeptical. "He understands me really well."

"Ah…" Kan says. "Um. Eridan, you do know… ah…"

"You know the goblins, are all empaths, right?" Tavros interrupts. "We've known that from pretty early on? That they can, um, get in our heads, so they can always sort of, uh, understand us?"

"Of course I know that!" you snap. "And it's not a _goblin_ , that'd be fuckin stupid." And it's _not_ a goblin. It said it wasn't a goblin yet.

Aradia leans forward. " _Really_. You haven't met any of the humans, and it obviously isn't one of us, so -- who is it?"

"I don't have to tell you that!" …Possibly this wasn't the best idea you've ever had.

Kan facepalms. "We can set that aside until I've at least finished describing the ground rules."

"There are more?" you ask, distracted. Kar's stomping back around the giant pile, with _Gamzee_ hanging off him for some reason.

" _Yes_. The aliens wish for all of us to be fully pacified." She looks -- almost anxious. "They made it very clear that if we do not keep each other pacified, they will step in and do it for us. Probably with… disgusting tentacle papping. They also made it clear they consider it ideal for it to be done as a group. Hence, er…" She indicates the sunken area of the floor filled with pillows.

It takes a minute for you to figure out what she's trying to say. "They're making _you_ have pale orgies?!" She gives you a flat look, and you catch yourself. "Us. Making us have pale orgies?"

"So far they seem satisfied by pairs and -- er -- one trio, so long as we are all near each other."

"Trios? Kinky, Kan, really kinky." Kinky or not, this sounds like such a drag. You think _any other_ quadrant of orgy would be better. You could really get behind a red or black orgy. And… all right, you can't really figure out what would constitute an ash orgy. But it would have to be better than a pale orgy, because pale is the worst quadrant. "Well, fine. Who am I stuck with?"

"We don't fucking know, because you got your putrid carcass stuck in isolation while the rest of us were making the fucking hard choices," Kar snaps, jumping back in. "Which, by the fucking way, is also why there is a trio, because with you missing in fucking action we had an _odd number_. You _nooksniffer_."

"It is possible the goblins may arrange for you to have time with your… new moirail." Kan practically drips skepticism. "If not, you will have to join up with Tavros and Terezi or," she sighs dramatically, "with me, Karkat, and Gamzee. Unfortunately, all the other possibilities are worse."

Gamzee waves, then seems to zone out staring at… a chair? Tavros offers a very awkward and not-very-convincing smile.

This is going to suck so hard.

**== > Yn-yk: Try to figure out what Eridan's talking about**

"…Possibly the nymph swarm," Er-ys says eventually. "He did interact with Swarm-Two-Outlier-One."

You consider this. "Is Swarm-Two-Outlier-One advanced enough to function as a troll _moirail_?"

"No," Ap-ut says. "And ERIDAN AMPORA realizes this. It is being deliberately deceptive."

Er-ys agrees. "He understands that he does not really have a _moirail_ , but he is thinking of something in particular, probably Swarm-Two-Outlier-One."

Exposure to the swarm would adequately 'pacify' ERIDAN AMPORA despite lack of functionality as a moirail, but you do want to see all the trolls' interaction without direct emotional manipulation.

(The trial return is a trial for ERIDAN, of course, but you also want to see how the others' good behavior holds up under pressure if he cannot behave himself.)

"We say nothing about it for now," you decide. "I will ask a nymph swarm specialist to ascertain Swarm-Two-Outlier-One's perception of events."

**== > Tavros: Oh, crap**

You were really hoping not to have to deal with Eridan. He sold out Team FLARP and got you suppressed, after insulting you the entire time you were on Team FLARP -- you don't think you've ever been called shitblood _to your face_ before -- and it's no secret he was always looking for a doomsday device to _kill all landdwellers_.

But Kanaya is clearly on the edge of her last nerve with him, and Karkat is trying to deal with whatever is going on with Gamzee, and Gamzee is… you don't even know what's going on with Gamzee. Well, just at the moment Gamzee is papping Karkat and Kanaya to keep either of them from punching Eridan, who won't shut up about getting his sign on his shirt.

Sollux leans towards Aradia. "Bet he starts foaming at the mouth when he notices you and FF are using the same color."

"I bet he doesn't notice unless someone points it out," Aradia counters.

"Eheheh, probably not. Think he'll annoy someone else into a mindfuckacoon before he lands himself in one?"

Aradia scrunches up her face. "I'm going to say… if Kanaya makes it through this conversation without at least pushing him into the giant pile, he'll be the first one in a mindfuckacoon."

Sollux nods. "And I predict it will be KK, but just for shouting, not for any hitting."

"It's a bet. Tavros, you want to make a prediction?"

"I predict, um, that this is going to be, the worst, the very worst, three-way pale clusterfuck on Alternia."

"TV--"

" _Off_ Alternia. But, worse than any, on Alternia, too."

"Putting him with Vriskers and Fefurry would be even worse," Nepeta says from under the table. "And Kanaya is furry furstrated with him."

You sigh. "Does anyone, know where Terezi is? We should probably, try to strategize."

Aradia points up, and -- yes, there's a foot sticking over the edge of the wall-mounted storage compartments.

**== > Terezi: Approach this strategically**

You would much rather approach this with great justice. Eridan _sold out the escape plan_. You can't emphasize this enough. And obviously the goblins aren't going to let anyone beat the shit out of him, but you'd like to at least _tell_ him what a travesty he is. But if you're doing the pale thing, you're going to have to be… diplomatic.

Ugh.

You'd almost rather deal with Vriska.

You'd also like to sentence a scalemate just to get your feelings out, but even if you had any you're sure the goblins wouldn't approve. You thought getting a little height might help, but… you don't know.

"Terezi?" Tavros says from below. "Um, I can't come up, so whenever you're ready to come down…"

"Coming!" You aim for the floor when you jump -- the table could probably handle you landing on it, but why risk it? "So Nepeta, Tavros and I are up?"

"I'm afurraid so," she says, still under the table. "Sorry?"

"Unless he actually did pick up a new moirail somehow," Aradia says. "I'm actually very curious about this."

"Until such time as his possibly-mythical moirail appears then." You sigh. "I can get him away from Karkat and Kanaya by offering to help him get the right color for his sign." You're the only one who had any luck with color-mixing; without your help, he'll probably end up using the same color as Gamzee.

"What, um, should I do?" Tavros asks.

"You should come and distract me when it looks like I am about to get myself thrown in a mindfuckacoon."

"…Right."

**== > Nepeta: Sleep**

The goblins have started signaling the _sleep_ part of the circadian cycle by tinting all the lights sopor-green. It doesn't do much for you, but some of the others seem to appreciate it.

This particular time, as soon as the color switches Terezi and Tavros both bolt for their respective respiteblocks, pleading exhaustion. Seeing that they've left Eridan standing by himself, Kanaya also absconds.

Eridan pouts for a moment, then draws himself up. "Well, it'll be good to have some _privacy_. I got used to not having all sorts of _rabble_ around." He sweeps to his own respiteblock, arm held up like he's wearing a cape.

"Thank fuck," Karkat says. "Gamzee, are you good to walk to your block? Not too unsteady?" He pauses. "Gamzee?"

Gamzee startles. "What?"

"I _said_ , are you good to walk to your fucking _block_?"

The rest of the group disperses at various speeds. It looks like you and Equius will be alone in the communal block this sleep period.

The two of you pretty much have things down to a routine now. You have to go back to your assigned respiteblocks for sopor substitute (you only use it sometimes, and usually just a little) and sleep clothing (really not necessary, but Equius associates nudity with vulnerability and he's worried enough already). Then you can curl into the giant pile to sleep.

You aren't always alone in the communal block, of course. Sometimes people can't sleep, or other people want to stick together -- Sollux and Aradia whenever Sollux is in a goggles-rig, Karkat and Kanaya when Gamzee was in psychic surgery, and then Karkat and Kanaya and Gamzee the sleep cycle after that. It's not any kind of problem. There's plenty of room in the giant pile.

You've just started to settle in when Eridan wanders back out of his respiteblock, looking around.

"So, Nep, you guys still sleeping here all the time? Is Eq still all weakened, or did that get better?"

You glare at him. Equius has gotten used to it, but he hasn't regained his strength, but all of it is _none of Eridan's business_.

"Did you need something, Ampora?" Equius asks.

"No, no, just… uh… thought I'd check on the kitchen."

He rummages around in the thermal hull and opens and closes a few storage compartments, but you're pretty sure he doesn't eat anything before he returns to his respiteblock.

"That was pawfully strange," you say.

Equius sighs. "I cannot begin to guess what he is thinking."

Maybe an hour later, you're almost asleep when Eridan comes out of his respiteblock again. You watch him through slitted eyes as he wanders over to the thermal hull again, still doesn't take anything out, and stands and fidgets for a bit. Is he looking in your direction? You roll over, and he scurries back to his block.

**== > Nepeta: Is he going to do this all ~~night~~ ~~day~~ sleep cycle?**

Yes. Yes he is.

Five more times over the course of the sleep cycle, Eridan creeps semi-stealthily into the communal block for no apparent reason. He always wakes you up, because it's always been a good idea for you to wake up if something besides Pounce is moving around your cave. You feign sleep rather than ask him what he thinks he's doing.

The sixth time, he comes stumbling out half-asleep and falls headlong into the pillow pit. And then he doesn't move. And doesn't move. And if you don't move, you're going to fall asleep and he's still going to be there when everyone gets up.

You sigh heavily into a sandbag, then get up and pad over to the edge of the pit. "The huntress prowls along the edge of the canyon to see what that noise was." You pause. "If whatever fell in the canyon is awake, it might want to climb out of the canyon before all the other beasts wake up and see it lying there like…" Like the main character of the _Seadweller Sleeping Dry_ series wandered onto the set of _Shooshcult_. (Not that you've seen _Shooshcult_.) (That you'll admit.) (You will admit to having read the book it's loosely based on, because it's a classic work of literature.)

Quite a _lot_ like that, actually, apart from the clothing. You swallow a giggle with difficulty, and consider waking Equius up to see. No, he'd be too embarrassed.

"You really do not want to be here when everyone wakes up, Mr. Ampurra," you say finally. You don't really want him to be there, either, not when you're almost getting used to the pillow pit. Finding a real live _Seadweller Sleeping Dry_ in the middle of it is only going to make everyone feel awkward again.

(The first several installments of _Seadweller Sleeping Dry_ were initially misclassified as PSAs about the effects of sopor deprivation, and subsequently somehow made it onto the highblood schoolfeeding curriculum. They aren't terribly extreme, as these things go, but they're very, _very_ well known.)

You throw something at him. He sits bolt upright and shrieks "I can communicate! No more tentacles!"

_That_ woke up Equius. "What."

You go back to the giant pile, shaking your head. "Nefur mind. He can deal with this himself."

**== > Vriska: Keep an eye on your ex-kismesis**

It's tricky, because you have to do it without going near him or talking to him, or making anyone think you're staring at Tavros, because you're still supposed to be leaving Tavros alone and Tavros is supposed to be helping Terezi pacify Eridan.

You tried to get Kanaya to bet with you on when either or both of them will snap and just give him a good smack, but she wouldn't. Bluh. (She might be avoiding you. You're not sure why. Maybe she was hoping to be your supposed-to-be moirail and meddle with you officially?) You think you should probably not push your luck and try Aradia or Sollux, even though you're almost certain they're already making their own predictions. Nepeta wouldn't make a bet, either, but she did tell you Eridan was acting _really_ weird during the sleep cycle. Asking Feferi would be really insensitive since she still feels guilty about Eridan and you don't want to make her feel more guilty.

You want to be sensitive. You want to be a better moirail than Eridan was, so she doesn't regret dumping him.

Because a _good_ moirail is _not suffocating_ , you sit on your hand and bite your lip and _don't do anything_ when she goes up to him while everyone's eating. When you notice Karkat watching you warily, you do flip him off. You don't think that's inappropriate.

"Eridan?" Feferi says. "I just wanted to say I'm glad to sea you're all right. I was reely conchcerned. And we reely weren't working, but I'm sorry I broke up with you in the middle of a fight."

…Don't most breakups happen in fights?

"It's fin. _Fine_ ," Eridan replies quickly. "Just as well. Did I tell you about my _new_ moirail? He understands me really well, and I can tell him _anything_ and he never judges me and he's, uh, he's really an elite, practically royalty. But my, uh, my other quadrants are open…"

You think Eridan has to realize no one believes his ridiculous story. But you have to respect his commitment to it!

"…Right," Feferi says. "Whale… uh… best of luck, Eridan."

She retreats. Eridan stares after her, looking disappointed. For a minute you think he's going to follow her, but then Terezi 'accidentally' runs into him. (Yeah, you believe that about as much as you believe Eridan has a new moirail. Noooooooot likely!)

"All right, Mr.…" Terezi pauses, sniffing ostentatiously. "Hmm, Mr. Dirty Eggshell, we should talk about what clothing articles you want to decorate in which colors when we go meet the humans. I will warn you right now, I'm not sure there is enough paint to do anything solid violet, or to do black stripes. How would you feel about violet and white stripes?"

He screws up his face unattractively. "Fuck, Ter, that'd make me look like a complete tool."

Out of his direct line of sight, Aradia claps one hand over her own mouth and the other over Sollux's. Nepeta buries her face in Equius's shoulder. Kanaya facepalms, and Karkat opens his mouth before Gamzee paps him.

You indulge in a very dramatic eye roll (X1) before tentatively following Feferi. "So, do you, uh, want to talk about it?"

"Not reely."

"Okay!"

It's mostly a relief.

After a moment, she adds, "I guess he was about to propose flushed, wasn't he? I mean, I bereefed Nepeta, but I guess I didn't think I wouldn't sea it, if he was flushed? Then again, well…"

Why is she looking from you to Kanaya?

**== > Karkat: Explain about Eridan to the humans**

They already know you were missing a troll, nothing to explain there. And you're pretty sure they'll be able to pick up on most of the rest of it themselves.

Possibly you should say something, though. He came into the troll-human communal block and went straight for the fabric paint, with Terezi following him and Tavros trailing after her. The humans are watching him, eyebrows raised.

"So, that's Eridan Ampora," you say. "He's a big sack of bulges and we're all still mad at him because he sabotaged our escape plan." You reconsider. "No, actually, he sabotaged Vriska and Terezi's escape plan--"

"Ahem!"

"And Aradia and Tavros's plan," you concede, "because they didn't tell the rest of us."

"It was a _secret escape plan_ ," Aradia says.

"Bulges?" John says.

Dave elbows him. " _Pretty_ sure you don't actually want to ask that, Egbert."

"What do you -- really?"

"Speaking of not telling," Rose says. "It occurred to me that there is something else we should probably warn you about. I hope it has not come up already."

"Fuck. Of course there is. Tell me, what new fan-fucking-tastic surprise do our doting caretakers have in store for us now?"

"They have a chamber adjacent to your quarters with the sensory deprivation tanks, correct?" she says. "They will call it the reflection chamber. Even though they also call the individual tanks reflection chambers."

"Mindfuckacoons in a mindfuckablock, fine."

She pauses for a moment, then continues. "At some point, they're going to start expecting you to _cooperate with corrective measures_. Part of that is getting into the sensory deprivation tank when they tell you to. Voluntarily -- well, not _technically_ voluntarily, since there's an implied threat, but without being physically forced."

"I see," Kanaya says. "That could be avoided by not inciting them to put you in a mindfuckacoon, couldn't it?"

"Something will come up," John sighs. "Something always does."

**== > Past John: See a particularly outrageous education video**

Honestly you don't mind the educational videos most of the time, which Rose insists is a sign you watch way too many terrible movies anyway. (This led to discussion about how the three-Knucker sharing video would be different if Matthew McConaughey had played one of the characters, and then into Dave claiming Nic Cage is an alien spy.) But even Dave admits it's interesting to see new and different and sometimes even weirder aliens, and you think Rose and Jade like that aspect even more than you do.

The aliens in this video are _especially_ weird. They have kind of human-like -- goblin-like, whatever -- faces -- okay, maybe slightly more human-like, because they have no horns and some kind of hair. Whatever. Their _relatively_ unremarkable heads are attached to sort of horizontal bodies with way too many legs. They're a little like giant spiders, except some of the legs have hands on the end, and instead of being at one end of the body, the head _somehow_ can move all over.

At the moment, four of the aliens are having a discussion which is getting heated. One of them is hanging onto the ceiling, and one on the wall. You're not sure what they're arguing about, because you were boggling at the alien-ness of the aliens and missed a lot of the setup.

_"Everything is arranged,"_ the alien on the ceiling says, gesturing with a leg (not one with a hand). _"I reviewed the contract myself. It's a good deal for you."_

One of the aliens on the floor brings two of its hands to its head. _"The oOlot clan still uses Tau breedhosts. By preference!"_

_"And if you were Tau, we wouldn't have arranged this,"_ the other alien on the floor replies. _"You're not. You're Antit, and you're not getting any younger."_

_"Thirdparent!"_

"Oh my god," Rose says. "I think this is an alien arranged marriage."

You fall off your chair laughing.

**== > Past John: Miss another five minutes of video while giggling uncontrollably**

You're not sure exactly why you find it so extremely hilarious, but everyone else is at least snickering, too.

You miss the end of your heroine's argument with her three parents and also the start of a discussion with another alien who -- you learn once you start paying attention again -- thinks she should be grateful because at least she gets to go outside.

"Who's this?" you ask.

"Maybe a brother?" Jade replies. "The translators have been a little inconsistent with the pronouns."

_"That's for your own safety!"_ Your Heroine protests. _"There have been three Tau abductions in the area!"_

"Is someone going to get abducted in this?" you wonder aloud.

Dave shrugs. "I think that depends entirely on what the lesson in this thing is supposed to be."

**== > Past Rose: Figure out what the lesson in the thing is supposed to be**

What.

The.

Fuck.

**== > Past Dave: Uh-oh**

Rose is at a slow boil by the time the video ends, hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. You've all noticed it; even John has stopped laughing. When you tried to ask her what was wrong, she just shook her head and kept watching the video.

"Okay, it's over now," you say. "What is up with you?"

Before she can say anything -- assuming she was going to -- a goblin comes into the stupid education room. It's looking right at Rose. "What is wrong?"

You don't think it's an evaluator, but then, she's pretty damn mad.

Rose points at the now-black screen. " _Tell_ me that was not a video about _letting people make their own choices_."

The goblin pauses. "…Yes, that focused on respecting the autonomy of others."

"You have got to be _fucking kidding me_!"

…Alright, yeah, that's one of the more outrageous things you've heard here.

John starts laughing again, but stops abruptly. "What, seriously?"

"Apparently," you tell him. "Which, okay, there was clearly some weird alien gender stuff going on that was pretty bad--"

"Did anyone else get the impression 'breedhosting' is fatal?" Jade cuts in. "Yeah, that was really bad. But the parts about clothes, and even the arranged marriages, I don't see how -- how--" She gestures helplessly around the room.

"How the hell," Rose bites out, "is it worse than what you're doing to us?"

"Education--" the goblin begins, but it's a little late now.

"Shit," John says, "the censorship stuff, books whatsits weren't supposed to read--"

"Antits," Jade tells him. "And Taus."

John nods. "Yeah, those, it made a big deal out of the censorship, but they still had a shelf of books they _could_ read, and some sort of game console, and they at least knew some kind of news, and we don't have _any of that_ \--"

"Maybe they think the video stuff is worse because they're not planning to fuck us." You slant a look at the goblin. "We assume."

The goblin's face tightens. It claps its hands together, while using a tentacle-arm to flick the lights a level up in intensity. "You all require time in a reflection chamber," it says harshly. "Report there immediately."

**== > Past Jade: Report to the reflection chamber**

The walk from the education room to your common room is tense. Rose is still angry. Dave is probably kicking himself over being the one to push the goblin over the edge. You're just glad no one pushed any further. What if they separated you?

When you get to the common room, the door to the reflection chamber (the room) is open, and you can see two goblins standing among the reflection chambers (the tanks). They won't come and get you, though, or at least they don't plan to. Part of being a good subject is _cooperating with corrective measures_.

It was… maybe a few months ago, you're not sure, when John wouldn't stop laughing at how messy your hair was and you just snapped and slapped him. He hadn't even stopped laughing, but the goblins were _very unhappy_. They ordered you into a sensory deprivation tank. You refused -- you understood you shouldn't have done it, you said you were sorry, John wasn't mad at you, why couldn't they just drop it?

They picked you up and put you in the tank and kept you there for hours and hours and _hours_ and then after they let you out of there you were locked alone in your room for days. So after Dave kicked a goblin in the face during a medical exam, he clenched his teeth and did what he was told.

You vividly remember watching him walk in. You'd rather avoid doing that again.

You take a deep breath and walk forward, willing your voice not to shake. "Me first work for you?"

One of the goblins nods. "Enter and remove your garments."

You obey, checking briefly over your shoulder. No one's watching _you_ , per se, but everyone's watching the door. You fold your glasses on top of your clothes (plain white pants and plain blue shirt, today).

When you turn towards the tanks you can feel yourself shaking, just a little. You climb up the side of the indicated tank when the goblin points, but it helps get you positioned correctly with respect to the head support.

No other restraints. That's… good.

The lid comes down, and you shiver.

You vow you won't say anything until everyone else is in the tanks, too, and can't hear you. Fifteen minutes should hopefully be enough.

One thousand one… one thousand two… one thousand three…

**== > Karkat: Meet the Ap-ut goblin**

That's among the last things you want to do, especially after the humans' latest revelation about goblin _teaching methods_ , but of course it's not like anyone asked you -- just split you off from the group on the way to weird goblin schoolfeeding and took you off to a tiny block where there's a goblin with a less-spirally horn and a bead bracelet.

It hasn't introduced itself, but you're pretty sure it's the Ap-ut goblin. Worse, you're _alone_ with it -- the goblin who escorted you to the tiny block is leaving.

You want to ask why you've been excused from the nauseating business of watching a Knucker circle-jerk or what the fuck ever.

You don't say anything.

The Ap-ut goblin _looks_ at you. "Sit down," it says, and indicates the block's second chair. It's far too close to the first chair, where Ap-ut is sitting. You obey, but squeeze as far back as possible, even pulling your knees up.

You think you're out of arm's reach, but probably not out of tentacle range.

Ap-ut _looks_ at you some more, and makes some notes.

The silence stretches out awkwardly. You hope everyone's all right. You hope they _are_ watching a Knucker circle-jerk video, and not having their own unsettlingly close interviews with silent, staring goblins. If they are, you hope no one drowns in the vast pool of sweat Equius is sure to produce. You hope Vriska is behaving. You hope Eridan doesn't find some other way to fuck everyone over.

You hope the _psychic surgery_ continues to keep Gamzee from going homicidal clown, and doesn't make him go blank any more. You wonder if hoping something the goblins did works is a sign of giving in, like the humans said. You hope if it is, you at least get some socks out of it.

The goblin makes more notes, and _looks_ at you.

You swear you can feel it digging around in your thinkpan.

What the fuck is it writing, anyway? You're nervous and increasingly frustrated, alert the media!

Great, now it's _frowning_ at you.

"You are unacceptably belligerent," Ap-ut says finally, and you startle despite yourself. "You clearly require a reflection chamber."

Shit. Fuck. And you'll be expected to climb in on your own. Well, it was bound to happen eventually. You give in to the belligerence and scowl.

"First, we have more to discuss," Ap-ut continues. "Tell me about your blood."

**== > Tavros: Watch a Knucker circle-jerk or what the fuck ever**

They split you off just after they did Karkat; Yn-yk wants to talk to you.

"We wish to interview the lusii," Yn-yk says. "Can you assist in translation? The evaluators believe they can discern the response, but there is some question about making themselves understood to begin with."

"Ummm…" You shuffle your feet. The floor is just a little too cold to be comfortable for bare feet, but honestly you're _still_ riding the high of being able to _move your feet_. "I don't, uh, I really don't feel comfortable, communing with a friend's lusus, unless they say it's okay? Unless, uh, it was an emergency, but this isn't an emergency, I don't think, so it would be, uh, sort of… rude?"

Yn-yk nods seriously. "You display commendable consideration towards your friends and their lusii. We will ask if they wish to allow you to assist in the interviews."

So, they'll _do_ the interviews even if you aren't translating. Not really a surprise. "Uh, I should also say, that most lusii don't really, um, think like trolls? They don't all, really, um, do _words_ , always. And, uh, _I_ don't always use words, when I'm communing with animals? It's usually more, asking them to do something."

"I understand. Thank you for your honesty. Would you be willing to translate for your own lusus now?"

You hesitate. "You won't, hurt him, no matter what he says, right? I don't know, what you want to ask him about--"

"Nothing very complicated," the Yn-yk goblin says. "We want to ask what things he taught you when you were very young."

"…Oh." You're not sure why they even want to know that -- but it's more time for you to spend with Tinkerbull, you guess, and they'll probably turn off, or at least turn down, the suppressant implant. "Okay?"

**== > Karkat: Try desperately not to fly off the handle**

He's already sentenced you to a mindfuckacoon, gog knows what he'll do if you really lose it. "My… blood?" You dig your fingers into your shins. If your claws weren't still capped, you'd probably be _drawing_ blood. "Why the--" You swallow the rest of that question. "I don't -- I don't understand why you're asking me. You should ask your mediviscerators."

"You are very dishonest," Ap-ut says, which is outrageous because that was _all true_. "Tell me about your blood mutation in troll civilization."

"I think Equius made that pretty fucking clear when he tried to _kill me_." No, no, you're supposed to be staying calm, being respectful. "It's a f-- It's an _abomination_."

"Those other than Equius Zahhak do not have strong feelings about it." Ap-ut pauses, and adds, "And Gamzee Makara's pathology, but it has been extracted."

…You wonder if they're keeping the murderclown part of Gamzee's mind in a jar somewhere. It seems scarily plausible.

"Why do you think they do not have strong feelings?" Ap-ut prods.

"Because they're weird. Look, it doesn't matter what that pack of assholes think, it matters what the _culling drones_ think, and the culling drones think my blood is an abomination, so that's fucking that! Game over! Then if they're _really_ bored they can go after every shithead I fucking know on suspicion of hiding an offense to all trollkind!"

(You've thought about that, sometimes, when you can't sleep. You're sure they wouldn't stop to ask whether the lowbloods, and even the midbloods, really knew about your blood or not. They might not stop to ask whether they knew _you_ or not. They might just start by leveling your neighborhood.)

Ap-ut makes some more notes. "At what are you directing this anger?"

Fuck. Yeah, you failed to not fly off the handle.

**== > Eridan: Experience the joys of goblin schoolfeeding**

You are in a little block with Kan, Gamzee, Sollux, and Aradia, sitting on mats on the floor, being _talked at_ by a goblin. It's been going on for a ridiculously long time.

You'd like to ask what's going on, but you should probably take 'don't interrupt the goblin' as implied.

You're… not sure what the goblin is going on about. Something to do with giving things to other people, possibly. And how it's _important_. Is it going to ask you about whether you've given stuff to other people? Considering everything you've done for Fef, you should be in good shape if so.

(Damn it, what do goblins _want_? Why can't you make them appreciate you? Why can't you make anyone appreciate you?)

You sneak glances to either side. Sollux looks bored, Aradia looks blank, Gamzee looks zoned out, and Kan looks worried -- about Gamzee being zoned out or the goblins taking Kar somewhere, you're not sure which. From how the others reacted, small groups is normal, but individuals by themselves isn't. You hope Kar is all right. Even though he did take Kan for his own fake moirail and leave you with crazy blind girl and formerly-crippled shitblood. It's the worst quadrant anyway.

…Terezi warned you there will probably be a 'pale thing' soon, and you should ask the goblins about their bringing in your 'new moirail' if you want him, her, or it there. You should probably just admit you don't really have a new moirail. You don't want to.

**== > Tavros: Help interview your lusus**

The goblins take you to the medical block and do… something… to the band around your horn. You can _feel_ the restriction on your powers easing, but they don't adjust it enough to let you commune with anything from the medblock. (It's jarring, how sterile the spaceship is.) During the walk to… wherever, you do briefly pass within range of what seem to be a few of Feferi's cuttlefish, but you never actually see them.

They don't take you to the block where you saw the lusii before, but to a smaller block with a pile of sandbags on the floor and a goblin which introduces itself as Evaluator Er-ys. They bring in Tinkerbull in a carrying case, which you suppose is better than their risking injuring him carrying him directly.

Tink is relieved to see you. You spend a minute or two saying hello before the goblin gets your attention.

"Please ask him if he is adequately comfortable in his current habitat."

Tinkerbull is one of the more articulate lusii you've encountered, but you're not sure if goblin feeling-reading will catch the images and concepts he shares with you. "He, um, likes the new food, better than the old food, and, uh, the nest is good, but, he would rather be with me?" You hope they believe that's what Tink wants, and don't think you're making it up and throw you in a mindfuckacoon.

The goblin nods seriously. "We will seriously consider returning Tinkerbull to your chambers in the future."

Whew. "Also, uh, he's nervous, about being near a predator, when I'm not, available to interfere?" He's not in the same enclosure as Pounce, and he understands there's at least one solid barrier between them, but even line-of-sight is potentially nerve-wracking. "He means, Nepeta's lusus."

"Is there animosity between them?"

"Just, um, what you'd expect? She hunts, a lot, and Tink, uh, fairy bulls, get hunted. It's not, anything personal?"

The goblin nods, and makes some notes. "Would he prefer to remain near the other lusii, if he cannot be with you?"

It takes a minute for you to frame the question in a way Tink understands. "He would rather, be with Aradia's lusus, than be all alone in a box? But Equius's lusus, is, uh… is snotty? So he could stay, with Nepeta's lusus, somewhere else."

"We will certainly take that into consideration," says the goblin. "Now, can you ask him what things he taught you about other trolls when you were very young, and ask him why?"

You look at Tink's innocent eyes. "Uh, maybe not all at once?"

**== > Karkat: Be honest**

"--But the only fucking _good_ thing about my blood on Alternia was that I could be reasonably sure I wouldn't get randomly accosted by some panlicking thinksponge-fucker and asked about my shitty _feelings_! It's like some undead squidbulge crawled out the the ocean to try to suck my sponge out of any available orifice while simultaneously joining its head and its putrid squidbulge ass in an eternal fucking union transcending all quadrants! It's undead shit and genetic material as far as the eye can see! And furthermore--"

**== > Tavros: Continue translation duties**

At first you're afraid Tink can't actually _remember_ that far back -- you certainly can't remember much from then! But he seems to know what you're talking about, or at least gets the idea of 'things to tell your troll when it's very small'.

It takes a while to get him past the very important topic of what small trolls should -- and shouldn't -- eat, but finally-- "He says, the most important thing about other trolls, is to be very careful, because they're predators." He offers a bizarre image of Vriska hunting fairy bulls with her teeth as an illustration. "The bigger they are, the more dangerous? But, uh, it's still important, to meet other trolls sometimes, and find ones, you can trust, to be together with."

The goblin makes more notes. You think it looks pleased, but you're not sure. "Is there anything else? About troll culture or laws?"

"Uh… not really? The carpenter drones, set up the web connection, for the schoolfeeding -- there was maybe, something about how to instruct the drones…" Tink offers another suggestion. "Oh, he says it's, um, rude? To go around eating trolls?" You try to tell Tink you're pretty sure Vriska doesn't eat trolls herself. He's not convinced.

"I see," the goblin says. "That is all for now. We will speak to your friends about interviewing their lusii. You may remain here with Tinkerbull for another hour, or if you prefer you may be escorted immediately to your chamber."

It has to ask? "I'd like, uh, I'd like to stay with Tink, please." Wait, does this mean they aren't tightening your range back down?

The goblin nods. "An escort will come in an hour, then."

**== > Karkat: Cooperate with corrective measures**

When you get to the mindfuckablock, Eridan is being forced into a mindfuckacoon literally kicking and screaming. The screaming involves a lot of variations on 'you can't do this to me'.

"What did he get in trouble for?" you ask Terezi, who's loitering in the doorway.

"Did not pay any attention to goblin schoolfeeding, attempted to cheat on the assessment, would not stop trying to get Kanaya to carry a message to Feferi, and propositioned Vriska black in front of… everyone, and some goblins. She threw grub sauce in his face and said she hated him platonically."

"Uh- _huh_. Mixed signals, Vriska." And violent. You look around the block to see that yeah, there's another mindfuckacoon already active.

"Indeed. Before she could make things any clearer or anyone could volunteer as an auspistice, the goblins indicated very firmly that while caliginous relationships are understood to be essential to troll biology, carrying them out in public is disrespectful, and we are currently of, and I quote, 'inadequate physical maturity for intimate concupiscent interaction'."

Goblins are fucking _weird_. "Don't tell me Vriska voluntarily got in a mindfuckacoon."

"No, but she still can't compensate for the missing arm very well, and she had less grub sauce to get off first." Terezi raises her eyebrows at you. "What are you here for?"

"I met the fucking -- I met the Ap-ut goblin. It thinks I'm… a lot of things. And then I called it… a lot of things." You're pretty sure "Knucker-fucker" had come in somewhere.

The goblins finally get the mindfuckacoon shut. You can still hear Eridan demanding -- pleading -- to be let out, until one of them turns the speaker off. Then they turn to you. "Karkat Vantas."

You swallow. "Terezi, could you clear out?" Everyone knows your secret now, it's not like you have to worry about giving yourself away with a flash of mucous membrane, but you'd still rather not be stared at. "Please?"

She does.

They don't make you climb up the mindfuckacoon, which is a small mercy. As soon as you've stripped (fucking pervy voyeur goblins), they just pick you up and place you in the slime.

You hope it won't be too long.

It would probably be longer than however long it's going to be if you'd punched the Ap-ut goblin in the face as it so richly deserves. You still sort of wish you had.

**== > Vriska: Pitch or platonic?**

_Platonic_. Right now you don't trust Eridan enough for a cahoots, much less a kismesissitude. (He _ruined your escape plan_. It was the best escape plan and everyone else thought so too and he _ruined it_. _On purpose_.) (And he _didn't even get anything out of it_.)

Throwing food can be kind of blackflirty, and you shouldn't have done it right after he propositioned you, but you'd have gotten in trouble if you kicked him in the bulge. Well. More trouble. And to be honest you don't fight too well with one arm and no powers, and you didn't make a very good showing in the brawl. You probably should have told him to fuck off. Or asked Terezi to get rid of him.

They let you, Eridan, and Karkat (who you didn't even know was back) out of the mindfuckacoons at the same time, just before the sleep cycle. You hurry through rinsing the slime off and don't try to untangle your hair one-handed -- Feferi will help you with it during the pale… thing… after you sleep.

**== > Karkat: Have even _more_ awkward pale… thing**

But at least you're not actually _with_ Eridan. You're not going to complain. Even though Kanaya and Gamzee seem to have decided that your latest mindfuckacoon thing means you're the one who needs to be fussed over.

This is patently ridiculous, no matter how tense Gamzee thinks your neck is.

"I'm _fine_. I just slept funny on my fucking pile, all right? Not everything is about the fucking goblins!" You try to sit up.

Kanaya prevents you from sitting up. "Karkat, they made you climb into the mindfuckacoon. I cannot believe you are… placid about it."

You glare. "Yeah, well, you know what I'm even _less_ fucking placid about? Gamzee going fucking blank and drifting off and not even _being there_ for minutes at a time!"

It's like whatever the goblins took out, they didn't put anything in to replace it, and now Gamzee gets… lost in the holes, sometimes. You don't want to say so out loud, because that might give the goblins the _idea_ of putting something in to replace it, and fuck knows what that would be. The best case scenario is probably WUB-WUB-WUB.

"It was real brave of you, Karbro," Gamzee says. "I don't think I could be that brave. Those mindfuckacoons are just a big miracle of empty, and it's like they want to up and eat us, to fill the empty, but it's such a motherfucking miraculous empty nothing can fill it."

While you and Kanaya are looking at each other trying to decide if this makes sense, Eridan's voice rises sharply over the low murmur of conversation.

"This is fuckin stupid! This is a stupid quadrant and a stupid orgy and I don't want to talk about your stupid dirtblood lusus! My lusus isn't even _here_!" His voice lowers, but now that you're paying attention you can still hear. "If you want me to talk, you have to talk about something else."

Terezi hisses softly, but Tavros steps bravely into the breach. "I'm not, um, I'm not going to yell at you, for sabotaging the escape. Even though it got, me in particular, it had, uh, _consequences_. I just, I'm just asking you, to explain why? I don't understand why."

The rest of the pit becomes suddenly, suspiciously quiet -- even the low murmur of Equius and Nepeta cuts off. Kanaya muffles a nervous giggle.

Eridan, apparently, doesn't notice. "Well… it was never gonna _work_. I wouldn't a done it if the plan was gonna _work_. I want to get away as much as everyone else."

"If you thought, we were doing something wrong, you could have told us? So we could fix it?"

"Look, I -- I already had this whole conversation with the goblins."

"What did they, uh, decide?"

"That -- uh…"

"That?"

"ThatIdiditforpersonalbenefit. But you have to understand, I was trying to help Fef, too!"

You look -- as casually as possible -- over towards Feferi and Vriska. Feferi looks pained and a little guilty; Vriska keeps raising and lowering her hand like she's thinking about venturing a pap.

"They shoulda _rewarded_ me, and as soon as I could I woulda helped the rest of you, too! It's not my fault goblins don't understand how things work!"

"It's, uh, their ship. I'm pretty sure, they get to decide how it works?"

You look at Feferi again, and accidentally catch Vriska's eye. Fine. You pat your own shoulder a few times. She actually gets it, and puts her hand on Feferi's. Miracles.

"It's _not fair_! _None of this is fair_!"

**== > Kanaya: Shut this down before everyone ends up in mindfuckacoons**

Rather than risk anything that might be interpreted as violent, you climb out of the pit, cross to the illumination controls, and slide the dial as high as it goes. This turns out to be considerably brighter than anything the room has been at thus far.

_You_ are perfectly fine with it. The pillow pit emits a variety of hisses, squawks, squeaks, and profanity, and Eridan's ranting cuts off as sharply as you could have wished.

"If I am reading the schedule correctly, the goblins will want us to go to education soon," you say. "We should probably prepare for that now."

No one argues.

This isn't going to work -- integrating Eridan into the pale orgy with Terezi and Tavros. They're trying, you can _tell_ they're trying, but they're both too angry about his sabotaging the escape, and his explanation didn't improve things. At all.

You'll have to talk to Karkat. If he thinks he can do better with Eridan, maybe you can put up with him, for the sake of everyone.

**== > Kanaya: Distract yourself with goblin education**

You aren't split into groups, which usually means they're going to want you to discuss something. But instead of having you sit at a table to do worksheets, or line up facing a screen or -- worse -- lecturer, right away they have you sit on cushions arranged in a circle.

Then several goblins _also_ sit down in the circle. Several more -- including one Karkat identifies as Ap-ut -- stand around the sides of the block.

"This session," the Yn-yk goblin says, "I would like to ask you about your feelings about the hemospectrum."

There is a long, awkward pause. You try to come up with a good response to that. You fail, but at least you don't blurt out any of the bad responses.

Chief among the things you manage not to blurt out is that someone should probably just go ahead and get Equius a towel right now.

**== > Equius: Wish for a towel**

You are fine. You are perfectly fine. You are sure you can explain the simple logic and beauty of the hemospectrum without excessive perspiration.

"The hemospectrum--" Ampora begins, but Vantas interrupts him.

"The hemospectrum is complete bullshit, and everyone who doesn't have their head stuck up their nook knows it."

…You need a towel.

"It is a _little_ more complicated than that, Karkat," Maryam says. "Some colors are more likely to have certain physical or psychic abilities, and unfortunately it is associated with longevity. But I agree that the way it is usually applied is, as you put it, bullshit."

Oh dear.

"Most of the differences are because highbloods get a leg up on _everything_ ," Aradia says, her beautiful face darkening with anger. "The disparity in resource allowance is ridiculous. And it's not like they say 'they'll live longer, so they're worth more of an investment'. That would still be bad, but at least it would make some sort of sense. No, it's just because they're supposed to be _better_ than us, and that's -- that's--"

"Fuck that," Captor provides helpfully, patting her shoulder.

Vantas snorts unattractively. "Fuck that up the waste chute with the rotting mouthparts of a diseased drone."

Oh _dear_. You open your mouth to at least chastise this lewdness, but--

"Absolutely," the Heiress agrees enthusiastically. "That's what I keep _saying_!"

"I believe I would remember if you said the part about the diseased drone," Maryam tells her.

"It doesn't matter _what_ you think about it, the hemospectrum is what out entire society is fuckin _built_ on!" Ampora snaps. "Take that away, and what--"

The Heiress gives Ampora a displeased look. "You were the one who kept insisting the Empire has no hope of finning this war!"

"That's when the foundation of a society is most _important_!"

"Both of you calm down," Pyrope says, waving a hand between them. (They are several spaces apart around the circle, so this is not difficult.) "You wouldn't want to miss the rest of the session in a _reflection chamber_ , would you?" They subside.

Could this finally be the moment to speak? "The hemospectrum--"

"Hemospectrum, wussyspectrum, whatever," Serket cuts you off. "When I'm better than people it's because I'm great, not because of my blood."

The Heiress facepalms quietly.

"I… kinda think I had some feelings about it?" Makara says slowly. "When I was sober? Maybe about… colors, and something about my color being… it doesn't really make sense now."

Vantas paps him, and Makara gives the mutant a grateful smile. He's not as disgraceful as he was on the sopor, but he's not all that he could be, either. …Not that being what he could be would be an advantage in these particular circumstances. And you shouldn't blame him for how he is now because the aliens _did something to his brain_.

"Those high in the spectrum have a natural inclination--"

"Boring!" Serket says loudly.

"Let him finish," the Yn-yk goblin says, and turns its full attention on you. "We want to hear what everyone has to say."

…You really need a towel.

**== > Terezi: Attempt to enjoy your lunch break**

After several fascinating hours listening to Equius attempt to justify his love for the hemospectrum with no help from anyone else (even Eridan switched almost immediately to claiming seadweller superiority before trailing off into watching Equius flail), you are herded into what you have come to recognize as an eatingblock -- not really a nutritionblock as the food is prepared elsewhere. You are fairly sure it is the same eatingblock you were in the previous day before Eridan and Vriska started to fight. There is no food on the tables, but there is a stack of plates. You guess they're going to let you serve yourselves again, despite what happened with the grub sauce pitcher.

"Terezi, Tavros?" Kanaya says. "Could Karkat and I talk to you for a minute?"

You oblige, even though the goblins have just delivered the serving vessels of protein, grub sauce, and something that smells promisingly fruity. "Yes, Kanaya?"

It's Karkat who answers, quietly -- you're not _that_ far away from everyone else. "We can try to take Eridan in the next pale thing. We'd still appreciate any help you can give us keeping him behaving in general, though."

"We can do our best!" you reply. You wish you could say they don't have to take Eridan, but… you really can't.

"Thank you," Tavros adds. "Is this, um, all right, with Gamzee?"

"Gamzee can--"

Karkat is interrupted by a very low, tooth-rattling sound and a flashing orange light -- flashing _far_ too brightly, judging by the reactions around you. Aradia drops the entire bowl of synthetic protein mush on the floor and staggers a few steps away, but it's not her eyes she's covering, it's her ears, and it doesn't seem to be helping.

The door opens and a goblin comes in. You might be imagining things, but you think the door opened and closed faster than usual.

"Can you please -- ugh -- please stop that _noise_?" Feferi cries. She's clutching at the bases of her horns. Gamzee, Kanaya, Equius, Eridan, Aradia, and Vriska seem distinctly uncomfortable, too, and Tavros -- Tavros is doubling over and vomiting onto the floor.

Not your favorite smell. You catch Tavros's arm and keep him from faceplanting in the vomit. Karkat appears at his other arm and helps you pull him away. "Put him on his side -- oh, shit, that won't work -- oh, fuck, there goes Gamzee--"

"If someone doesn't stop that noise, we are going to be knee-deep in puke!" Sollux says, catching Aradia's arm as she goes to her knees. He pulls her hair back from her face just in time.

You have to agree. Kanaya and Vriska are starting to heave. Eridan is curled up and whimpering, and Feferi has fuschia tears running down her face, but neither seems nauseated -- do seadwellers throw up? Equius makes a high-pitched noise and moves both hands to his broken horn; only Nepeta's aid keeps him from hitting his head on the wall, and she's starting to smell a little off-color herself.

And your head is starting to throb, and Sollux is rubbing his temples, and Karkat may be the last troll standing before long.

Fortunately, the goblin is already tapping frantically at some sort of control panel, and the noise drops away right after Kanaya and Vriska vomit on each other. You can't contain a gasp of relief. You didn't realize the pain was getting so bad until it stopped.

"I apologize deeply," the goblin says. "You will be transported for medical attention as soon as the lockdown ends. There is drinking water available."

"I _hope_ you're fucking sorry," Karkat snarls. "Was that supposed to be another fucking _lesson_? Because--"

"Lockdown?" you interrupt. "What kind of lockdown?"

**== > Nepeta: Find out what kind of lockdown it is**

You're not really paying attention to the goblin saying something about _pixies_. Equius looks absolutely _wretched_ and you want to get him sitting, and not in his own or anyone else's vomit. You almost have him back to the table -- most of the chairs are still where they should be -- when one wall of the block blows in with a crash. The goblin starts to pound on the wall by the door, muttering under its breath.

You all take a moment to stare at the… creature… hovering in the gap.

"Is that… is that a fairy?" Tavros croaks.

"I don't know, are there _evil_ fairies?" No one yells at Vriska for talking to Tavros.

The all-blue thing setting down just inside the block does kind of look like a fairy. It's not miniature, but it's small, the top of its head less than shoulder-high on any of you. It has pretty fairy wings, and shimmering silver-blue hair. It also has a grinning mouth full of sharp teeth, and it's carrying a hide bag and a club.

It's small and only has a club, but it has sharp teeth and can fly, but there's purrobably something more that's making the goblin freak out.

The evil-fairy-pixie thing makes a _pushing_ gesture, and it's like getting caught in a rockslide. All of you, the goblin, the tables, the chairs, the food, the dishes, the debris from the broken wall, and a good bit of the vomit are slammed up against the opposite wall. You end up turned so you can see most of the others, but not your meowrail, though you can feel him at your back. The evil-fairy-pixie thing comes closer. It casually spits on the goblin before turning to the rest of you. It looks… curious, almost.

It pokes at the padding on one of Tavros's horns, yanks on Feferi's hair, grabs Gamzee's horn and shakes it back and forth like it's trying to see if it comes loose. It tugs on Vriska's arm stump, then lifts up off the floor -- its wings barely move -- to peer closely at Terezi's eyes, under a meter away from your face. Its breath smells like rotting meat. It licks its lips.

You keep very still. You think this might be the kind of predator that likes to play with its food.

It lowers down a little and reaches for Eridan -- hopefully his horns, but maybe his fins. And then there's a violent blast of red-blue-white, the evil-fairy-pixie thing is knocked flying back out the way it came, and you all slide down to the floor in a very uncomfortable heap.

**== > Karkat: Don't panic**

You peel your face off Kanaya's vomit-splattered shirt and crawl out from under Gamzee. "What the--"

Aradia almost steps on you. "Shit, shit, Sollux, talk to me, stay conscious, shit, come on--"

Sollux has a nosebleed. And an earbleed and an eyebleed. You guess that was probably a pretty big blast from someone getting regularly drained.

"M'fine, AA," he slurs, trying ineffectively to wipe his face on his sleeve. "Done way more. M'just -- gonna--" And _he_ throws up. If this block didn't have a big hole in the wall they could rename it the Trollvomit Nutritionblock.

"Is that thing going to come back?" Vriska demands, wide-eyed. She starts to stand up, sways, tries to catch herself with the arm that isn't there, and topples over onto an overturned chair, which breaks.

"Not that… particular one," says the goblin, wavering to its own feet. "There may be others--" It must activate a communications device then, because it starts speaking rapidly in goblin language.

You crouch down by Aradia and Sollux. "Is he going to be okay?"

"M' _fine_."

"He needs to stay awake. Is there water?"

"I think so--" You stand, and turn, and nearly run into the goblin.

"Does he require treatment urgently enough to be transported through the sonic deterrent?"

"No," Sollux mumbles.

"Yes," Aradia says.

"You are familiar with the condition and treatment?" It barely waits for Aradia's nod, but picks up _one of them in each arm_ before addressing the rest of you. "I will be transporting your peers for medical attention. The sonic deterrent has been intensified around this chamber to prevent any additional pixie incursions. Remain here, and handlers will come to transport you for medical attention as soon as the crisis is over."

And off it goes. The door to the corridor is open long enough to for you to tell that the 'sonic deterrent' is going to keep any of you from going out _that_ way. Just before it closes, you think you see Aradia starting to gag again.

There's a moment of silence, apart from _very unpleasant_ noise leaking into the block from all directions.

"I never, heard there were evil fairies," Tavros says eventually. He hasn't moved from where he landed when you all slid down the wall, but has his arms wrapped around his head. "What do we do now?"

" _You_ should probably fucking stay there and try not to vomit any more. Maybe someone could bring you some water." You pick up one of the legs from the chair Vriska so helpfully broke. "I think those of us who can fucking walk in a straight line should grab some furniture remains and make sure no more sparkly rainbow flying toothbeasts come in that fucking hole."

You're quickly joined by Terezi with a table leg, and a minute later by Nepeta with a shorter chuck of chair leg. You all stare out into… it's not space, but you're not sure what it _is_.

On the other side of the hole is… strange. It's not another block, and it's not a corridor -- it's like a big space with tubes and boxes suspended in it and hooked together somehow. Like standing outside a really big squeakbeast habitat, maybe. It's not dark, and you don't see any stars, but it's not lit up like most places are either.

Fucking goblins. Fucking goblin ships. Fucking pixies. Fucking _everything_.

**== > Feferi: Try to walk in a straight line**

It becomes clear pretty quickly that's not going to happen, but at least you're upright, which is more than you can say for Tavros or Gamzee or Equius.

You make your way to the water dispensing device, which turns out to still be working. You splash some on your face before looking around for a cup. "There's water here, if anyone wants some?"

"Everyone should try to take some," Kanaya says. "Gamzee, can you hear me? Do you think you can sit up?"

"Tell me if I can help one-handed!" Vriska says. "Til then I'm going to kick some of the debris to the side of the room so it doesn't flatten us if we get pushed up the wall again."

Karkat looks over his shoulder at the debris. "No, good idea, you do that. But don't injure your fucking toes!"

"The huntress asks if someone would soak some cloth and put it on her meowrail's horn," Nepeta says. "She says it's still hurting him very badly."

You look down at Equius, and _fuck_ , the broken-off end of his horn is _oozing indigo_. You're sure Nepeta wouldn't have left his side if he were in any danger, but that looks _awful_. "Shore! Right away." Of course there's the small problem that you don't see any cloth that isn't splattered with vomit, grub sauce, and/or synthetic protein mush, and also being worn, but... Fuck it. Your shirt's not too bad, and you can try to rinse it out first. You pull it off and stick it under the water dispenser. "Just a minnow!"

Eridan gawps at you. "Fuck, Fef, you better let me put that on his horn or he's gonna have a fuckin aneurysm."

"…Good point." You hand Eridan the shirt and fill a few cups of water to bring drinks to the three standing guard. You half-expect Karkat to get embarrassed, but he just takes the water and keeps staring out the hole.

Nepeta, however, flushes. "Er, sorry. The huntress would offer you her own shirt, but…"

But Equius threw up all over it. "No, I'm fin. And we should save the clean-ish shirts for face-washing anyway."

"I think mine's, not too bad?" Tavros volunteers. "But, uh, I don't think, I can get it off myself?"

"Mine's… uh… mine's all kinda…" Gamzee gestures vaguely. "I mean, maybe put it on my horns?"

Once Tavros's shirt is finally off, it turns out to be all right for face-wiping. Once you've transferred it to your sentries, you join Vriska and Eridan in clearing the middle of the room of anything big enough to hurt if it landed on you and anything that looks especially sharp. You're pretty sure at least one big piece of wall got blasted out of the block with the pixie, but there are still some chunks with wires and tubes and stuff running through them.

" _Hell_ o!" Vriska says suddenly. "It dropped its bag!" She crouches down and begins tugging at the top of something which certainly looks like the brown sack the thing was carrying.

"Don't fucking _open_ it, it might explode!" Karkat exclaims.

"It had a club, it's not going to be carrying explosives!"

"It was in space, fuck the club!"

"Fine, if it looks like it has explosives we can throw it out, but I'm looking inside it first." Vriska scowls. "If I can get this damn bag _open_ \--"

"Let me help," you say. Two hands should get things done faster -- and you have to admit, you're curious, too.

**== > Feferi: Investigate**

You try to pick apart the knots in the bag's fasteners, but they're tight and matted, and with your claws capped you're not having much more luck than Vriska was. Finally, you just bend down and _bite_ through the laces. They taste of stale, strange blood.

Vriska gets the bag open (with more than a little help from your two hands). She immediately reaches in without bothering to take a look. "Uh--"

She pulls out a silver-violet creature smaller than Tavros's lusus. It looks like the evil-fairy-pixie-thing, but even smaller and with bigger eyes -- is that an evil fairy _wiggler_?

Whatever it is, you're pretty sure Vriska holding it upside-down by the ankle isn't making it any happier. It makes a thin, distressed noise, and you grab for it. "Here, let me--" It squeals some more and kicks you in the nose. Fortunately, its claws are soft and unformed. The rest of it seems soft, but sort of sticky.

"I found it first!" Vriska protests.

"I don't think anyfin likes to be held like that--"

"What the fuck are you doing now?" Karkat says, looking over quickly before returning his gaze to the hole in the wall.

"The evil fairy had another evil fairy in its bag!" Vriska says, delighted. "I wonder if they get even smaller?" She reaches into the bag again, as if expecting to find another one.

"I think it's a wiggler evil fairy," you say.

"Loose in the bag?" Kanaya asks. "That does not seem like a good way to transport a wiggler."

"Might be a good way to transport a snack," Vriska says. "There are, like, a bunch of chewed-on severed limbs in here." She holds up something which might have been a tiny leg. Half the meat has been stripped off the bone and the remaining skin is the same color as the thing you're holding.

The wiggler is, you realize, covered in alien-evil-fairy blood. Oh, well, half the block is covered in vomit already anyway.

"Fucking adults," Karkat says.

"Or they were eating each other!" Terezi suggests.

You shake your head. "I think it doesn't have any front teeth to tear anything off with--" It makes another unhappy noise and bites you on the collarbone. "De-fin-ately no front teeth."

"Fef, don't let it _bite_ you, you don't know where it's been," Eridan says. "Give it to Kan, she's a jadeblood--"

Kanaya looks long-suffering. "Which has nothing whatsoever to do with alien evil fairy wigglers--"

Eridan reaches for the alien wiggler. It takes one look at him, makes a noise that sounds almost _relieved_ , and launches itself into his chest, tiny hands fisting in his t-shirt. He catches it automatically, then stares down in bewilderment.

"I think it prefers you," Kanaya notes dryly.

"I -- uh -- I--"

Terezi sniffs at him. "I cannot help but note that your clothing and the alien wiggler are very similar in color. Perhaps it believes you to be its lusus!"

…Huh. Eridan's violet is darker than the wiggler's skin, but he's done it in stripes all over his shirt and pants instead of just doing his sign, so the overall effect from a distance, or with bad vision, is a light violet which is indeed similar. And the wiggler itself has stopped struggling and is hanging on to Eridan for dear life. "I think she's right. That must be how pixie-aliens recognize their lusii."

"Well, take it the fuck away from Eridan before he accidentally eats it himself," Karkat orders.

"I -- I am not going to _accidentally eat it_ , that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! I can take care of it as well as anyone else can, and it likes me best!" Eridan turns his nose up in the air. "I'm going to give it some water."

Vriska upends the bag on the floor and continues digging through the… mess. You decide she's all right for now and trail after Kanaya as she trails after Eridan to the corner with the water supply.

**== > Eridan: Be an alien-evil-fairy-pixie-thing lusus**

"It's kinda cute," Gamzee offers from the floor.

"You should see it after I clean it up," you say. The wiggler is happy to slurp water off your hand, though it's too little to hold a cup. "And, uh, when its wings unfurl. I think these are wings which will unfurl? Yeah. Hey, I bet he's hungry. Do we have food for him?"

"I assume you mean other than the remains of its last companion in the bag?"

"Really fuckin funny, Kan. You're lucky he doesn't speak troll."

"Try, um, the protein mush?" Tavros suggests. "If, uh, if you can scrape it off the floor… or the wall… or, uh, wherever…"

A good half of the protein mush appears to be in Gamzee's hair.

"What about the grub sauce? Isn't that around somewhere?"

The grub sauce pitcher got dumped, of course, but the sauce is thick enough there's still some residue. You swipe some out with your hand, and the alien wiggler licks it off. Then another handful. And another. And another. Okay, maybe the grub sauce isn't going to be enough.

"Uh, Gam…"

"Yeah, fishbro?"

"Can I… uh… uh…"

"He wants, um, to know if he can get some of the, the protein mush out of your hair? To feed to, the, uh, evil fairy, alien, pixie wiggler," Tavros says.

"Oh, sure, go right ahead, motherfucker. I didn't even know it was there."

"Uh. Thanks."

…This is going to require touching Gamzee's hair, isn't it.

The wiggler had damn well better appreciate it.

**== > Evil fairy alien pixie wiggler: Appreciate it**

You were scared and hungry and in the dark for a long time but now you're not. You have food and you have your dam, right now you're not complaining.

You're almost positive it's your dam. It's the same color as you and gave you food and didn't hurt you, it must be your dam.

Nap time.

**== > Kanaya: Appreciate Eridan's new venture in lususity**

It's hilarious. And also kind of adorable. Hilaridorable.

You're concerned about how the goblins will react -- especially since you've volunteered to make it your problem how Eridan reacts to their reaction -- but this has to be a good thing, right? Helping something small and helpless? Even if the adults of the species are nasty?

You lean down to speak quietly to Tavros, just to check. "Can you commune with it at all?"

He shakes his head slightly. "It's not a beast."

Of course it isn't. You just couldn't help but feel that would make things easier.

"I tried. With the big one?" Tavros adds. "Because it looked, uh, like it wanted to eat us."

"You are not the only one who got that impression." You sigh, and look around the remains of the block. "If everyone is finished with Tavros's shirt, Eridan may want to clean off the wiggler."

"Purr… it still has _some_ clean spots?"

You go to collect the rag from Nepeta. You pause to stare out the gap at the weird innards of the goblin ship, but have to turn away when your horns start to feel weird again. Vriska is sitting on the floor, with a pile of… meat… to one side, examining what must be the other things that came out of the bag. There's not much there.

Eridan accepts the cloth after you re-wet it and wring it out, and attempts to clean off the wiggler. It barely stirs where it's curled up in the crook of his elbow, just cuddles in closer. "Thanks, Kan. Hey, do you think these are hornbuds?"

"The big one, had antennae, not horns," Tavros says.

"Oh." Eridan tries to unmat the wiggler's hair. "Well, he's less articulate than the flyin jellyfish thing, but also much less annoying."

"…What?"

**== > Vriska: Behave prudently!**

"Uhhhhhhhh… Feferi? Terezi? Karkat?" You get everyone's attention gratifyingly quickly. Feferi comes over; Terezi and Karkat don't leave their self-appointed posts, but they do acknowledge you right away, Karkat muttering darkly under his breath.

"Please don't sea there reely are explosives in there," Feferi says.

"Noooooooo, but there's a weapon." You hold it up. "Well… sort of a weapon. An energy-augmented cutting tool." You did live next to Equius like your entire life. "But it could be used as a weapon. What do we do with it?"

Terezi replies promptly, "Hang on to it for now in case more of those things show up, then give it to the goblins when they show up. Politely, without being asked."

You don't facepalm, because she's right and also your hand is covered in disgusting entrails from the evil fairy pixie thing's bag. But you are all _so_ … something.

**== > Humans: Endure lockdown**

You are now Rose Lalonde. Your eardrums have finally stopped rattling, so you take the risk of lifting your pillow off your head.

No orange light. No buzz right at the edge of hearing.

Good.

You hate lockdowns. Your ears are going to ache for hours. You wish the goblins would find some way of adapting the sonic deterrent so it kept out marauding pixies without making everyone else unbelievably uncomfortable.

Since you were kidnapped, there have been five lockdowns, not counting this one. Two of them were drills, which you know because you always ask Yn-yk what happened. The other times it wouldn't tell you anything, so you have to assume a rush of pixies broke into the ship, cooperatively funneled themselves into the spaces without sonic deterrent blasting at them, and got killed.

You'd think they'd eventually realize rushing goblin ships doesn't end well.

You roll out of bed and get dressed. According to the schedule you should have been up nearly an hour ago, but keeping your pillow over your head does help some with the sonic deterrent, and no one's going to chide you for it.

Dave and Jade are already up. (Neither of them is as bothered by the noise. With Dave you figure it's because he's damaged his eardrums with overloud remixing, but you don't know what Jade's excuse is.) Jade is putting the finishing touches on an impressive tower of cups; Dave is scrutinizing the schedule board.

"Something interesting?" you ask.

"Yeah," he replied. "All our goblin interaction today just got cut off the calendar, apart from one check-in. The morning social period with the trolls is gone, too."

You frown. "Huh." The schedule-clearing happened one time before, and you have to assume the pixie rush made an unusually large mess. The trolls… "I hope they're all right."

**== > Sollux: Wake up**

You were never fully unconscious, thanks to AA shouting in your ear every sixteen seconds. Not that you blame her for freaking out -- you haven't overextended like this in sweeps, and bleeding from the eyes is never a good sign.

Now you're lying on a table hooked up to about a million monitors and a bunch of tubes. One of the tubes must be giving you a heavy-duty painkiller, because your head's stopped hurting and you feel kind of floaty. AA is sitting on the table next to you, holding your hand.

You swallow, and grimace -- your mouth tastes of blood and digestive fluid and sour grub sauce. "How'd you get them to bring you?"

She gives you a relieved smile. "I know more about psionic shock than they do. How do you feel?"

"Terrible." You reconsider. "Well, my head's a lot better than I'd expect, but my mouth tastes disgusting and my eyes are all gummy." You frown. "And I think I rolled in someone's puke."

"I think everyone rolled in everyone's puke," AA says, and makes a face. "They said they'd bring new clothes when they get a chance. I thought I got all the blood off your face, but… oh, I missed some in your eyelashes." She reaches out of your line of sight and retrieves a damp cloth. "Hold still. You can rinse your mouth, too."

After wiping your face, AA helps you sit up, then gives you some water and a basin to spit in. The basin looks like it's already been used, which makes you take a second look at AA. She has a few monitor leads on her head, too, and-- "They took the padding off your horns?"

"The better to glue wires to them. They really want to know why we reacted so strongly to the anti-pixie infrasound."

"That… fairy thing was a pixie?"

"Uh-huh. The 'pixie rush' just stopped a few minutes ago and they finally turned the 'sonic deterrent' off. Before that they had some sort of… sound shield just around this one area."

You really look around for the first time. You're in a small cubicle off a larger block, in which goblins are hurrying back and forth. They're talking out there, but nothing you can understand. "Is this the usual medblock?"

"Not sure. You wouldn't think it would be hard to tell…" She shakes her head. "I think the humans are right and this place rearranges."

"I don't see how that's--"

"--Get it through your revoltingly worm-riddled pan that I am _not_ going to stop fucking asking until someone fucking _answers_ me. _What the fuck just happened_?!"

…And that sounds like KK.

**== > Sollux: Investigate**

You're going to have to do any investigating from where you are, because the tubes aren't long enough to let you get off the table. With wires and no tubes, AA has a little more freedom of movement, but not very much -- she can get off the table, but not out of the cubicle.

Fortunately, KK's rant sounds like it's moving in your direction. Sure enough, some more goblins show up steering a whole fleet of wheeled tables. KK is sitting at the end of one of them, ranting directly into the face of the goblin pushing it. KN's at the other end, but she's craning her neck trying to see… something else. TV is lying down on another table, his hands over his eyes. GZ is lying down, too, but seems to be asleep. TZ is peppering a goblin with questions, Vriska's trying to wipe her hand on her pants, FF has lost her shirt, Eridan seems to have something _in_ his shirt, and NP is focused on Equius, who's the third one lying down. That's everyone.

You see what AA meant about everyone having rolled in everyone's puke.

"--Not to mention you still haven't fucking told us what happened to the two fuckheads you already carried off to throw into space or--"

"Karkat!" AA calls, hanging as far out of the cubicle as she can get.

He spins around so fast KN has to steady him. You both wave at him.

"Well. Good. Why the hell you didn't just _tell_ me you were taking us to the same place--"

"Maybe they did not want to interrupt," KN says. TZ snickers.

"May I please have your attention?" The goblins have stopped all the tables more or less outside your cubicle. One of them -- dressed like the other goblins running around the medblock -- steps forward. "We will be assessing everyone for any neurological or physical damage, but first we need to decontaminate anyone who had contact with the pixie's effects."

_That_ causes a stir. FF indicates Vriska and herself, KK and TZ point at each other, and everyone _looks_ at Eridan. The five of them are hustled off into another cubicle. KK is still audible. "Why _effects_? Why not just fucking come out and say _bag of fucking cannibalistic carrion_? You can't possibly have fucking failed to notice his shirt is moving, just--" The sound cuts off.

"Well!" AA says. "It sounds like things got even more interesting after we left. What happened?"

KN, now alone on her wheeled table, sighs and leans against the wall. "The… pixie dropped its bag, Vriska decided to open it, and Feferi assisted her. It did contain… carrion, some of which was a partially eaten pixie wiggler. There was also a live pixie wiggler. It believes Eridan to be its lusus, and Eridan consequently wants to keep it."

So that's what he had under his shirt.

"We all told him, to ask the goblins right away, but I don't know if he did," TV adds, still flat on his back. "Is, uh, is Sollux all right?"

Oh. He still hasn't opened his eyes, either. "I'm fine. They did… I don't know, a bunch of medical stuff. I'm fine." You _think_ you would have been all right even without the goblin treatment, with just rest and water and not sleeping for more than two hours at a time for at least four days. You're not _sure_.

You still think you made the right call, though -- fuck, AA hasn't even suggested you shouldn't have done it. That fucking evil alien fairy thing was _salivating_ at all of you. (And carrying around a live wiggler you're planning to eat is just _creepy_.) And it was a damn strong psionic itself -- you were only going to get one chance, so you had to give it everything at once. And you're alive, and your friends are alive, and you don't even seem to be in trouble, so -- win.

"The bag also held a cutting tool," KN says. "which both Karkat and Terezi handled while they… discussed which of them should hold it in case of an attack by any additional pixies."

"Who won?" AA asks.

"That depends on how you define winning." KN's mouth twitches slightly. "Terezi conceded possession of the weapon on the grounds that Karkat had more need of an additional tool to defend himself, while she would be fine with a table leg."

_Burn_.

**== > Yn-yk: Reluctantly consult Od-ut about the juvenile pixie**

It is the local expert, after all.

"It's a pre-verbal infant," Od-ut says after under a minute of the surveillance video of the ruined eating chamber.

"What does that mean?" you ask.

You want this to turn out well somehow. ERIDAN AMPORA is so enthusiastic about the pixie because he is extremely pleased (Ap-ut specifies insufferably pleased) that it 'likes him best', but he is not actually expecting anything from it in return for his attention other than continuing to like him best. This is an improvement for him. You don't want to waste this potential progress by taking the pixie away and terminating it, but if you're going to have to, it should be done as soon as possible.

"It means it would not be suitable for an education project. Inadequate communication ability."

"Yes." Young subjects are more flexible. Subjects who are _too_ young can't communicate sufficiently, and sometimes don't develop properly outside their natural environment and without their natural guardians.

"However, there are recorded cases of Knuckers and bugbears raising pixies from the egg or infancy with partial success." It flips open the report it's holding to a group shot of eight Knuckers and two deep green pixies. "Te'ilden and Te'indel Garin-marit with the clutch they were hatched with. Te'indel died shortly after full growth due to necrotic atrophy of the wings, but Te'ilden still lives with the Garin-marit colony and collaborates with five of its foster-clutchmates in a musical performance ensemble."

In the second photo, also a group shot, Te'ilden is holding one end of a Knucker musical instrument you can't remember the name of. "Its wings were amputated before they could necrotize?"

"After they atrophied. They don't develop correctly without normal pixie telekinetics, and normal pixie telekinetics require some instruction from the parent." Od-ut turns to another file. "There was also the unfortunate case of the bugbear clan seeking infant pixies to rear as docile breedhosts…"

That's appalling. And ridiculous. Pixies are _small_. "That…" No, you're not going to ask, you can read the report if necessary. "So if we leave this pre-verbal infant with the trolls, it will be…"

"It will not behave like a pixie reared by pixies," Od-ut says. "But will the trolls be able to care for it? They don't raise their own young."

"No, but they are familiar with the concept… and perhaps the humans can help."

**== > Tavros: Feel better**

You are sitting up without your head spinning or your digestive sac rebelling, so you're not complaining despite the ache at your hornbase. You're all back in shifts again, your clothing having been taken away to be cleaned or possibly burned. You aren't complaining about that, either.

Another thing you're not complaining about is how weird your horns feel without the padding. You think they're probably going to re-pad your horns and Aradia's horns, and re-cap everyone else's, before they let you out of the medblock, so you're just trying to get a little horn care in around all the little monitor wires glued on.

Terezi offered to help, but you said no thank you. It would probably involve licking. Instead, she is doodling on some alien paper the goblin mediviscerators gave her.

You are both really grateful not to be responsible for Eridan in any way.

He won't stop complaining about the goblins taking the pixie wiggler away, even though he didn't get in trouble for hiding it under his shirt and it's even _in sight_ , sleeping in a transparent box which is warm to the touch. The goblins gave it a nest of violet fabric.

"He's gonna be _scared_ when he wakes up, Kar. Did your lusus ever leave you in a box?"

"Mine did once," Gamzee says. "Twice? Once. Do hives count as boxes if the motherfuckers are only a little bit built and look like boxes?"

"Yeah, well, your lusus--"

Karkat slaps a hand over Eridan's mouth. "Shut the fuck up." To Gamzee, "No." To Eridan, "Nonstop fucking whining is not how you get the goblins to give you what you fucking want. You _ask_. _Politely_."

"Calmly and com-fucking-posedly," Gamzee adds helpfully.

Eridan peels Karkat's hand off his mouth and gives him a suspicious look. "Are you… are you being _pale_ at me?"

You are going to have to think of something really nice to do for Karkat and Kanaya and Gamzee.

**== > Kanaya: Shamefully put off dealing with Eridan**

Really you should go now. At least whining about the pixie wiggler is a change from whining about his quadrants. But Equius is the last one in a closed cubicle, and you think Nepeta appreciates someone waiting with her. And after that Vriska could probably use some help with Feferi's hair…

You are going to go over and step in the second Karkat shows any sign of losing his temper. Losing his temper more than usual.

"May I have your attention please?"

Or when the goblins start paying attention to you and Karkat has to try to be polite. You leave Nepeta to go to Equius's side (he has extra wires stuck to his broken horn) and go to Karkat's.

**== > Kanaya: Give the goblin your attention**

The Yn-yk goblin (at least you're mostly sure it's the Yn-yk goblin) waits a minute for everyone to get settled down before continuing. "While we will be keeping you here under medical observation for another circadian cycle, we have completed the medical examinations," it says. "None of you have sustained any permanent damage neurologically or to your horns. We can administer anesthetic if needed during the healing process; please ask if you are experiencing discomfort."

Karkat scowls, but doesn't say anything. You suspect it may be about the horns.

"We apologize that you were put in that position. We failed to adequately protect you. Rest assured that we are making arrangements so that in the future, you may be shielded from the sonic deterrent without being left vulnerable to pixies. This will not happen again."

You note Terezi and Vriska pulling exaggerated sad-faces, but can't tell if they're serious. Hopefully no one is going to get in trouble for being disappointed. Or pretending to be disappointed.

"You all did comported yourselves commendably in the crisis," Yn-yk says. "You took care of one another, did not panic, and defended yourselves appropriately. We would like to offer you privileges in appreciation for your behavior. Do you have requests?"

_That_ gets everyone's attention, but everyone keeps… remarkably quiet. Maybe not that remarkable, since the goblin is right there looking at you.

"Er…" Tavros ventures, "can we, uh, can we maybe, discuss this? Um, in, uh, by ourselves?"

"Of course. I will return shortly." It nods at all of you, and leaves the block. A moment later, the goblin mediviscerators withdraw, too.

Everyone starts talking at once, and quite loudly, until Karkat smacks his hand on the table several times. "All right, assholes, one at a time. And someone write this down! We don't know how many privileges they're talking, so we need to prioritize."

" _Tink_ ," Tavros says fervantly. "They said, they were thinking about bringing him back already, so, they'd have to bring him back now, right?"

"The huntress misses Pounce and whiskers she was in the usual block with the trolls, too," Nepeta says. "But she doesn't think the goblins would allow it."

"But we could ask that they be in a block we could visit without an escort, like the way we can see the humans," Aradia suggests. "What do _you_ want, Sollux?"

"Besides internet access?"

"I expect you would have better results asking for your glasses," Terezi says. "I want my glasses. And my cane."

None of this sounds like anyone is trying to prioritize. You clear your throat. "If Terezi has any paper left, I could take notes and attempt to organize our requests." You can't think of any yourself, besides socks and underwear and more variety in clothing.

"Start out by who wants what," Feferi suggests. "I want a seawater pool."

"I wanna keep the pixie wiggler," Eridan says. "And a seawater pool."

"I don't think keeping the pixie wiggler is a privilege, we're not saying everyone wants a pixie wiggler."

"Not everyone wants Ter's glasses, either."

"Fair enough--"

**== > Yn-yk: Review requests (some time later)**

The troll subjects present you with a clearly much-revised list of their requests. _Internet access_ has been written and crossed out three times.

TAVROS would like his psychic suppressant implant deactivated or turned down, ARADIA would like her psychic suppressant implant deactivated or turned down… VRISKA, interestingly, makes no requests about her implant but would like her prosthetic arm back. She's not going to get the metal one, but she would have been asked to test the functional biosubstitute already if she hadn't reacted so terribly to the testing for her eye -- you'll have to hand the question to the evaluators.

The clothing requests are simple enough to permit, although you note with disapproval that EQUIUS is the one who asked for hemospectrum-accurate fabric paints for decoration. Collars can be switched for anklets. You will make sure the fabricators have the specifications for TEREZI and SOLLUX's nonfunctional eyewear.

ERIDAN keeping custody of the infant pixie is fairly high on the list. You will have to decide whether to tell them you were already planning on it. Not yet, you think. TAVROS is already aware you are planning on returning his lusus to the troll chambers, so you can do that right away, too.

Also, the technicians are already planning more independent access to lusii for ARADIA, NEPETA, and EQUIUS. The logistics have not been firmly decided, but that request should be grantable in the near future.

You cannot say the same for FEFERI's request even just to visit her lusus briefly. Access to the entity currently requires a specialist hob.

KARKAT has requested the privilege to call Ap-ut whatever he wants without getting in trouble. It would set a bad precedent, but you can't say you're not tempted.

**== > Eridan: Participate in an even more perverse pale orgy**

You climb into the pillow pit with a bunch of new clothes in one arm and the new violet fabric paint in the other, with the pixie cooperatively clinging to your neck. He totally likes you best.

So it doesn't bother you at all that Ter and Tav didn't want you in their stupid worst-quadrant fake fakey… whatever, and you got stuck in a _foursome_ with Kar (fine, even if he is a mutant) and Kan (fine if she'd just stop _looking_ at you like that) and Gamzee (could be worse). And the pixie wiggler, because he likes you best.

"Fucking seriously?" Kar says. "You're bringing the _alien wiggler_?"

"Well, I'm not just gonna leave it in my respiteblock. That one goblin said it needed me to hold it as much as possible."

**== > Past Eridan: Be instructed at length by Od-ut**

"It should be able to identify you by scent and sound, but it may still be confused by its traumatic experiences, so I advise that you continue to wear the appropriate color to orient it. In its natural environment its parent would pre-chew food for it, but finely mashed food is acceptable. Except when it is active, it should be clothed to conserve heat. It should be held as much as possible, and speak to it; they rely on exposure to speech to learn it themselves."

**== > Be Present Eridan**

"Besides, Tav already has his lusus in the pillow pit, adding one little alien wiggler isn't going to make that much of a difference."

Kar makes an incoherent noise and hides his face in one of the pillows. Kan tugs him over into her lap.

"I believe Karkat was attempting not to notice that. Eridan, I understand you need to hang on to the wiggler, but why the fabric paint? We all want to put our signs on our clothing, and the rest of us are waiting until after the…"

"Orgy," Gam says. Kar moans into the pillow.

" _Because_ , they also said I should wear the right color for it." You lay out a blank gray t-shirt, start to bend over it, and find the pixie wiggler in the way. "Uh… here, hang onto this for like two minutes."

Gam accepts the wiggler without argument. The wiggler gives him a _deeply_ suspicious look, but doesn't start struggling -- at least not yet. You hurry up with the fabric paint.

…Karkat may possibly be struggling, or maybe just twitching. Kanaya paps him.

"Is it a boy fairy or a girl fairy?" Gamzee asks.

"Uh… He doesn't really look like either, I don't think. And the goblin called him it. I've just been…" You've been calling him _he_ , because he thinks you're his lusus. You guess maybe he could think you're a girl? But you're not going to suggest that. "Maybe there aren't boy and girl fairies. Pixies. Because fairies aren't real."

**== > Aradia: Know whether there are boy and girl ~~fairies~~ pixies**

_"We're not_ goblins _, we're -- what do they call it --_ sexually binary _. Why do you care?"_

You elect not to answer the question just now, because finding out _dead aliens_ are crashing the pale orgy and listening in would just make everyone uncomfortable, and Karkat might actually cry. Instead, you sigh and ask Sollux how he's feeling thirty hours after the overextension.

"I can tell you're hearing someone," he says, rather than answering. "It's not that engineer assmunch, is it?"

"No, it is not. Seriously, I'll tell you later. Are you feeling grounded yet?"

You can ignore the one of them that followed you back here. Goblins must be completely spirit-deaf. As far as you can tell, the Od-ut goblin is completely unaware it's being haunted by at least eight dead pixies.

**== > Past Aradia: Spot some dead pixies**

The goblins tune the suppressant implant down. Your thinkpan unclogs. A yellow-green pixie knocks a blue-green pixie off a table with a flying tackle, and they both go right through an oblivious goblin mediviscerator on their way to the floor.

_"Get it! Tear its wings off!"_ shouts another yellow-green pixie from on top of a bank of monitoring equipment.

_"You are all so_ stupid _, that isn't going to do_ anything _,"_ scoffs a pink pixie under a table. _"If you wouldn't keep distracting me I might learn something."_

"Is that satisfactory?" asks the goblin technician.

"Um… yes, this is… great." A bright purple pixie manifests and immediately flings itself into the fight. You don't see Kerrit, but if you were her, you'd be a little put off by this ruckus, too. Wasn't one of these things on Paneater's head the last time you were de-suppressed? "…Thanks." The goblin will have noticed you're not being super-enthusiastic, so-- "It's just a little noisier than I expected, after being quiet for so long, you know?"

"I see. Just ask if you wish it to be increased again."

Not likely. "I will. Thanks."

_"Will you stop that? They're examining a hatchling over there!"_

_"I'm backing up your inamorata's clutchmate!_

_"It's not like she can get killed, let her get trounced, she's an idiot, and there is no inamoration!"_ The pink pixie crawls out from under the table and stands up -- it's wearing a familiar-looking gray shift, with a big V cut in the back for the wings. It glowers at the fight, starts to turn to glower at the other yellow-green one, and meets your eyes.

It freezes. Steps to the left, steps to the right, watching you watch it.

Then it has to fling itself out of the way as the other yellow-green one springs off the monitoring equipment right for it. Pink makes a pushing motion, and yellow-green is thrown back through the wall -- and also through Tavros and Terezi, who are sitting in front of the wall. (They both shiver, but you don't think they realize why.) Other yellow-green springs out of the fight and goes after it, followed by blue-green, followed by purple.

_"You can see us?"_ pink hisses at you.

You nod slightly.

_"Don't let them know -- they'll never shut up!"_

By the time the dead pixie melee has returned to the medblock, with orange and pink additions, the first pink one is hovering behind the goblin scanning the pixie wiggler. You don't make any effort to _hide_ that you can see them -- if you can deal with dead highbloods, you can deal with dead pixies -- but none of the rest of them notice you watching.

**== > Be Present Aradia**

Sollux shrugs. "Better. I probably need some quiet, as fucking fantastic as our group orgies are…"

_"Trolls are so weird,"_ the pink pixie says. _"I know what an orgy is, El-it watched a recording of a Dryad orgy, this isn't an orgy at all."_

"One moment," you say to Sollux, apologetically. Then you give the pixie a warning look, and demanifest it with a slight pushing gesture of your own.

It shows up again before the pale orgy is over, but this time it figures out how to sit quietly.

When the 'pale… thing' finally breaks up, most of you retreat into your respiteblocks to crash for a while. It's been an exciting few days. Eridan is staying in the communal block with the pixie wiggler, and Karkat and Kanaya are staying to make sure Eridan doesn't accidentally eat the pixie wiggler. Equius is re-doing his clothing with the correctly colored paint.

You see Sollux into his block and head for yours, dead pixie trailing after you.

"Sorry I had to brush you off in public," you say. "Everyone's nervous enough already. So tell me, _is_ it a boy or a girl?"

**== > Yn-yk: Be disconcerted**

One of the observation technicians sends you an urgent message to look at the surveillance of ARADIA MEGIDO's chamber. You usually make a point of _not_ watching the surveillance of your subjects in their individual chambers. They need to be monitored, but you, personally, can respect their privacy at least a little. But urgent is urgent, so you start watching at the flagged point.

ARADIA is lying on her pile, chin propped on her hands. _"Sorry I had to brush you off in public. Everyone's nervous enough already. So tell me, is it a boy or a girl?"_

She is alone in the chamber; she must be conversing with a ghost. You believe this was common behavior prior to her suppression--

_"You couldn't have told otherwise?"_

You're not really sure why this was flagged.

_"Interesting. What about the pixie that attacked us?"_

You're also not sure why a dead troll would be better-informed about pixies.

_"That's the goblin that argued with Terezi about justice, and then… it was the one that… It had the other goblins come in and pale-molest everyone?"_ She holds up a hand. _"Yes, I'm sure you don't think that was molestation, but it was, all right?"_

That… doesn't sound like she's talking to a troll. Doesn't sound like it at all.

_"Mm-hmm?"_ Pause. _"Worked to do what?"_ Pause. _"Uh-huh."_ Pause. _"Are those some of the others who were in the medblock?"_ Longer pause. _"And what's your name?"_

She was very clear that there were only three troll-ghosts on the ship, and it seems highly unlikely you've picked up any more since then for her to see for the first time, in the medical chamber or elsewhere. You haven't had any unnatural goblin deaths, either. So…

_"They killed you for not being teachable?"_ Pause. _"You know it can't see you, right? I don't think any of them can."_

So… Od-ut is being followed by dead pixies?

**== > John: Make an exciting discovery**

Well, it's not exactly exciting, but you're _relieved_ to see social time with the trolls is back on the schedule. You've all been concerned, even after Is-at claimed the trolls were fine.

Maybe the _trolls_ will even tell you why the hell they were cut off for a few days.

You keep a close eye on the light above the connecting door, not even joining the discussion about whether to put anything on the TV, waiting until it turns blue.

Finally, it does.

"Last one to the common room is a rotten egg!"

The last one is Rose, who spends her energy on rolling her eyes at you rather than jostling for position (without anything resembling violence). You all arrive in the joint common room within a few seconds, to find the trolls hurrying in from the other direction.

Clearly, the trolls have had an eventful few days. They have socks, they have anklets rather than collars, and -- that must be the little fairy bull thing they were looking for! And--

"Oh my _god_ , is that a baby pixie?" Jade exclaims. "It's _adorable_."

It is definitely adorable. It's clinging to the arm of the late-arriving troll -- Eridan, you think his name is -- attempting to stare at everyone else balefully. This only makes it even cuter.

"He likes me best," Eridan-troll says smugly, when everyone is more-or-less settled. "I'm going to call him Dualscar."

"You're -- what? Eridan, that is a ridiculous name."

"Also, the goblins did a scan and said it was female," Aradia adds.

"Well -- fine, I'm gonna call _her_ Dualscar."

"It's his ancestor's name," Vriska says, rolling her eye. "Not that that explains why he wants to give it to an alien wiggler."

"Well, what do you suggest? Mindfang?"

" _No_ , because it's an _alien wiggler_ , not a gamblignant. In fact, we took it from a gamblignant, so we should call it Booty."

"Neither of you is allowed to name anything ever," Terezi says.

"Uh, Terezi, to be fair, I don't think, um, Snack-Size Grape Soda, is actually, any better?"

Karkat facepalms. "Have you all been competing behind my back to see who can come up with the most fucking horrifying names for the wretched creature? What's next, Tinkerpixie?"

"Uh…"

"Oh, for _fuck's_ sake!"

You lean forward. "You need a name? How about Casey?"

Dave mimes punching you in the shoulder, though he's careful not to actually connect. "How about Fish Dude's Gremlin Baby, that's not quite as ridiculous."

Jade frowns. "Aren't gremlins the really small ones with the whiskers and the--"

"Not _that_ kind of gremlin!"

Rose raises her eyebrows. "The kind that causes machinery to malfunction?"

You roll your eyes. "Guys, you know he's talking about movie gremlins, but it doesn't matter, because that's an awful name for such a cute little fairy princess."

"Fairies aren't real," Eridan says firmly. "Like wizards. Completely fake."

"Pixies are practically fairies. Have you seen any pictures of adult pixies, with the wings? Rose, maybe you can get--"

"We saw an _actual_ adult pixie, fuck you very much," Karkat interrupts. "When it broke into our post-education idiocy session, felt us up, _drooled_ at us, and would have done fuck knows what else if we hadn't gotten rid of it!"

"But we did say it looked like a fairy," Kanaya adds. "An evil fairy."

"So that _wasn't_ a drill," Rose says. "We've been through rushes before, but we've never seen an actual pixie. The sonic deterrent has always worked. Do you know what went wrong?"

"They, uh, they turned it off, where we were," Tavros replies. "It was, um, making us sick? So they turned it off. But then, uh, then the pixie… broke in."

"We were really lucky Sollux wasn't too drained to push it out of the block psionically." Aradia leans against Sollux, who has picked up some cool three-D glasses. "I'm not happy you hurt yourself, but good call."

"Get a pile," Karkat snaps.

"Sure, KK, the _two_ of us won't have any trouble finding one large enough."

"Oh shut _up_ , you smug bifurcated asshole, you are the fucking worst--" Karkat breaks off as Gamzee pats his face. " _Dammit, Gamzee! Not in front of the fucking humans!_ "

"Anyway!" Feferi says brightly. "It dropped its bag, and we found -- technically Vriska found -- the wiggler inside."

"Along with another mostly-eaten wiggler," Vriska adds.

"Ewwwwww, that's awful!" That's _really_ awful. You don't have a movie reference for this. "Poor little Casey."

"John, man, I will not let you name the baby pixie after that shitty movie."

You roll your eyes at him. "It's not up to you, Dave, it's up to them."

"Then it's not up to you either, is it?"

Kanaya clears her throat. "If our only ideas so far are Dualscar, Booty, Snack-Size Grape Soda, and Tinkerpixie, I think we might benefit from any help the four of you can offer. Other than, possibly, Fish Dude's Gremlin Baby."

"Willsmith?" Karkat says.

" _No_ ," Eridan snaps.

"Sandlersmith?"

" _Double_ no."

"I'll go get the reports," Jade says. "I think pixie names have a usual form, and even if you've seen a pixie you still might like seeing the pictures." She jogs back towards your rooms.

God, those reports. "Spoiler alert -- everyone dies," you mutter to Dave.

"Reports?" Kanaya asks.

"Jade and I have been learning to read the Ottrian language," Rose explains, "and Yn-yk has allowed us to practice on some copies of report about… education attempts, on pixies. They always end badly, but there's some interesting material before that."

Sometimes they start badly, too, like the one with the crime-scene photos of the Knucker settlement. But that's got nothing to do with the baby fairy.

Who really does look like a Casey.

**== > Kanaya: Help name the pixie wiggler**

Rose takes over taking notes -- albeit in the human language -- so you don't have to for once. The first names written down are _Booty_ , _Snack-Size Grape Soda_ , _Tinkerpixie_ , and _Casey_ \-- Eridan dropped _Dualscar_ quickly enough once he realized it would be likely to lead to jokes about his ancestor, and you don't think anyone took _Fish Dude's Gremlin Baby_ or _Sandlersmith_ seriously at all. (Though that doesn't explain why Karkat is scowling.)

"Of the list so far, I would have to state a preference for Casey," you admit. You're not sure what's wrong with the name, but most of the humans seem to find it funny? "I think Alliss might be a good name." (You don't say why. The violet-silver looks a _little_ like a rainbow drinker.)

Jade has been flipping through the booklets she brought back (Aradia's been grabbing them as soon as she puts them down). "I was right, pixie names are three syllables, each with a leading consonant and no following consonant. There's some continuity in immediate families…"

So… your name would be an acceptable pixie name. You're not sure how you feel about that.

"Do we need to follow that pattern? It's not like we're planning on sending it off to live with other pixies, are we?"

Jade shrugs. "I don't see any reason why we'd need to. But maybe we could give her a middle name in the proper form or something?"

"Middle?" Feferi asks.

And the task becomes both less and more daunting when Rose explains that humans can have as many names as they want, just -- stacked on one after another. The pixie wiggler can be named Casey _and_ Alliss _and_ Fish Dude's Gremlin Baby.

"Dave, we are not naming the pixie Fish Dude's Gremlin Baby. Drop it."

"Fishbait?"

Somehow, that makes it on the list.

Gamzee says the pixie wiggler is all over miracles. Rose herself is playing up the fairy connection, but with human cultural references. Feferi keeps making nautically themed suggestions. Sollux claims not to care, but keeps seconding all the most ridiculous suggestions; Aradia is too focused on the booklets and something the rest of you can't see to rein him in, assuming she'd want to. Nepeta puts forth _Hunter_ , with the idea that it will encourage the wiggler to grow up big and strong -- the humans look dubious, but it goes on the list. Karkat comes up with _Jockowillie_ from… somewhere. Equius just wants to call her _violet pixie wiggler_.

"Equihiss…" Nepeta sighs.

"Perhaps a name that means violet," Rose suggests. "Or partially means violet…"

By the end of the socialization period, Eridan is the lusus of Miracle Wizard Princess Iolanthe Redina Alliss Jibsail Tinkergrape Peaseblossom Jockowillie Hunter Fishbait Casey le Fay von Booty. He looks kind of appalled, but is quickly appeased when Jade explains that she got _Redina_ by reworking his name into pixie form.

"Because she likes me best, right?"

"…Yes, Eridan. She likes you best."

**== > Aradia: Acquire additional intel**

Jade lets you borrow the pixie reports. You're pretty sure she'd ask why you want to -- because of course you can't read a word of it -- but everyone is distracted by Name the Pixie Wiggler to wonder.

_"Everyone that color I met before intake was a Toh, but there was a Reh in one of the other projects, and I'm sure it's different other places. As for its -- uh, her -- personal name, I don't think it much matters. Either her dam is dead, or it's given her up for dead and will give the names to its next hatchlings."_ He frowns. _"Well, I think they still do that if they don't have the bodies."_

Medeesee is struck speechless by "Miracle Wizard Princess Iolanthe Redina Alliss Jibsail Tinkergrape Peaseblossom Jockowillie Hunter Fishbait Casey le Fay von Booty". As well he might be.

Soon enough, the schedule dictates that the humans have to go get ready for education, while some subset of you needs to accompany the Miracle Wizard Princess to a routine medical checkup. Eridan is going, of course, and Karkat and Kanaya to stabilize Eridan, and Gamzee because it's not right for the other three to exclude him.

He also offers to explain the name to the goblins, which should be entertaining, but you have stuff to do here.

Sollux is talking to Tavros and Terezi and probably won't get in any trouble. You heft the pile of booklets and head towards your respiteblock--

**== > Sollux: Wait just a minute here**

You spot your moirail absconding with the mysterious pixie reports. "Oh no you don't. I was promised an explanation, AA!"

"You were not," she says, but she lets you tug her over to one of the tables, where TV is feeding his lusus some alien… bean things.

TZ grins -- you're pretty sure she's enjoying having glasses even more than you are. "So? What do you have to share with the group?"

"So this is a conspiracy now?" AA asks, but she's smiling. "All right, fine -- we have pixie ghosts. At least eight of them." Her eyes flicker to the side. "Eleven. Only one knows I can see them, so far, the others are following the Od-ut goblin or off on their own somewhere."

"Are they more like our Miracle Wizard Princess or the, ah, gamblignant pixie?" TZ asks.

"Not a whole lot like either, they're all juvenile but older than… uh… Iolanthe. And much more communicative than either." She pauses. "According to Medeesee here, most of the others would be just as bad as Iolanthe for information purposes. He's not particularly fond of them."

"Does he, uh, have you asked, if knows anything about, raising pixie wigglers?"

"Not wigglers as small as this -- which are called hatchlings, he says. Mostly he knows what the goblins did trying to _educate_ him. And I do mean trying. When Rose said the reports don't end well -- every attempt Medeesee knows of ends in the pixies getting killed."

"…That's not going to go over well with ED." KK and KN won't be happy about it, either. Or TV, or -- fine, everyone likes Miracle Wizard Princess Iolanthe Redina Funny Names Whatever. IR. Shit, should you be making an effort not to get attached?

AA shakes her head quickly. "No, I asked about that as soon as he said it always happened. He said he heard them talking about this case in particular, and it seems pixies raised by non-pixies from before they can talk usually do all right when it comes to not getting killed by goblins. They would have taken her away if they thought they'd have to kill her."

Well then. Good. AA can tell if ghosts try to deceive her, so as long as the dead pixie was right in what it heard, it should be safe to try out IR for the pixie wiggler. Hatchling. Who cares.

TZ leans forward. "What do they kill them _for_?"

AA points to the reports. "That's part of what I wanted these for, to use as an outline, and -- all right, and the dead pixie can read Ottrian. You're the one who's intent on remaining the only dead pixie I talk to, you can just deal with being called that."

She's looking at the table between you and TV. You both edge your chairs backwards.

TZ grins. "Greetings, Mr. Ultra-Purified Water! Welcome to our communal block. What did they kill _you_ for?"

"Not caring enough that they were going to kill the others in his project, he says."

"That seems, um, kind of unfair?" TV ventures. "If, uh, if the goblins didn't like them, enough, to want to kill them, then, um, wouldn't they want him to… not like them? I don't know…"

Fucking _goblins_.

At least it sounds like this isn't a pitfall waiting for you. You're all a bunch of idiots and losers, but you'd care if the others died. Even Vriska you don't want to die, just… stay very far away from you, with her powers turned off. You're kind of curious if she'll ever think to apologize for… the incident.

For _making you try to murder your moirail_. As nonchalantly as possible, you lean your head against AA's shoulder.

She rubs your neck. "I'm not going to ask him about the layout of the ship, that's how I got in trouble last time, but there are still plenty of questions about pixies and goblins." AA frowns at the presumed location of the dead pixie. "Loose in the ducts, dropped Nepeta's lusus on the humans? You didn't hear about that?" Pause. "No, Nepeta's lusus is larger, and has claws -- and no wings -- it was an issue. The really big lusii aren't even here--"

And of course that's when Vriska freaks out.

**== > Feferi: Have a funny feeling**

It's like a pressure change, going from the surface to your hive all at once. Only it's not, because you're fine, your expanding and contracting aquatic based vascular system is fine, you're not sick or hurt, you just feel this… _attention_ \--

"Feferi?" Vriska says. "Are you okay?"

**== > Vriska: Try not to freak out**

You don't know how to describe the expression on Feferi's face, but the way she's clutching at her chest can't be good. "Terezi! Something's wrong!"

"I'm fin," Feferi says, shaking her head fiercely. "Nofin's wrong, I just… feel like I'm being watched… Gl'bgolyb? What…?"

Whaaaaaaaat? "Terezi, something's wrong with Feferi, and she mentioned Gl'bgolyb!"

_That_ gets everyone's attention. Equius sits down hard on the floor; Terezi and Aradia both jump up and come over to where you're trying to get Feferi to sit down on the giant pile.

"Is everyone else feeling all right?" Aradia asks. "Sudden headaches, psychic overload, nosebleeds, anything?"

"Nothing," Sollux replies. "It would hit you first, wouldn't it?"

"That's what they say. I'm not feeling anything, either."

Feferi rubs her eyes. "It's not -- I bereef it's not the Vast Glub, it's -- there's somefin I'm supposed to do -- I don't know water--"

"You're supposed to sit down before you fall down," you say. "Deep breaths!"

"I'm fin, I conch't, I don't know, there's somefin I'm supposed to do…" She's _shaking_ , tiny little tremors. You give Terezi a panicked look.

"Fefurry, sit down," Nepeta says. "Vriskers, sit down next to her -- no, the ofur side. Now put your arm around her shoulders." Somewhere, Equius makes a gurgling sound.

Since Feferi actually followed Nepeta's instructions, you do, too. Feferi hugs her knees to her chest and leans against you a little. Good? She's still trembling.

"What's, um, wrong with her?"

"We don't know, she just -- door!"

Of course it's goblins, and of _course_ they head straight for you -- well, Feferi, technically, but you're right there. You try not to cringe into the pile too noticeably. (Please don't touch you please don't touch you you _hate_ it when goblins touch you--)

"Do you require assistance?" a goblin asks.

"I water stay here," Feferi says into her knees. "With my fronds." She raises her head a little. "Can you -- check and make shore Gl'bgolyb is all right? Please?"

"We have requested a status update," the goblin says. "Do you want medication?"

"No." She ducks her head down again. "I'm fin."

The goblins probably don't believe her any more than anybody else does, but they don't do anything, just stand there while Tavros's lusus tries to hide behind his horns, and Nepeta paps Equius out of whatever conniption he was working himself into, and Feferi's shaking gradually subsides.

One of them eventually touches an earpiece-communicator thing. "The entity Gl'bgolyb is agitated, but in good health, and feeding has been moved up as a result of the agitation."

That really doesn't explain anything, but Feferi looks a little relieved. You're sure you look a _lot_ relieved when the goblins finally leave.

"How are you?" you ask.

"I'm… getting used to it? It's not _reely_ bad, it was just… reely a shock. I've never felt anyfin like this before."

"Can we get you anything?" Aradia asks.

"Water to drink maybe? And I think… I just want to stay here a while longer. If that works for Vriska?"

"Sure," you say quickly. No, wait-- "Shore?"

That gets a smile, at least.

You're still sitting there when Kanaya, Eridan, Karkat, and Gamzee get back with the pixie wiggler. (Now nicknamed Lanthy. Probably just as well. You like the name overall, but some of the components are ridiculous. Tinkergrape, really?) None of them have felt any Vast Glub-like symptoms, either.

"I believe we are safe on that count," Terezi says. "That question is, what _is_ Feferi feeling, and why is she feeling it _now_?"

**== > Viewpoint: Switch to Third Person Omniscient for a brief interlude**

The battleship was leaner, more elegant than most troll destroyers or troop transports. Now it's sliced into twenty-seven pieces of various shapes and sizes, not counting the external guns sliced off. Some of the pieces have more or less stable atmosphere pockets.

It was precision work, making sure there was an atmosphere pocket including both some trolls and a selection of shuttlecraft. Someone is _supposed_ to get away from this, to spread the news.

The other pockets of survivors are being given the opportunity to surrender. Most are refusing. This is, after all, an elite posting.

**== > New Empress of the Alternian Empire: Take the lead in hypothetical trek through uncharted wilderness**

Ugghhh, no. You pinch the tense muscles at the back of your neck. Why would you even want to do that? Uncharted _waters_ , sure, but you don't know anything about overland travel. Why are the goblins even _asking_ this?

"Nepeta," Terezi says. "Wait, can we choose group members in the… other sub-group?" Nepeta, Equius, Karkat, Kanaya, Eridan, and Gamzee -- and Lanthy -- are off being educated elsewhere.

"AA. Unless there are a lot of animals, then TV."

"Um, I don't know? I mean, if there are a lot of animals, I could help find the way, and clear animals from our path, and, um, maybe even say what we should bring with us? As supplies? But, uh, I still think, I wouldn't be much good at, telling people not to wander off and… stuff like that."

Would you be good at telling people not to wander off and stuff? At least better than Tavros at it? You _should_ be.

"Well, if we're looking for someone to shout at group members, KK."

"Fussyfangs can _disapproving look_ people back to the group."

"Either of them would do all right, although you'd have to talk fast to get Kanaya to agree," Aradia says. "But if it has to be someone here right now… Terezi?"

"Terezi's good," you agree. Better for the job than you are. She can make with the cane-drubbings -- even though she has no cane right now -- while you… there are just some places in your head you don't want to go (even if you're supposed to).

Ugh. If this _supposed to_ feeling doesn't go away you're going to agree the next time the goblins offer you medication for anxiety.

You have an idea of what this is, but you're not ready to tell anyone just yet.

"Terezi in charge, with Tavros's communion powers scouting," Aradia says. "Is there… anything more we have to say?"

"Kind of short for a lesson, isn't it?" Vriska asks.

Sollux snorts and shoves the assignment booklet across the table towards her. "Yes. That's why we have a whole bunch more."

Vriska picks it up. "How would we organize ourselves on a half-hour trip to a food distribution center to collect staples and a single luxury item? The fuck?"

**== > Miracle Wizard Princess Iolanthe Redina Alliss Jibsail Tinkergrape Peaseblossom Jockowillie Hunter Fishbait Casey le Fay von Booty: Cry in a movie theater**

It's a video education chamber, but fine. You don't like it here, the noises are weird, and there's no big pile to try to climb in, and the white one with wings isn't here. And your dam (?) ( _eridan_ ) ( _eridam?_ ) hasn't done the thing that means you need to stay still and quiet (she hasn't done it since before the scary time), so yeah, you're going to cry.

**== > Eridan: Why did you bring a baby to a movie theater?**

It's not like you could leave her alone in the communal block! She likes Tinkerbull a lot, yeah -- probably more than she likes anyone else but you -- but _he's_ not her lusus. And you don't even know whether he _could_ take care of her.

**== > Nepeta: Attempt to watch education video**

It's a bunch of Knuckers and some hairy orange aliens sitting at a table _talking at each other_. Maybe it would be more interesting if you could hear what they're saying, but you wouldn't bet on it. As it is, you can't hear it anyway because Miracle Wizard Princess Lanthy Hunter is… wailing.

You're pretty sure you've heard young trolls cry _louder_ , but Lanthy is very high-pitched.

"Aw, c'mon, Lanthy, don't you want some fake grub sauce?"

Eridan obviously has no idea what to do, other than hold her and try to feed her. Karkat and Kanaya and Gamzee have no idea what to do. You and Equius have no idea what to do. Everyone else is off at some other lesson, but you don't think they'd know, either.

Most hilariously, the supervising goblins obviously have no idea what to do. The one in the block is practically wringing its hands.

**== > Aradia: Be distracted**

_"Your hatchling is not happy, and she's making everyone else unhappy,"_ Medeesee announces, manifesting on the table.

You hold up a hand, signaling an interruption. "One moment. Pixie ghost."

In the interests of open discussion and not keeping _another_ secret for Karkat to get annoyed about, you told everyone about Medeesee. (Though Eridan said the discussion was unsuitable for Iolanthe's tender ears, and carried her off to the other end of the communal block.) Everyone had a chance to ask at least some questions before Medeesee decided to take off.

**== > Past Aradia: Play go-between for very important questions about dead pixies**

"What color is it?" Equius asks. Nepeta makes a very expressive face. (The goblins are bound to come back to the hemospectrum subject eventually. You're not sure what's going to happen then.)

"…Pink," you say. "But I'm fairly sure their color is not related to their status."

_"Well, it can be,"_ Medeesee says. _"Color is usually hereditary, power is usually hereditary, so in a given swarm you could maybe roughly estimate power by size and color?"_

"That's using color as a predictor of power," you tell him. "And I assume you're implying status is determined by power? Troll status is determined by their color."

Medeesee frowns. _"All right, what's the different between_ status _and_ power _? No, wait, Ottrian has this… it still seems weird."_

"Just to clarify, Medeesee, what do you mean by power?"

His frown deepens. _"I mean… power?"_ He makes that _pushing_ gesture.

You nod, and turn back to Equius. "I _think_ they don't have any formal status beyond who has the most power, and by power they mean telekinesis." Three… two… one…

"…I require a towel."

You seriously, _seriously_ consider snagging a towel from the mindfuckablock and dropping it on Equius psionically, but your aim is still shaky.

"Do they all have telekinesis?" Sollux asks. "And is it just _pushing_ , or can they get any sparks going?"

"Just pushing could probably get sparks going on the right surface," you start, then shake your head. "We can discuss psionics later. Any--"

"Have the fucking goblins ever _successfully_ educated anyone? Ever? So they actually let them the fuck go?" Karkat asks.

_"Well, never pixies, but -- yes." Medeesee shrugs. "I know they educated bugbears -- I was hatched on a planet with a bugbear colony. The goblins had to educate them to make them stop raiding places and kidnapping people and laying eggs in their body cavities. The offspring would rip their way out."_

You blink a few times. "He says yes, and also there's a species around that thinks it's a gutbrood wasp."

Tavros makes a horrified face. "Like… um… an intelligent species?"

_"They used to do it to each other after they killed all the big animals on their homeworld,"_ Medeesee elaborates. _"Then they found other species and it was a really big deal because they didn't have to kill each other, but then the goblins made them stop and use nonsentients instead even though they think it's unhygienic."_

"…What does sentience have to do with hygiene?"

_"I don't know. Bugbears are weird."_

"That was a fascinating morsel of information Aradia just dropped, and I am sure we would like to discuss it later," Terezi says. "For now, though, I would like to ask about your experiences with one Od-ut."

_"Um… I need to think about that."_ And he demanifests.

**== > Be Present Aradia**

You look at Medeesee. "I don't know if your education was very different from ours, but ghosts popping in with random announcements and leaving on their own schedules doesn't help." You nod to Vriska, who still has the assignment booklet. "Sorry, go on."

"Ooooooookay… How would we organize ourselves to extinguish an uncontrolled fire in a--"

_"You!"_ A blue-green pixie manifests, also on the table, with wings flared. _"You are a cunning, low-emotioned_ food hoarder _!"_

You raise your eyebrows. "I beg your pardon?"

It looks at you briefly. _"Hello, troll-who-can-hear-us. I will talk to you when I am done dealing with this -- this -- this--"_

_"Traitor?"_ Medeesee scoffs. _"You're not going to come up with a pixie word anywhere near that doesn't involve killing a parent or clutchmate, because pixies are awful."_

_"This_ shitpile _,"_ the new pixie finishes.

"There are two pixies now," you inform the others. "The new pixie is very unhappy that Medeesee was not forthcoming about my being able to see them."

_"Look, I just wanted to talk to someone without the Laytah chaos generator going at the same time,"_ Medeesee says placatingly. He's holding his hands pointedly _down_. _"I would have told you sometime I caught you without them."_

_"That might have been a very long time in the future since I don't think you've come looking for me once since this came up."_ The new pixie has its hands raised, ready to 'push'.

_"Come on, Rodanah, you're probably making a really bad impression on the trolls!"_

"I've seen much worse!" you say brightly, then turn to Rodanah. "I'm sure it's lovely to meet you, but if you're not going to talk to me, maybe you could take your conversation somewhere else? We're supposed to be discussing how we would choose a leader in various situations."

Vriska is eying the table warily. "If the situation involves talking to ghosts, I nominate Megido."

"Anyone can talk _to_ them," you point out. "I can just hear them." And summon them or dispel them.

"Can I nominate Karcrab for situations involving shouting at ghosts?" Feferi asks. "Or I guess we still don't know if we can say people in the other group."

_"I do want to talk to you,"_ Rodanah says. _"I apologize, I just expected Medeesee to back me up in this."_

_"Back you up in_ what _? This isn't a fight, we're all dead!"_

Rodanah ignores him, although you think it was a rather good point. _"I am Rodanah. My dam was Rokidi, and she named my sire as Danahloh. I was hatched eleven seasons ago on the planet of selkies."_

_"But she died at eight."_

"I'm Aradia Megido." You point around the table. "Sollux Captor, Tavros Nitram, Terezi Pyrope, Feferi Peixes, Vriska Serket. We're all a bit over six sweeps old…"

**== > Od-ut: Find out you're being haunted**

Yn-yk had to tell you right after it found out, because the subject might come up at any time. Then it had to tell you that you _can't_ talk to ARADIA MEGIDO about it.

"All the troll subjects are afraid of you," it said, not without sympathy. "You know why."

You do know why. And you would still do the same thing again, because it's not like you could learn anything more if the trolls were _also_ dead, but…

Instead, you are following the trolls from surveillance station to observation booth, hanging on any hint ARADIA gives about what MEDEESEE is doing.

Poor MEDEESEE. MEDEESEE tried _so hard_ not to be a pixie. You should have realized that introducing him to _non_ -pixies was the way to cultivate the higher emotions.

You weren't surprised when ARADIA indicated MEDEESEE was deliberately not telling the ten other dead pixies about a way to be heard -- he attempted to like SHEDEMEE because he knew he was supposed to, but he barely tolerated the rest of his cohort. (Entirely reasonable from his perspective; you could sense the constant insecurity and fear of everyone involved, and you still found the constant four-way power struggle to be incredibly annoying.)

You _were_ disappointed. You'd at least like to know who else is around.

So when ARADIA mentions a _new_ pixie ghost, you lean forward, excited enough that the Evaluator in the observation booth with you is quite annoyed. It's not very happy about the trolls abandoning the assigned discussions, either.

Angry at MEDEESEE's reticence on general principles, or because of an expectation of solidarity? If it's the latter, that trims the possibilities a lot. It could be SHEDEMEE, of course, or if it's someone from a different cohort, LIDOHREH or--

"Her name is Rodanah," ARADIA says, and yes, that would have been your next guess. Should have been your first guess -- LIDOHREH would never hang around goblins any longer than he had to. RODANAH lacked his sense of revolutionary solidarity, but still had a lot of ideas about how the pixies ought to help each other. Has?

RODANAH showed higher emotions much better than MEDEESEE, probably better than the worst of the trolls, by your unprofessional evaluation. It's just that you never managed to do anything to keep her from responding to Threat Evaluators by wanting to kill them.

(You hope RODANEE is here, too. They were always so much happier together. In your experience pixies who come closest to the higher emotions are the same ones who are particularly close to their clutchmates. RODANEE's higher emotions frequently were -- are? -- lost behind her substandard impulse control.)

"They're arguing," ARADIA reports. "Referring to a previous dispute which led to someone floating in a vacuum for a very long time. Time spent listening to someone named Id-es…"

That merits a wince. Id-es is still on the pixie project. It is -- indefatigable in its belief that pixies as a group _can_ be educated. It is also very blunt about the current education status of individual pixies. You remember Id-es was particularly unimpressed with MEDEESEE.

"Still no resolution… she's baring her teeth… Medeesee's left for now."

Leaving rather than be drawn into a physical fight -- smart.

TEREZI leans forward. "So, what does _she_ have to say?"

"About--" ARADIA breaks off, jerking back in her chair and blinking rapidly. "And… these must be the Laytahs I've heard so much about."

Oh.

LAYTAHREE and LAYTAHROH were not outstanding in their self-control nor in their higher emotions, but they were so _curious_. They truly wanted to _learn_. They'll have as many questions for the trolls as the trolls will for them--

"Will you--" ARADIA makes a swiping motion beside her head. "Yes, I can do that. Stay off my head or I'll do the same to you."

"This is going to be a real joy, I can tell already," SOLLUX says.

"Come on, where's your sense of -- no, I translate on _my_ terms, get that straight right now -- adventure? Besides, I want to hear what they did to the dead laughssassin."

The Evaluator next to you is not pleased. "They're not going to get back to the work. I should have gone to the briefing."

You wouldn't mind if it had. It's commentary certainly isn't illuminating anything.

**== > Yn-yk: Brief your team**

It's not the entire team -- a few are working with or watching the trolls in education sessions. And it has to be the team minus Od-ut. Hopefully the dead pixie entourage will be following either Od-ut or the trolls, and will not reveal this discussion to anyone prematurely.

"Most of you know by now that the Alternian Empress was killed a few tides ago. This has already had a drastic impact on the performance of the Alternian forces, significantly reducing the threat to Ottrian citizens and protectorates. In light of this and our continued progress, the Hegemony has approved the education plan. Teams have been dispatched to Alternia to collect thirty-two more groups of juveniles, to optimize education procedures. There will also be some study of education potential in adults."

You pause. "Most of you will be transferred immediately to the optimization study projects. They have all our records, but firsthand experience is always valuable." Some of them are hoping for immediate reassignment, some are hoping to stay where they are. Them, you have bad news for. "Almost all of us will be reassigned within the next hundred tides or so. This project is being retired."

" _What--_ "

" _Not terminated_ ," you emphasize. "Retired."

"But we've made real progress," Op-ys protests. "We finally have some traction on ERIDAN AMPORA, even."

"Yes," you agree. "We have, and our superiors agree that given time, these subjects could be educated. However, they are choosing to allocate resources to projects with subjects who may eventually be integrated into a new, educated Alternian client-state to the Hegemony -- and these can not. Not while any Alternian military remains active, not while we have any questions about their motivations -- not for a very long time."

When the Alternian Empress was killed, the effect on the troll fleet was catastrophic. Morale crashed, discipline broke down, and most importantly the fleet split into factions more interested in sparring with one another than attacking Hegemony worlds and protectorates. They still aren't pacified, but it means that other people aren't getting hurt while the xenoeducators work. Knowledge of a living tyrianblood, a rightful successor, could give all the factions the motivation to pull together.

You can't give them a new empress, even one who strongly disagrees with them. (Assuming she did continue disagreeing with them under pressure from the entity Gl'bgolyb. She seems to be holding her own so far, but you wouldn't want to leave her without her friends, or any closer to Gl'bgolyb's strange communication.)

You can't let them know a new empress _exists_.

There hasn't been a need to manufacture any evidence of FEFERI's death. Heiresses are relatively rare, and fatal misadventures are very common in juvenile trolls.

(Researchers still haven't determined whether tyrian trolls are -- like bugbear Elect -- biologically crucial in some way. Or how drones are supposed to work. Trolls don't seem to know, either. Even if FEFERI has some necessary contribution to make, it will be made in secret; they will not be offering Alternia a new Empress for a long time. Maybe not ever.)

"Well, what about the humans?" Op-ys says. It is definitely not happy about this. "They're certainly not going to be integrated anywhere!"

"The humans," you reply, "have been very helpful with this initial troll project. But yes, now that we are expanding to a larger scale their project will also be retired." Jointly with the trolls, if they agree. The additional people to interact with is good for them.

"I don't think they should be sent off partially educated," Ap-ut says, unhelpfully. "There are many psychological phenomena we have still not thoroughly examined."

"The decision has been made, Ap-ut," you say. "Most of the team will be immediately dispersing to the optimization study projects. The remainder will be finding a satisfactory placement for the retiring projects, and attending to a measured scaledown. I'll inform the subjects myself, the humans at the start of their next circadian cycle and the trolls at the first opportunity after that. Please do not say anything to them before that; try to avoid discussing it at all. That is all."


	4. PLACEMENT

**== > John: Get a nasty shock**

You know something's up when a special meeting with Yn-yk shows up on the schedule, followed by empty time when you would have expected education. Fortunately -- you guess -- you don't have too long to speculate and/or worry about it before he arrives.

"Good morning," Yn-yk says. "I wish to thank you again for the help you have offered with the troll subjects."

"We've been happy to help," Jade says. You appreciate it, because you're not sure what to say.

Yn-yk smiles. "Good. Now, I am sure you are wondering what I need to speak with you about."

"Well… yes," you say, for the group.

Yn-yk nods. "Central Xenoeducation has ordered some reallocations. All available education resources are being redirected to the troll situation, including resources from nonessential projects. Since humans have no space travel to speak of…"

None of you need him to finish. Jade grabs your hand in a viselike grip; Rose and Dave go very still. You swallow in a suddenly dry throat. "Does that mean… Do we get to go home?" You think you know the answer, but please, please, _please_ \--

You're pretty sure the goblins actually think returning you to Earth would be dangerous for you. Ap-ut once asked Rose what she thought would happen if the goblins did return you to Earth tomorrow, and then wrote down all the worst-case-scenario horror-stories Rose automatically thought of.

"No," Yn-yk says. "I am sorry, but it is policy not to contaminate isolated cultures without thorough monitoring and follow-up, and with the troll situation the resources simply aren't available."

And without the troll situation, they wouldn't be discontinuing the project, not now. _Maybe_ someday.

"You do not need to be afraid. This is not due to any fault of yours, and no corrective measures are called for," Yn-yk continues. "When an incomplete project is halted due to external circumstances and the subjects may not be returned to their populations of origin, they are placed where their needs may be met without intensive intervention."

…You have no idea what that means. It probably means they're not killing you? Except you don't know if the goblins _tell_ subjects they're planning to kill them or if they think it's kinder to do it without warning so there's no anticipation and fear. Except you're plenty afraid now. You squeeze Jade's hand back and clutch at Rose's sleeve. If you had a third hand you'd grab Dave, but at least Jade has hold of him, too.

"You do not need to be afraid," Yn-yk repeats. It offers you a booklet. "If you wish, you may look over these options. We will try to find something that works for you."

Rose slowly takes the booklet. "I'm going to hold you to that," she says quietly.

Yn-yk leaves. Without having to say anything, you all crawl onto the giant couch and huddle together, practically on top of each other.

"I feel _hurt_ that they're dumping us," Jade mumbles eventually. "Rose, I think I have Stockholm Syndrome."

**== > Rose: Analyze**

"You don't have Stockholm Syndrome." You don't think there's a word for how you feel about the goblins. Not in English, anyway. If there's one in Ottrian, you haven't learned it.

"Do you think they're going to kill us?" John asks, voice muffled by Jade's shoulder.

"I think… probably not," you say. "They wouldn't have needed to tell us anything." You huddle in closer to the others. "But if they are, it'll be soon. Because we're afraid anyway."

You've read all those pixie reports. If they kill you, it will be painless, and you won't see the -- metaphorical -- knife coming. You'd trade it for a chance to fight.

"Yn-yk--" Jade starts, but she breaks off almost at once. Because of course Yn-yk doesn't want to kill you, it would feel terrible about killing you. So what?

"I really don't think that's what they're planning," you say. "I don't think they'd tell us anything if they were going to."

"So you think he really does just want us to look at -- what did he call them, placements?" Dave has to be feeling a little squished, with even John sitting half on him.

Refuges for former lab animals, more like. "I suppose we should look at them."

Most of the booklet is in English, so you don't _have_ to read it together, but by unspoken consensus you do anyway. It takes some scrambling around to get everyone seated so you can all see the booklet. John snags a large blanket from the end of the sofa, and gets it wrapped around everyone's shoulders. He pulls it up onto his head to make a half-tent. Dave wonders aloud about getting some fake apple juice, but doesn't get up.

"All right," Jade says. "Looks like first up are… eighteen bugbears they decided to dump in the middle of education for some reason."

Dave mutters something about ironic chestbursters.

You lean in, scanning the text. "The trial social conditioning was found to be infeasible in a broader context."

"For some reason," Jade repeats.

"…Yes, I don't think they're going to elaborate."

**== > Karkat: Try to relax**

Your education session finally dissolved after Equius shouted at Miracle Wizard Princess Iolanthe Jockowillie Fuck You Very Much, Rose Human to be silent and stop acting like a disgrace to her color. The pixie wiggler, naturally, started crying even _louder_. Eridan was still fumbling for a suitably cutting response when Gamzee jumped in to defend "fishbro's gremlin wiggler" (fuck you very much, Dave human). At this point the goblin supervisor decided the education session was over and Equius, Gamzee, and Iolanthe all needed to be _medicated_.

As it turned out, the other group had also had its session canceled early due to pixies -- in this case, a bunch of obnoxious dead pixies.

Back in the communal block, Lanthy calmed down. The dead pixies, apparently, did not. The erratic question-and-answer (mostly answer -- you don't think there's been more than one question) session is not helping your attempt to just sit quietly with Gamzee in the giant pile.

"Rodanah agrees with Medeesee's assessment that goblin status is based mostly on telekinesis, although she says really persuasive pixies can also end up in positions of influence." Aradia frowns. "Is that redundant? Well, anyway, Laytahree -- no, it doesn't matter what color you are, I do not have to do what you say, and if you try that hoofbeastshit on Kerrit I will make you haunt Equius's towels."

Equius has come out of the drugs enough to make a mortified noise from the other side of the giant pile.

"All right, that's enough," Aradia says. "I'm dispelling all of you for the rest of the circadian cycle. When you come back you can practice speaking one at a time and not acting like a bunch of fungus-infected jumping grubs." She flicks her fingers, and even without a psychic bone in your body, you could swear the block gets quieter.

" _Such_ a joy," Sollux says under his breath. Aradia paps him.

Vriska suddenly sits up straight in the giant pile. "Hey, what if the goblins could recalibrate my powers so I heard dead people, too? Then I could, like, help translate and stuff?"

Aradia's eyebrows go up, but she doesn't immediately dismiss the idea, which says something about how annoying the pixies are being. "Huh. That's… a thought."

"Door!" Tavros calls.

**== > Karkat: Get a nasty shock**

You jolt to your feet, blood pusher pounding. _Again._ It's stupid. Mostly when the goblins come to the door, they tell you to come out, and the last few times they've come in nothing _bad_ has happened. You should be over this shit by now.

At least you're cringing less than Vriska.

It's the Yn-yk goblin, alone, which you are _not_ relieved about. At all.

"Hello," it says. "Would everyone please gather in this chamber? I would like to address everyone at once."

It takes a little while to manage. Eridan's gone off to his respiteblock to keep Lanthy from hearing any discussion of dead pixies (even though she couldn't possibly understand it) and Equius and Gamzee need to be woken all the way up. When you are all assembled, though, Yn-yk gets straight to the point.

"Given the very large number of trolls requiring education, it's been decided that cases intended for reintegration -- or integration, if you view the educated civilization as distinct from the old -- must be prioritized. This is not on account of any fault of yours, and you are not being punished." It pauses briefly, then continues. "We will try to find a placement where you can live happily and comfortably. Education materials will be available if desired, but apart from prohibition of certain gross infractions, your behavior will not be regulated. It has been proposed that we place you with the humans; you will have a chance to discuss this with them."

It produces a collection of alien booklet things and proffers them. After an awkward pause, Kanaya bravely steps into the breach and accepts the booklets.

"For now, please take the opportunity to review this documentation of earlier placements and decide what requests you may have," Yn-yk finishes. "Feel free to ask any questions you may have."

With one last general look around the block, it withdraws, leaving you… perplexed.

After a long silence, Eridan ventures, "Did he just offer to build us a, a _retirement hive_?"

"A what?"

"Never mind."

Terezi steeples her fingers. "I think a more interesting part was near the beginning, when he said resources were being moved to cases that will be reintegrated?"

"…Yeah?"

"Implying that they are working with trolls they plan to release, and we are not among them?"

"Oh. Fuck."

**== > Rose: Study booklet**

The eighteen bugbears lived in a big house-thing that looks like a cross between a hamster habitrail and a kiddie playland at a fast food restaurant, all large bubbles joined together by tubes. From the educational stuff you've seen, it's a pretty normal architectural style for bugbears. It must be the 'walk on the walls and ceiling' thing. All the bedrooms are off one long, sweeping hall. Each has an attached bathroom, and they're all personalized to varying extents. One has drawings stuck to the wall, one colorful cloth, one… Knucker movie posters? (In the bedroom, not the bathroom.)

There was an 'outside', filled with trees -- or tree-sized probably-plants, anyway.

There was a weirdly large infirmary incorporated into the house. The text notes that goblin doctors came regularly to deal with any health problems that materialized.

"Huh," Jade says. "I wonder if this has anything to do with why they got cut from the education program."

The bugbears were provided with a mix of premade food and supplies to prepare their own. Computers. They had a media library, including works from other civilizations.

Some time after placement, four of the bugbears initiated a sexual relationship.

You have to set the booklet down and put your head between your knees.

"Rose?" John asks. "What's up?"

You can deal with the idea of going to stay in a retirement home for lab animals for a while. But the prospect of _growing up_ and spending the _rest of your life_ there-- You don't know _why_ , it's not like this is a _change_ , you knew they weren't going to just let you go when you turn eighteen, this is _stupid_ \--

"Rose?"

You flop over to the side and bury your face in a convenient pillow. "I don't want to talk about it."

**== > Kanaya: (Try to) study booklet**

No one seems to be quite sure what to do with the latest news -- if you can even call it news, it's not as if the goblins ever promised to send you home. From the expressions around you, you think they others are feeling much the same as you: disconcerted, but not really sure why. This is just one more turn on the goblin high-speed rising-falling trolley amusement ride.

You might as well try to get on with the studying.

"This seems to be describing a species called bugbears--" you begin, but Karkat interrupts you.

"This is because of me," he says, and sinks down into the giant pile.

You blink. "I beg your pardon?"

"We don't get let go because of me. Because of my _fucking_ blood. Fuckers probably think they're protecting me."

That's… not an unlikely theory. You wince, and go to sit by him. "Karkat, even if that is what is motivating them to keep us, it's not your _fault_."

"Or it cod be because of me," Feferi says, subdued. "To keep Karcrab safe they'd just need to keep _him_. It wouldn't mean the rest of us couldn't sea other trolls. They'd want us to kelp educate them, I think."

You're not quite following, and most of the others don't seem to be either, but Terezi looks thoughtful.

"So… you think they think seeing you might remind other trolls of imperial power to an undesirable degree?" Terezi says. "They do know Heiresses aren't really that important, practically speaking, don't they?"

Feferi makes an odd face. "I think… I'm not conchpletely shore, but I think the reefson I've been feeling so finny, thinking I hear my lusus, is… she's dead."

"Your lusus?"

"No."

There's a moment of confused silence as everyone fails to figure out who else Feferi might have been referring to. Then Aradia blurts, "Not the _Empress_?"

"I'm not conchpletely shore," Feferi repeats. "But I think so."

**== > Kanaya: Boggle**

The silence this time is longer and heavier. No one seems to know _what_ to say.

Eventually, Eridan shifts the pixie wiggler from one shoulder to the other. "So… you're the empress now."

"I'm _supposed_ to be the empress. That's what Gl'bgolyb thinks I should do, go do… empress things. But…"

"But most _empress things_ the goblins probably don't want you doing," Terezi finishes. She nods. "That explains things." It does?

Feferi smiles wistfully. "I had all sorts of ideas of how I would make things betta. For everyone. But I don't sea how I cod do any of it now."

You clear your throat. "I understand why the goblins would wish to keep Feferi here, but the rest of us--?"

"Because we know she's here, right?" Aradia says. "And… you know, alive. As far as anyone on Alternia knows, she's just missing, which means probably dead. Although if they kidnap all their future troll subjects, some of them might work out that disappeared isn't necessarily dead…"

So, the goblins want trolls to think that there's no Empress. "What will happen then? Without an Empress?"

"Fuckin _chaos_ is what," Eridan says. "The landdwellers'd probably -- uh…" He trails off, in your opinion wisely.

"Things will be a lot easier for the goblins," Terezi says. "Or at least, that's what the goblins think! Which, in this case, is what matters."

**== > Jade: Keep reading**

You're not going to tell Rose not to have a crisis over this, but you're not going to follow suit, either. You just… don't find the thought of living on a virtual island with your friends as suffocating.

"The dating bugbears didn't, like, do the brood parasitoid thing on their roommates, did they?" John asks.

"That would've gone over _real_ well," Dave says. "The goblins probably buried them in an avalanche of condoms the first time they made kissy faces."

"Do bugbears _do_ kissy faces?"

"Don't you think condoms call for a little more individual responsibility than the goblins would allow their subjects?" Rose says, into her pillow. "Implants or surgery."

"Technically no," you announce, after following the relevant footnotes. "No additional contraceptive measures were necessary." You consider. "I bet they tampered with the reproductive systems while they were trying to educate them, and it didn't go well."

The others consider this. Dave shrugs. "Well, if there's any species where that makes sense…"

You continue reading. "Some of them had a fairly extensive fungus garden -- I wonder if I could ask them for pumpkin seeds? Musical instruments! We should definitely ask for those. Bass, piano, violin--"

"And my turntables," Dave adds. "…Some turntables."

"And the flute, I want to learn how to play the flute. In fact, we could ask for a bunch of extra instruments in case the trolls want to learn how to play, too!"

"Yeah!" John bounces in place. "No, wait, would their claws get in the way?"

"Dear goblins, we want a piano, a violin, an electric bass, turntables, a flute, and twelve kazoos," Dave snickers.

"Xylophones," Rose suggests, still not raising her head. "Their teeth might get in the way of the kazoos. And Karkat would probably object to not being able to speak at the same time."

Speaking of instruments-- "A telescope, if we can see the sky at all. A microscope." Alien plants! Alien food, alien cells, alien _paper_ even, a hundred alien things you got used to without looking very hard at because you were too busy trying not to displease the Evaluators and you didn't have any tools anyway.

If they're telling the truth about giving you toys and no Evaluators -- this could actually be really exciting.

**== > Terezi: Think about your own reactions**

After the revelation about _Her Imperious Condescension being dead_ , none of you could hope to focus on weird goblin booklets _or_ get much sleep, so you had to agree with Gamzee when he suggested that maybe it was time for another pale mmph. ( _Mmph_ courtesy Karkat, of course.) It was also about time for dinner, so many of you grabbed some food on the way.

"I don't know why I'm so shaken up," you say to Tavros. "We'd guessed the war wasn't going well for the Empire, and killing your enemies' leader just -- makes sense."

Tavros gives Tinkerbull a bit of fiber wafer. "I don't, um, I don't think you're, unreasonably shaken up? It's not, uh, it's not like you're, uh…"

Feferi and Vriska had to help Nepeta drag Equius over to the pillow pit. (She could have done it herself, but not kept him upright at the same time.) She's still trying to pap him out of his glassy-eyed shock, and he's still stubbornly unresponsive.

Personally you think she ought to try a few _slaps_ until he at least blinks, but you have refrained from making the suggestion.

"I know I could be reacting more ridiculously, the point is I'm not sure why it's affecting me as much as it is."

"Well, uh, she's, I mean, she was, the Empress? For as long, as anyone remembered?"

"Hmm. Maybe."

"We're not supposed to be able to imagine Alternia without her," Aradia calls -- well, says. She's not really far away enough to need to call! "It's soaked into every schoolfeeding module, everything we're supposed to hope for when we grow up--"

"You might want to shut up before someone expires from impropriety," Sollux murmurs.

"Eq'd have to pull his head outta his ass long enough to notice first," Eridan snorts.

"You don't have to be fucking _Equius_ to want to preserve some _fragment_ of the respect due the beautiful institution of moirallegiance!" Karkat snaps.

"I don't think the goblin sisbros would allow that," Gamzee says.

"…What?"

"Fucking Equius. They say we got inadequate physical--"

"We seem to be getting slightly off track," Kanaya interrupts hurriedly, slapping a hand over Gamzee's mouth and grabbing Karkat's shirt before he can stand up. "Let us all return to… what we were doing."

From the other side of the pillow pit, Equius begins to make a sustained strangled noise.

**== > Gamzee: Was that deliberate?**

Was what deliberate?

Something before the sleep cycle? Whatever, it's time to get up now, it's a new night, all that. Equius is even talking and shit again!

You aren't as mad at Equius as you were. You do remember why you were mad -- how he acted towards Karkat when he found out about your bro's miracle blood, mostly, you're still not happy about that. If he tries anything like that again, you'll…

…something…

…

.

.

.

…Sometimes he's kind of a pain at you, too, and it's more annoying than it was when you were on the pies or the gumballs, but you got it under control. You just make your eyes big and sad like Tavbro's lusus's, and give Equius your best sorry face, and ask him to please tell you what to do to make him feel better. He gets all sweaty and flustered and runs away _every time_.

You're not sure what kittysis sees in him, but diamonds are just miracles, that's all.

 _You_ have the _best_ diamond. It has four points, like a diamond! So you can't even object too much about fishbro, especially since he brought that miraculous little wiggler along.

Just now, your palesis is trying to convince fishbro to carry the miracle wiggler in a cloth sling instead of letting her cling to his shirt or his shoulder. Lanthy-wiggler is on fishbro's head, watching Kansis through his hair with only a bit of suspiciousness, even though she's got a blue shirt on today and blue's Lanthy's least favorite color.

"C'mon, Kan, she likes it up there."

"She needs to be kept warm, and your hair is filthy. Have you washed it at all since you… ah… assumed custody?"

"She's a _girl_ Kan, not an _it_ \--"

"I meant your _hair_ , Eridan! Which Iolanthe Alliss has been… gumming whenever she feels like it!"

"…Oh. Uh. Not… exactly? I couldn't take her the shower with me, Kan, she mighta… drowned, or something!"

Kanaya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Eridan. Give the wiggler to Gamzee. He can take her to play with Tinkerbull. Then _you_ can go back to your block and wash out everything the wiggler has left in your hair. Understood? And then we will wash the wiggler in the basin in the nutritionblock."

"Well… fine."

You accept the miracle princess from fishbro. "Good luck with the hair, Eri-bro."

He gives you kinda a funny look and heads back to his block. The miracle princess tries to stick her whole hand in your ear.

**== > Equius: Do not watch Gamzee with the pixie wiggler**

You're not sure you could look at him at all, after that… urk. Thing he said. And the pixie wiggler is _so confusing_. Aradia said the pixies don't determine status the same way, but… it's _violet_. And not a seadweller.

"So," Pyrope says, "shall we discuss the goblin booklets? I took the liberty of starting one during the sleep cycle, and I found it very interesting."

Aradia nods. "The living conditions seem passable. There wasn't any mention of mindfuckacoons, which was encouraging."

"Was there internet access?" Captor asks.

"Read it yourself and figure it out."

"The huntress asks how much space there was fur the beasts to run around?"

"Well, there's a map, but I'm not completely clear on the units--"

"Door!" Serket yells.

The goblin that comes in gives you all a small, polite smile. "Would Tavros Nitram, Aradia Megido, Nepeta Leijon, and Equius Zahhak please accompany me?"

Oh. That's all right then.

**== > Equius: Try not to fall over**

Your STRENGTH, while still disgustingly reduced, has recovered to the point where you can walk to visit Aurthour without requiring a four-wheel device. (Needing such a device would have been grating under any circumstances, but the presence of Nitram on his feet did not help.) Standing for prolonged periods is another matter, so you are filled with dread when the goblin escort stops you all in the hall.

"We have asked Tavros Nitram to accompany us because we wish to interview your lusii," the goblin says. What?

"Oh!" Nitram says. When you all look at him, he stammers, "They, uh, told me, about that, earlier, um, and I, was going to tell you, but then, there was the pixie thing, and I, uh, forgot?"

…And you forgot that Nitram's lusus has been returned to him and there is no reason for him to be taken on a lusus visit. In your defense, Makara and the violet pixie wiggler were near the lusus, so you weren't looking at it much.

The goblin makes a noise to get your attention. "We have asked Tavros Nitram to help facilitate communication, but he has indicated he is uncomfortable doing so without your permission."

Aradia cocks her head. "Did they already interview Tinkerbull? How'd that go?"

"Um, fine, I guess? I don't know, what they thought, uh…" Nitram looks quickly at the goblin. "Fine. It was, fine."

"Well… all right." Aradia shrugs. "As long as I can be there, too. Just keep in mind she's not, hmm, _task-oriented_ compared to Tinkerbull."

"You may certainly be present," the goblin tells her. It turns to Nepeta.

Nepeta growls deep in her throat. "The huntress would be purrfectly happy fur her furriend Tavros to commune with Pounce fur some reason ofur than goblin interviews."

You flinch, Aradia winces, and Nitram cringes, but the goblin seems unruffled. "We rescind the request for his assistance in that interview," it says, and turns its attention to you. "And you?"

It's an alien. But it's in charge of you. But it's an alien. "I." You start to sweat. "Uh." You need a towel.

The goblin reaches into its pocket and pulls out -- a towel, which it offers to you. "We would find your cooperation in this matter very helpful."

Nepeta intercepts the towel. "You _don't have to_ ," she hisses.

…But if you don't cooperate, they might blame Nepeta. "Yes, the low-- Nitram may commune with Aurthour for translation purposes."

"Thank you," the goblin says, ignoring Nepeta's intensified glare. "Do you wish to be present?"

"I. Uh. Urk." What could they even want to _ask_? "No. But I should -- explain it to him first."

**== > Tavros: Help interview Aradia's lusus**

You think this block is a little bigger than the one where they 'interviewed' Tinkerbull, but you're not positive. Aradia's lusus is already there in a fenced-off section, rather than being brought in. It is the same goblin, Evaluator… Er-ys, you think it was.

"The enclosure is unlocked," the goblin says.

"Got it," Aradia says, and goes to let her mom out. Some fussing ensues.

Aradia's lusus is usually pretty calm, but the thing you have to remember is that if she gets pissed off, she will headbutt you in the stomach, with her horns, and all the power of a jump behind her. Then she will back off to a safe distance and watch you balefully as you lie twitching on the ground hoping none of your internal vitalsacs have ruptured. So a little like Aradia, actually, but with a much shorter attention span.

"Tavros is going to ask you some questions, okay, Mom?" Aradia says. "You just go ahead and answer them. I'll sit over here out of the way, and we can spend some more time together when you're done."

Her lusus reluctantly agrees, with a last nibble at the padding on her horns, and looks at you expectantly. You look at the goblin.

It smiles that weird goblin smile. "Please ask her--"

The block door opens, and another goblin stalks in -- more huffy Karkat-stalking than predatory Vriska-stalking, but since this is a goblin, it's still kind of alarming. The current goblin's obvious displeasure doesn't reassure you at all, either.

"What are you doing here?" says the current goblin -- Er-ys.

"I am assisting in interviewing the lusii," says the new goblin.

"I did not request your assistance, Ap-ut."

Oh, _fuck_. You _think_ you can keep from annoying it, but Aradia?

"I am the superior Evaluator. With nonverbal subjects you require assistance."

Er-ys is obviously _not_ happy. "Fine. But do not redirect my interview." It turns back to you. "Please ask her what she told her troll about other trolls when she was very young."

Like with Tink, it takes a while to get the concept across, and then she goes straight to 'trolls aren't supposed to eat grass'. From a lusus's perspective that's not an obvious statement, of course, but--

"What are you hiding?" the Ap-ut goblin says sharply. You jerk, ready to protest you're not hiding anything, but it's looking at Aradia. "You are secretive and deceptive."

"Pixie ghosts," Aradia says unflappably. "I didn't feel their personal remarks about you were relevant, and they don't seem to be planning on getting any more relevant, so I decided not to mention them."

"And I appreciate your doing that and _not redirecting the interview_ ," says the Er-ys goblin. "If you wish to transcribe the -- dead pixie remarks, I will provide you with a sheet and writing utensil."

…You bet it's hoping she'll transcribe the personal remarks. It doesn't like Ap-ut any more than the humans do. You could almost feel sorry for Ap-ut, if only it didn't seem intent on making all of you as miserable as possible.

"Ap-ut, I understood you were offering your superior assistance with the nonverbal subject. If you are not, I do not require your assistance. You have negligible familiarity with custodial-familial relations and can provide no helpful input." The two goblins stare each other down for a while -- you think nearly five minutes -- before the Ap-ut goblin leaves without saying goodbye. Er-ys turns back to you. "My apologies for the interruption. Please continue."

Overall, Kangarammom's instructions (that she remembers) were a lot like Tink's -- be wary of other trolls, trolls are predators, but sometimes they're necessary. _Don't be overly impressed with their dominance displays_ is a little different, especially accompanied by a blurry mental image of Equius, with big woolbeast horns, charging headlong into a cliff face and breaking one of them.

You get the same question at the end about troll laws and customs. Kangarammom thinks about it, then--

"She, uh, she says she _tried_ to tell Aradia that she -- uh, Aradia she, not, lusus she -- wasn't _really_ required to, to pay attention to, uh. Invisible, intangible trolls? No matter how insistent they are?"

" _Mom_!" Aradia says. "I have that under control! I don't do anything a ghost tells me if I don't think it's a good idea."

"…And she says, um, that she's, uh, not sure, Aradia gets it?"

And then Kangarammom looks at Aradia, lowers her head, and charges at… nothing, back and forth three times across the block. Aradia falls over laughing.

"She just charged all the pixie ghosts," Aradia says. "I'm sure she knows she can't actually hit them. She just likes to demonstrate she's not afraid of ghosts and they're not the boss of her, so they must not be the boss of me, either."

"Was there some question?" Er-ys asks.

"Only when I was really little. You have to get the hang of dealing with dead adult highbloods. They think they're in charge of _everything_. Anyway, when I was old enough to understand what they were saying, but not old enough to make them go away, some of them would try to get me to do all sorts of shit." She shrugs. "I grew into my powers, but Mom still worries."

Er-ys takes furious notes.

**== > Ap-ut: Be angry**

You're not angry. You're displeased and disappointed that Er-ys dismissed your contributions so cavalierly. You understand custodial-familial relationships perfectly well.

**== > Feferi: Need a distraction**

The goblin pills are helping -- you don't feel nearly as much pressure as you did before -- but there's still the odd intrusive thought that you're not doing something you're supposed to do. Also, you can't help but feel like the goblins are kind of… culling you. Your kind of culling, with a nice cage with everything you'll need. And it's not like you'd _prefer_ the other kind of culling but it just looks really different from this side. And maybe you should think about that sometime, but it seems like you're going to have plenty of time to consider all possible aspects, so you don't want to _right now_.

Accompanying Vriska to the medical block to have some sort of discussion about her arm is just the thing. They have you sit -- on chairs, not tables -- and bring out a specialist, who greets you politely.

"So can I have it back?" Vriska asks, leaning forward. "My arm? I reeeeeeeeally need two arms. I keep falling over and shit."

"We will not be returning the metal prosthesis," the goblin replies. Vriska slumps. "In addition to its potential use as a weapon, it presented an immunological vulnerability, placed excessive stress on the shoulder, and was not equipped to follow your development."

"…If you mean it wouldn't grow, I was just thinking I'd get a different one when I needed to?"

"We have an alternative to offer you," the goblin says. Another goblin wheels out a small tank, which contains…

You… guess it's an arm? It's the right shape to be an arm. The skin isn't quite the right color, though, too translucent, and the claws are more like the humans' rounded nails, and the flesh at the open end looks… off. You've seen severed limbs, and the cross-section didn't look like that. The blood being pumped into it is the right color, at least.

"Uh," Vriska says.

"Uh," you say.

**== > Rose: Have unexpected Ap-ut session**

Ap-ut folds its hands. "I have some questions about your mother."

You try to resist the urge to slide down in your chair until your eyes are barely above the table. You fail to resist the urge. "I would really prefer not to do that."

Ap-ut makes some notations. "You are feeling a disproportionate amount of frustration and resentment. You must be calm."

And with Ap-ut, faking calm _isn't good enough_. Now it's probably making notes about more frustration and resentment and fear. You sit up straight, close your eyes, and try to concentrate on breathing. When you have things under control (superficially, but probably not good enough for Ap-ut), you open your eyes. "I apologize."

It frowns at you. (It's such a small frown that in a human it would probably indicate deliberate dispassion, but you've seen enough goblins who _aren't_ educators, evaluators, or handlers to know that naturally? They don't do facial expressions. Goblins who are going to deal with other species must learn to smile and frown and roll their eyes with the rest of their training.)

You have to not think about what Ap-ut is writing. (That will only make you more frustrated and resentful, and it will write more, and it will all spiral until you get medicated.) (You hate being medicated.) (You have to stop thinking about this.) (This would be so much easier if you could ever turn your brain off.)

"All other factors held constant," Ap-ut says. "Would you be happier if your mother were here?"

**== > Terezi: Attempt to form functional study-group**

You've lost Vriska and Feferi to something related to Vriska's arm, Tavros, Aradia, Nepeta, and Equius to something which probably involves lusii even though Tinkerbull is _here_ , and Eridan and Kanaya are trying to bathe Iolanthe Tinkergrape. The bathing is involving enough splashing that the rest of you have had to relocate from the tables to the giant pile. Then Karkat had to go back and get Gamzee.

"I think we have pretty much covered the _bugbears_ ," you say. "Next up are _gremlins_." There are plenty of booklets to go around the four of you, but yours has higher color saturation, so you hold it up to show everyone else the picture anyway. "Does it look kind of like a big nutbeast to anyone else?"

"I fucking hate nutbeasts," Karkat says.

"Aw, but bro, look at its little face."

"The fuckers can _destroy_ a lawnring. Tunnels and dirt _everywhere_. It happened to one of my neighbors, and the poor asshole got culled while trying to spread grass seed. Done in by nutbeasts."

"I don't get why lawnring maintenance was such a big fucking deal anyway," Sollux says, not looking up from his booklet.

"Be that as it may, eight nutbeast-gremlins were placed in a treehive-tunnel complex. But with a fake tree, because the kind of trees they like to build their hives in takes a long time to grow." There's a picture of two nutbeast gremlins sitting on a branch. One seems to be calling to someone out of shot, while the other has a tablet and stylus. It also has multiple piercings in its large ears. "They… it says they formed a _music performance group_? Fusing traditional gremlin ballads with goblin baseline and, uh, contemporary Knucker rhythm synthesis?"

"I have no idea what's going on anymore," Sollux says.

You don't, either, but you continue reading. "The albums were released attributed to performance names, and the reviews returned to the gremlins… this is insane."

"We could start a motherfucking slam poetry group," Gamzee suggests cheerfully.

"No, we _really_ couldn't," Karkat tells him. He finally picks up the booklet you gave him and starts trying to find your place.

"I'm skipping the rest of the musical career, it makes no sense," Sollux says. "So eventually the goblins wanted to move other gremlin _refugees_ in, and the singing gremlin ex-subjects said yes. Refugees from what? Music criticullers?"

"Maybe the fucking goblins?" Karkat suggests, and you would have to agree that's more likely, except--

"But why would goblins be relocating refugees from the goblins?" you ask.

" _Fuckery_ ," Karkat says.

**== > Vriska: Jump**

"You know what? Fine. Great. I'll give it a try."

"Vriska," Feferi says, sounding extremely dubious.

"You can take it off if I decide I don't like it, right? I want to try."

**== > Rose: Be medicated**

Ij-ok guides you through the corridors with a hand on your shoulder. You're a little sleepy. You're not sure what time it is. Or where you're going.

"Almost there," Ij-ok says kindly.

You smile. Ij-ok is so nice. When you try to give it a hug, it gently detaches you and steers you onwards.

Oh, you're going to your common room. That's nice. The door would open at the ID on your ankle band, you're pretty sure, but Ij-ok does… something instead.

A while later (does it really matter how long?) the door opens, revealing John. "Hi? What-- Oh, _no_."

"Hi, John," you say, smiling. He is a good friend and it is so nice to see him. You give him a big hug.

"Hi, Rose," John says. "Guys! Ij-ok, can I ask how much longer this will last?"

"It should wear off completely in four hours," Ij-ok says behind you. "She should be able to fall asleep after one."

"Okay, that… could be worse… Never mind. Thank you!" You hear the door close. "Come on, Rose, let's get you to the sofa."

"Okay," you agree.

"You need to let go of me, Rose."

"Okay," you say again, letting go. "Hi, Jade. Hi, Dave."

"Hi, Rose," Jade says. Her smile is not quite her usual, but it must be okay. You give her a hug, too.

Dave doesn't come very close. You think maybe it is because he doesn't like getting medicated any more than you do. At least you remember you don't like getting medicated. You're not sure why right now. You smile at Dave to show him everything's fine. Maybe he needs a hug?

"Sofa, Rose," John repeats.

"Okay."

You follow John to the big sofa, and he guides you up to sit next to one of the arms. The sofa is so nice and soft. You could sit here all day.

Jade climbs up next to you on the sofa and tucks a blanket around your shoulders. The blanket is soft. Jade is nice. Jade pulls you into a half-hug, and you lean on her.

Dave appears by the arm of the sofa and pats your shoulder gingerly. "See you later. M'just gonna chill in my room for a while. You feel better." He's gone before you can get out from under the blanket and give him a hug.

Jade tugs you back down. "Come on, Rose, John's going to put on a movie."

"Okay," you say. You pause, thinking. There's a thought right there… circling around… if you can just… "I don't want to watch a movie about moms. Ap-ut asked me about my mom. That made me sad and angry. But I'm not now."

"Oh, _Rose_ ," Jade says, and hugs you. You hug back.

"I'm just going to put on Squiddles," John says. "I don't get why Ap-ut is grilling us about stuff when we're all going to be _retired_ anyway. It doesn't make sense."

"I like…" 'I like Ap-ut' gets stuck in your throat somehow. The movie is starting. "Squiddles are nice."

"I think so, too," Jade tells you.

**== > Dave: Hide**

Touchy-Feely Dopey Rose scares the shit out of you. You _hate_ the 'dissolve the repressed negative emotions' drugs. You don't hate it as much as Rose does, though -- not that she'll remember that until she comes out of it.

You hate that part the most for Rose's sake. She _loathes_ having her thoughts taken away like that.

You don't mind it quite as much for yourself, maybe because you've spent so much more time confused and unable to deny your confusion. Which is not to say you _like_ being Touchy-Feely Dopey Dave. It's scary and humiliating. Fortunately for you, you're more likely to get a sensory deprivation tank and Shaky Clingy Dave instead.

Rose can handle the nymph swarms a lot better than you can, though. It can take you as long as a couple of _days_ to sort out which feelings are yours and which were stuffed into your head by the stupid lousy goddamn flying jellyfish.

Stupid lousy goddamn Ap-ut.

**== > Kanaya: Catch up**

You certainly need to catch up. When Iolanthe Alliss was finally more or less clean, you had to go take a shower yourself to get all the soap out of your hair. The next time Eridan needs help, you're going to make Karkat do it.

When you emerge into the communal block, the first thing you notice is Nepeta perched on top of the giant pile. It looks highly precarious, but there hasn't been an avalanche yet. Equius is pacing. Aradia is sitting next to Sollux, both of their heads bent over a booklet. Karkat is haranguing Eridan, also with a booklet. Iolanthe is on Gamzee's head.

"Kanaya!" Terezi says. "Let me tell you what you missed."

"Where's Tavros?" you ask.

Aradia looks up. "They wanted him to help interview the lusii -- except for Nepeta's, she said no. They have him talking to Equius's, now, hence…" She indicates Equius.

You nod understanding. "And still no word on Vriska and Feferi?"

"Not yet," Terezi says. She lowers her voice. "If they do give Vriska her arm back, we're going to want to keep a close eye on her for a while, in case she… bounces back a little too much."

Aradia nods. "As long as she doesn't have her powers, the most important thing is to keep her away from Tavros."

"He is going to want to deal with her on his own eventually," Terezi says.

Sollux makes a face, but doesn't raise his head from the booklet. "Why the fuck would he want to do that?"

"Any number of reasons, but for now I shall just say -- because he feels really silly about the not talking directly thing."

Aradia shrugs. "It's hardly the silliest thing we've been doing. But I can see why he'd feel that way… Do you think she's gotten over her… I don't even know how to describe it… her _thing_ about him?"

"Unfortunately, I don't think we can tell unless -- until -- she stops watching how she acts so carefully."

"So we watch."

"We watch." Terezi claps you on the shoulder. "Before you get back to your own watching duties on Mr. Grape Soda, let me tell you about bugbears and gremlins…"

**== > Tavros: Help interview Equius's lusus**

You've sensed Aurthour before, mostly in passing -- you saw him a lot during the supervising lusus visits, but that was when the goblins had restricted your range. His mind is _different_ from most of the minds you've touched. Not quite a troll mind, or you wouldn't be able to feel it, but much closer than Kangarammom or even Tink. You've never attempted to commune.

You have communed with musclebeasts in the wild, so you're not coming into this totally cold. They're smart, better with abstract thoughts than most beasts. You were a little uncomfortable communing with them to begin with, but you got over it. (You had incentive -- there was a cobalt would-be arterrorist willing to pay for posing musclebeasts, right up until she was conscripted. The fees paid for your FLARP gear, and made up most of the savings you wiped out on your four-wheeled device. You never did find out if she was a _successful_ arterrorist or just an enthusiastic one.)

Anyway, you think Aurthour understands most of the goblin questions asked on his own, but he waits for you to translate anyway. "He says, he always tried to tell Equius, to, uh, to be careful with other trolls? Because he's so strong."

Equius didn't get nearly as much emphasis about the risks of other trolls, and Aurthour actually explained the quadrants to him, but a lot of it is the same general ideas.

"He says, uh, he says he told Equius about the importance of proper behavior and good manners--" You break off, because Evaluator Er-ys has leaned forward slightly, alert. "Um?"

"What sorts of proper behavior?"

You relay the question, but Aurthour wants specifics and you don't know how to give them. "Uh… behaving… well?"

"Did he tell his charge that the hemospectrum is important?" the Evaluator asks, and _oh_. Suddenly this makes so much more sense.

**== > Be Jade Harley**

You and Rose have watched five episodes of Squiddles -- well, Rose fell asleep with her head in your lap after two and a half. Dave is still hiding; John got taken away for an interview during the second one. Rose was too doped up to worry, but you're not. You wish Dave would emerge so you could worry together, but you don't want to disturb Rose by getting up to get him.

God, you _hate_ it when they drug her. And you don't care what anyone says about 'exercising neural pathways' or whatever, it does not make her any more open and agreeable when she's not drugged. Happily!

The outer door opens -- and it's John, looking disgruntled but not drugged. But John usually isn't drugged.

"They're not sending you to the tanks, are they?" you ask anxiously.

"No, but I really thought they were going to at one point." John flops down on the couch and leans on your shoulder. "He asked about my dad. We should probably warn Dave."

You cringe. It's not as bad as asking Rose about her mom -- at least it isn't nearly as likely to bring up punishable feelings -- but still, poor John. And you should definitely warn Dave. "Do you know what he wanted?"

"I know I was _lucky_. Ap-ut asked all sorts of questions about my dad, about what he taught me, and what we argued about, and if I'd like it better if he was _here_ \-- what am I supposed to say to _that_? Yes, please kidnap my dad? Only I know he must be worried about me, and-- Well, anyway, I was getting upset, and Ap-ut was getting all -- _you_ know how he gets, but then for some reason he asked what my dad told me about _ghosts_."

"That's… different."

"Yeah. So I told him about some ghost-related pranks, and about _Ghostbusters_ and _Ghostbusters II_ \-- I didn't try to pretend it was real or anything - and Ap-ut just got frownier and frownier, until he finally sent me back here and didn't say I needed a tank or anything."

"…Huh."

"I know, really? And then on the way back I asked Ij-ok to please check with Yn-yk that Ap-ut is really supposed to be doing this if we're going to be retired. How are we supposed to study that booklet if we keep getting dragged off and doped up?"

You fish said booklet out from under the blankets. "I read on a bit, actually. Gremlins! Very exciting."

**== > Aradia: Learn about gremlins**

You didn't get as far as the gremlins when you were reading the booklet earlier, and at first you didn't believe Sollux about the music performance group, but a music performance group there is.

 _"Ooooohhh, gremlins,"_ Rodanee says at your shoulder. _"We hatched on a planet with gremlins. Our dam showed us where to use the least effort to break into their big nests and where to find food there. We found some pretty ornaments, too."_

One of the orange ones -- you think Soranay, but they wear their hair identically so it might be Soranoh -- manifests at your other shoulder. _"The goblins are bringing back the other long-haired trolls. I told you first!"_

 _"I was_ here _first, I was just commenting on the gremlins!"_

_"I conveyed the relevant information, it doesn't matter if you were here first!"_

_"Yes it does! Obviously!"_

"Ghosts say Vriska's on her way," you murmur to Sollux.

"Thanks for the heads up." He frowns at a image of nutbeast-gremlins either preparing food or trying to set it on fire with their minds. "Did they give her arm back?"

The two dead pixies start wrestling, then roll off the giant pile, across the floor, and into the pillow pit of pale perversion. "…My source dried up."

**== > Yn-yk: …**

" _No_ , Ap-ut is _not_ supposed to be interviewing the humans before they have expressed their retirement preferences! The only reason we are interviewing the trolls is to gather information to help with _future_ troll projects! This is not difficult! Tell it -- no, I will inform it myself, but if it tells you to bring any of the humans, do not do so."

**== > Aradia: Watch carefully**

Vriska comes through the door with two arms, one of them in a sling. The arm isn't metal.

"For the record," Feferi says, following her, "I was not conchpletely shore this was a good idea, but it was the only arm they were offering. You shoald rest, Vriska."

Terezi sniffs in Vriska's direction. "Your new hand smells of decomposing lusus, Vriska."

"Ew," Vriska says. "I guess you won't want a closer smell at it, then. It does look pretty weird… all right, really weird." She starts undoing the sling even as she lets Feferi lead her to the giant pile -- not too close to you and Sollux. "I'm supposed to rest it for a circadian cycle and not lift anything heavy for five more, but I think I can take it out of the sling if I rest it on a pillow--"

You lean over to get a better look. The arm _is_ colored sort of like a decomposing lusus -- chilly white and mottled in blue and gray. In places, blue blood vessels are visible through translucent skin.

No one says anything for a minute, then, "Fuck, spidersis, that's motherfucking creepy."

Karkat snorts. "When the clown cultist thinks it's fucking creepy, it might be time to reexamine your fucking choices." Then he makes a face, probably remembering who he's talking to and how likely she is to have reexamined any choices ever.

"Only arm they were offering," Vriska says. "It gets better, wait til you see the shoulder." Feferi rolls her eyes, but steps in to help Vriska get her shirt off without twisting her arm around too much.

The arm is anchored to the shoulder with thick blue-white tendrils, reaching up across normal gray skin nearly to her neck in places. They don't look raised at all, but melded into the flesh like… You can't find a good comparison. Biowire comes closest, maybe.

Kanaya leans in. "What's wrong with its claws?"

"It has lame human claws."

"Speaking of claws," Feferi says, "I asked about horns and claws, and they said yes, they cod be uncovered now, and they'd send someone soon to help."

Sollux perks up. "Think they'd get upset if we did it ourselves?"

"I don't think so?"

"Awesome." And he holds up his hands and psionically pops the caps off his claws. The caps go flying everywhere.

You thump his shoulder. "Well, I know what _you're_ going to be doing for the next hour."

**== > Rose: Wake up**

You wake to a medication hangover. God, you _hate_ being medicated. _So. Much._ You remember-- You sit up, and have to clutch at the back of the couch for balance. "John?"

"I'm back," he says immediately. He's a few feet away, using crayons on something. "And Ij-ok came backs and said Yn-yk says Ap-ut has to leave us alone so we can work out our retirement requests. Dave's still hiding. We're trying to come up with our new really ironic band name before he comes out."

"I still say _Tub Dirge_ ," Jade says. "Read the project-retirement material on the gremlins, Rose, it's really interesting. They started a band and the goblins actually distributed a few albums."

"…You're kidding." You shake your head to try to steady your vision. It doesn't really help.

"Nope!" John scrambles around to grab the booklet and flip through it. "Some of them really look like they're in a rock band, too, with all these piercings and spiky fur, and then some other gremlins moved in later and they look so _scandalized_ \--"

They do look scandalized, and it is funny, but you're more interested in music being _distributed_. If anonymized music can be released while they're still officially a retired project…

Dave's door opens and he pokes his head out. "How's it going?"

"Safe to come out!" Jade calls. "And lucky for you -- and me -- Yn-yk said Ap-ut is not allowed to distract us from our important retirement planning. He already had a go at John."

"He asked about my dad," John says. "And then he asked about ghosts for some reason, I don't know what the hell was up with that."

"It asked me about my mother," you add. "I don't remember there being any questions about ghosts." Though considering you were drugged for half the session, who knows.

Dave winces. "…Fun. What are you doing now?"

"I'm listing all the instruments _Tub Dirge_ might want to include, and John is designing our stage costumes!"

"Hey, I still haven't agreed to _Tub Dirge_ as a band name!"

"It makes more sense if you read the gremlin section of the retirement booklet," you say. "They had a band. Take a look."

If the goblins were willing to indulge a _band_ \-- surely they can publish a couple of novels?

**== > Terezi: Welcome your more-or-less-moirail back to the communal block**

Equius is there first, not surprisingly under the circumstances. "Is Aurthour well?"

"He's, uh, fine," Tavros says, leaning back. "They did say, for sure, that we'll have free access, to the lusii, once we're, um, retired."

"Done now?" Karkat says. "Good! Equius, get over to the giant pile, sit your sweaty ass down and _read the fucking booklet_. You, too, Nepeta, get down here! Don't you want your claws decapped?"

You sling an arm around Tavros's shoulder. "So! While you were gone, we read about nutbeast-aliens starting a music performance group, Iolanthe Tinkergrape had an ablution, Vriska has a new arm which looks like a dead eel-lusus, and they're going to take the caps off our claws so Sollux has been popping them off psionically. Oh, and did you hear about the bugbear-aliens?"

"Some. What, um, what about horns?"

You wonder if that padding is adding any appreciable weight. "Those, too, but Sollux isn't taking care of that -- at least not yet. How did the lusus interviews go?"

"All right, I guess? I think they -- actually, hang on, I'm going to go get Tink."

Tinkerbull has retreated to the top of the nutritionblock storage units to avoid the flying claw caps, but he comes to Tavros quickly enough. On his way back, Tavros veers over to a point where he can see Vriska, though he doesn't get close. She's listening to Karkat explain the booklet (and complain about nutbeasts), and repeatedly flexing her new hand. Tavros stares for a minute before heading back to you.

"Do you have an opinion?" you ask, amused.

"I sort of wonder, how much more, um, more trouble it could be, to make it the right color." He glances over his shoulder. "It's… very creepy."

"Indeed it is. What were you saying about the lusus interviews?"

He nods. "They got _really_ interested when Equius's lusus said he'd told him about the proper way of living and the hemospectrum when he was really little. Because Equius has his… hemospectrum thing."

"Huh." You think this over. "I don't think that's really adequate to explain Equius."

**== > Aradia: Spot a new (dead) pixie**

Sollux has moved from claw caps to horn caps, _if_ the horns don't widen at any point under the cap. (Kanaya almost keeps the other cap on too for the time being, for the sake of balance, but Karkat persuades her that would be stupid.) You think you can get the padding off your horns with your claws and your own psi.

The new pixie is banana-yellow and bigger than the rest of the dead pixies, even a little bigger than the live adult pixie you saw. It's also not bouncing in place, and it doesn't have wings -- unless it's completely hidden them under its goblin-style robe.

"Hi," you say, confident none of your friends are paying attention just now. "And you are?"

 _"Ippix,"_ the yellow pixie says.

"Ippix doesn't sound like a normal pixie name."

 _"No more than_ Iolanthe _is,"_ it agrees. _"I was raised by bugbears from infancy."_

"How'd that go?"

 _"Well, Hegemony authorities found out and took me away before they could_ actually _use me as a breedhost, so it could have been a lot worse. And some of them were nice enough to me."_

"Okay, so… what are you doing _here_? I thought pixies raised by other species usually didn't get killed by goblins, that's what Medeesee claimed."

_"Oh, he's right. The Hegemony didn't kill me, not on purpose. But they did ask if I'd be willing to talk to some pixie education subjects about what their options would be if they were successfully educated, and I agreed, because I wanted to meet pixies -- most imprints have the people who raised them and don't want to turn away from them, but, well."_

…You're getting an idea of where this is going. "So what happened?"

 _"They killed me. For being a malformed goblin-whore. I'm not sure Lidohreh actually knew what whore meant, but that was definitely the word he wanted to use."_ Ippix shrugs. _"Their Evaluators_ should _have seen it coming in time to stop it, but the goblins didn't mean for me to die."_

You nod your understanding. You guess most trolls wouldn't hesitate to kill any of your group for surrendering, either -- but then, most trolls wouldn't have hesitated to kill many of you to begin with. "So, what about your wings?"

_"Oh, um -- they never developed properly, because I never learned to use them, and the bugbears cut them off before they could necrotize."_

_This_ is a potential problem. All the other dead pixies have wings, so hopefully some of them will have some idea what's necessary. You check to make sure you've understood correctly. "So if we don't teach Lanthy to fly properly, she has to have her wings cut off or they die and rot and kill her? That seems… really stupid."

 _"Well, it wasn't_ my _idea."_

**== > Od-ut: Figure something out**

MEDEESEE, RODANAH, RODANEE, SHEDEMEE, LAYTAHREE, LAYTAHROH -- but IPPIX is the definitive clue. You didn't know IPPIX that well, you just felt extremely guilty about their death.

You're not an Evaluator, but you knew LIDOHREH'S grudges were simmering. You were going to shift him into isolation to keep him from intimidating all the others into following him, but you wanted to give him a chance to speak with IPPIX to see there _was_ another way, and -- well. IPPIX died for it, and you wanted to honor them as best you could, which brings you to your current… situation.

You need to tell Yn-yk.

**== > Od-ut: Tell Yn-yk**

You open with, "I want to make it clear I obtained permission every time," which is possibly not the best strategy, but Yn-yk isn't even surprised.

"What is it?"

"After my -- previous assigned projects terminated, I-- There were subjects for whom I felt particular affection and respect. I asked for -- _and obtained_ \-- permission to emulate traditional pixie rites in physical disposition."

Yn-yk is surprised. "I understood pixies customarily leave the dead where they lie."

"Not those they really care about. It's been observed most often in dams with dead nestlings, and--" Yn-yk is not especially interested in this, so you get to the point. "Every… dead pixie ARADIA MEGIDO has named is one of those for whom I… emulated the rites, and the numbers match. It seems unlikely to be a coincidence."

"Yes," Yn-yk agrees. It is not happy with the situation, but at least it doesn't feel you were out of line. "I hoped not to take any more of their study time. We will have to ask ARADIA to ask the dead pixies about it. But you are to hold back and not take any action to distress the trolls."

You nod. "I will. Should I bring the receptacles?"

"…What?"

**== > Dave: Work on list of requests**

Rose offered to do the actual writing, but you've been passing the paper around instead.

_First, we took it as a given that we would have all the amenities we have now. If not, please discuss with us?  
\--We would like computers with word processing, visual editing, audio editing, and gaming capability, connected by a local area network. If there is any way we can be connected to our or any other internet, we'd like that. Even a still image of the internet would be better than nothing.  
\--We would like handheld devices that can message each other with audio or text.  
\--We would like free access to all the Earth media you grabbed.  
\--We would like the following musical instruments: (top priority) piano, violin, electric bass, and turntables; (medium priority) flute, twelve kazoos, twelve xylophones, harmonica, tuba, viola, drum set, electric guitar, slide trombone; (if it's not any extra trouble) one-man-band, ~~pipe organ~~ pipe organ, if there's any possible way that could not be too much trouble.  
\--We would like a small telescope, a large telescope, and a microscope.  
\--We would like a text-to-text ~~Human-Troll~~ English-Alternian translator  
_

"Guys, wait, maybe we should be going slower on this," John says. "I mean, if Ap-ut has to leave us alone until we finish our requests…"

"Good point," Rose says, and drops the list. "Let's discuss the musical instruments. Or the computer desktop wallpaper."

"…Yeah," you agree. "How about that… one-man-band? I think we can talk about the one-man-band for a few months until we don't have to see Ap-ut again."

"It will truly be something worth celebrating," Rose says, and toasts you with an imaginary glass. "To impending lack of Ap-ut."

You can ironic-imaginary-drink to that.

"It's going to suck for the trolls he gets assigned to, though," Jade says. "Especially if he gets any kind of extra authority because he worked with the trolls here."

John frowns. "You don't think they'd give him any, do you?"

Rose props her chin on her hand. "Yn-yk wouldn't, or anyone else who's worked with it before, but it sounded like the goblins expect to be _very_ busy with all the other trolls. Since Ap-ut has worked with trolls already… it wouldn't surprise me if it did get some sort of promotion."

"Ugh, his entire subject group is going to be stuffed in tanks drugged to the eyeballs for _months_ ," John says.

"No," you say slowly. "That's if he had a bunch of humans. They do worse stuff to trolls, remember? Enough that _they_ didn't think the trolls would be able to trust them." You don't know that Ap-ut in particular was involved, but you're sure he would have been, given the chance.

"No, I don't remember, because they never actually told us what it _was_."

Rose's frown deepens. "I don't like how embarrassed they were when they wouldn't tell us what it was."

You mostly agree with her, but-- "To be fair and unbiased, trolls can get embarrassed about some weird shit."

"Kanaya asked if we knew anything about _psychic surgery_ , remember?" Jade says. "She implied at least two of them got… psychically surgeried."

"That does sound like something Ap-ut would do," Rose concedes.

"Dave, didn't he want to--"

You interrupt John hastily. "Yes, he wanted to do psychic surgery on me to remove a memory, and I don't want to talk about it."

Seriously. Even if you can sorta-kinda-in-a-way-you're-never-going-to-admit understand why someone would think you'd be better off not remembering Lil Cal, just taking him out would make vast swathes of your childhood _really fucking confusing_. Would you remember getting ambushed by nothing? Bro taking an empty case to gigs? It'd be like making Rose forget the existence of alcohol. Oh, her mom's acting like that for no reason, that's a huge improvement.

Happily Yn-yk backed you up on your refusal, so you don't have to remember Bro strifing you with an empty space or something. Fuck, what if your brain had decided to replace Cal with a mini-Bro? Fuck no.

So yeah, fuck psychic surgery. And fuck Ap-ut.

Poor planet full of unsuspecting trolls.

**== > Terezi: Enjoy having uncovered claws and horns**

You definitely are! You are also working on being a good sort-of-moirail and getting the padding off Tavros's horns. With your claws, it should be doable.

"So, uh," Tavros says eventually. "About, um, Vriska's new, arm thing. It's, uh, alive?"

You nod. "It only smells dead in color! No decomposition. According to Feferi, the goblins say it will grow along with her."

Tavros starts to shake his head, but stops before he can fling you across the block. "No, I mean, yes, but I mean alive, like I could commune with it, if I wanted. I haven't," he adds quickly. "But I could?"

You slowly turn around to look at Vriska. "Like… how much could you commune with it?"

"I'm not sure, how to describe it -- uh, sort of like a slug? Only not really, because a slug has to look for food. The arm just, uh… is."

"Huh."

"I just, um, I feel like maybe, someone should, uh. Tell her?"

"…Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh." The padding can stay slightly-shredded for the moment. You head towards Vriska, Tavros trailing behind you.

Vriska is still sitting in the giant pile. She smells tired, but she's probably still hyped up from the new arm. Next to her, Feferi is looking through one of the retirement booklets, brow furrowed in thought.

"Everyone!" Kanaya calls from the mini-nutritionblock. "It's almost time for the sleep cycle to begin! We should all eat something and prepare for rest!"

She's right… but this is information that needs to be shared. "Vriska? I don't know what the goblins told you about that arm, but Tavros thinks he could commune with it."

Vriska freezes. "Uh."

"Wait, what?" Sollux asks from somewhere.

Feferi gives the arm a wary look. "Tavros conch't… usually commune with coddy parts, can he?"

"No," Tavros says from behind you. You're starting to attract a crowd. "It's true that, um, I've never, seen a body part grafted on before? So it might, be that? But it, uh, feels to me like, um, a very simple animal mind."

"Oh." Feferi looks at the arm again. "That's… reely disturbing."

"Huh," Vriska says. She blinks at the arm for a minute, then reaches for Feferi's booklet. "Okay! Good to know. Thanks for the heads up."

"Water you going to do?" Feferi asks.

"Nothing. It's not too bad."

"It's not?" Feferi says.

Vriska tosses her hair with her free hand. "Yeah, Equius could take control of my old one if he was anywhere near it."

" _Seriously_?" Aradia blurts. Then she smells embarrassed.

Honestly you're a little grateful to her for asking the question so you didn't have to. You knew Equius _made_ the arm, but--.

"Yup."

Aradia cringes. "He didn't make it do anything… gross, did he?"

Vriska cringes. "Ewwwwwwww, no. He'd make it smack me in the face if I pissed him off enough, mostly."

"Really, Equihiss?" Nepeta asks.

Feferi elects not to respond to the side dialogue. "And you didn't… sea any problem with that?"

"I saw more of a problem with not having an arm." Vriska looks at the weird hand, and shrugs her other shoulder. "It's all great. This way, Tavros can make it stop if it starts getting ideas and trying to do stuff on its own, right?"

"Uh… yeah," Tavros says, although he's not supposed to be responding to her directly.

"He says yes," you relay before Vriska can respond directly to Tavros. "I guess… well, it's up to you."

"And I hope we're all fucking relieved _we_ don't have to deal with it," Karkat barks. "Now everyone go the fuck to sleep, you might have to make your atrophied thinkpans do a little fucking _work_ on this."

**== > Rose: Write**

_One wizard stood apart from the others, and did not bother his beard. He did not have even a shadow of a beard; he shaved his face three times a day, or four if he expected to stay up late. Instead he devoted all his attention to the beards of others. At any time he might leap upon one of his fellows with silver tweezers and polished ebon ruler, to drag free a single strand of silky wizard-beard and measure it against the standard rule. All feared him, and none liked him._

"Rose! Are you coming to talk to the trolls or what?"

"Just a second!" you call back. You just want to write one more line--

_This was the Inquisitor, Apperius Uttu._

**== > Karkat: Meet with the humans**

You beat the humans into the communal block, barely, and then immediately get distracted by a giant map on the wall. Eridan almost runs into you; Gamzee actually does.

(Not all of you are going to this particular… meeting. The goblins took Tavros to get the remaining padding taken off his horn and -- they implied -- the suppressant implant out of his brain. They took Vriska to examine her arm and "discuss" her eye, and Feferi tagged along. They _asked_ Aradia to help clarify some questions about the dead pixies -- said there would be no consequences if she refused. She didn't refuse. She always did like poking things better left undisturbed. Then they said Educator Od-ut would be present and she could bring a companion, so Sollux tagged along.)

"Huh, that's new!" John says brightly, looking at the map. "Draft layout proposal…"

"I don't see any pipe organs, Egbert, you're out of luck."

"We haven't even _given_ them the list yet… but I don't think so either."

The map is labeled in Alternian and two other languages -- human and… maybe goblin, you guess? There's a large circle labeled MAIN TROLL BUILDING, and a somewhat smaller one labeled MAIN HUMAN BUILDING. The two are joined by an arc labeled SHARED SPACE. They are mostly surrounded by EXTERIOR SPACE -- TO BE LANDSCAPED, but the troll building brushes edges with ALTERNIAN-CHEMISTRY SEA. A dashed-line SUBTERRANEAN ACCESS leads from SHARED SPACE to a square marked ORBITAL LIFT TERMINUS some distance away.

"Well, if we _don't_ want to be together, we need to start saying so forcefully, now," Rose says. "We don't have any problem with it…"

"Neither do we," Terezi says, and there's a general chorus of agreement. You don't contradict her. The humans are weird, but generally tolerable.

Despite the way Dave is smirking, and whispering something to John -- too quiet for the translator to pick up -- that makes him start snickering.

"Why are you fucking laughing?" you finally snap, interrupting Equius, who was probably about to say something stupid.

Jade rolls her eyes dramatically. "Because they're eight years old and think the buildings on the map look like a rude and inconsiderate person." She pauses, frowning. "I think the translation went a little wrong. They think the buildings look like a human male copulation organ."

"…Huh."

**== > Sollux: Accompany your moirail for moral support**

You sit with AA at a table, across from the Yn-yk goblin. The Od-ut goblin isn't there. You think it might be late. AA is looking curiously around the block; you're thinking about _requests_.

If FF is right about the goblins not releasing you because you know she's alive, then there's no way they'll let you have full internet access like the bugbears apparently did. And there's no such thing as read-only internet access. For that matter, you don't even know if it would be _possible_ to connect to the internet from wherever they're stashing you.

The humans explained earlier about the giant data pull the goblins seem to have done on their internet, and you figure it should be simple to ask for a bunch of media and games. You're planning to push a bit further and request a series of data pulls, updating. So you can tell what's going on there, and everyone can keep up with their favorite television shows.

(You wonder if the war going badly means the boring part of the Fleet has been called into action and had to stop filming LEGISLACERATORS. TZ would be terribly disappointed. AA wouldn't be. Her hate for that show and the legislacerators' treatment of lowbloods is purely platonic.)

And functioning computers. _Computers_. You miss computers.

"Od-ut should be here soon," Yn-yk says. "I apologize for the delay."

"Actually," AA says, "I'm glad to have a chance to talk to you now, without everyone around."

"Yes?"

AA leans forward. "We need for Vriska not to have her psychic abilities. She did a lot of horrible things with them. And she's been reasonably well-behaved lately, yes, and I believe she's trying, but she hasn't had the opportunity to do anything horrible, and I think everyone will be better off if she never gets it."

The Yn-yk goblin looks… appropriately serious, given the subject. "After we remove Vriska Serket's transorbital device and implant the functional biosubstitute or some other long-term object, we will conduct psychic surgery to permanently disable her coercive telepathy before returning her to the other trolls."

You try not to sigh with relief too obviously. It's not like you've been having nightmares about a new attempt every couple weeks since the incident, or tried to code a ~ATH program based on the 'death of your self-control' which would shoot you down before you could get out of your hive, or anything.

The Od-ut goblin rolls in a four-wheeled goods transportation device loaded with packages, each about the size of a laptop computing husk. There's something… weird about them, enough to distract you from the Od-ut goblin.

"Huh," AA says, leaning forward a little. She leans back when Od-ut sits next to Yn-yk.

Yn-yk clears its throat. "It appears that the… noncorporeal dead pixies you have observed line up exactly with the dead pixies for whom a particular funerary rite was performed. We are hoping you may be able to identify the reason for this."

You look back at the boxes -- two, four, six, eight, ten, eleven. "What are those?"

"Desiccated, highly compressed pixie corpses," AA says, sounding fascinated. "The ghosts' corpses. At least six of them are for certain, Shedemee assumes the others are as well."

"…Great."

"The receptacles are sealed," Od-ut says. "No particulates can escape."

" _Can_ you provide any insight?" Yn-yk asks.

"Well, hauling the bodies around--" She breaks off, listening. "Oh. That _would_ explain it. Shedemee says he thought you knew. The rite is intended to anchor the spirits of the dead, so they can be consulted for advice or preserved for… reincarnation?"

Od-ut actually flinches back. "So you are saying I am imprisoning them even after their deaths."

AA shrugs. "Some of them appreciate the effort. They were impressed that you kept trying when you still couldn't see them even handling the containers -- can I see one up close? Maybe not that one -- that one?"

You give the box deposited on the table a wary look. It has a big red label on the side, probably saying _Warning: Really Squished Bodies Inside_ , or something to that effect.

AA nudges you. "Try touching it."

"What? No!"

"You heard them, it's sealed, I want to see if it works for you."

The things you do sometimes. " _Fine_." You tentatively touch a finger to the box, and--

_"Hello?"_

"Hello to you too." You give the semi-transparent pixie ghost a cursory wave with your free hand, and pull away from the box. The pixie disappears from your sight. "Saw the ghost when I touched it, can't see it now."

AA nods. "That's how it's supposed to work. They can see them and consult with them, until-- _Really_? That doesn't seem like it would be very easy to eat? Well, they believe that if an egg-carrying pixie _eats_ all of one of these things, the person whose body it was will be reborn as one of the hatchlings. That's what they think happens, anyway."

You want to thump your head on the table, but that would bring it too close to the corpse box, so you lean it back over the back of the chair instead. "Aliens are so fucking weird."

**== > Eridan: Try to get someone to take your requests seriously**

People did more or less listen to you when you were in with the humans talking about _landscaping_ and shit, and you had some comments about the fake-sea part of the whole thing. You were the only seatroll present, after all. Kan and the Rose human even took notes.

But then Kan decided you all had to go back to your own communal block to work on your own list, since the humans already started theirs, and everyone stopped listening!

"Claw care stuff, since they're not going to be doing it for us."

" _Hopefully_."

"I'd like to request that some of that open space around the hives -- buildings -- have trees. Maybe a tree hive?"

"You don't think they'd pawsibly put in… something so I could go hunting with Pounce, do you?"

"No, but you could ask."

"Suncloaks, in case we do need to go outside in the day. Did anyone else get the impression the humans are diurnal? How does that work?"

It didn't help that Fef came back, without Vris, who apparently would be gone a while longer for _psychic surgery_ to permanently deactivate her powers.

"Whale, they said they were permanently shutting down her active powers, and would shut down her passive powers if it's safe. They think it will be safe, because a lot of trolls don't have any mental powers, but they want to make shore."

"And Vriska agreed?" Ter asks.

Fef shrugs. "Would you say no to them if they said somefin was _necessary_?"

Ter makes a face, but doesn't disagree. For your part, you certainly wouldn't say no, because that'd be fuckin _stupid_ , but you're a little surprised _Vris_ is showing a shred of common sense. You guess she's still really scared of goblins going pale at her.

"She also agreed to have them put in the weird eyeball thing," Fef continues, "but only after they gave her a reely long list of things they said she shoald do to take care of an empty socket. She wants to add 'badass eyepatches' to the request list anyway."

Kan frowns. "What constitutes a 'badass eyepatch'?"

Nepeta giggles. "Write it down, and see what the goblins think it means."

So Vris, who isn't even _here_ , has her request written down before you.

"I'm going to request a sewing machine and fabric, and material to make alterations. Are there any other clothing requests we have?"

"Stencils of signs for people who can't fucking draw, which is most of us?"

"Assuming the goblins have them…"

"Should we even bother to write down computers before Sollux gets back?"

Sol isn't here either. "Why don't you write down _my_ request, I've said it like a hundred times now--"

Kan just sighs, kinda over-dramatically. "Eridan, they are _not_ going to give you a _rifle_."

"Come on, Kan, what's the harm in askin?"

"The harm is none of the rest of us want to be associated with a fucking request for a deadly weapon," Kar snaps. "Which is why Kanaya is asking for 'products to superficially alter the color and/or texture of one's face' and not makeup, why the fuck did you think she was putting it like that? Gamzee hasn't even asked for fucking juggling clubs!"

Kan rubs her temples. "Why don't you try to think of some things Iolanthe Alliss might need?"

**== > Tavros: Get asked for _another_ favor**

"What do you want me to do?" you ask warily, still scratching around the base of your horns. You need to touch up your mohawk -- really, it's gotten a little past the point of _touching up_.

"The teams gathering additional subjects on Alternia were also tasked with securing the lusii that were not secured along with your friends. We would like you to verify that these are the correct lusii before we transfer them to our vessel and initiate reintroduction."

"Oh!" You straighten. "Yes, I can certainly, help with that."

They don't take you to the place -- any of the places -- they've been keeping the other lusii, but to a lift… thing which actually has benches inside, for what turns out to be a rather long trip. It's a very slow lift, a very tall ship, or else it goes horizontally as well as vertically. You feel a few little jerks that could be direction changes but overall… Overall goblin ships are weird and you have no idea how they're laid out. Or _ships_ \-- they'd implied the lusii were on a different ship, right?

And then you come in range of a _lot_ of lusii, and most of them are _not happy_. You wince. "So, uh, the… new subjects'… lusii are here, too?"

"Yes," your escort says. "Evaluators are training in how best to communicate with them."

"Ah."

Finally the lift-thing stops, and you are escorted out into a corridor lined with doors. Each door is labeled with a colored card with some goblin writing. Your escort stops at the first white card you come to, checks its paperwork, and enters a code on the keypad to open the door.

" _Skreeeeeee_!"

Most of the block is taken up by a large cage containing an irate crab-lusus.

"This is believed to be Karkat Vantas's lusus," your escort says, consulting the paperwork again. "It--"

" _SKREEEEEEE_!"

You have never communed with an attached lusus who couldn't answer _Who's your troll?_ This one is no exception. His troll is _Karkat_. He's looking for Karkat. Something stole his troll. Something stole their hive, and now he's here. The cage is too small. The cage is too big. He wants iced roe cubes. Life fucking sucks.

"That, is definitely Karkat's lusus," you say. "Karkat will be so… uh… Karkat will be very pleased." Karkat probably wouldn't appreciate you telling the goblins he'll be enormously grateful and relieved.

"Good," your escort says, and makes a note on the paperwork. "This way."

As you go, you make an effort to reassure Karkat's lusus he'll see Karkat soon, but you're not sure if he believes you.

The bicyclops you see next is very busy arguing with himself and trying to bang his heads against the cage -- the goblins have actually taken the time to outfit it with _padded helmets_ \-- but you're able to get his attention long enough to confirm his troll is Sollux.

One arm is in an immobilizing device, and he has a lot of bruises. You push a little further, and it looks like the other trolls in the hivestem teamed up to throw him out -- or possibly off -- when they realized Sollux was missing. Then he hung around the hivestem base, alternately moping and raging, until the goblins got him.

"That's Sollux's. There's nothing, more serious than the arm, right?"

"Correct. The lusus will recover fully."

Eridan's Seahorsedad looks down his nose at you from his tank. If you put glasses and a scarf on him, the resemblance would be uncanny. He understands what's happened to him much more than the other two; when you reassure him he'll see Eridan soon, he indicates he wants to see Eridan _now_. You elect not to argue with him, and also not to try to tell him about Iolanthe Tinkergrape.

Terezi's dragon egg is packed into a padded crate. You're reluctant to touch her mind -- some sort of feeling that something _bad_ would happen -- but you make sure it's Terezi's nonetheless.

"Good," your escort says again. "Thank you. I will bring you back to your chambers, and you may tell your peers about their lusii."

"What? Uh, wait, uh, um--" You almost trip over your tongue. "What about Gamzee's lusus?"

The escort looks regretful. "We were unable to locate Gamzee Makara's lusus. There were no lusii of appropriate type close to his hive, and those least far away exhibited behavior characteristic of unattached lusii."

"…Oh." Shit, poor Gamzee.

…You'll just pretend to be certain his lusus is ranging farther afield -- asea -- to look for him. It could even be true. Though you doubt it.

**== > Sollux: Make a tough decision**

They take both of you to the medical block after yet more discussion of the dead pixies and squashed dead pixies, to take the implant out of AA. You're a little surprised when they bring you along, but it turns out you're not just here for moral support.

"Shortly after you were removed from Alternia, psychic surgery was performed to alter your reception of the…" The goblin looks intensely uncomfortable. "The voices of the imminently deceased."

"Actually I remember that," you say. ( _wub_ )

"The receptors were re-attuned to the second hob."

"I remember that part, too." ( _wub_ )

"If you prefer, we can perform psychic surgery to re-re-attune the receptors to the original settings."

"…Oh."

( _wub_ )

( _wub_ )

( _wub_ )

"…No."

( _wub_ )

"Leave it like it is."

( _wub_ )

"No surgery. Thanks for the offer. I'm just going to… sit down and wait for AA now."

( _wub_ )

The sooner you stop thinking about it, the sooner it'll stop bothering you.

You can't really say that about the imminently deceased.

**== > Sollux: Stop thinking about it**

Of course now that you've _thought_ that, you _can't_ stop thinking about it, and it's _wub wub wub_ all the way back to the communal block. At which point you stop thinking about it, and shortly afterwards pretty much stop thinking.

**== > Aradia: Keep things reasonable**

Personally you think an explosion is a perfectly reasonable reaction to finding out your neighbors threw your lusus off your hivestem, but the goblins are still watching you and a trashed block would be a pain to deal with, so you drag Sollux over to the pillow pit before he can get past hissing and sparking.

"He's going to be okay," you say, holding your moirail's face and pressing your foreheads together. "He's alive, he's going to be okay, and you'll see him soon."

"Those _assholes_ ," Sollux snarls. "I'm going to--"

"Shoosh," you say firmly. "You're going to calm down, and go see your lusus when the goblins have them moved to this ship. And your neighbors will probably be very busy with goblin education."

"Serves them right," he growls, but he lets you coax him into relaxing against you. That's better.

You look around the rest of the block. Karkat, Eridan, and Terezi are still peppering Tavros with questions about the conditions and feelings of their lusii, though you don't know what _Terezi_ is expecting to hear. Kanaya has taken charge of both the pixie wiggler and poor Gamzee.

**== > Be Gamzee Makara**

You're fine. Why wouldn't you be fine? You got your miraculous four-pointed diamond, you got all your friends, you got no un-miraculous thoughts about any of your friends, they put face paint and a one-wheel device and "a moderate quantity of horns" on the request list for you, and you don't mind about not having clubs. And both your diamondbros are real happy because the goblins got their lusii on board.

…

You're not worried about your dad at all. He can take care of himself real good, and you're sure Tavbro's right, and he was out looking for you really far out and the goblins just missed him. You're absolutely sure he's safe. The only thing you'd maybe have to worry about is that he didn't want to come to be with you.

That's a little easier to believe than you'd like, and it makes you…

…

.

"Gamzee. Gamzee?"

You startle, and blink. What were you doing? "Palesis?"

"Since Karkat and Eridan are… preoccupied… I was hoping you could help me with Iolanthe Alliss? She's better about taking food from you."

In her arms, the miracle princess reaches out and swipes at your nose. "Ffffffffff."

"Oh, uhhh… sure. Is she trying to talk?"

"Possibly." For some reason, after collecting the container of mushy food-for-wigglers, Kanaya steers you back to the giant pile. You're probably going to get food on it.

It takes both of you to get most of the food into the miracle princess, especially since she keeps waving her little arms and saying "ffffffff", whether or not her mouth is full. It's motherfucking adorable, and also messy.

"Gamzee," Kansis says eventually, "if there's anything you want to talk about… we can talk about it. We don't have to wait for a… pale thing."

"Thanks, sis, but there's nothing I need to talk about." You use your shirt to wipe some food off the miracle princess's face. "You don't think Eribro's gonna get bored with her, do you? She's a wizard princess and everything. Him getting bored would be…"

…

.

…

"…It wouldn't be right," you finish eventually. Eventually?

"I don't think he will," Kansis says, something funny about her voice. "She still likes him best, and Eridan tends to be… persistent with his projects."

"Yeah. Yeah, that's good."

"And even if he did, the rest of us would take care of her," Kanaya continues. "She won't be alone."

"…Yeah."

You let your palesis pull your head onto her shoulder and try to untangle your hair with her fingers. It also brings your nose into easy grabbing range for Iolanthe.

"FffffFFFFffffFFFFfffk."

**== > Feferi: Suppress your envy**

You are _happy_ for Eridan, Karkat, Sollux, and Terezi. They were all worried, even if they wouldn't admit it. Terezi whose lusus couldn't run if she wanted to, Karkat with a lusus which would be considered almost as much of an abomination as he would, Sollux who'd left his _chained up_ , and Eridan -- Eridan knows how dangerous it can be for lusii even better than you do.

(You've always flip-flopped between trying not to know anything about other people's lusii and being hyperaware of any dropped detail.)

(You're certain -- _certain_ \-- Eridan would never have killed the lusus of a friend for you, you just… could never really decide whether you would want to know if one did find its way into your net somehow.)

Anyway!

Gl'bgolyb is alive and well, so you're not going to express envy around Kanaya, whose lusus passed, however peacefully, before you ever came here. Gl'bgolyb would be with you if she could, so you're not going to express envy around _Gamzee_. (You thought about telling him that even with Gl'bgolyb elsewhere, there are bigger, more dangerous things in the ocean than seagoats, so it's not _implausible_ that his lusus got killed, and didn't abandon him on purpose, but you decided that probably wouldn't actually help.)

And Vriska -- well, it's probably just as well she was off being psychic surgery'd while most of the lusus fuss went on. She still hasn't come up with any sort of _consistent_ reaction to her lusus's death, but being surrounded by people overjoyed at impending reunions with their lusii probably wouldn't make her feel any better.

(Even on the worst days -- and you had some bad days, hauling down the carcass of a hoofbeast-lusus with ribbons inexpertly braided in its tail, only to fail to suppress a still-hungry, irritable grumble which killed two dozen lowbloods on the nearest coast -- even on the worst days, you were never afraid Gl'bgolyb would hurt _you_.)

(All right, possibly thinking about other people's lusii makes you a little melancholy.)

Anemoneway!

Your envy is suppressed.

**== > Kids: Continue your list**

_\--We would like garden space for Jade.  
\--We would like shoes, and more variety in clothing.  
\--We would like to be able to do our own haircuts, with scissors.  
\--We would like antiperspirant, hair gel, lipstick in various colors, nail polish in more various colors, and eye shadow.  
\--We would like some of those cute furry pet things.  
\--We would like ~~shitty harlequins~~ ~~shitty harleclowns~~ ~~smuppets~~ Please do NOT actually bring any smuppets  
\--We would like knitting needles and a variety of yarns.  
\--We would like digital cameras.  
\--We would like a film camera and facilities for developing film.  
\--We would like for Rose's books to be published and distributed at her request.  
\--We would like for Dave's raps and/or comics to be distributed at his request.  
\--We would like for Dave to be allowed to practice with a sword for exercise, or failing that, for there to be some sort of large obstacle course.  
_

**== > Jade: Cleverly avoid completing your request list**

When Is-at checked in with you guys, he mentioned having reminded Ap-ut to give them time to complete their requests -- implying Ap-ut _needed reminding_. If he's still on his weird guardian thing, he probably _really_ wants to harass Dave about his Bro. (Ij-ok accidentally let slip to you and John once that Bro's behavior was considered abnormal given humans' intense-investment reproductive strategy, or something like that.)

"Also! We have… some questions about… ambient temperature, temperature variation, intensity of solar radiation or equivalent… chance and kind of precipitation… atmosphere, atmospheric disturbances as in wind or storms… and soil composition. Anything else?"

"Say we need to know it so we know what clothes to ask for," Rose suggests. "And plants, it would affect which plants you can… plant."

"What kinds of plants and animals are already there, or might get there," Dave adds. "They seem to keep the ship clear, but if it's anywhere on a planet there's going to be some cockroach equivalent."

John straightens. "Hey, what about the building materials? There might be something we could be allergic to!"

You don't know of any building materials you're allergic to, and you don't think John does either… but that just means the goblins will have to check. _All_ of them. "Excellent."

**== > Kanaya: Fret over the incompleteness of your list**

It's not _empty_. You worked on it for a while, and got a number of things written down, before Tavros came back with the news about the lusii and everyone became hopelessly distracted.

(You are very happy for Karkat, Eridan, Sollux, and Terezi, and very sad for Gamzee, and anything else you are feeling isn't worth mentioning. Except you wish they'd said they were sending people to Alternia for lusii. You… still can't decide if you would have asked them to collect the Matriorb you removed from your lusus's body.)

(You suppose you still could ask. They'll probably be on Alternia a lot in the future.)

Things have quieted down. Vriska still isn't back, but considering how long Gamzee's surgery and recovery took, it will be a while yet. Sollux no longer seems to be in danger of setting things on fire, though Aradia hasn't let him out of the pillow pit, either. Karkat has finished interrogating Tavros about his lusus's condition, processed the amount of distress Gamzee should be in, and dragged Eridan over to take charge of Iolanthe Alliss while he fusses over Gamzee. Tavros and Terezi are whispering about something over in the giant pile. You'd like to know what has such a sad look on Tavros's face, while Terezi is much less concerned, but it would be nosy to ask.

You clap your hands. "Does anyone else have anything that needs to be discussed before we resume work on the list?"

"Oh!" Aradia pops up out of the pillow pit. "About the dead pixie thing. This is great."

Sollux groans and sinks the rest of the way out of sight. "No it isn't."

"The Od-ut goblin was on a lot of pixie projects where all the subjects got killed, and it felt bad and tried to use a pixie _funerary rite_ , but it didn't realize it was designed to encourage the ghost to hang around, and then goblins are so ghost-blind they can't see ghosts even with the compressed bodies that are supposed to help do that."

"…Compressed bodies," Karkat repeats flatly.

"Yeah, they're in boxes. Now the Od-ut goblin wants to give the boxes with the bodies to us, so the dead pixies don't have to spend all their time with people who can't see or hear them. …Come to think of it, I should make sure Kerrit doesn't get left behind, either. They're going to bring them here after they do some more scans."

"So if the request list includes _squashed dead pixies_ , it's covered," Sollux adds helpfully.

You look down at the list. "That seems to have been left off somehow."

**== > Vriska: Have an anesthesia hangover**

Well, it might be the anesthesia, or it might be the… uh… the thing, the thing they did, with the… what was it… the _reason_ for the anesthesia. The psychic surgery! That's it. It might be aftereffects of psychic surgery.

Or your weird new… gobliny… eye… thing. It feels funny not having the hard implant there, but something--

Feferi pulls your hand away from your face. "Don't poke it."

"…What?"

"Don't poke your… eye."

…Oh. That kinda was what you were doing, isn't it? Trying to poke your weird gobliny eye with your weird gobliny hand. You start giggling.

"Shoald I be worried aboat this?" Feferi says. You giggle some more at the fish puns. No actually you hadn't stopped giggling from the other thing.

"I'm getting the feeling that being severely spacey is a normal side effect of psychic surgery," someone -- Megido -- says. "Worry if she doesn't stop in a few days."

Megido is messing with some weird box things, writing on them. You tilt your head sideways and squint your good eye. "Lay… tah…"

"Laytahree. I'll introduce you sometime your thinksponge is actually functioning."

That… doesn't make any sense to you, but whatever. You giggle. Feferi catches your hand en route to your face.

"I think we need that badass eyepatch soon."

"Ask Kanaya to ask them to expedite it. She'd be overjoyed someone's paying attention."

You look slowly around the communal block. Nepeta is fussing over Sweatquius's broken horn. Gamzee is asleep in the pillow pit with the pixie wiggler asleep in his hair. Fussyfangs is sitting at a table with Torea-- with Tavros, and gesticulating madly.

"Tavros looks like he's paying attention. Sea?"

"Absolutely not!" Kanaya says, and gets to her feet. "Under no circumstances are we requesting FLARPing gear!"

"I didn't say FLARP, I said role-playing games. They're not all dangerous."

"You said _live action_ role-playing games."

Funny how it's called live action role playing when there's so much dead action. Wait, does dead action have to mean zombies?

You wonder if Terezi would roleplay with you.

**== > Vriska: Further ponder games**

If you wanted to roleplay. You're not sure whether you want to roleplay, because it was almost always about feeding your mom, and now she's dead. Maybe you should learn to play cards. Or board games besides chess. You're pretty sure there are board games besides chess.

"Do you know any board games besides chess?" you ask Feferi. Aradia has gone over to join Tavros and Kanaya's argument.

"Whale…" She pulls your hand down again. "I, uh, used to play Service when I was reely little. Each player is assigned a random place on the hemospectrum, and the board goes through building your hive, growing up, conscription, service, and death, and you're supposed to collect achievements? And for your playing piece you have a little mock four-wheeled vehicle to put little plastic figures representing your quadrants as you filled them?"

That… actually sounds vaguely familiar, at least the little figures in the mock four-wheeled vehicle part. "Huh. I guess I must have… heard of it or something…"

"When I won, you tore the board in half," Equius says stiffly. Where'd he come from? "After you had to be prevented from cheating the entire game. And when you left to return to your own hive you stole the quadrant figures from my mock four-wheeled vehicle, and you yelled across that your lusus was eating my matesprit and moirail." He looms. "It was _not_. _Funny_."

Feferi stifles another glubby giggle. "No, I'm shore it wasn't funny at all for you, but my game was destroyed, too. I tried to play with Eridan eventually, but by that time I'd made up this whole different set of rules, how I'd want the Empire to be. And I must not have explained them very whale? Because he got frustrated and threw the whole board out his window, and since it was a seadweller set and they're weighted to be played underwater everyfin just went straight down into the rocks, and we never did find it all. Eridan offered -- oh."

"Oh what?" You're trying to remember playing the game with Equius, and you're getting a vague impression of a much smaller hive and construction drones outside. You wouldn't even have been feeding your lusus then.

"Oh, nothing, Eridan just, uh, offered to replace my matesprit. I didn't sea why, since lots of other figures were lost, too, but. Uh."

"That would be a furry strange way to express flushed feelings even for Eridan," Nepeta says dubiously.

You wait for Fishface to protest, but he… doesn't seem to be here at all. "Where is he, anyway?"

**== > Eridan: Face stern fatherly disapproval**

Honestly, you didn't even _remember_ playing around with that stupid list of spells you found online before he brought it up. "Dad, that is not -- magic _isn't real_! It doesn't matter what I did when I was _jokin around_ with the spells."

He startled the heck out of the goblin guards when he lifted out of the tank, and for a minute you were afraid they'd hurt him or something, but they just stood back and watched him straighten your hair, inspect your clothing, disapprove of the goblin anklet, and ask questions about stupid stuff you were doing _ages_ ago.

"Anyway, it wasn't a transportation spell, the fuckin alien goblins grabbed me, which you should have figured out by now." Now that you're thinking about it, you kinda remember it might've been something about getting out of the moirail zone? But you don't think that'll make your dad any less snarky at you. He was always full of unhelpful advice about dealing with Fef.

You need a new subject. "I've assumed guardianship of an alien wiggler. She likes me best," you announce. "And you can't stop me."

**== > Be Terezi Pyrope**

You would never admit it, and find it extremely unfair that the goblins can probably tell anyway, but the time for visiting your lusus runs longer than you really need. She's in an egg. You communicate best with her when you're asleep. You're too keyed up and not tired enough to try to nap in the crate. So you examine her egg thoroughly to make sure there's no damage, press your head against the shell and try to let her know _you're here_ , and then… try to look busy.

(You do kind of wonder how they handled getting her off the scales. Did they just take the entire scales at once, leaving the doomsday device alone? Was the device a dud? You ask your escort, but he doesn't know, and he seems really disturbed by the idea of there being a doomsday device just lying around not belonging to anyone.)

Eventually they herd you back. You get to walk next to Sollux and listen to him try to nonviolently curse at his neighbors, since Karkat is walking next to Eridan listening to him lament how his lusus just doesn't understand him.

In the communal block, Eridan makes a production of how much he missed Iolanthe Tinkergrape. She welcomes him with a cheerful "Fffffffffffffffffffffffk! Ffffuk!"

"Is she saying _fuck_?" Sollux asks.

Karkat scowls. "What the fuck, Eridan, how'd you manage to get your wiggler fucking swearing at you already?"

Eridan props the pixie on his shoulder and sticks his nose in the air. "That goblin said they hafta learn to talk, Kar, and would pick up words they _heard a lot_."

You cackle. Vriska -- apparently returned while you were gone -- starts giggling and doesn't stop. Feferi just sighs and pulls her hand away from her face, obviously not for the first time.

Vriska is too punchy from psychic surgery to object to you sticking your nose in her face to check out the goblin-made eye. It's not the same dead-lusus white as the arm, more a swirly blue-gray, but even from a few centimeters away you can't smell a difference between the iris and the sclera.

Vriska giggles some more, and tries to grab your nose.

"Terezi!" Tavros calls. "We need your opinion."

**== > Terezi: Weigh in on the FLARP debate**

Really you can see -- smell! -- both sides. Proper FLARP gear, with gaming flapstractions and stat bats and all the paraphernalia, can kill you just as dead as Eridan's desired rifles. It would take a lot more _planning_ , but it's still potentially deadly and there's no need to include all the wetware if you don't want to add the real danger of extreme role-playing. So Kanaya is completely justified in wanting to keep it off the list on 'makes us look bad' grounds, even if her real reason may be… well. The obvious.

Tavros just wants to confront the game that tried to steal his life. Since confronting the person who tried to steal his life isn't practical.

"I think," you say finally, "we can -- should -- ask for the rulebooks, but specify we aren't expecting game grubs to go with them. Even costumes, without weapons." You clap Tavros on the shoulder. "Keeping track of everything by hand will be a pain in the ass, but we can probably manage it for a round or two."

**== > Jade: Study… xenoecology?**

Af-in gives you a neat English booklet on the environmental details of your "unit", one of his extremely rehearsed winks, and a goblin-language booklet on the planetoid as a whole. You toss the latter to Rose, elude any attempts on the former, and hop into the middle of the giant couch. All right!

"The 'unit' is a… geological basin with a partial dome," you begin. Considering the space elevator on the map you saw earlier, it had better be _partial_. "The dome is going to support an artificial light source which will maintain an Earth circadian rhythm. The planet naturally has low solar intensity and near-constant cloudcover." Damn, that'll make astronomy difficult.

"Also its days are really long," Rose says, frowning over the goblin-language booklet. "Approximately three hundred standardized tides."

You do the math. "Over six months." Interesting. "I assumed these temperature fluctuations were axial tilt, but I guess they could be a day-night thing. Without the light source or any other heating, the basin temperature would range from five to fifteen degrees, so cool but livable--"

"Livable," Dave repeats flatly. "That does not sound livable to me."

It takes you a minute to get it. "Five to fifteen _Celsius_."

"Hey, wait a minute," John says before you can continue. "If three of us are used to Fahrenheit -- right, Rose? If three of us use Fahrenheit, why did the goblins put it in Celsius?"

"Not… exactly," Rose says. "I switched back and forth a lot. Whenever an appliance had multiple settings, I would change it to Celsius because my mother was too inebriated to comprehend multiple measurement systems and would be used to the more nominally scientific system from her place of employment. Then she would change it back to Fahrenheit to imply I was too stupid to understand the Celsius."

You have never had any idea what the hell is up with Rose and her mom.

"Anyway, five to fifteen is about forty to sixty Fahrenheit," Rose says.

"Right. And they expect it to shift up about five -- ten -- degrees with the light source and people living there and power generation and whatever."

John nods. "Fifty to seventy. Not bad. We should probably ask for an indoor pool, though!"

"Wait, did we ask for a pool?"

"No reason we can't."

You frown. "There's already going to be a fake ocean, though -- the trolls were talking about it…" You page quickly through the booklet. "…Yeah, I think ask for the pool. I'm not sure how Alternian-chemistry seawater is different from Earth-chemistry seawater, but I think I want to see the Alternian sea _life_ from a boat." You blink. "Duh, we need a boat!"

**== > Equius: Be introduced to a dead alien**

…

You have no wish to be introduced to any dead aliens. Living aliens are difficult enough to deal with. But everyone is either lining up to meet dead aliens or working on the list, and you made all your requests yesterday, before the FLARP argument broke out. (All your requests were allowed on the list, although Maryam advised you -- unnecessarily -- not to be surprised if the goblins refused to give you machine tools or other robotics materials.) You tried to help Nepeta choose what to request in terms of prey animals for her lusus -- surely you should make it clear the goblins should leave the noble musclebeasts in peace -- but she got frustrated and chased you off.

"You need something to do," she whispered. "They have something to do. Just -- purromise me you won't be creepy at Aradia?"

"I -- what?"

"I know you ship the two of you really hard and you would be cute togefur, but she _doesn't_ ship you, and it makes her uncomfurtable when you stand too claws or -- uh -- try to flirt--"

"I do not flirt," you say.

It comes out a little louder than you intended it to. Maryam pauses mid-sentence. Serket looks over her shoulder at you. Ampora scoffs, "Not by normal people's understandin--" before Vantas cuts him off with a gesture.

You're not supposed to have an opinion about the propriety of that.

You're going to be so relieved to be somewhere where you can get some modicum of privacy, for so many reasons.

**== > Equius: Go get introduced to a dead alien, and don't creepily flirt**

"Okay. Pixies!" Aradia says. "Touch the box, you can see and hear the associated pixie, let go and you can't. They aren't all here right now. Apparently Medeesee and Rodanah are off somewhere attempting to hash out their differences. Personally I'm not hopeful. Gamzee, you want to try talking to Rodanee?"

"Sure, spookysis." Makara accepts the box, and blinks, wide-eyed. "Whoa. Hi there."

"Terezi, you might like talking to Soranay and Soranoh -- over there -- but if they're both present you can't talk to one without talking to both, so maybe you could get started with… hmm, Megohlay?"

Pyrope accepts the offered box and inhales deeply. "Hmm… cotton candy pink, very nice."

…How can she _smell_ a _ghost_?

…Never mind, you don't want to know.

"Hey AA, you might want to get over here unless you want me trying to decorate your respiteblock!" Captor calls.

"Almost done," Aradia calls back. "Have you requested the website with the Karkat-breaking porn yet?"

Captor snickers, and Vantas swears at both of them.

"Anyway, Eridan," Aradia continues, "you probably want to talk to Talohkay about all the stuff Iolanthe will need to develop properly." She toes a box in his direction, then actually picks it up and hands it to him after noting he's holding Iolanthe. "If you two can't stand each other, we'll try you with Shedemee. Until then… Equius had better start with Shedemee." She slides another box towards you. "And I will be right over there."

You gingerly pick the box up.

 _"--a feeling I am getting all the difficult trolls?"_ says the transluscent purple pixie balancing on the edge of a crate in the giant pile. It pauses. _"Medeesee's not_ that _bad."_ Then it turns to look at you. _"Hi, Equius! I'm Shedemee. My dam was Shedareh, and she named my sire as Lehneetah. I know all about you already, because we've been watching you for ages. Why are you so sweaty? The goblins did medical tests, but I didn't understand what they meant. Do you have to drink more than everyone else? Do you pee less?"_ It pauses again. _"Really? Huh. Ippix thinks that was a socially inappropriate question?"_

**== > John: Contemplate Space Needle**

Not _actually_ the Space Needle, of course. Or really, it's more of a space needle than the Space Needle, because while it doesn't get out of the atmosphere it does go above the clouds, and being quite a bit taller and no broader makes it even more needle-like. Well, maybe more of a pin, with the tiny globe of the observatory as the pin-head.

"I don't know, Jade, it really doesn't look safe." You try to push it to see if it wobbles, but it's a hologram so of course you can't. It just keeps looming intangibly over the comparatively tiny shapes of the other buildings below.

Jade is still all but bouncing in glee. "John, come on! Alien stargazing! I'm sure the goblin engineers know what they're doing, what do you think is going to happen to it?"

"A light breeze at the top? Low-flying spaceship? Anything resembling an earthquake?"

"I'm sure if they're letting us in it, they've designed it to deal with anything that might happen. Although I guess that could mean it bends, and I can see how that might not be fun."

"Hmm." You're still not convinced. It does look like an awesome place to use a telescope, you're not arguing with that, it's just -- _really_ tall and skinny.

"Enough about the observatory," Dave says, fiddling with the control tablet for the projector. "Rose, how do you work the zoom on this thing? Never mind, I got it."

There's an abrupt, dizzying pan-and-zoom in the hologram as Dave overdoes it, and suddenly you're zoomed all the way in to somebody's bathroom. Specifically their toilet.

You're still snickering about that when the trolls finally show up in the joint block, after keeping to themselves for _days_. Some of the trolls. Karkat, Gamzee, Vriska, Feferi, and… Nepeta and Equius, you think. Maybe they're coming in shifts?

**== > John: Greet trolls**

Before you can, Karkat greets you with a hearty, "Why are you all laughing at a glowing load gaper?"

"Zoom accident," Dave says grimly, zooming out in fits and starts.

"It's a holographic map of our… future home," Rose says, and with the translator intermediary the trolls probably didn't even notice the pause.

"Oooohhh," Feferi says. "Can you see ours?"

"Yeah, I think-- Um."

Vriska, following Feferi, is up an eye and an arm since you saw her last. A _really weird_ eye and arm.

Karkat has no trouble at all telling what got your attention. "Fucking _goblins_ ," he says. "Apparently the arm is technically a symbiotic animal they grafted on! We're trying to be grateful they didn't go with some sort of horrorterror tentacle."

**== > Feferi: Reely?**

You haven't noticed Karkat trying to be grateful for anything about Vriska's arm, except possibly for her not doing anything harmful to anyone with it -- you can all be grateful for that. You're also grateful it hasn't, like, fallen off and tried to crawl away or something.

"Good thing you're back, we're coming up on big architecture decisions," Dave says, adjusting the size and orientation of the holographic image. "Where've you been? Was there a problem?"

Karkat snorts. "Between the goblins interrupting for a billion incomprehensible fucking goblin reasons, the goblins interrupting to do us a favor for once in our miserable existences, and our general incompetence, Kanaya decided we needed to focus on our individual request list."

"We fin-ished," you add, in case it wasn't obvious. "Finally. I'm shore you fin-ished ages ago." There are only four of them, and they all seem to get along pretty well.

"Uh… no, actually." John scrunches up his face and rubs the back of his neck. "We've kinda been… uh… taking our time. You know the Ap-ut goblin we mentioned? He wants to, uh…"

Rose takes over. "Ap-ut has decided this is a good time to harass us about our guardians."

You don't try to hide your wince. (Vriska does try, but doesn't succeed at _all_. You don't see Equius and Nepeta's reactions, but Karkat gives Gamzee a worried look. Gamzee just looks… vague.)

Rose continues, "But it's not allowed to distract us from working on our _retirement_ plans, so we're… proceeding slowly."

"Oh," Karkat says, scowling. " _It_. We've had a few encounters with that fucking brain-eating squidbulge, too."

"Only some? Maybe he's not interested in trolls much. That would be good, wouldn't it?" Jade adds, "We're worried that Ap-ut might get really out of control if he ever gets his own group of troll subjects."

…No kidding. Karkat's one of the trolls the goblins like more, and he still ended up forced to climb into a mindfuckacoon. Not even Tavros could find anything good to say about the Ap-ut goblin. If it isn't satisfied with the peaceful, cooperative humans… "I hope it doesn't end up schoolfeeding trolls. I think that would… that wouldn't be good. Do you know if that's likely?"

"No idea. Not like he'd tell us, either, and I don't think the others will think it's their place to say what Ap-ut's planning on."

Karkat scowls harder. " _Goblins._ "

Equius clears his throat awkwardly. "Ah, Vantas… Heiress… couldn't Aradia ask the dead…?"

Oh. Of course. You award Equius a bright smile. "Good idea!"

"…Dead?" John says.

**== > Eridan: Attend to your pixie wiggler's vital developmental needs**

Your assigned pixie ghost, Talohkay or something, explained it all earlier. _"I didn't realize it was so important then, it was just something everyone did, but it turns out if you don't do it the nestling will grow up like Ippix."_ He paused, and looked off to the side. _"No offense."_

(At this point Aradia broke off from the request-list-making to come offer you Ippix's box, too, in case you wanted to hear both sides of the conversation. You declined.)

So: It is _absolutely vital_ that Lanthy Redina be lifted telekinetically. Which means you need to get help from one of the psionics, so you had to wait until the request list was completely done because they were some of the last people working on it.

You don't think it would have killed Aradia to offer, since she heard Tal just as well as you did, but she makes you ask. Then she makes Sol do it. He is so moirail-whipped.

**== > Eridan: Don't say that out loud**

Course not. You're not _stupid_ or anything. Megido's scary. Besides, Kar and Gam have gone off to talk to the humans, but Kan is still here, and she'd be all _disappointed_ at you, and then you'd have to explain to Kar. Ugh.

You did make Sol demonstrate his supposed fine control first. You had the idea of a glass of water without spilling it, but--

 _"That's really not necessary,"_ Tal the pixie ghost broke in. _"We can handle being turned upside down, or we wouldn't live very long. Just don't smash her into things and it'll be fine."_

You guess that makes sense. Lanthy wouldn't have survived very long in that sack if she were that delicate. (You hope she doesn't remember the sack. That was just _nasty_.)

Sol doesn't smash the box into anything _or_ turn it upside down, so you reluctantly hold out Lanthy. Sol lofts her up -- just a little, really, only to about eye level -- and holds her steady.

**== > Miracle Wizard Princess Iolanthe Redina Alliss Jibsail Tinkergrape Peaseblossom Jockowillie Hunter Fishbait Casey le Fay von Booty: What the hell?**

You're not touching the floor, or Eridam, or anything at all! It's very confusing. But at the same time, it's not confusing at all, and something clicks and you know what to do.

**== > Eridan: Wait**

You don't have to wait very long. Lanthy's been up in the air for less than a minute when her little wings start to uncurl.

 _"There you go,"_ Tal says. _"Give it a minute longer and the propulsion will kick in."_

"Is that what's supposed to happen?" Kan asks at your shoulder, making you jump.

"Warn a guy, would you? I think so…"

The wings stretch out, and sort of half-flap, and then she floats the half-meter to run into your face, and you have pixie-wiggler footprints on your glasses again.

"Should I keep levitating her?" Sol asks. "She's got most of her weight on ED--"

 _"Stop now, sure, some more sessions later would be good. This was the critical one, though."_ Tal winces. _"Sorry, Ippix."_

"Yes, you can stop," Aradia relays.

"Be ready to catch her," Kan starts.

"I _am_ ready to catch her, what do you think I am--"

Lanthy has too good a grip on your horns for you to need to catch her when the levitating stops, but she does kick your glasses off. "Ffffffffffuk!"

You peel her off your face. "Lanthy, that is not appropriate language for wigglers."

"Fffukfukfuk!"

"Aradia!" The corrupter of young minds himself appears from the corridor to the meet-the-humans block. "We need you to come explain to the humans about ghosts."

**== > Rose: Learn about ghosts**

Your explanation of what you know to start with doesn't go very well. You start to explain the folklore and mythology of ghosts, Jade starts to explain the (lack of) scientific evidence for ghosts, John starts to explain the premise of _Ghostbusters_ (without actually mentioning that it's fictional), and Dave skips straight to asking what the trolls think about ghosts. Aradia, summoned from the other room as an apparent ghost expert, listens with raised eyebrows until John starts singing the theme song.

"Oh, fiction," she says. "That explains it. Here, let's see if these work for you." She holds out a box with what must be troll writing on it.

You gingerly accept. "What is--"

 _"--human! Hi human! Hi human! Hi human!"_ A translucent yellow-green pixie is jumping up and down on top of the holoprojector. _"Fiiiiiiinally, I thought no one was eeeeeeeeeeeever going to pick us up! Oooooohhhh, get 'Roh, get 'Roh, come on, get 'Roh!"_

"…Hi."

"That's Laytahree," Aradia says. "Most of them aren't quite that… that."

"What is it? Are you seeing a ghost?" John asks eagerly. He and Jade both grab for the box. You stop seeing the yellow-green ghost as soon as you lose contact, but John and Jade's eyes are both tracking something bouncing all over the room.

"Okay, so those work for you," Aradia says. "They don't work for goblins at all. They're completely blind to the supernatural, it's kind of weird. It seems like humans, pixies, and most trolls can see ghosts with the box…"

"What is the box, anyway?" you ask.

"Fucking squashed dead pixie," Karkat says.

John lets go of the box abruptly, which lets Dave get a hand on it. His eyebrows go up.

"The pixies do it a lot, apparently," Aradia says, shrugging. "I can commune with the dead without external aid. It's one of my gifts."

Jade and Dave both duck, and Jade rolls her eyes and lets go of the box. "What was that? I was kind of distracted."

Before Aradia can repeat herself, Karkat breaks in. "As fucking fascinating as this is, maybe we could get to the _point_? Can you ask your entourage if any of them know if the Ap-ut is planning to get its perverted tentacles on any more unlucky troll saps in the future?"

"Hmm, I'll check." She half-turns away. "This'll take a minute. Good idea, though."

At the back of the cluster of trolls, Nepeta silently pulls out a towel and hands it to Equius.

**== > Aradia: Check**

Kerrit appears in jeans and a t-shirt with her sign on it. She still has open, oozing wounds at the biowire entry points, but overall it's a good sign. (You think. It's not like dead helmsmen were thick on the ground on Alternia.)

(It's a strange feeling, knowing you're never going to have to worry about real live helmsmen, about your moirail smothered by biowires. About whether _you_ would make the cut and be grafted into a spaceship, or fail to make the cut and live out a brief, mindless career at the bottom of the Fleet's hierarchy of killers -- and trying to decide which would be worse, not that it would matter what you thought. You're not going to say you're _grateful_ to the goblins, because they're everything Karkat calls them and more, but all things considered this may not turn out badly for you personally.)

Medeesee and Rodanah manifest at the same time, keeping Kerrit between them -- you guess they haven't made up. (If they were trolls you'd say they were blackflirting, but they're frustrated enough you think whatever they're doing, it's not going well.)

 _"Yes?"_ Medeesee says, politely.

"I was wondering if any of you know -- or could find out -- what the goblin Ap-ut's future plans are."

 _"No, but I bet they do,"_ Kerrit says, indicating the pixies. _"They've been doing their arguing around the goblins to see what they're up to."_

 _"Ap-ut's the Evaluator with the achievement bracelet everyone avoids, right?"_ Medeesee asks.

Rodanah snickers. _"In the immediate future, it plans on more whining to its neighbors-by-uncontested-boundaries--"_

 _"The goblin word is_ friends _, Rodanah."_

 _"Considering who you're talking about, I think the word is_ co-workers _,"_ Kerrit puts in. Medeesee frowns, then shrugs.

 _"It has been and probably will be whining to_ other goblins _about its leader telling the second round of troll education not to take it."_

 _"Od-ut was de-recommended, too,"_ Medeesee adds. _"The leader thinks she might be best off as a supervisor for your project retirement."_

You're… not sure how you feel about that.

Anything but _calm and relaxed_ , you guess.

 _"Anyway,_ Ap _-ut also said it's applying for educator-evaluator status, so it will be able to diagnose problems and treat them unilaterally without interference."_

Well.

"Is it… likely to get that status?" Something of what you're feeling must have gotten into your tone of voice, because suddenly there's a lot more attention on you instead of the-humans-meet-the-Laytahs.

The pixies shrug in unison. Then they glare at each other.

**== > Nepeta: Consider architecture and animal behavior**

You eventually get back to the architecture and building planning subject, although the humans keep distracting themselves picking up the pixie boxes and you're pretty sure Karkat and Feferi are still worried about what the Ap-ut goblin might do to other trolls. For your part, you're not happy about the prospect of other trolls being harassed and tormented by the Worst Goblin, but you're not stressing about it, either. It's in no way your problem. Figuring out how to make a block in a big communal hive feel as homey as a nice cave, that's your problem. Or a couple blocks.

It's a huge floor plan, but you guess it has to be, with not only twelve trolls but eight (counting the egg) lusii. Assuming the lusii are allowed inside, and if so _where_ inside, which is a bit of a sticking point.

Most of the lusii, anyway. No one has a problem with Tinkerbull going wherever, Terezi's will presumably sit quietly in a block somewhere, and no one thinks Sollux's lusus should be inside. (There is some dispute over whether Sollux's lusus should be chained up or free-roaming, but that's just Sollux on both sides. As far as you can tell he's worried his lusus might accidentally drown himself.) You have to discuss all the others, even Aurthour, who is probably the best-behaved lusus you have ever heard of.

"Just -- make sure he knows he's not in charge of the communal areas," Aradia says. "Or of any of us."

Then Tavros and Sollux want Aradia to make sure Kangarammom doesn't 'do her deranged hyper-inertial bounce orb imitation' where there's anything breakable or easily disrupted, like the nutritionblock.

"She's not _that_ bad."

"Not, uh, often, but sometimes, er, when she gets very, excited…"

"Yeah, I seem to recall you trying to keep your finds away from her after the smashed tablet incident…"

"Okay, fine."

That leaves Pounce, Karkat's Crabdad, and Eridan's Seahorsedad to argue about.

"Pounce is the big cat with two mouths, right?" Jade asks. "She is _very_ cute, but we'd probably be more comfortable with, uh, _without_ any risk of her… dropping out of ducts onto us."

Oh, right, that happened.

"I don't think anyone should be in the ducts," Equius says. "We might break something."

There's a slightly awkward pause, but no one points out that Equius is probably most likely to break something.

"Does that settle it?" you ask, hopefully.

Terezi raises a hand. "Not quite! Sorry." She prods Tavros.

Ah. "The purroblem is that Pounce is a huntress, right?" you ask. "Because she is a very nimble kitty and never makes a mess by accident." On purpose, occasionally, but not by accident.

"Well, yes, it makes Tink nervous, and also, my allergies?" Tavros says. "Except, the goblins said they got rid of those?"

Right, you always forget about those, and you want to cringe every time you're reminded. Being allergic to cats must be the worst thing in the _world_. "Well, if they really did, then Pounce can just stay out of the communal areas when I'm not there. She'll den in my block, and fur her roaming outside is best anyway."

There's a round of shrugs, and Kanaya nods and makes a note. "So we need them to include direct access from Nepeta's personal block -- er, blocks, I think -- to the outside."

Karkat screws up his face. "That might be the best option for me, too. Dad can… it's not that he's clumsy, he just sometimes… gestures when he's agitated, and if a block's not big enough… He'd probably feel awkward in an enclosed space with strange trolls anyway."

"That's settled, then." Kanaya looks relieved.

"Ah, a question," Rose says, pointedly setting down the pixie box. "Can you more precisely define what a lusus is?" You hear her say the troll word. "They translate it as _childhood guardian_ , but when you talk about your lusii most of you sound like you're talking about companion animals, which… doesn't completely make sense to us."

"Unless you all grew up like Jade," Dave adds.

"Hey, I had Grandpa."

"Your _grandpa_ was dead, Jade, he doesn't count."

"Yeah, well, at least there were no puppets involved anywhere in my upbringing."

" _Low._ "

"Uh… well…" Kanaya looks a little lost. "They… are? What are your childhood guardians?"

"Most humans are raised by their _parents_." The single word gets translated as _immediate biological progenitors_.

"Lots of animals do that," you volunteer. "Not trolls, though."

Kanaya opens her mouth, but Karkat jumps in before she can elaborate on troll biology. "We're raised by lusii, they find us when we're little, they're animals, some are better-- They vary a lot. That cover it?"

"…More or less," Rose says. "I suppose we don't need to cover it all now. Just, can we have veto power on any animals larger than us entering the shared areas?"

"Absolutely."

Jade sighs gustily. "All this really makes me wish Bec was here."

**== > Vriska: Interrupt**

You don't even know if you're interrupting, you're not paying any attention to whatever those losers -- no, whatever your _friends_ , shouldn't think of them as losers -- anyway, whatever they're doing. Nope. Nothing to do with you, no reason to listen. You're busy trying to navigate the zoom and pan on the holographic projection. You've found a common nutritionblock, communal blocks, laundry facilities…

"Hey, is this supposed to be a pillow pit?"

Well, whatever they were doing, that definitely interrupted it.

**== > Yn-yk: Indulge**

You really ought to be conferring with the ship operators over how much longer it will take to access the placement location, or else reading the summary of the latest highblood neurological observations, but you're going to take just a few minutes for this. This is a good time for it; they've just finished a meeting with the trolls, after the trolls became somewhat agitated about one of the placement's proposed features.

Last time you spoke to the humans you inadvertently terrified them with the project retirement announcement. You hope this will make up for it at least a little.

They're wary when you arrive, and you don't think delaying will make them any less wary, so you get to the point. "I have some additional information for you to consider when making requests," you announce. More precisely, you're _clarifying_ information they could probably eventually puzzle out from the supplementary material Af-in 'slipped' them, but the technical descriptions can be confusing even to a native Ottrian speaker. "It pertains specifically to you, JADE."

"Oh?"

You smile. "Your companion animal Becquerel is on the placement planetoid. He is difficult to relocate, but based on his past behavior we expect he will at least frequently visit your basin. You may wish to consider his possible interaction with the trolls' lusii."

You have to leave immediately, but you savor JADE's burst of joy for hours.

**== > Jade: Rejoice**

Bec. Gardens and a tower and telescopes and your friends and your new friends and Bec (and a giant two-mouthed cat, and that's going to be interesting) and _Bec_.

**== > Jade: Guilt**

…and your friends and their stolen lives and families and _futures_. (There are a lot of things you won't get to try, either, but nothing concrete.) And you can and will try to comfort them, but _nothing_ you can do will fix it.

There might be something you can do to protect countless future troll kids from Ap-ut's attentions, though.


	5. AGENCY

**== > Rose: Suppress your envy**

You're not feeling any envy. End of discussion.

**== > Rose: Fine, repress your envy**

_End of discussion._

"The more time we spend with the trolls, the weirder their planet seems," you remark, which is a slight non sequitur, but you all fell into an awkward silence after expressing your happiness for Jade.

"No shit," Dave agrees. "I mean, I get how an animal guardian could _protect_ a kid. But what about, you know. Diaper changes. Learning to talk."

You can only shrug. You aren't as incredulous about the whole thing as you would be if you didn't know Jade, but Jade did have her grandpa when she was _really_ little.

"I guess they develop differently?" John offers.

"Their breeding's certainly _different_ enough," Dave mutters.

You raise your eyebrows. "Yes, Dave, we know you were traumatized by hearing about the alien space insect sex shenanigans."

John snickers, but Jade doesn't seem to be paying attention, frowning into the middle distance despite her joy minutes ago. You lean over to nudge her elbow. "Jade? Something up?"

"Maybe," she says. "…Hopefully. I'm thinking there has to be-- Okay, Ap-ut got, uh, de-recommended because Yn-yk isn't impressed at all, because he's too pushy and self-righteous and… whatever. Ap-ut does stuff that gets him in trouble with Yn-yk."

"Yeah…" John agrees.

She nods, expression intent. "Don't you think there have to be things an Evaluator would get fired for doing? Things that would get Ap-ut in trouble with _everyone_ , not just Yn-yk?"

You see where she's going with this, you think. "Yes, of course. Knowing goblins, it'd probably be sent off to a reeducation camp or something."

"What kinds of things?" Dave asks, but then answers his own question. "Probably anything they get offended over us implying they're going to do." He is pretty much the expert at pissing off goblins by insinuating terrible things. (You mostly reframe what they're doing in ways that make it clear how horrible it is, but since you stick to the literal truth, they mostly get uncomfortable rather than offended. Except Ap-ut. Ap-ut gets displeased.)

"Orders, too?" John suggests. "Disobeying them. I mean, they loophole them a lot and slither around the edges, but… Anyway, why?"

Jade leans forward. "I want to goad Ap-ut into doing something to get fired. Otherwise he's going to end up in charge of some really unlucky troll kids."

You think this over for a minute. "I'm in."

**== > John: Consider your options**

Well. You can try to talk Jade and Rose out of this by coming up with possible negative consequences they've almost certainly thought of themselves, or you can join in and help try to save an untold number of troll kids from being drugged, psychic surgery'd, and stuffed into sensory deprivation tanks until they're middle-aged. "Anything I can do to help."

Dave groans. "This is simultaneously the best and worst idea you've ever had, Harley. By all means, let's piss off the alien who wants to do unpleasant shit to us into doing even unpleasanter shit to us, for the sake of _hypothetical_ future troll subjects we'll never meet who might even deserve it, for all we know." He returns your fist bump in a lackluster fashion.

Jade beams. "Excellent! So how have we displeased Ap-ut -- besides being insufficiently emotionally transparent?"

"Thinking loudly?" Rose suggests.

"The whoopee cushion seemed to get him pretty mad," Dave offers. "Got any more, John? Wherever you got it to begin with?"

"It started out some sort of glove-equivalent in the medical area, and no, I only got the one," you admit. "But you're right, he didn't seem to like being laughed at _at all_." You rub your hands together gleefully. "In fact, this looks like a job for the Pranking Master."

Dave groans.

**== > Dave: Still be shooting down terrible ideas the following morning (or equivalent)**

"No, I _don't_ think you can make fake arms out of my sock puppets! What would you even do with fake arms?"

"Something _hilarious_ ," John says firmly.

"Tie them to our clothes to imitate a six-limbed goblin?" Jade offers. "That might insult him."

Rose just smirks.

**== > Od-ut: Be a disgusting voyeur**

The trolls are in the 'pillow pit' having another 'pale orgy'. This wasn't quite what you meant when you said they need to calm each other, but it seems to work well, so you are not going to complain.

"Do not be concerned if they _stop_ doing this, as a group," Er-ys says. It's briefing you on what to expect when the full team is pulled to deal with more trolls and you're left at -- above -- the placement location with a small monitoring/handling crew. They may send some fresh-from-training Evaluators to help keep an eye on things, but it's good to get input from an _experienced_ Evaluator while you can. Even if so far it hasn't said much you didn't more or less already know.

"The small groups should be maintained, right?"

"Ideally, yes." Er-ys is slightly wary about that. "If not, you may have problems with VRISKA and ERIDAN. You will want to watch VRISKA closely in any event. We motivated her to attempt self-control, the other trolls provided positive reinforcement to encourage socially benign behavior, and her capacity for higher emotions has improved -- but it would take much longer to fully analyze her behavioral pathology and remedy her malignant socialization."

And remediation of malignant socialization can be very difficult. You've worked on it enough with pixies. And you do not want to discuss that.

"If she begins to destabilize the group dynamic, and her motivation has not improved in isolation, tell her, in person, that her behavior must improve. It is not an ideal solution -- it will be interpreted as a threat of nonconsensual conciliatory intimacy -- so let them handle her themselves if they can."

And if that doesn't work, she will have to be isolated indefinitely. "And ERIDAN?"

"I believe ERIDAN should be stable for now, but watch him closely when any of the others begin pursuing concupiscent relationships."

You take a moment together to be glad you don't suffer from a long-term reproductive drive. You don't know how some species get _anything_ done.

"Apart from those risk points, hold back when you can," Er-ys says. "They will try to find loopholes and bend the rules. Let them. Try not to intervene unless there is imminent danger of harm. Let them think you don't know."

You're confused. Aren't you usually supposed to cultivate an aura of goblin infallibility? Not that you've ever been very good at that…

"That's for subjects we are trying to educate. This is for subjects being held indefinitely whose psychological health will be improved with an impression of agency. It's the same reason we aren't shutting down the humans' plan to entrap Ap-ut."

"The humans' _what_?"

**== > Rose: Quick, try to finish your list**

If you're going to goad Ap-ut, you're going to have to have contact with Ap-ut, and that means finishing your request list.

_\--We would like cooking and baking supplies, restocked as necessary, as similar as possible to those used on Earth (or actually from Earth if possible)._  
 _\--We would like as many Earth plants as possible for Jade's garden._  
 _\--We would like a trampoline._

Some requests take a little more thought than others.

_\--We would like [several lines heavily scribbled out] any necessary supplies should we choose to become sexually active._

And some, well…

_\--We would like for John's father to be told that he's all right. We know you won't, but John's dad is probably really worried, so we have to ask. Also Dave's brother._

Well…

_And Rose's mother._

**== > Od-ut: Spend your off time productively**

You're not officially required to given your new assignment, but you think it's still a good idea to study troll culture some more, so you have Alternian media to review -- more precisely, reviews of Alternian media to review. You've never run into it before -- pixies seldom have enough of a community to produce anything -- but you know the procedure. Any deliberately produced video gets run past a Media Analysis Specialist Team of non-goblins who won't get distracted by the lack of ambient emotion. Word is the best place to study your media review is Recreation Chamber Zeta-4.

As it turns out, Op-ys, Af-in, and two trainees have taken over the chamber to pin booklets to all the walls, with strings connecting related points. Electronic cross-referencing would be much tidier -- but sometimes when you're trying to learn a lot in a short amount of time, it's easier to have something tangible.

You linger in the doorway and ponder if you can join the studying. Af-in assents, with a verbal caveat: "As long as you don't have any dehydrated cadavers with you."

You are never going to live that down.

"It's color-coded," Af-in says of the material. "The specialist team flagged outright Imperial propaganda with fuchsia, and outright incitement to revolt with bright red; everything else is in between."

According to the troll hemospectrum, of course. Someone on the specialist team must have thought themselves very clever. "Is it sorted by homeworld/Fleet?"

"Mostly," Op-ys says, "there's some overlap. Here, start with this, it's from a report on the recent events in ongoing video broadcast programs."

On the subject of recent events, Af-in asks, "Anything of interest with the subjects?"

Yes, yes there is. "The humans have decided they want to bait Ap-ut into doing something unacceptable to one of them, so it will not be put in charge of any future troll projects, where it could presumably do even more harm." When your colleagues both notice your spark of guilt, you add, "They are blaming Ap-ut for the aftereffects of my extreme-stress pacification technique."

"That sounds… very foolish of them," Op-ys says.

You agree. "However, Evaluator Er-ys says that it doesn't matter if they are deliberately trying to goad it, Ap-ut _should_ not react in an unacceptable way, and since it will not, they should be permitted to proceed to make them feel like they are accomplishing something."

"And nothing to do with how Er-ys feels about Ap-ut being goaded."

"No, it admitted that."

"It's right," Op-ys says. "And it's right to think the plan will not work." At your inquiry, it continues, "I am not an Evaluator, but Ap-ut believes it is being goaded all the time."

Af-in strongly objects. "How can it believe it is being goaded all the time when it is an _Evaluator_? It should be able to tell others are being sincere."

"It could be _sincerely_ goaded," you offer. Really it wouldn't surprise you if most people getting in Ap-ut's way feel very sincere about it."

Op-ys isn't sure. "I had some of this from another Evaluator, but if you pay attention some time Ap-ut is being _indisputably_ goaded, you'll feel it's about the same as when it interacts with anyone. It thinks it's always being goaded. It handles it. It doesn't do disallowed things because it's angry, it does unreasonable things because it thinks it knows better than everyone else. So the humans may annoy Ap-ut, but it won't do anything to get it trouble."

Af-in feels that's a good thing, and elaborates, "I like the humans. I don't want them to be subject to what Ap-ut would have to do to face major disciplinary consequences. Unauthorized psychic surgery is probably the least bad thing which would do it."

"If Er-ys thought there was any chance of their eliciting such a reaction, I believe it would put a stop to it," you say. "But I share the humans' concern for trolls that may be placed in Ap-ut's supervision."

**== > Dave: Try to elicit a reaction meriting major disciplinary consequences**

And _of course_ Ap-ut still wants to grill you about Bro.

You're not complaining, though. If he's after you, he's not after Jade or John or Rose. If you get him good enough, get him to go after you bad enough, he might never have a chance to go after them again. It's a small price.

"Tell me about your first introduction to the bladed weapons called swords," Ap-ut says.

_Again_? Good thing your goal today isn't to cooperate. "I literally cannot think of a single thing to say about that I haven't already told at least one of you. Go read someone else's notes. Assuming someone somewhere actually likes you enough to let you read their notes."

"That is very disrespectful--"

"You could be a new meme. The Forever Alone Alien." You pause briefly, but not long enough to let Ap-ut get started again. "Saaaaay, that's not why you keep getting all pushy-close with us helpless little subjects, is it?"

"You--"

It goes against all your carefully cultivated instincts to _deliberately_ make a goblin mad. "So, I've been thinking about trying to make you a smuppet as a goodbye present. Something to keep you from fading away into nothing pining for our company."

You keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and _pushing_ \--

And you end up in a tank just like you would have if you'd been emotionally dishonest answering the asshole's nosy questions. It'll probably be for longer, though.

Dammit.

**== > Aradia: Get interrupted in the ablution shower**

You got over any problems with ghosts seeing you naked a long time ago (unless they make an issue of it, in which case you can always banish them with prejudice). You're in the middle of washing your hair when Rodanah appears, bouncing up and down on her toes, wings half-raised.

_"Good, you're awake. I -- wow, that looks like a lot of trouble. Don't you get mats in it?"_

"That's what regular brushing is for." You're careful around the base of the horn where the implant went in, but everything seems to have healed up perfectly. "I'm sure I've seen some pixies with longer hair, how do they manage it?"

_"Uh… a lot of the time they get mats in it."_ Rodanah bounces again. _"Anyway, I came for a reason -- I need you to lend my box to the humans. They're probably fed up with the Laytahs by now anyway."_

"I'm sure they are, but since when are you eager to meet the humans?"

Rodanah looks shifty. _"That's… it's complicated, it's about something going on with them. And you shouldn't say it out loud, or the goblins will hear."_

Oh, this _does_ sound interesting. "Really?" You start rinsing out the detergent.

_"…You're going to make me tell you, aren't you."_

"Yep."

_"Oooooohhh,_ fine _. There's something important they need to know to try to keep the Ap-ut goblin from getting put in charge of troll subjects and doing something awful to them, and they don't know, so what they're doing won't work."_ Rodanah's wings are actually flapping a bit now. _"But_ I _know, so I can tell them what they need to know, but if Od-ut or the others find out they know, they'll stop them from doing anything."_

_"Yes, to_ protect _them,"_ Medeesee says, fading in. _"Even if -- oh, never mind."_ He fades out again.

You shut off the water and reach for a towel. "All right, I guess that's something they should get to decide themselves. I'll pass the box along. But you have to tell me how things turn out!"

…Even if Rodanah doesn't follow through, you're sure you'll hear all about it, one way or another.

**== > John: Listen to the pixie**

It's a little awkward to have you, Rose, and Jade all touching the pixie box at once. Dave is still in the reflection chamber.

_"So what you need to do is show it something it will think it needs to fix with psychic surgery!"_ the blue-green pixie finishes. _"It will have to be soon, though. We're almost there."_

He or she -- she? -- looks so pleased and expectant you have to let go. "I'm not sure that's going to work."

"Yes," Rose says. "I believe the trolls are at a… substantially higher risk for that. I'm not sure we could, um, simulate something requiring such intervention in the time remaining."

You raise your eyebrows. "What exactly do you think you could do with more time?" It's not like she'd have any chance of convincing the goblins she lost her empathy and was about to murder you all or something. Straight-up faking _wouldn't work_.

She grimaces. "Play up my interest in the zoologically dubious. _Cultivate_ my interest in the zoologically dubious, turn it into an obsession, something that's -- well, a problem."

"Huh." That… might actually work. Might have worked, if she'd had a chance to try. "I guess I could try playing up the clown thing…"

"Not enough time for that, either, I don't think," Rose sighs. "But you can always talk to me about it." You mime swatting her on the shoulder.

"I… might have an idea," Jade says slowly. She leans forward to touch the pixie box again. "They do it for trauma, too, right? That's why they wanted to do the thing with Cal."

"I think that falls in with Rose's zoologically dubious," you say, but follow suit in reaching for the box.

The pixie blinks into your sight in time for you to hear, _"--dunno. They haven't--"_ She breaks off. _"Oh, Ippix says yes, sometimes, especially if it's very deep or very shallow?"_

Jade nods. "That… could work. Yeah."

"Jade?" Rose asks.

"There's… some stuff I don't usually talk about, that could maybe be seen as trauma. It's already there, so I don't have to cultivate it, just dig it up. And he'll want to talk to me soon anyway, I'm the only one he hasn't hit this go-around…"

She refuses to say anything more, but sits quietly, deep in thought, until a handler comes to get her.

**== > Jade: Dig it up**

It was a long time ago, and you were very small.

There were pistols, which were too big for you. There was a loud noise.

You got scared and went looking for Grandpa.

After a while you found him.

You cried. You didn't think about how it could have happened, at first, so you weren't scared of the blue doll at first. That came later.

You knew you were the only one who could… deal with the body. You knew what the tradition was. You'd seen Grandpa dealing with his hunting trophies, occasionally. You still had to look up details.

You couldn't cry then because you didn't know if you'd ever be able to stop.

When the handler comes to get you and you go out into the corridor, all his eyes widen, and you know you're on the right track.

**== > Ap-ut: Your opinion?**

_How did you miss this before?_

**== > Rose: Wait**

What the hell else are you going to do?

You pick up _Or-om and Ul-et_ but can't focus enough to read the Ottrian. John starts to put on a movie but just ends up endlessly browsing the menus. You consider going to visit the trolls, but a schedule check shows they're in their sleep cycle.

After your next sleep cycle, you're scheduled for a "placement facility tour". You really are almost there.

You aren't quite desperate enough to pick up one of the Laytah boxes.

You do pick up Rodanah's, but she's nowhere in sight.

**== > Rodanah: Be a vengeful spirit**

Ap-ut isn't a Threat Evaluator, and it's never done anything to you personally, so this isn't really _vengeance_. You're just… eager to see a goblin get its comeuppance. Rodanee got antsy watching the goblin interview the human girl and went to go see what the Soras are up to, but Medeesee is still hanging around.

"I wonder whether Ap-ut would have thought I have no empathy," Medeesee says. "Since it's so sensitive. I _think_ I have… some sort of empathy."

"You were evaluated as having inadequate empathy, not no empathy," you correct. "Now be quiet, I'm trying to pay attention to this."

_"Did you think the blue doll would harm you?"_ Ap-ut asks.

"I don't get it," Medeesee says.

Wasn't he paying attention? "When she was a hatchling -- a baby, she lived with her dam's dam, only male. Then he died and she didn't know what happened, and she thought this blue doll thing was some sort of ambush predator but she didn't know how to kill it." You think. "So then she didn't have a guardian from when she was a lot younger than she was supposed to? And something about the body?"

She's successfully got Ap-ut's attention, at least. The tablet the Evaluator is taking notes on is also attached to some sort of scanner taking readings from the human. It _is_ planning on psychic surgery, you think.

"How far do you think it has to get in doing something unacceptable for there to be serious disciplinary consequences?" Medeesee wonders.

You snort. "If it were a pixie, thinking about it."

"That's not fair! Restraint and self-control are rewarded, they're just… not enough, for pixies, because pixies are awful."

"You are so messed up in the head," you tell him. "You have the human stockholm disease really bad."

Medeesee glowers. "What I was going to ask is, does it have to actually do psychic surgery on her before it gets in enough trouble, or is planning on it enough?"

_"How did you dispose of the internal organs?"_

_"I don't want to talk about it."_

_"You should cooperate in your evaluation."_

"Because I heard one of the junior Evaluators saying Ap-ut's so good it would have to be caught up to its elbows in someone's brain without authorization before it would be remanded to the endoevaluators."

You roll your eyes. "Then what'd you ask _me_ for?"

"I don't know, it just doesn't seem appropriate to let it take her into unauthorized psychic surgery instead of telling Aradia to tell the goblins about it…"

You shake your head firmly. "No."

"I thought I was the one with shitty empathy."

"She chose to do this to help other people, and she wouldn't thank us for messing it up before it could work. I am bearing respectful witness."

_"I don't want to talk about this any more."_

_"At what point did you realize that your discharge of the weapon could have caused his death?"_

"Don't feel like you have to," you add. "You didn't… you weren't involved in setting this up." He just shrugs.

And then Ap-ut jabs Jade with… you think a paralytic, picks her up, and carries her away. You and Medeesee follow, Rodanee joining you in the corridor. You're all going to feel pretty silly if it turns out to be taking her back to the human housing.

You know it's not, though.

**== > Yn-yk: Where the hell are you?**

You are touring the placement installation with Od-ut, why?

The actual construction work is finished, but technicians are unloading furnishings and other supplies everywhere. Someone goes past pushing a float cart with the turntables and drum set the humans requested. (The fabrication team was able to provide almost all the listed musical instruments, but the schematics you found in the human data were inadequate to reproduce and functional 'one-man-band', and there really is no good place to put a pipe organ.)

You think Ij-ok may have gotten a little carried away with the obstacle course. The larger, less intelligent lusii will probably manage to trap themselves in it frequently.

Od-ut is looking between the human and troll request lists. "What did we give them for," perplexity, "'badass eyepatches'?"

"Just eyepatches," you admit. "They can augment them with the sewing supplies if they choose to. There are printed FLARP manuals and Alternian board games other than chess available, but they were taken from the hives of some of the newer troll subjects." You're not sure your soon-to-be-former subjects would want them.

"And the request for prey animals for the cat lusus and NEPETA?"

"Mostly modified prey robots designed for the Selkie ceremonial land-hunts. You'll have an emergency control to shut them all down if they get out of control. There are also some of the smaller, less dangerous Alternian animals, as well as Alternian and Earth plant life mixed with the utility organisms."

"…Going to be an interesting ecosystem," Od-ut says dryly.

It's not your field, but you'd imagine so, yes.

**== > Karkat: Fret about something completely different**

Lanthy Jockwillie is floating up by the ceiling gumming a piece of fake grubloaf. You don't even know if pixie wigglers can eat grubloaf.

"C'mon, Lanthy, you gotta come down," Eridan says, waving ineffectually at the pixie. She giggles, and continues spinning in circles.

You look at Aradia, who is watching looking _way_ too fucking entertained. "You going to help out at all?"

"Just as soon as he ask--" She breaks off, eyebrows shooting up, then leaps out of her seat and _sprints_ across the block, nearly knocking Kanaya over. Before you can ask what the hell she's doing, she's leaning on the red emergency button by the door. "Ap-ut is doing psychic surgery on one of the humans. By itself, unauthorized. A dead pixie told me." She releases the button only to hammer on it a few times. "Come on, anyone listening?"

**== > Be someone listening**

You are now Handler Ij-ok, and you know this is probably a joke or trick, but you switch the channel to check the humans' chambers -- and when JADE is missing, you flag the tip before you send it to internal security. You should probably page Yn-yk, too.

**== > Be internal security**

That seems a little far-fetched, but it's easy enough to check.

…Huh.

You send an enforcement team.

Crazy Evaluators.

**== > Jade: Be brave**

You can't move. You can't move and you're scared and he's going to do something to your brain and you can't do anything about it and maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but you're sure Ap-ut is going to get in trouble for it, and--

There's a bright flash of green light, and the things coming down from the ceiling and the lights and Ap-ut are suddenly blocked off by white.

You smell ozone and animal and a hint of steak breath and--

" _Bec_!"

**== > Ap-ut: Oops?**

_Shut up_.

Aw shit it teleported you somewhere too.

**== > Jade: Land**

The table disappears from beneath you -- you disappear from the table -- and you land on something soft which smells like the sofa if you let Bec lie on it without toweling him off first. You're somewhere dimly lit, with a curving ceiling. With a lot of effort, you look to the side. Bec is sitting at attention next to the -- dog bed? It's a big dog bed. The floor looks carpeted, and you can see scattered objects that might be dog toys.

You're not sure where you are, or what just happened, but--

"Good dog. Best friend!"

**== > Ap-ut: Land**

You look at the crab lusus.

The crab lusus looks at you.

"SKREEEEEEEE!!!"

**== > Be Yn-yk**

"It. Did. _What_."

**== > Be Yn-yk, a little later**

It takes a subjectively eternal hour to locate JADE. It turns out the BECQUEREL animal transported both of them to its den on the placement planetoid. JADE is lying on an oversized 'dog bed' and waiting for the paralytics to wear off, while BECQUEREL stands guard. You don't think anyone's going to be able to retrieve her until she recovers enough to calm him down.

Ap-ut was extracted from the crab lusus's enclosure by security by the time you returned to the ship. Just as well, as you would have been sorely and reprehensibly tempted to leave it there a while longer. It sustained significant bruising and scrapes, but nothing that won't heal.

The crab lusus sustained a very slight bruise from Ap-ut, and a somewhat more significant bruise from bumping into the wall. It is very pleased with itself. You almost wonder if it knows Ap-ut is particularly disliked by the subjects, but you can't see how that's possible.

**== > Crabdad: How'd you know?**

SKRRREEEEEEEEEEE!

**== > Karkat: Be proud of your lusus**

…

Without knowing the context you're not going to reply to that.

Aradia stopped leaning on the emergency button and shouting when a speaker informed her shortly that her message was received and the situation has been referred to the proper authorities, which took fucking forever no matter what Kanaya says. Getting a proper explanation of what the fuck is going on takes a lot longer, even when Tavros gets the pixie boxes so not everything has to be relayed through Aradia.

Even afterwards, you're still not clear on a lot of stuff, but you are clear that pixies must normally eat their infant offsprings' brains, that's the only explanation for this astounding level of shitslobbering _idiocy_.

Oh, and humans have no self-preservation instincts. _None_. You're going to have to get Tavros to convince all the lusii to cooperate in keeping them away from the fake ocean and sharp objects or stairs they could fall down or _anything_. You don't see how a whole planet of imbeciles like this could survive. In fact, you're sure it couldn't. These humans must have had theirs boiled away by too much time in mindfuckacoons.

**== > Dave: Get out of the ~~mindfuckacoon~~ tank**

Yn-yk is there when the tank opens, which isn't too unusual though it hasn't been the norm lately, and in the middle of a sentence, which is a lot more unusual. _Corrective measures_ usually merit their full attention.

"--still very agitated, so we have not attempted to approach, but she is unharmed." Yn-yk assists you up and out of the tank. "We will be providing a communication device as soon as the paralytics wear off."

"And you're _sure_ it didn't have a chance to do anything to her?" Rose asks sharply.

You freeze en route to the shower. "Rose, are you _in here_? What's going on?"

"My back's turned," Rose says. "You missed a lot."

"Jade's not here," John puts in. "Ap-ut took her to interview her, and things got out of control somehow--"

" _Shit_ \--"

"But she's okay, because her _dog_ saved her." John sounds slightly bewildered. Did he not know the whole story about Jade's hellbeast? (Does anyone know the _whole_ story about Jade's hellbeast?)

Speaking of whole stories-- "Wait, what was Ap-ut trying to do?"

"Unauthorized psychic surgery," Rose says grimly.

" _Unauthorized_ \--"

"The incident will be dealt with," Yn-yk says firmly. "Take care of yourselves, and you will see her soon."

**== > Yn-yk: How did all this happen, anyway?**

The fault lies mostly with Ap-ut. It was explicitly banned from initiating any psychic surgery. Even if it wasn't, the humans are too close to placement for psychic surgery to be appropriate for anything but an acute, _actively psychic_ (rather than psychological) crisis. Even if they _weren't_ so close to placement, _no one_ is _ever_ supposed to undertake psychic surgery _alone_. You've thrown it off your project, you've filed for it to be expelled from the xenoevaluation corps, and you suspect it will be kicked back to training and eventually directed to strictly advisory positions.

Yes, it was deliberately baited. _So what_. That makes what happened more understandable, it means something in terms of what corrective measures are appropriate, but individuals unstable enough that pre-adult subjects can bait them into breaking multiple rules are _unsuitable_ for the xenoeducation program.

Attempting to bait a supervisor into actionable misconduct does itself merit corrective measures, but they didn't break any rules in doing so, and they were motivated in part by higher emotions for hypothetical troll subjects. The rest of the motivation was part rebellion against their feelings of helplessness, which while not a higher emotion is a good psychological sign for a group headed into placement, and vengefulness against Ap-ut, which is _undesirable_ , but…

You're letting them off with a short lecture.

The trolls weren't even really involved, and nothing they did do was in any way out of line. You send a message reassuring them that the humans are fine and commending their concern for others.

Some of the dead pixies (and you are still baffled by that whole thing) encouraged the humans in baiting a supervisor and endangering themselves, while the dead pixies themselves faced no consequences. The humans made their own choices and were not manipulated into the scheme, but you still feel the dead pixies merit at least a lesson on concern for the welfare of others.

But they're dead, so that's not really an option.

You were informed of both the humans' initial scheme and Is-at's decision to allow it as good for their pre-placement mental health. You could have overruled it, but you didn't. And can you _really_ say it had _nothing_ to do with amusement at the thought of human obstinacy and sarcasm giving Ap-ut a rebound headache? Can _any_ of the rest of the team say that?

And that's… all right, as long as the justification is valid. Not good, and not something to be proud of, but allowable. Endangering subjects to indulge a grudge against a colleague, however, is not allowable.

But no one thought the humans were in danger of anything more than drugs or the reflection chamber, because the other Evaluators said making Ap-ut angry wouldn't lead to infractions. They were right. They also accidentally explained how one _would_ go about motivating Ap-ut to commit infractions. Or -- not accidentally, precisely, but it was an accident that the subjects found out about it.

(Ghosts, seriously?)

In the end, the deciding factor is that nothing the humans did was very extreme. It would be one thing if they launched a sophisticated psychological attack based on Ap-ut's past experiences, but they _shared a well-repressed traumatic memory_. The instructions for baiting Ap-ut were too simple. You decide the scare of what almost happened to JADE is consequence enough.

The next question -- if everyone believed Ap-ut to be that volatile, why wasn't it removed from duty?

The initiation of a huge project is no time to start internal policy revisions, but you're going to do what you can anyway. Xenoeducators are responsible for subjects' minds and lives. There can't be room for stupid mistakes.

**== > Tavros: Get ready**

There isn't much for you to pack, just your few changes of clothes, Tink's bed, and the folded-up Team FLARP escape map they never took for some reason. You're not quite sure why you're keeping it, or what you'll do with it, but… you want to. Maybe you'll put it on the wall of your new respiteblock.

Out in the communal block, it's evident some of your friends have a lot more to pack, even if you don't count the four-wheeled goods transportation device piled with dead pixie boxes. Aradia also has all those goblin report things she got from the humans. She's gotten Sollux to hold them -- levitate them, actually -- while she counts the pixie boxes, you guess making sure you got all of them back from the humans. Eridan has Lanthy and a bunch of stuff for Lanthy. Kanaya has more clothes than you think are really necessary. Feferi is refusing to let Vriska carry her own bag, you guess because of the the Creepiest Arm In The Universe (Even If It Wasn't On Vriska) maybe not being completely attached yet. Gamzee shows up with nothing and Karkat has to chivvy him back to at least get come clothes.

Terezi has her cane, of course, and her favorite red cushion from the pillow pit. "Tavros!" she says brightly. "All set?"

"I, um, think so," you reply. The most important thing, Tinkerbull, is hovering over your shoulder.

It's weird, but you're almost sorry to leave? It's not that you've had so many good times here, certainly not enough to offset the really _spectacular_ bad times. You guess it was just such a relief when you first got here, after the disorientation and terror of the period right after your abduction. (And _you_ got off _lightly_.)

Eventually, everyone gets their acts together and you all gather by the door, where a goblin whose name you can't remember has been waiting patiently.

It brought a four-wheeled device for Equius, who still isn't back to full strength. After a brief argument, it is agreed that Equius will sit in the four-wheeled device if he needs to. In the meantime, people can put their bags in it.

(You're not sure why they want to, since there's no reason they couldn't pile them on top of the pixie boxes? Maybe they want to avoid dead pixie emanations or something.)

The walk to the lift feels familiar, like you're going to visit the lusii, but the lift you get into at the end is bigger than any goblin lift you've been in yet. It holds all of you, the goblin guards, and the two different four-wheeled devices (cargo and Equius) with elbow room remaining. "This will take a little while," your goblin guide says.

You're in the lift for long enough that the silence starts to feel awkward. Kanaya steps valiantly forward. "So Feferi, are you planning to head directly to the, er, miniature ocean?"

Feferi jumps. "Whale, I was planning to look around the communal areas with the rest of you first! But I am looking forward to seeing what animals they put in the ocean. I'm pretty shore they were going to put my cuttlefish there."

"Speaking of communal areas, anyone want to bet on whether they got rid of that pillow pit?" Aradia asks brightly.

Karkat glowers. "Whether or not they got rid of it, we will _not_ be fucking _using_ it."

"Not for _that_ , anyway," Kanaya agrees. "We could… store something in it, or something."

You suspect they're going to have to take that up with Gamzee. Possibly also Aradia, if they want to keep anyone _else_ from using it for that. And maybe Feferi. Or even Terezi, if she thinks Karkat's reaction would be funny enough.

…Assuming you and Terezi are still… moirail-ing. You haven't talked about it. Vriska and Eridan and probably Gamzee all need the support they're getting from the, uh, arranged moirallegiances, so of course those are going to be kept up, but you and Terezi was to appease the goblins. You don't know what you're going to do now.

You don't know what you _want_ to do now.

**== > Aradia: Observe really quite crowded lift**

Two goblins, twelve living trolls (plus luggage), one lusus, eleven dead pixies, and two dead trolls. You are honestly surprised Wirewhip showed up. He's alternating between glaring sullenly at you and glaring sullenly at Rodanee, who's flicking spitballs at him from her perch atop the four-wheeled goods transportation device of pixie boxes. Except for Ippix, _all_ the dead pixies are squeezed onto the float pallet where they can keep careful track of their boxes. Kerrit and Ippix are trying to one-up each other with gruesome stories of helming procedures and bugbear breedhosting, respectively. They really seem to be hitting it off. Medeesee and Rodanah, however, are back to ignoring each other, reportedly over something tactless but true Medeesee said about Rodanah's culpability if Jade had been psychic surgery'd. Shedemee and Rodanee both swear they haven't always fought this much.

One of the goblins touches its communicator for a minute. "We will need to transfer to another compartment for the final descent to the placement location. Please follow me."

The block outside the lift is steely gray rather than too-bright white, and the goblin waiting there is wearing _stripes_ , which you have definitely never seen on goblin clothes before. You don't have time for more than that cursory look around, though, because there's only about ten meters to walk to another big lift.

Once inside, you reevaluate -- a _really_ big lift. It could hold your hive with room to spare.

_"This must be the orbital lift,"_ Kerrit says, interrupting her own description of burrowing biowires. _"I saw the schematics. It looks like it would save a lot of energy, but it would be absurdly vulnerable to any kind of attack."_

_"Who's going to attack it?"_ Ippix shrugs.

_"Well… I don't know, somebody."_

"Please place your baggage in the bins provided, take seats, and apply the safety harness," your goblin escort says. "Some turbulence is normal."

In the center of the giant lift is a cluster of chairs, surrounded by bins and two sort of pen things for -- you assume -- the four-wheeled devices. They look really out of place, and you have to give the bank of chairs a good kick before you're convinced they'd do any good as safety restraints. You guess maybe they attach and detach, to make room for more cargo when there aren't passengers.

It takes a long time for everyone to get settled and strapped in. (Nepeta _almost_ refuses, but looks at Equius and bites her tongue.) There are customized safety harnesses for Tinkerbull and Lanthy Redina. The dead pixies all stay on top of the stack of boxes. Kerrit climbs up on the 'pen' to sit next to them.

The block jerks noticeably when it starts to move, but it's not too bad after that. Apart from getting boring. You wish there were windows.

About half an hour along, Wirewhip tries to crowd Kerrit. Before you can even warn him, Rodanee _pushes_ , and Wirewhip goes flying back through the wall.

_"Wish I could do that,"_ Ippix grumbles. _"I don't know why pixie development… stuff is so stupidly delicate."_

Kerrit looks down. _"Sorry I can't…"_

_"Don't worry about it,"_ Shedemee says.

You wonder if Wirewhip is going to be left flailing in orbit, but he drags himself back into the block another half-hour later. His bedraggled appearance would be pretty funny even if it wasn't _purely due to his own mind_.

_"See, it's back,"_ Talohkay says encouragingly. _"You'll have lots of chances to learn to smack it yourself."_

You make a mental note to make it clear to all the ghosts that if Wirewhip is really a problem, you can dispel him, as entertaining as it is to see the pixies knock him flying. It's not like you need him for intelligence-gathering at this point.

**== > Equius: Wonder what Aradia's snickering about**

You don't dare _ask_ , but you're definitely wondering.

When the lift finally stops with a jolt and you're permitted to release your safety harnesses, you find your muscles have stiffened up even more than everyone else's, and you end up leaning on Nepeta to avoid the four-wheel device.

You hope you'll be able to regain your STRENGTH with time. Even better would be STRENGTH _and_ keeping the _control_ you have now.

The lift doors open onto a paved area surrounded by plants, with a path or road leading off to buildings you tentatively match to those on the map you were offered. The light isn't as bright as the goblins seem to prefer it, but brighter than an Alternian night.

"This way," one of the goblins says, and starts up the path towards the buildings. "There will be a short tour of the facilities, and then please ask any questions you may have."

**== > Equius: Tour the facility**

They haven't gotten rid of the pillow pit.

You need a towel.

They _have_ helpfully added storage compartments full of towels in _every communal block_. The goblin seems honestly surprised that you aren't delighted to be told this. You collapse into the (non-cargo) four-wheeled device and bury your face in a towel. Nepeta pushes it along without complaint, and hisses at Vriska when she remarks that you might want to pay attention to the location of the laundry.

(You do pay attention to the location of the laundry. It's on a subterranean level, and includes a mostly-automated part and a hand-washing part you doubt will be used by anyone but Maryam.)

(You also take note when shown the small workshop. You aren't sure if it has the raw materials to make anything larger than a toy, but it's there.)

"Your personal blocks have been labeled with your names," the goblin says. "The remaining lusii will be brought down in the lift in two hours, and the humans will arrive by transport an hour after that. We will still be available for last-minute changes for another circadian cycle."

**== > Rose: Play it cool**

You've never been on a goblin orbit-to-ground transport before -- not while you were conscious, anyway. From what you've read and put together from goblin remarks, they don't actually use them very often, preferring to wormhole in and out if they're trying to be fast or sneaky, or install an orbital elevator if they're planning to make the trip a lot. Ships in space usually lock together into a _super-ship_ if something needs to be transported between them and they don't want to use wormholes for whatever reason.

This must be why Is-at practically has its face glued to the small view window beside its seat. You give up on playing it cool and follow suit. (John can't quite get as close because of his glasses, but his mouth is hanging open. Dave is behind you. With no one looking at him, he's probably doing the same thing.)

The planet -- planetoid -- is… cloudy. All clouds. Disappointing. But there is a ring around the planet, above the clouds -- you guess it's the goblins' orbital base? The local sun is on the other side of the shuttle by the luggage compartments, where the windows have automatically blacked to keep any passengers from blinding themselves.

Looking past the planetoid, you can see stars. You resolve to define a Jaspers constellation at the earliest opportunity -- although that will probably mean braving the ridiculous space needle observatory.

In closer, the view isn't as mesmerizing. It doesn't look exactly the same as Earth clouds from above, but close enough.

The _inside_ -clouds view is even more similar, and it goes on for what seems like a long time.

You finally exit the clouds, only to have the windows on your side black out. You guess you must be right next to a supplemental light source. On the other side, as the transport banks, the ground comes into view -- it looks like rolling meadows, cut through by a stream.

The landing, a while later, is much smoother than the airplane landings you remember, but then the same technology which lets the goblins do artificial gravity should let them nullify the effects of any acceleration. You think.

"Now what?" Dave asks.

"Wait for a minute," Is-at says, rising from its seat. "I will--"

The cabin door opens and Jade bounds in, windblown and dirty and grinning, preceded by a gust of fresh air followed by a large white dog. (If you look at the dog straight on, he seems normal, but from the corner of your eye there's just a _crackle_ of green around the edges.) "Hi everyone!" Jade… shouts, actually. "Meet Becquerel! Bec, these are my friends John and Rose and Dave, and that's Is-at, he's okay, don't eat him."

Bec briefly sniffs John's eagerly offered hand, then stops to give Is-at an impressively intimidating _look_. Then he goes over to give Dave a friendly canine greeting, blithely ignoring how Dave is trying to retreat through the back of his seat.

"You wanna tell him not to eat _me_?"

"He's just saying hi. But down, boy, no scaring people." Jade breezes past them to flop down in the last seat in the single-file passenger seating, then tosses the bag she's carrying at the luggage compartments. "Some of Bec's toys. Did they let you guys grab my stuff?"

"Yes, I think we got all of it."

She is so _excited_. And you have to admit, the smell of _outside_ has made your heart speed up a little, too. You never considered yourself an outdoorsy person, but…

"Do your feet require medical attention?" Is-at asks.

"Only if they're likely to get infected," Jade says. She sticks a bare foot smeared with dirt and, yes, a little blood out into the aisle. "I lost all my calluses! It's terrible."

Is-at gets up and pulls out a small medkit, giving Bec a wary look. As it kneels down to see to Jade's feet, it touches its comm and instructs the pilot to proceed to the main placement site. "We should arrive at the placement site in approximately an hour," it tells you, switching back to English. "…Hopefully the trolls will have settled their lusii by that time."

**== > Vriska: Watch the Great Lusus Roundup of Whenever-the-Hell-It-Is**

You'll get back to that as soon as you come to a break in rolling on the floor laughing.

It's just you and Gamzee left inside the big communal hive thing -- almost everyone has a lusus to round up, Tavros and Kanaya were helping from the start, and Feferi went out after it became apparent additional seadweller strength was desirable -- and Gamzee's wandered off to play with Lanthy von Booty and Tinkerbull, so there's no one to give you a disapproving look for laughing. Or maybe they wouldn't disapprove, because this is _hilarious_. Karkat's lusus refuses to be deterred from its incomprehensible angry diatribe at Equius's lusus, Sollux's lusus has wandered into the obstacle course and apparently gotten stuck there, Aradia's lusus is balanced on top of Terezi's lusus-egg glaring suspiciously at Nepeta's lusus, and Eridan's lusus looks to be trying to express Stern Fatherly Disapproval for fuck knows what while Eridan whines at him.

The Eridan situation hasn't changed ten minutes later when you hold open the door for Terezi and Aradia steering Terezi's lusus-egg, Aradia's lusus hopping along beside them. The lusus gives you a baleful look. You cross your eyes at it briefly. "Hey, what's the deal with Eridan?"

"His lusus believes Eridan should have requested personal blocks adjoining the fake ocean, like Feferi did!" Terezi pushes a stack on pixie boxes aside to make way for the egg. "Eridan… disagrees."

You frown. "We're not… super far from the fake ocean even here, are we?" You wouldn't -- well, it doesn't seem like an unreasonable distance to be from where your lusus is? "And his lusus can leave the water anyway, I've seen him ride around on it!" And it's out of the water _now_ , so that was a stupid thing to say.

"Yes and yes again!" Terezi agrees.

Aradia rolls her eyes. "It's a matter of principle. Or something." She hits the lift summons with her psionics.

You wander back towards the window. "So can Equius's lusus and Karkat's lusus actually understand each other?"

"Maybe if they were _listening_ to each other…"

They disappear into the lift. Back outside, Nepeta's lusus has settled down to lick all its orifices. Nepeta is accompanying Equius, probably to be sure no one accidentally mentions the blood thing. Sollux lifts his lusus out of the obstacle course, but when he goes to help Karkat, it immediately wanders back in. Kanaya physically separates Eridan and his lusus. You think she's scolding them. Eridan wilts at once, but the lusus looks belligerent until Kanaya thwaps it on the snout. Tavros is attempting to mediate between Karkat's and Equius's lusii. It involves a lot of facepalming. Aradia rejoins the party by jumping out an upstairs window and goes to help Sollux retrieve his lusus from the obstacle course, again.

Then everyone has to drop what they're doing to focus on getting all the lusii well out of the way of the little ship that's landing. You can actually hear Karkat's lusus screeching at it.

"Now what's going on?" Terezi asks from behind you -- you didn't even notice the lift. "Oh, the humans must be here."

You frown. "Why'd _they_ get to ride in a ship while we got a lame elevator?"

"There was some sort of complication the dead pixies did not want to explain."

The ship opens and the humans come down the ramp, pushing their own four-wheeled cargo transportation device and looking around curiously. They boggle at the lusii, though it looks like they have one barkbeast lusus of their own--

The barkbeast lusus takes off _straight_ for Nepeta's cat lusus.

Terezi sighs. "I should go see if they would like any more help."

**== > John: Settle in**

You go on a tiny bit of a pranking binge, with whoopee cushions everywhere and things drawn on people's faces while they're sleeping and way too much time in the kitchen coming up with a good throwing pie. It is _such a relief_ knowing an Evaluator isn't going to leap out of nowhere and lecture you about your lack of consideration for your peers and throw you in a tank. It makes Rose's expression when she finds her knitting bag full of dog toys even sweeter.

Still not as good as the reaction the first time you catch Karkat with a bucket-on-top-of-the-door trap. He _flips_. _Out_.

**== > Karkat: Bucket on top of the door?**

THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

**== > Kanaya: Settle in for a group activity with your four-pointed diamond (plus Iolanthe Alliss)**

You have all the media you were promised. It's a mixed blessing.

"…But then it turned out that he transferred from his previous post because his matesprit pailed his moirail. The matesprit follows him, wanting to get back together, but then the ex-moirail follows _her_ , and then he _also_ starts redflirting with Meredh."

"For some reason," Eridan says.

"Fuck!" Iolanthe Alliss proclaims. It's still her default comment, but seems unfortunately appropriate in this case. Gamzee starts snickering.

"Shut up. Anyway, Shepar and Sloane -- the ex-moirail -- are obviously about to go pitch--"

"No they're not, Kar, because this show hasn't done a single good kismesissitude. Ever. Everything's flush flush flush, with a side of _pale_."

"…All right, that's true _so far_ , but I really think they're setting it up this time."

"Suuuure they are."

"Would it be a good idea to have a pair of kismeses in the same medical facility?" you ask dubiously.

"Trust me, on _this_ show, that is not a consideration."

Then they start arguing about whether it was romantic or stupid when Izzeeh tried to save a patient from being culled, and whether Ristna would be better off trying to flip her flush relationship pitch -- force Burrek to acknowledge her for the rival she could be -- or maintain the current relationship and look for someone new for her spade.

"Boo!" Iolanthe Alliss cries, alarmed. So far, Iolanthe can say "fuck", "Erdam", "Gee", "Kah" (which seems to mean either "Karkat" or "Kanaya"), "no", "mine", "Ting" (Tinkerbull), and "boo" — which means "blue", and therefore either anything she's scared of or Vriska or Equius. In this case—

**== > Kanaya: Be interrupted (sort of)**

"Are they making you watch their lame soap opera, Fussyfangs?"

Yes, they are, and it is very dull, and when this is over you are going to make them watch a nice rainbow drinker movie. But that doesn't mean you're going to put up with Vriska insulting your, uh, palemates.

(Although, she really insulted their TV show, not them. Progress?) "Don't you have something else to do, Vriska?"

She makes a face. "Feferi wants to know what's happening on Alternia, so she's looking at internet stuff with Aradia and Sollux, and that sounds booooooooring." Not to mention Vriska would make the group dynamics very uncomfortable. "Terezi's _roleplaying_ with Tavros." Even more off-limits to Vriska. "And Nepeta and Sweatquius are doing some pale thing."

"We are also doing a pale… thing," you point out. "So--"

"We are _not_!" Karkat snaps, outraged. "We're in _public_."

You raise your eyebrows at him. "Well then I suppose Vriska _can_ join us. Do you want to update _her_ on the story in progress?"

Vriska's eyes widen and she backs up, waving her hands. "No, thanks, that won't be necessary, I'll just, uhh, go exploring outside. I'll do that."

**== > Sollux: Search weird taxidermied internet copy they gave you for evidence of what's happening on Alternia**

Several of the official propaganda sites are just _gone_. The official alert feed is blandly reporting dangerous weather systems and undead incursions the same way it always has, but each bulletin ends with "Please remain calm" instead of "All hail Her Imperious Condescension". The schoolfeeding curriculum has been gutted. It's obvious _something_ 's gone down. But the goblins don't seem to have come out and announced their takeover of the planet anywhere just yet.

Speculation is running rampant on the less official message boards, covering everything from goblin abductions--

_catsPaw: I ton't unterstant what's up with this new stealth culling thing._  
 _catsPaw: You ton't hear anything, someone just coes quiet, put then when you ket in their hife there's no corpse or anything?_  
 _catsPaw: It's really unnerfing!_  
 _grayDuck: you can Pick uP some really great suPPlies though if you know where to look!_  
 _grayDuck: i have a list of Posters we haven't hearD from lately_  
 _grayDuck: :D)_

\--to meddling in supplies--

_majorJaws: all right i know theres no way i can make anyone believe me_  
 _majorJaws: but the lack of weapons deliveries is ^^^not^^^ a lowblood thing_  
 _majorJaws: everyone is getting nothing_  
 _majorJaws: at least up to high landdweller_  
 _majorJaws: it ^might^ be different with seadwellers? idk_  
 _volensNolens: ~fuck you~_

\--to actual fighting--

_crossedWires: W@+ch +his video @nd +ry +o +ell me i+'s no+ @ gunship being des+royed in orbi+._  
 _volensNolens: ~that's not a gunship~_  
 _dailyDemolition: n+ice FX_  
 _dailyDemolition: b+ut n+eeds more explosion+s_  
 _crossedWires:I+'s no+ effec+s i+'s un@l+ered video_  
 _disorderlyImpulse: Not b=li=ving that until you giv= a sourc=_  
 _crossedWires: Nice +ry I @dmi+ no+hing_  
 _crossedWires: Bu+ check +he file i+'s r@w_  
 _volensNolens: ~still not a gunship~_  
 _disorderlyImpulse: ok_  
 _disorderlyImpulse: I don't s== alt=rations_  
 _dailyDemolition: still n+ot en+o+ugh explosion+s_

"I was expecting… I don't know what I was expecting," FF says, sitting back. "Somefin more."

"Me too," AA agrees. "I wish we could get another version in a half-sweep or so, see how they've progressed by then. Or after the next scheduled conscription, when's that? Two seasons? I have completely lost track of time."

You check. "Three seasons. But _drone_ season starts two seasons before that. How do you think they're going to handle _that_?"

AA grins. " _Ridiculously_."

**== > Yn-yk: Be briefed on drone season**

Really? _Really_?

How have trolls survived this long?!

…How are you going to _deal_ with this?

Op-ys leans forward and ventures, cautiously, “Perhaps we could… construct some sort of artificial drone?”

The technician representatives present are not optimistic.

**== > Jade: Embrace unique opportunities**

According to the documentation the goblins provided, this planetoid was originally terraformed as an isolated habitat for freaky goblins who liked to suffer, with room for expansion. But they eventually found better ways of not making all the other goblins suffer too, and abandoned their settlement. The planetoid stayed in use because its basins-optional-domes system was good for maintaining multiple environments for certain rare plants and animals.

A while later, some sort of social crisis erupted very suddenly in a dryad community, centered around a "recently developed fringe spiritual group", which you assume means "cult". The cult was blamed for… something… and in real danger from the rest of the community. The goblins were busy with an external threat, and decided the most expedient solution was to relocate the entire cult to an isolated habitat where they could live in peace, make sure they were well-informed about reality, and then just remove anyone who became unhappy and wanted to leave the group. The cult splintered a few times and had to be distributed among multiple basins. They continued in the basins for several generations before it was judged to be possible to return them to the larger dryad population.

And a while after that, the bugbears you read about in the booklet lived out their lives in one of the basins -- the gremlins were somewhere less isolated.

The point is, the retirement planetoid is covered with basins simulating biomes from dozens of planets, and scattered among them are the abandoned homes of crazy masochist goblins, dryad cultists, and biologically unfortunate bugbears. And the basins _really_ aren't designed to encourage travel between them, but it's not explicitly against the rules, and you have a teleporting dog.

You're pretty sure your Grandpa would be _so jealous_. …Except he might have trouble not shooting any of the rare animal life.

All your friends have expressed interest in accompanying you on at least some of your trips, but none of them get as enthusiastic as some of the trolls do. Unfortunately, they have some… interpersonal issues… which make planning an expedition with them more complicated. It doesn’t quite go as far as the puzzle about trying to bring a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage across a river in a very small boat, but it’s still awkward.

**== > Tavros: Are you the cabbage in this analogy?**

Fuck that, who cares, you are going _adventuring_. You don't even care that you'll be staying home next time when Jade thinks she has a line on dryad-cultist-houses and they're going to let Vriska search the place for "treasure", you're going along this time to the basin where Jade spotted some very shy big-eyed beasts that she couldn't cajole out of the undergrowth — at least not in the presence of Jade's terrifying teleporting barkbeast-lusus.

This is going to be _fun_.

**== > Nepeta: Resist settling in**

They did provide animals for you and Pounce to hunt. It's good, despite Equius not liking the idea and Jade's barkbeast lusus showing up whenever Pounce runs for any reason. It's just… you can't ever really forget you're in a cage.

It's a big cage, and a nice cage, and you can get by. But you'd rather be running free.

**== > Rose: Settle in**

You shut yourself in your room before you even try to tune the violin. John may be happy to have an audience when he attempts his instrument after fuck knows how long without practicing, but you are not. (Considering the circumstances, he wasn't bad at all, but there were definitely a few flubbed notes, and considering how much more wrong things can go with a violin — no.)

The violin doesn't feel quite right in your hands, and it is already in tune. You frown darkly, feeling somehow cheated. Your instrument going out of tune if you look at it cross-eyed is part of the whole violin _experience_.

…You'll have to be sure to include a scene with a well-intentioned wizard not understanding the importance of imperfection, and creating perfect, lifeless, _wrong_ replicas of things. Then Apperius Uttu can destroy both the replicas and the originals and punish the well-intentioned wizard for trying, because Apperius Uttu.

You set the faux-violin aside for the moment and pick up your laptop to get some writing done instead. If you're going to be complaining about the faux-violin while you play, you'd rather do it in company after all. Maybe at the proposed teach-the-trolls-kazoo-and/or-xylophone session.

**== > Equius: Learn to play the xylophone**

_PROWNKCHT_. _clunkRUNCH_.

You gingerly slide the instrument over in front of Nepeta before you can break any more of it.

**== > Karkat: Be the angriest xylophone player**

You're not _angry_ , you're just taking the theme song of _Thresh Prince_ as seriously as it deserves to be taken. And then you have to stop before you're done because Crabdad's wandered into the obstacle course. Brainless crustacean.

**== > Eridan: Learn to play the xylophone**

You're going to learn to read human sheet music first, so you can do this _properly_. You're going to learn some _high-class_ (if alien) piece, and perform it for everyone, and maybe get Kan to make you a really nice cape? It'll be awesome.

**== > Equius: Learn to play the kazoo**

…You're kind of afraid to touch them.

**== > Terezi: Learn to play the kazoo**

You have mastered the kazoo in one lesson and feel the _slide trombone_ is the logical next step, if the humans will just let you have it.

**== > Dave: Demonstrate the slide trombone**

Hahaha _no_ , you'd rather accompany Jade to the terrifying observatory than put your hands and mouth on a slide trombone where anyone can see you. Especially in front of Rose. You can hear the double entendres already. You leave the trombone and the rest of the room to Terezi's tender mercies.

What the hell, probably no worse than what Jade's currently doing to that flute.

**== > Aradia: Take your ghostly entourage on a field trip**

Not the entire ghostly entourage. You only have a half-dozen pixies with you, and you believe Wirewhip hasn't come out from under the table in Equius's workshop for several circadian cycles. (You haven't gone to check on him, for several obvious reasons.)

Technically there's no reason why they couldn't tag along to Jade's observatory on their own, but you don't mind. Sollux minds, but no one said he had to come. You're perfectly capable of getting yourself safely to the ground if someone disastrous happens. You could probably take care of Jade, too, although chances are her teleporting lusus would save her if necessary. Still, it gets Sollux off the computer for a few hours, so you didn't try very hard to convince him his assistance wasn't required.

Although he did bring a palmhusk, on which he is probably trolling Karkat. Oh, well.

Jade is using the big _telescope_ \-- human word for device to make things far away look closer -- to continue her star-mapping project, but there are some smaller ones, too. There's not much to see looking down -- clouds. The orbital lift cable isn't too far away, clearly visible with magnification. And you can follow it up to see the gray-white ovoid of the lift terminus.

Laytahree waves frantically out the window. _"Hi Od-ut!"_

Shedemee thwaps him on the back of the head. _"We don't know if she's there right now, even if she were it doesn't mean she'd be looking here, which doesn't mean she could hear anything, none of which means she could hear_ you _."_

Laytahree pouts.

_"I feel stupid about this,"_ Kerrit says. She sighs, and tips her head back to look out the windows. _"With all the clouds, it just gets… claustrophobic, sometimes."_

"If you want to get up here more often, it wouldn't be very hard," you point out. You and Sollux haven't tried flying above the cloudcover on your own, but only because you think it might get you in trouble and they would definitely notice you getting through one of the limited dome access points. Kerrit could go through the dome, and as a ghost wouldn't even need to worry about maintaining an atmosphere bubble.

_"Maybe."_ She shrugs. _"I never really flew, um…_ before _. It's not really a reflex for me. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try…"_

_"I flew, back before intake, but never anywhere near this high,"_ Rodanah contributes.

Ippix just glowers at nothing in particular.

Rodanee hangs on her clutchmate's shoulder. _"I wonder if I could fly to the lift terminus thing from here. See what Medeesee's up to."_

"That depends on whether you think you can," you tell her. "And is that where he went? How did he get there?"

_"Hopped in the lift after a supply drop,"_ Shedemee provides. _"To check on Od-ut."_

_"I was_ going _to go too,"_ Rodanah grouses. _"The Soras went up to see if they could and they said Od-ut has some plan to help pixies in the future, but Shedemee and Rodanee decided Medeesee and me going together would hinder the investigation."_

You give Rodanee and Shedemee a solemn nod. "Good call."

**== > Dave: Make a suggestion**

"We should set another goal."

The supplemental light source in the sky has dimmed according to an Earth circadian cycle, leaving the gray twilight which is all that filters through the clouds. (Jade says it's gradually growing darker as the planetoid s l o w l y rotates you away from its excuse for a sun, but you haven't noticed much of a difference.) The trolls are off doing some troll thing or else running around on the lawn with their monsters, which you guess also counts as a troll thing. The four of you are sitting on the giant couch -- either it's the same giant couch or they carefully recreated the stash of crayons you stuffed down between the cushions -- watching the end credits of some godawful '80s fantasy movie.

"What was that?" John asks.

"I said we should make another goal, like the one to get Ap-ut in trouble. That one didn't turn out well at all--"

"What do you mean, didn't turn out well?" Jade says indignantly. "He got in trouble! Humans one, Ap-ut zero!" She pauses. "All right, if you count all the previous interactions Ap-ut was probably fifty to a hundred points ahead of us, but our point was _really big_."

Personally you find Jade almost getting — whatevered to be plenty bad, and you didn't even get out of the tank until it was over. But that's beside the point. "We need a _group_ goal. Something meaningful."

Because as terrifying as Jade's kamikaze stunt was, it felt good to accomplish something -- to know you helped save future troll subjects from whatever horrific things Ap-ut would have smugly done to them. (And _damn_ did it feel good to get one up on _any_ of the goblins -- but you're not going to say that part. If this whole place isn't thoroughly monitored you'll learn to knit and make a smuppet.)

"Well, we're not going to be seeing enough Educators or Evaluators to identify bad ones," Rose says. "We could ask to see them, I guess, but they're all supposed to be so busy…"

"They can't have sent absolutely everyone to go wrangle trolls--"

"Obviously not, there are a few monitoring us--"

"--Or who would they have to, like, train up new Evaluators and Educators? I know there are a few monitoring us, Rose, I meant besides that." John frowns. "Now I'm picturing little trainee Educators and Evaluators coming here on a field trip to stare at us."

"They wouldn't be that little, they enter goblin stage pretty much full-sized," Jade reminds him.

" _Metaphorically_ little."

"That might not be a bad idea," Rose says.

When she doesn't immediately continue, you prompt, "The field trips?"

"No -- not exactly -- focusing on the trainees. What _we_ could teach trainees."

"Subjects are people," Jade says immediately. "Some of them get that, but not… all of them."

"And they're all _supposed_ to get that, so if they thought we could help, they might let us try."

"So… we try and suggest that?" you say. "To Od-ut?" You still don't know as much as you'd like about your new-ish supervisor, apart from how he makes the trolls skittish but, according to the dead pixies, was bumped to this 'low-stress' posting for getting too invested in subjects. "How do we think he'll react to that?"

"Don't know."

"I have another goal to suggest," Rose says. "We push. We all — I think we _can_ , now, without it being so much of a risk. And we're out of the habit, but — I think we should try."

"Push to help train educators?" Jade asks.

"That. To get Dave a practice sword. For — other stuff. Just — stand up."

John sticks out his hand. "Let's shake on it!"

You roll your eyes, but honestly when you indulge his dorky four-way handshake it's not for the irony at all.

**== > Writer: Be cagey about POV for the epilogue**

It's an unlabeled DVD in an almost-blank case. There's a tiny line of black symbols on the white surface, like nothing you've seen before. It's not a large enough sample for decryption to have much of a chance.

Some people would naively assume they must have forgotten about the DVD, and pop it into a computer to see what happens. You're not one of those people.

Some people would conclude it's likely to contain some sort of malware and throw it away. Better safe than sorry, right? You're not one of those people, either.

Some people in your position would call the police. You are also not one of those people.

You boot up an old laptop, make sure it's disconnected from the internet, and insert the DVD. It contains five hours and twelve minutes of video. You hit play.

You think of Dave as soon as you see the pale-haired person sleeping on-screen, but you aren't sure until the lights go up, and he sits up and reaches for aviators. Dave throws the blankets aside and climbs out of bed, wearing a t-shirt and shorts. He shuffles towards a half-open door. The video cuts briefly to show him on the other side of the door, in what looks like a bathroom, but cuts quickly back to Dave exiting the bathroom, hair damp. He's wearing fresh clothes, including a shirt with a disc painted on it.

He slouches down a hall — the camera changes again — into the balcony of an atrium, muttering under his breath. "Birthday — Earth day, worth day, worth… gay? Nah…"

"About time you showed up!" someone calls. "You are _late_ for Operation Ersatz Birthday!"

Another camera change, and a boy and girl are watching Dave shuffle down the stairs from the balcony.

You recognize the boy and girl from the pictures their respective parents have shown you. Lalonde is frowning intently at a laptop while Egbert carries things from a tall cabinet to the table, next to a large pumpkin. The room looks like a kitchen.

"You guys still committed to the pumpkin cake idea?" Dave asks.

"What could be better for Jade?" Egbert replies. "And I think we're all set!" He peers over Lalonde's shoulder. "Except maybe with the vanilla extract. The substitute for that smells a little wrong, but I guess we'll have to go with it."

"And the stewed or pureed pumpkin, which all of these seem to call for," Lalonde says.

All three of them regard the (whole and obviously uncooked) pumpkin on the table for a moment, then Lalonde starts typing again. Dave sighs loudly. "I suppose however you're supposed to puree a pumpkin, you guys are going to want me to chop it into pieces for you."

"Nah, I'll help," Egbert says. "Jade took the cleaver to play machete with, so we only have little knives unless we go borrow something from the trolls, and their kitchen utensil hygiene is _much_ worse than Jade's."

It's a big pumpkin, and when Lalonde finishes on the computer she joins them in sawing away at the shell with little paring knives. "I still think it's weird they have _actual pumpkins_ ," she says after a while. "Flour from something that isn't quite wheat, fake eggs which are actually fruit, fake butter John emphatically doesn't want to know the actual origin of, but real pumpkins."

Egbert shrugs. "Pumpkins are weird, I think, that's all. Maybe all Jade's disappearing pumpkins were really being stolen by goblins!"

Dave and Lalonde both pause to consider this, then say in unison, "I'll buy it." Lalonde smiles, and Dave's mouth twitches.

The video goes on as they labor over the cake, then cuts off just when the mysterious "trolls" are about to make an appearance. It picks up again with Dave, Harley, and Egbert chasing each other around an outrageously large obstacle course, until Lalonde starts trying to snipe them with a nerf gun and they all join forces to drag her in. There's a bit with Dave recording the other three on their instruments. Dave broods at a dark window until Egbert sneaks up on him with a sock puppet. Dave and Lalonde collect what seems to be a supply delivery and disagree on ideal thermostat settings. Harley and Egbert argue over what movie to watch while Dave ignores them.

It goes on like that. You never get a good look at the landscape outside other than the obstacle course, and you never see the sky. You don't think it would help if you did. The quality of the light outside was… off. You never do see the "trolls" beyond shadows cast by people just offscreen. They don't seem… quite normal, but they're not the tall, one-horned, round-shouldered silhouettes that have been burned into your brain for over a year now.

It ends with black letters on a white screen.

SIMILAR MESSAGES HAVE BEEN SENT TO THE OTHER GUARDIANS WITH WHOM YOU ARE IN CONTACT. DO NOT DISCUSS THIS WITH ANYONE ELSE.

PLEASE CONSIDER: GIVEN THAT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO CHANGE NOTHING ELSE, WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO BE THERE WITH THEM?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this left a lot of things open, but there probably will not be a full-sized sequel -- maybe some missing scenes/timestamps at some point. I do plan to organize some of the cut scenes, Q&As, and other additional material from tumblr into an appendix which will turn up here eventually.
> 
> Thanks for reading! and thank you for all of the support! I think this is easily the most popular thing I have ever written. :) If you have burning unanswered questions, feel free to drop by ceescedasticity.tumblr.com.


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